by Holly Jacobs
Willow patted Bea’s back and then wriggled out of the hug.
“Are you going to see Sawyer today?” Bea asked.
Audrey shook her head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“I thought maybe you’d want to go swimming for your birthday,” Bea hinted. “I mean, everyone loves swimming.”
Before Audrey could come up with an excuse as to why she didn’t want to go swimming, Clinton said, “Come on, midget, let’s go clean up the kitchen.” He winked at Audrey as he led Bea out of the room.
“Did you break up with him because of me?” Willow asked.
“No,” Audrey said honestly. “We were never officially together so how could we break up? I saw him mainly because you were there mowing. Now that you’re not...”
Willow frowned. “No, I am. I am mowing. I said I’d do his lawn all summer and I will. I was hoping you’d take me over and watch me, just so no one can say that I did anything.”
“I’m not sure he wants...”
“You know what?” Willow asked loudly. She didn’t wait for an answer. “I don’t really care what he wants. We had an agreement, so I’ll be going.”
Audrey nodded. “I’ll talk to Mr. Lebowitz and see if I can get off early for the rest of the summer. I’ll try and make up the time by staying late the rest of the week or going in for a bit on Saturdays.”
“I was planning to talk to Mrs. Wilson and see if she’d babysit me. I don’t want to put you to any more trouble...”
“Willow, haven’t you figured it out yet? You’re worth the trouble. We’ll make it work out.”
Willow started to cry silently. Tears dripped down her cheeks.
Audrey moved the tray and reached out and hugged her.
“I did this. Not the break-in, but this is all because of what we did at Sawyer’s,” Willow said. “I made one stupid mistake and it’s going to haunt me forever. I swear, Audrey. I didn’t break into that other house. I...”
“Willow, I believe you,” she said, over and over.
Finally, Willow disentangled herself. Audrey put her hands on the girl’s cheeks and looked her right in the eyes. “I believe you.”
“But Sawyer doesn’t.”
Audrey knew that it was time to finish telling Willow about what happened so long ago. “Willow, I know you’ve heard me wake up after we’ve all gone to bed.”
“You have nightmares.”
“Not so much lately. At the end of the month is my class reunion. I thought I put everything behind me, but thinking about going back had obviously stirred things up. I said it’s always the same thing. That one night changed my life.”
“How?”
“We were so excited. We kept shouting about being graduates and laughing like crazy. One minute we were all so happy, and then the next... Someone died, and I knew I needed to make the world a better place. To sort of pay it back.”
“Balance your karma?” Willow asked.
Audrey smiled. “Yeah. I couldn’t shake what had happened. Sometimes I feel as if Merrill’s forgotten it ever happened and Ava’s put it behind her, too. But I feel as if I’ve carried the guilt of it ever since. Maybe that’s why I’ve chosen the profession I have and go about it the way I do, always trying to leave a positive footprint on every house I’ve worked on.” She paused. “But more than that, that one horrible night introduced me to Clinton and Bea. It brought them into my life.”
“How?”
“Clinton was her son.” Jude had told them that the cops said the woman had a kid in foster care. Audrey had felt a link to him and knew she had to find him. “I went to see him to apologize. His mother had lost custody of him a couple years before and he was in a foster home. You can’t know how hard it was talking to him. I mean, how do you apologize for killing someone’s mother? He felt like the little brother I never had. We spoke the same language.”
“And he didn’t blame you.”
Audrey shook her head. “He was little then and I’m not sure how much he understood, but as he got older he might have blamed me, but he didn’t. We wrote while I went to college. And when I graduated, I took the job at Mr. Lebowitz’s firm here in town and I fought for him. After I wore down social services and got him... Well, he’d taken Bea under his wing at his last placement. He hated leaving her, so then I fought for her. And, Willow, maybe they asked me to take you, but I swear, if they tried to take you away from me, I’d fight for you.”
“Audrey.” Willow was crying again, but not making any sound.
“Listen, you broke into Sawyer’s and planned on stealing his things. It was a bad moment. A dark moment. And there will be repercussions and ripples from that decision. But they don’t have to be all bad. You can take that event and you can let it change you for the better.”
Willow wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “Like you did.”
“I like to think it changed me for the better.”
“It did,” Willow said. “And I will, too. I’m going to keep doing Sawyer’s lawn, and I’ll see if Mrs. Wilson will let me still mow hers and will watch me mow Sawyer’s, just so no one can say I did anything.”
As much as she wanted to fix everything for Willow, Audrey knew she had to let her make the arrangements herself.
Willow looked at her closely. “It wasn’t your fault, you know.”
“Yeah, I do. It took a long time for me to understand that. But I was there. Maybe if we hadn’t been shouting. Maybe if we’d told Jude we didn’t want a ride. Maybe...” She cut herself off. “We can’t live in the world of maybe.”
“I broke into Sawyer’s and I can’t maybe that away. So, I just have to figure out where to go from here. And make it a better place than I was headed before.”
Audrey smiled and nodded. “That’s all you can do.”
“But you really believe me?” Willow asked.
“I really do,” Audrey assured her.
“And what if I lied? What if I did it?”
