by Holly Jacobs
Willow nodded. “She’s back,” she hollered.
“I’m glad you had a good time, too,” Audrey said.
Bea came running down the stairs. “Mr. Williams is a nice guy.”
The bubble pressed against Audrey’s ribs, and she tried to hold back what she feared was a dorky grin as she said as nonchalantly as she could, “Yes, he is.”
“Do you think he’ll let us swim in his pool again?”
Audrey thought about his offer of another get-together. “I think there’s a very good chance.”
Bea squealed. “Yeah, I thought so. I’m going to bed now. See you in the morning.” She ran up the stairs.
“I’d better head up, too,” Willow said.
Audrey nodded. “See you in the morning.”
Willow turned on the stairs. “How come you weren’t worried when I said I was going to hang out with my friends? You could have sent Clinton with me. He knows enough of my friends that it wouldn’t have seemed weird if he’d come.”
“Because I trust you, Willow.”
“Why?” Willow sounded as confused as Sawyer had earlier. “Why would you trust me? I’ve made a mess of things.”
“You did make a mess of things, but you’re trying to clean it up. Since you’ve come to live with us you’ve done everything I asked. Oh, you might grumble and complain, but you’ve done it. So, I’ll trust you until you give me a reason not to.”
“And if I mess up again?” Willow asked.
“Then I’ll forgive you and we’ll start over.”
“I know I’ve mentioned it before, but you’re weird,” Willow said as she walked up the stairs. “Night,” she called from the top step.
“Night.”
Her audience gone, Audrey didn’t even try to hold back her smile. She didn’t need a mirror to know she was grinning like a loon.
Someone had left a bowl on the table, so she carried it back into the kitchen and saw that the answering machine’s message light was blinking.
She punched the button and opened the cupboard to put her bowl away. “Audrey, it’s me... Ava.”
Audrey dropped the bowl and it clattered against the granite counter.
“I just got back in the States,” Ava continued. “Dad told me about the class reunion. I’m planning to be there. I’m hoping we can get together while I’m home. I called Merrill, but she didn’t pick up, either. Anyway, I miss you both.”
The message ended.
Audrey reached over and deleted it.
She missed Ava and Merrill, too. But she still didn’t want to see either of them. And she certainly didn’t want to go to the reunion. That one night destroyed all her happy memories of high school.
It wasn’t your fault.
That’s what the counselor had said. The police, too.
The three of them hadn’t been driving. Jude had. And the cops said that even he wasn’t at fault.
Her feelings didn’t make sense. They weren’t logical. She knew that.
But logic didn’t matter.
Someone lost their life that night, and Audrey would never stop feeling guilty about that.
No amount of time.
No amount of good deeds could ever really balance her karma.
But she’d keep at it; she’d keep trying.
But she wasn’t going to the class reunion.
CHAPTER SIX
ON MONDAY, SAWYER watched as Audrey’s car pulled slowly—agonizingly slowly—into his driveway. But it wasn’t Audrey who got out of the driver’s side door. It was Willow.
“Guess who’s got her permit?” Willow shouted, but didn’t wait for a reply. She reached in her back pocket and waved a piece of paper.
“When did you take the test?” he asked.
“Just a half hour ago. Audrey got out of work early so she could take me there before we came here.”
“And she let you drive all the way from Peach Street?” The DMV was located on Erie’s busiest street. Peach Street was frequently referred to as “Peach Jam” by locals. Maybe people from a big city would snicker at that designation, but it was definitely too busy for a new driver to navigate.
Audrey got out the passenger’s side. He couldn’t help but notice that she looked a little nervous. “Drive down Peach Street with a new permit?” She shook her head. “I might be a pushover, but I’m not crazy. I let her drive once we got off the main roads.”
“You live on a delightfully country sort of road,” Willow said, and waved at them both as she ran toward the backyard.
He couldn’t help but smile at her use of the word delightfully.
“The new mower’s in the garage,” Sawyer hollered. “It’s all gassed up and ready to go.” He wasn’t sure if she heard him, but she’d figure it out or come back.
“So she’s a bit excited,” he said to Audrey.
Again, Audrey smiled. But he saw something underneath that smile...something that wasn’t happy at all.
“Just a bit. To be honest, I’ve never seen her so happy about anything. She was bouncing off the walls after the test. She watched me like a hawk as I drove from the DMV. We talked about the proper distance to start slowing down before a stop sign. We talked about turn signals. Frankly, she asked questions I didn’t know official answers for.”
“This might be a long summer if she’s going to be your backseat driver.”
Audrey shook her head. “Nah, it’s worth it. I didn’t get to learn to drive until I was at college. To be honest, I didn’t want to drive even once I could, but I knew that I had to learn. I needed to be able to drive to building sites and meetings. So I paid to take a class, and then got friends who were licensed to take me out to practice. It was like school...just something I had to do. So I’m enjoying Willow’s excitement.”
