by Dakila Reed
Wayne held his breath, his hands balling into fists. He expelled a breath that didn’t do anything to ease the tightness in his chest. “If the kid wants to stay with me… yes.”
The woman smiled briefly. “I see,” she said as she began typing onto her keyboard. The sound was loud inside the bare room. She hit enter with more force before looking back up at Wayne. Her eyes were more serious, her body all business-like. “We appreciate what you’ve done. Your TPG mission officially ends here while mine,” she grinned darkly, “mine is just about to morbidly start with the evidence you got. We’ll wait for when you’re ready to go back on the field agent. Until then… do what you have to do.”
* * * *
Wayne gently pulled the door, leaving a gap from the frame so Laurent would know he wasn’t alone. The kid had just cried himself to sleep. He was smothering his cries into the pillows. Perhaps in his innocent world, he thought Wayne would not hear. That was breaking Wayne’s insides. Even as he pulled the covers over Laurent’s little body, tears continued streaming out of the corners of the boy’s eyes. The boy wouldn’t say it out loud. He missed Liam.
Padding around into the living area of the hotel room, he snatched a pack of cigarette on the low table along with its lighter. He carefully pushed the sliding doors open and allowed the cool air whip him from all sides. He stepped out into the balcony, dropped himself onto the wooden seat and allowed himself to just… sink. The sky above was already darkening. Below him, district of Sierra Fonte was a busy scenery. Cars the size of matchboxes slithered into messy ribbon-like roads. Their red taillights leaving a steady impression of light carved into air. Remembering Laurent, he tucked one cigarette onto his palm. He didn’t know what to do to make the kid feel better. Hell, he didn’t know what to do with himself either.
He placed the cigarette in one corner of his lips and brought the lighter closer. Only before he could flick it on and let the fire hit the end of the cigarette did Wayne sigh loudly. He took the cigarette off his lips, crushed it with his hand and tossed it into the bin at the corner. Laurent was inside so it didn’t matter whether he hit an entire pack of smoke in one sitting. But he couldn’t. He realized he couldn’t. Even now, he already had placed himself as Laurent’s guardian. He needed to take care of himself and mind living longer if he wanted to be there for Laurent.
He threw the entire pack of his cigarette into the bin and smiled into the sky, mocking himself. “Larri,” he whispered. “Look I’m being a really nice proxy dad.”
Some birds took off into the sky. An airplane flew over his head. And the clouds began thinning, vanishing and disappearing into the darkening sky. He gritted his teeth. Something snapped in him. His Adam’s apple bobbled as he tried not to. But one by one, tears he tried to suppress for the last two weeks came crashing down. Drop by drop on his lap they fell. He leaned down, elbows on his knees, his face buried into his hands. It was a different feeling of emptiness when he lost Larri. It was so different and wasn’t any lesser or easier.
Maybe because the possibility of the end before anything could really begin, its possibility mingled with regret was letting itself known. He had, at the back of his mind, wondered what it would be like to be Liam’s alpha. What would it be like for Liam to be his omega. What it would be like for them to build a family that life had so cruelly taken from the both of them.
Wayne would really have tried. He was sure Larri would have approved. But there he was again at the front of the door of pain he didn’t want to visit again. He was hoping that Liam was just somewhere out there. But the wait was killing him. It was worrying him. It was wrecking him into an emotional mess he’d long forgotten how to deal with.
Shiiiit.
He peered through his fingers and glared at his phone buzzing on top of a glass table close to him. The continuous buzz had successfully moved the phone at the edge. He stared at it, considered ignoring whoever it was, but decided against it.
Grabbing the phone off the table, the number on his screen was unfamiliar. He swiped to accepting the call.
“Chriiiist. There you are.”
Wayne frowned at the voice. “Allen?”
“Yup. The awesome one and only.”
Snorting, Wayne stood from the seat, deciding to stand by the balustrade instead.
“Shit on a banana!” Allen cursed at something. The guy seemed to have stepped into a dirty puddle by the way of expletives running off his mouth. In Allen’s line there were the sounds of some women yelling to buy their fish and oysters. Wayne almost laughed.