Audrey understood Willow needing reassurance. She’d tell her as many times as she needed to hear it. “If you did, I’d forgive you.”
Willow studied her. “You really would.”
“Clinton forgave me,” Audrey said.
“But it wasn’t your fault.”
“It felt like it was,” she said softly. “And Clinton forgiving me made a difference.”
Willow threw herself back against the pillow. “Are you going to ask?”
“Ask what?”
“Who I was with at Sawyer’s?”
Audrey shook her head. “No. I told you that I wouldn’t ask again. I’m hoping you’ll tell me eventually. Whoever was with you is falling deeper and deeper down a path I’m not sure they can come back from. Maybe if you tell, they’ll get some help and change directions.”
“There’s that maybe again.” Willow offered her a small, wry smile.
Audrey laughed. “I know.”
“Well, maybe it’s your birthday, and today we should go to Paris, or whatever it is you want to do.”
“I think I have an idea. It’s not as exciting as going to Paris, but it’s my idea of a perfect day.”
Willow laughed. “I think I know, but I’ll ask... Presque Isle?”
Audrey nodded. “Presque Isle. They have tours of the lagoons on pontoon boats. What if we go sign up for one of those, then spend the day at the beach?”
“Let me guess...and stay until sunset?” Willow asked.
“You know me so well,” Audrey said.
Willow shook her head. “No, but I’m starting to.”
In the end, it was a great birthday, but for the fact Sawyer wasn’t there. Well, he wasn’t physically there, but his presence was felt. As they took the tour of the lagoons, Clinton said, “Did you know Sawyer has kayaks?
He said he’d take me and Bea...” His sentence faded. “But we’d probably have drowned. Bea would have dumped her kayak and I would have had to jump in to rescue her.” He shook his head. “This is nice ’cause no one has to paddle.”
That’s how the day went. Someone started to say something about Sawyer, only to remember he wasn’t there and wouldn’t be there again.
But it really hit home when Bea handed her a present. She’d found...a Jayne hat. As Audrey tried it on, she oohed and ahhed, remembering telling Sawyer she wanted one, then having to explain about the television show.
As she sat on Presque Isle’s rocky beach, her hat firmly on her head, regardless of how ridiculous it looked considering she was wearing a swimsuit, she kept her smile firmly in place.
She’d never watch that show with Sawyer. She’d never model her hat, or talk over her day, or get to tell him about the Greenhouse or...
Audrey never had trouble saying goodbye to any of the guys when it became apparent things weren’t going to work out. So why was it so hard to let go of Sawyer?
* * *
ON MONDAY, WILLOW was relieved that Audrey didn’t need to get out of work early. She’d called to make sure Mrs. Wilson would still let her mow, and had been surprised when she’d volunteered to come and get her. Mrs. Wilson said she didn’t believe a word of the accusations and offered to read her book while Willow mowed Sawyer’s, then her house. She swore she’d never let Willow out of her sight.
When they’d finished in Sawyer’s backyard, they walked across the street to Mrs. Wilson’s house. She got them both a drink, then sat on the front porch while Willow started his front lawn.
Willow had discovered there was something soothing about mowing. She wore ear protection, at Audrey’s insistence. She referred to them as her earmuffs. They were bright orange and looked dumb, but they lowered the volume of the lawn mower to a dull background roar.
It meant there were no distractions. She just pinned her eyes on the line from her previous swath and concentrated on cutting a perfectly straight row.
Willow purposefully tried not to think. She didn’t worry about the accusations. She pushed back her concerns about Audrey and Sawyer. She simply walked in a straight line, guiding the mower and listening to what amounted to white noise.
Which was why she practically jumped out of her skin when someone touched her back.
She swung around and found Nico and Dusty glaring at her. Nico gestured for her to turn off the lawn mower.
Willow glanced across the street, and sure enough, Mrs. Wilson was still reading the JoAnn Ross book Maggie had lent her. She waved at Willow as the mower’s noise stopped, but went back to her book, unconcerned.
“We wanted to have a little talk with you,” Nico said.
“You changed your number,” Dusty added. It sounded like an accusation. Willow didn’t bother to respond.
Earlier in the summer she’d asked Audrey if she could get a new number. She wanted to make sure no one from her old life could contact her. Audrey had agreed.
“Too bad you didn’t take my not-so subtle hint. I thought I was pretty clear at Sawyer’s swimming party. Leave me alone.”
“She doesn’t need us as friends anymore, Dusty,” Nico sneered. “Willow’s got Austen. Freakin’ perfect Austen, who volunteers his time, cleans his room and practically licks our dad’s and his mom’s feet. He’s always trying to show us up.”
That wasn’t fair to Austen. He was still taking her to volunteer. They didn’t talk about the break-in, though. He acted as if nothing had changed.
Austen was a good guy. She thought about defending him, but she doubted anything she said would get through to Nico and Dusty. “Listen, just leave me alone.”
Nico looked like he might reach out and grab her, so Willow took a step back and said, “You do know that Mrs. Wilson is watching us, right?”
Nico pasted a smile on his face, but his tone was anything but nice as he said, “Listen, we know that a cop came and talked to you ’cause he came to our house, too. What did you say?”