She tried to make it seem it was no big deal, but Sawyer knew it was. He wished he’d been around to take her driving back then.
“Do you need to get home to the kids, or can you come in for a minute?” he asked.
She yawned.
“Am I boring you?” he teased.
She offered him a wan smile and shook her head. “Sorry, no. Just a couple rough nights.”
“I’ll make you something with caffeine,” he said, trying to tempt her into staying. What he wanted to do was ask why her night had been bad, and why Willow driving scared her—he was pretty sure that underneath that happy veneer was fear—but he held back the question. He wanted to get to know her, but he didn’t want to push her. On the outside, Audrey seemed to be someone who found joy in the smallest things. And he was pretty sure that was accurate. But there was more going on inside her.
“Sure, I can come in,” she said. “But I can only stay a few minutes. Maggie May’s watching the kids.”
“Isn’t Clinton a bit old for a babysitter?” He knew he would have chafed if his parents tried to leave him with a babysitter when he was in high school.
“Well, technically, Maggie’s watching Bea, and since Clinton’s there, too...” She shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t think he minds. He was forced to grow up too soon, so maybe now and again, not being grown up is a comfort. Plus Maggie May is a doll. She’s the kids’ surrogate grandmother and an awesome cook, to boot. She makes them treats that I’d never make. And really, they roam back and forth between her house and ours, so it’s not as if she’s intrusive.”
A surrogate grandmother made him think of his own. “My grandparents lived on a farm in Wattsburg when I was growing up. They sold it before I was old enough to buy a house, but if it ever goes on the market, I’d probably consider buying it.” He laughed. “Who am I kidding, I’d snap it up. It feels wrong that it’s out of the family’s hands. We don’t let go of things easily. When my parents moved, they brought all the family papers and
photos here.”
“I’m envious. I don’t have any family pictures or papers.” He remembered her telling him that someone had stolen the picture of her mother and he realized he’d stepped in it.
“I’m sorry.”
She smiled. “Don’t be. It’s okay. I may not have a family history, but I have a family future. And I’m giving my kids security and a history. Still, your grandparents’ farm sounds wonderful.”
“It was. I spent summers and weekends out there. It was my second home. They were my Maggie May. I’m glad your kids have someone like that. Everyone should.” As he said that, he realized that Audrey never had and wished he could suck the words back in.
Audrey didn’t seem to notice. She replied, “They should. I love that she isn’t just willing to do it, but loves doing it. She’s teaching Bea to crochet.”
“Isn’t that a bit old-fashioned?” When he thought of people crocheting, they all had white hair and bifocals.
Audrey laughed. “I don’t think so. It’s all the rage. Crocheting and knitting. Pinterest is full of patterns and ideas.”
“I don’t know what Pinterest is.”
“A social website made up of ‘pins’ of things. Pictures and links. Food, crafts, books... It’s my secret addiction.” She grinned as she put her finger to her lips and said, “Shh. Don’t tell.”
He made a cross over his heart. “So what has Bea made?”
“A bunch of scarves, and she caught me looking at a hat so I’m hoping she’ll make me one for a birthday.”
“What kind of hat?” he asked.
“Did you watch the series Firefly?”
Sawyer shook his head. This conversation had gone in a different direction. It was rare that he found himself lost when it came to current topics, but first Pinterest and now Firefly?
“You missed out. There was a guy named Jayne in it, and he wore this orange-and-red hat his mom made him.”
“You want a hat some guy named Jayne wore?”
She nodded with enthusiasm and Sawyer couldn’t help laughing. “You know, I heard Clinton and Bea call you odd,” he said. “Well, actually A. U. D. I know it’s short for Audrey, but odd suits you, too. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.”
She laughed. “Yeah, they call me that from time to time. I’ll take the fact you think it suits me as a compliment.”
Sawyer snorted. “You would.”
He made her some coffee and she talked about the kids, Maggie May and her boss, Mr. Lebowitz. They stuck to those topics because whenever he tried to ask her something personal, she’d shift her answer back in those directions.
She was adept at it. Then she’d turn the conversation back to him.
Audrey Smith was a riddle. She was Aud. She gave him tiny pieces of information and, after that, he had to guess. But she laughed a lot and smiled even more. And he discovered that when he was with her, so did he.
After about a half hour, she pushed her empty coffee cup back and stood. “I really should go. Thanks for the coffee.”
“Why don’t you bring the kids back with you when you pick up Willow? They can take a quick swim before dinner.”
“Sawyer, I don’t want them to begin to...”
“Have fun?”
She shook her head. “No, but I don’t want them to have any expectations about you. I don’t want them to get used to you.”
“Okay, I get how that could be problematic, given their histories. But maybe next week?”
She shrugged. “We’ll see.” She turned, as if ready to leave.
“And about our date,” he said quickly.
She stopped in her tracks. “I don’t think I agreed to a date.”
“You kind of did,” he pointed out. He had never pushed so hard with a woman. Not even Millie. With her, things had fallen into place with ease...at least initially.