“Why are you calling? Didn’t you see my status now? I’m off the radar.”
Allen was one of his informants under Shadow Corps. A young faceless fellow who was good at messing with vehicles and garnering information. Allen was the same guy who got him his truck into Sierra Via. This guy seldom called. Mostly when it was really important. Otherwise, Allen would have opted for emailing.
“Yeah,” Allen sighed. “I’m calling ‘coz I want you to know, starting today, I am back to being a civilian.”
Wayne’s jaw slightly dropped. “What?”
“Sierra Via is my last,” Allen mumbled softly. “Thanks for being cool.”
Running a hand over his face, Wayne sighed. “You’re leaving too?”
“Whoa…” Allen chortled. “Where did that emotional outcry come from?”
“Never mind me. It’s just… it’s so sudden. Are you sure this is what you want?”
There was a silence in the line. It was followed by a snap of what seemed like a car being slammed close. The leather squeaked at the weight and motion. Then Allen sighed a sigh of relief. “It’s not really sudden. I’ve been thinking about this for a long while now. I’ve tried my best mingling with the shifters. And am really happy working for you. But I still feel disconnected somehow. I still don’t feel like I belong.”
Wayne looked skyward, counting the glimmering stars that were starting to show.
“Maybe in the human cities, I’ll finally get to feel connected. I’m defective. My wings are useless in the shifter world. What difference is that from being a pure human right?”
“Allen…”
“I’ll go somewhere far. Some place with very low shifter population.”
“You’re not defective kiddo.”
Allen snorted at him. “What other operative word would apply then?”
“Special.”
This time Allen laughed out loud. “You sure have a way with words. Thank you. That was really… nice.”
Silence followed in between them. Wayne felt another loss on his pile. But if it was what would take for the kid to find his place, then he could only support him. He’d grown to be quite fond of Allen like a younger brother in the past years. He’d miss the kid for sure.
“So,” Allen chirped. “As a farewell gift, I’ll tell you something nice. My last information escapade.”
“Make it worthwhile. My day is already full of losses.”
The kid cleared his throat. Then he began saying something Wayne couldn’t almost believe.
* * * *
If it was only him, he would have booked the flight right that very hour. But he didn’t. He allowed the kid that needed eight hours of sleep while Wayne rocked around on the balls of his feet. Half an hour after the seven o’clock flight, thirty minutes of being in a cab, and five minutes of walking into St Loreza Doctors, Wayne was about losing it.
He smiled at Laurent’s questioning gaze when he led him into the hospital’s play area. He hadn’t wanted to raise the kid’s hopes.
“Is your friend very sick?” Laurent had asked. The kid was sporting a black shirt with a huge red firetruck in the middle. The camouflage pants, Wayne paired with white sneakers. Wayne didn’t care how he dressed but dressing Laurent had made his head ache far more than he’d anticipated.
“I hope not,” Wayne replied, fighting hard not to show his agitation.
Once Wayne had signed Laurent into the play area with his
contact info down in huge print letters, Wayne gave the kid an assuring smile. “I’ll be back soon. I will check first if he’s okay to have a lot of visitors. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Wayne watched Laurent for a few seconds. He watched how the kid headed right into a group of human kids just toying with a book. It seemed like Laurent had decided what his role would be inside the playroom right then and there.
He gave the woman behind the reception a nod and started his way. Every step he made sounded too loud in his ears. His black V-neck shirt was oddly uncomfortable. His skin was crawling. His wolf was pacing. His entire being was confused, hopeful, and scared.
“A friend of a friend of a friend told me that a couple of wealthy human daredevils skiing and trying to break their necks in Bree Fall— that’s a couple of miles out of Sierra Via’s border if I’m correct— found someone half dead into the snow.”
Wayne scanned the hallway filled with unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar scents. The entire place was clinically white, the rubberized floor just a tinge of blue. Nurses were either assisting patients or doing rounds with the doctors. The crackle of speakers calling for some doctor Murray sizzled into the air, followed by a soft upbeat music. Wayne moved further into the left wing of the hospital.