Willow shook her head. “I told him the truth. That I didn’t break into the Mellons’. I didn’t have anything at all to do with it.”
“You didn’t say anything about us?” Dusty finally piped up. He seemed content for the most part to stand in Nico’s shadow. It had been like that ever since she’d known them.
When Nico had had the bright idea of breaking into Sawyer’s, Dusty had just gone along.
Willow wasn’t being entirely fair to Dusty. After all, she’d just gone along, too. “What could I say about you two, other than you guys are douche bags?”
Nico took a menacing step toward her, and despite her initial instinct to retreat, this time Willow held her ground. “You’re forgetting I have a guardian angel. Sawyer thinks I broke into the Mellons’ house, so I have Mrs. Wilson watching me while I’m here. The fact that she’s watching you two is a bonus.”
“Listen, you better not say anything to the cops or to Austen. He’s so good I’m surprised he doesn’t actually walk on water.”
Why had she ever been attracted to Nico? They’d been in classes together at her old school and she’d thought she was in love with him. Now she realized he was a first-rate jerk. “Maybe you should take a lesson from your stepbrother?”
“As if.” Nico snorted. “We wouldn’t come here to see Dad at all, but the court said he gets weekends and most of the summer. And Mom says we have to go. She says no matter what, he’s still our dad and he loves us.”
“Your mom sounds smarter than you two.” Willow stopped—freezing the string of unkind words she had on the tip of her tongue.
What would Audrey say about the boys?
She’d say that all their anger came from being hurt. Maybe they missed their dad. Maybe they’d hoped he would get back together with their mom, but now that he’d married someone else and had Austen there wasn’t a chance that was going to happen.
Audrey said that kids sometimes made dumb choices, without thinking about the consequences. That’s what she’d done, or rather hadn’t done, when she broke into Sawyer’s. Maybe Nico and Dusty were hurt and trying to get back at their dad. To make him hurt, too.
Willow suddenly felt less angry and more...empathetic. She knew what it was like to feel as though you didn’t belong anywhere.
“Yeah, well, you were the one who got caught at Sawyer’s,” Nico said. “How smart does that make you?”
“Actually, in retrospect, getting caught was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. I don’t think that makes me smart, but I do think it makes me lucky.”
Nico scoffed. “How’s that?”
“Well, I’m no longer just some foster kid. I’ve got a family.” That was the first time she’d ever said those words. But she realized that Audrey’s wasn’t just another foster home, it was her home. She wished she hadn’t wasted the words on Nico and Dusty.
“Listen, just don’t say anything about us,” Nico warned.
“I don’t want to, but you should confess to it,” she said, feeling very Audreyish. “You should apologize and give the stuff back.”
Both boys snorted.
Willow tried again. “Your dad loves you. He’d stand by you. You made a couple stupid mistakes. You can change. They’ll probably just have you do some service hours or something.”
“We’re not saying anything, and you better not, either.” With that they walked back to the road, waving at Mrs. Wilson.
Willow sighed. It would be so much easier if they owned up to it. She’d never have to rat them out.
Audrey had said she should. She didn’t push and she didn’t berate her, but Willow knew that’s what she wanted.
When she’d said that getting caught might have been one of the best things that ever
happened to her, she was being honest.
She had a family now.
A home.
Audrey, Clinton and Bea stood beside her.
Mr. Lebowitz, Maggie May and Mrs. Wilson believed her, as well.
Sawyer didn’t, but he’d said he wanted to.
That was almost as good. It meant he liked her and he saw something in her that was worth wanting to believe in.
She pulled the cord on the lawn mower and watched Nico and Dusty disappear around the bend in the road.
She didn’t know why she was loyal to them. They weren’t her friends. And they weren’t her family.
She slipped her earmuffs back in place and finished the lawn. This time, she didn’t try not to think. As a matter of fact, she thought long and hard about what was right.
When she was done, Mrs. Wilson called out to her. “Do you need something else to drink before you finish, dear?”
“No, I’m fine.” Willow sat down next to the older lady. “Audrey should be here soon,” she told her.
“I hope not too soon. I enjoy the company. Speaking of company, it was nice that the boys stopped by to talk to you. I told you that I wasn’t the only one who believed in you.”
Willow didn’t snort, but she wanted to.
“So how is the book Maggie sent you?” she said, trying to steer the conversation to easier topics.
“Oh, it’s good. I knew it would be. I just love romance. Why...”
* * *
AUDREY ALMOST TURNED into Sawyer’s driveway. Somewhere along the line, pulling into his place had become a habit.
She stopped herself in time and pulled into Mrs. Wilson’s driveway instead. Willow was waiting for her on the porch with Sawyer’s neighbor.
“Thank you so much for helping out,” Audrey called.
“It was my pleasure. Like I said, I believe in her.” She turned to Willow and repeated, “I believe in you.”
“She watched me the whole time, Audrey,” Willow said. “Sawyer can’t say I snuck away and did anything.”
Audrey had thought she’d known how much Sawyer had hurt Willow, but she could see that she’d been wrong. “Willow...”