Audrey sighed. “Fine. Maybe lunch one day downtown?”
Sawyer knew that lunch dates were a step up from coffee dates, but a step down from dinners. He suspected that was a lot for Audrey, so he nodded. “That’s a good start.”
She pulled out her phone. “How about Wednesday?”
He didn’t know what his calendar looked like, but he’d make it work. “Sounds good.”
“I’ll be back to pick up Willow when she’s done.”
“Okay.” She turned to leave. “Hey, Audrey, you’re forgetting something.”
She patted her back pocket for her phone and held up her keys. “No. I think I’ve got everything.”
“You forgot my kiss.” He knew he was pushing things, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. “I mean, it’s the end of our second date.”
“No, it’s not a date. I came up for a coffee.”
“Yes. We had a first date with your kids in tow, today is a coffee date—our second date. And Wednesday is a lunch date for our third. And after that...” He shrugged and left the sentence hanging.
Audrey tried to look stern, but she ended up laughing. “You’re really stretching things.”
“Maybe, but I bet you’re going to kiss me, anyway.” He waggled his eyebrows and took a step toward her.
“Why?”
“Because you intrigue me. Because you’re all I can think about,” he tried.
She shook her head. “That might be why you want to kiss me, but why would I want to kiss you?”
“Because I’m totally endearing and charming. Because I make you laugh. But mainly because you can’t resist me and my multitude of charms.”
She laughed, which had been his intent. “Maybe I should say no to the kiss just to prove I can resist you.”
“Come on, Audrey. You know you want to,” he teased.
She smiled, stood on tiptoes and kissed him. Just a small peck on his cheek.
“Really, you call that a kiss?” he asked.
“I call it the perfect kiss after a coffee date.”
“What kind of kiss is appropriate after lunch?” he asked.
“We’ll have to see how good the lunch is.” She grinned, as if she were enjoying their silly banter.
“Challenge accepted,” he said. “I’ll pick you up at your office.”
“I can meet you wherever you want,” she said.
“That wouldn’t earn me a very good kiss, now would it? I’m trying to be all suave and gallant to hedge my bet. I’ll start by picking you up.”
She looked amused again, and that was fine with him. She’d said yes, and if amusing her was what it took, he’d learn a new standup routine every day.
“Fine, pick me up if you want. The office is at...”
He interrupted her. “I know where the office is.”
“Fine,” she said again. “Is noon okay for you?”
“Perfect,” he assured her, though he wasn’t exactly sure that was true. “See you then.” She started to walk away again.
“Actually, you’ll see me in a while when you pick up Willow.”
She stopped, suddenly serious. “About that, let’s not mention lunch to the kids, okay?”
He put all teasing aside. “I meant what I said—I do get it. The kids don’t need to know we’re dating until... Unless...”
“Exactly,” Audrey said. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Audrey, before you go, can I ask you one question and not have you brush it aside or steer the conversation in another direction?”
“You can ask, but I reserve judgment on answering.”
He nodded. “Willow was over the moon about driving, and on the surface you seemed pleased, but there was more to it. Something about her driving bothered you. What was it?” He wanted to say scared you, but he wasn’t sure that was accurate, and even if it was, he didn’t think she’d appreciate him
mentioning it.
She paused for a very long moment and Sawyer didn’t think she was going to answer.
Finally, she nodded, as if settling some internal argument. “I was a passenger in a car accident years ago. Getting behind the wheel myself was harder than you can imagine. I was terrified for a long time. When I was driving with Willow, all those fears came back. I’m terrified of her learning to drive because I know that someday she’ll get a license and be out on her own. When that happens I won’t have any control over what she does. I’ve only had her a few months, but she’s mine. I want to keep her safe, but I know I need to let her spread her wings.”
He could understand that kind of fear. “And despite your fear, you let Willow get a permit.”
“I can’t control my fears, but I can make sure they don’t control my actions. And when I do that, they lose some of their power. Maybe someday the fear will be gone completely.”
This time when she turned around to leave, Sawyer didn’t call her back.
He should have realized that Audrey might evade offering personal details, but if she was asked a question, she would answer it with brutal honesty.
She’d been in a car accident.
He wondered if she’d been injured, or if someone else was. He’d wanted to ask, but he sensed she’d shared as much as she could. He felt guilty. He’d had a good childhood. He was still close to his parents. He’d never doubted they loved him and they’d always supported him. Audrey had never had anything like that. Yet she faced her fears and wouldn’t let them rule her.
He admired the hell out of her. He hadn’t felt this way about a woman in a long time.
He thought about Millie. He’d been engaged to her. He believed that one day he’d marry her and build a life with her. But he didn’t think he’d ever given any thought to admiring her.
Millie had looked out for Millie. They’d just gotten engaged when she was offered her dream job. “It’s a chance of a lifetime,” she’d said when she’d told him she was moving to Norway. “You could come with me.” It sounded like an afterthought.