“They chartered him into Sierra Micasa because that is where they’re heading. That’s a long way away from Sierra Via.”
Wayne almost slammed into an elderly man walking on crutches. He nodded his apology and continued walking— no— it was more like he was running. Running yet still pulled on the same spot and ground.
“Last time I heard, the guy is still unconscious. He’s in room—”
“149,” Wayne muttered as he passed 148. It was more for his benefit, as if saying the room numbers aloud made it more possible, much believable that at the back of that room’s door might be Liam. If not… then he’d deal with the disappointment alone. But at that moment, drowned in the strong smell of alcohol, antiseptic and general scent of sickness, he could smell it. Taste it even. The cinnamon in the wild after a strong rain was there. Faint but lingering. That was the most important. His senses could have been playing, fooling him, coming up with things he so badly wanted to exist. But right now he didn’t care. He just wanted to believe.
Almost out of breath, Wayne stopped dead as a young woman from room 149 closed the door. He looked at the closed door and at the woman alternately. The woman smiled kindly, tucking a folder on her side.
“Uh… the man in this room? Is he…?”
“Sorry there’s no one in there.”
Wayne staggered a little backwards. “No one? But he’s…”
The woman peered at him with concern. “Sir, the patient here has just woken up this morning. He’s probably in the—”
Wayne was already turning around, his feet moving on their own accord. The woman’s words sounded like garbled noises submerged in water until they faded completely. He wasn’t so sure where he was headed. He just let that familiar scent lead him. Call him.
And right there in the middle, despite the other patients milling about, Wayne saw him.
The hospital was a huge rectangular structure with an open space in the middle. A wide space for trees, greenery, and fresh air. The sun was high up, the rays filtering through the gaps of tree leaves. Under one of those huge trees, one man was standing. From that distance the man looked thin, tired. The man’s profile was still vague from the shadows and the black hair played by the mildly blowing breeze.
Wayne jumped over the low white fences. He walked in haste, never minding his shoes sinking lightly into the couch grass. Somewhere, the don’t walk on the grass sign made an appearance but Wayne was far too gone to care.
In less than a few seconds, Wayne had crossed the short distance. Funny it felt like crossing half the globe. He stood there stupefied when the very man he’d been waiting for, praying for, just blinked at him. Liam Bridges was right there in front of him. Pale blue hospital gown. Bandage on the man’s forehead still dotted with blood. He was thin, frail even but nevertheless beautiful. And Liam was just eyeing him curiously. Recognition was nowhere on the man’s face.
“Do I know you?” Liam asked first.
Right at that moment, Wayne almost fell on his knees. He almost. But then he heard a quiet snicker. When he lifted his gaze, Liam was smirking at him.
“You seriously fell for that amnesiac act? Seriously, how is a gullible guy like you an agen— “
Wayne crushed his mouth into Liam’s, swallowing the remaining words deep down his chest. He took a step forward, pushing Liam into the tree as he ravished Liam’s deceiving mouth. It was as though he was drowning and the only way for air was Liam. He grabbed the man’s jaws with his hand, angling for a deeper kiss. His other hand snaked around the man’s waist, tightening, gripping and he knew it was bruising. He pushed him harder into the tree, at the same time biting hard down on Liam’s lips. He took Liam’s moan of pain. He did it harder, harsher. When eternity seemed to have passed and even Wayne had to catch his breath, he leaned back and caught Liam’s dark gaze.
“You mad at something?” Liam hissed, pressing a finger onto his lower lip. “That freaking hurt.”
In an instant, Wayne braced both his hands against the tree, prisoning Liam inside. He lowered his gaze into Liam’s swollen mouth before looking back up at Liam’s amber eyes. “Yes,” he snapped. “I didn’t realize I was mad until you’re there right in front of me. Why? Why didn’t you tell me for god’s sake?”
“Didn’t tell you what? That I won’t shift because Laurent’s afraid?” Liam spat back. “It would weigh on your brain and you’d end up useless for your mission. I didn’t want you to compromise that.”
“Compromise? Did you think I was that incapable of doing my job?”
“Because you’re a good man!” Liam shot back angrily. “You’re so good that you’d never care about the repercussions to yourself! It took you so long to get into Sierra Via and I won’t stand being the reason to your failure! Don’t you get it?!”
“What you don’t get is I love you!” Liam stared at him in open shock. Wayne gently gathered Liam’s face into his calloused palms, bringing their faces closer. “I love you,” Wayne repeated in a pained whisper. “Don’t do something like that again. Ever. I’m begging you.”
The look of Liam’s shock which melted to confusion, then giving away to understanding was probably the most beautiful thing that Wayne had seen. Liam’s amber eyes glimmered, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. Wayne shifted and allowed Liam to lower his head against his shoulder. He soothed the little trembles coursing through Liam’s body, his huge hand gently rubbing up and down Liam’s spine.
“Laurent is in the play area,” he whispered. “He misses you so much.”
The other man released a sigh that said so much.
“Welcome back Liam.”
“Yeah,” Liam mumbled. “Knowing my son is safe and that my feelings aren’t one sided is the best way to coming back alive…”
Wayne had just tucked Laurent in the room at the end of their economical hotel suite. He walked to his and Liam’s room feeling quite unsettled. He knew why. He was feeling Liam’s distress.
He pulled the door open. He wasn’t surprised to see Liam at the edge of the bed, in only his thin bathrobe, hair wet, and skin still damp. Two days after Liam’s release from St Loreza Doctors, here they were.
Closing the door gently behind him, Wayne asked, “What are you thinking?”
“You.”
“What are you doing?”
Liam let the robe slither down his shoulders. Into the muted lights coming from the two lamps on either side of the bed, Wayne noticed right away the force-reversed claiming mark. It looked uneven and darker against Liam’s otherwise pale skin. The marks of the multiple cuts the man had suffered from his fall still were very visible. He was astounded to see that he could probably count Liam’s ribs by just looking. Liam really had lost a lo
t of weight in that short span of time.
He brought his gaze from Liam’s bare feet, slowly to the man’s quiet eyes. “What are you doing?” he repeated.
“Showing you,” Liam replied in a voice just above whisper. “Showing you that I’ve been used many times already. That I’m not perfect. That once you see all those men’s marks, you’d maybe realize you’re making a mistake. It’s best for us to get this ahead of us. When nothing is shattered yet.”
Wayne felt the muscles on his face harden. “You’re shattering me with what you’re saying.”
Liam pursed his lips as he looked down to his hands he was resting on his lap. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I could stand all those men taunting me, humiliating me, but you… Wayne I can’t. I’m scared.”
At that thought, Wayne felt another vault of anger being pulled open inside his chest. If he could only chase every single one of those bastards. If he could only shred them to pieces, he would. But he can’t. Because at the moment those bastards could rot in hell and Liam would still be scarred.
Wayne crossed the room. He knelt in front of Liam, tugging one of the man’s hands in his. His right hand, he used to gently hold Liam’s chin, gently forcing the other to look and gaze back. He looked deeper into those sad amber eyes, feeling himself tear a little. “If you could only see through my eyes Liam, you’d be amazed.”
The man’s mouth curled a bit.
“What, you think I’m joking?” Wayne mumbled, directing his hand from Liam’s to the man’s knee. He squeezed assuringly. “We both might not be each other’s fated mates but I’m sure this is no less.”
Liam’s brows drew closer. A slight trembling on the man’s lips.
Wayne edged closer, cupping Liam’s face. “You’ve protected yourself and Laurent in your own way and alone for so long. Let me take care of you now… okay? Let me take care of the both of you.” He lightly kissed Liam’s cheek. He pressed his mouth into the man’s wet lashes. And he planted a longer caress on the man’s forehead. He pulled back with a patient smile. “I told you I love you. Why are you so worried?”