There are times I just can't believe I'm here. In the past I immersed myself in French literature (which I read in French, including Sartre who was one unhappy bastard - I don't think he ever fell in love...) and I have loved the French Impressionists since I first saw them when I was very young, and to be here now, in their city, is just so thrilling to me. I think of my poor parents who never had these opportunities but who must have had longings in their souls for this experience of life to have passed them on so strongly to me. I am trying to enjoy the experience to the fullest for them in a sense.
That was one unbelievable railway station! Do you recall the sumptuous golden room with all the mirrors? (We could have had a lot of fun in there...) What an unbelievably majestic room. I found the splendour and magnificence almost too much to bear (rather like I find you at times...) All senses were quite out of control! Wishing they were out of control right now with you!! I passed a street this morning called 'Passage du désir' and I took a photo of it for you. (Wish you were enjoying MY 'passage du désir' just now...)
This is my last day here - plane out tomorrow then back home by Monday. Missing the princeling and my boyos (and the dog).
Missing you....wanting you...longing to hear your voice again - which is more beautiful to me than I can say.
Ton très amoureuse Chariette
Dear Chariot
I'm back home at last and going to drop into bed. Very tired and stiff necked from the plane and dying to stretch out on my lovely bed with my own pillow. Finding the days all very confusing. Thought I was going to be here Monday but it's Tuesday today!
I'm not sure where you are just now. If you're in transit I hope the flight goes well for you and you get plenty of sleep.
Didn't get swept off my feet by any Frenchmen....think because I'm already footless with you...
Chariette
My Beau Chevalier
Lovely email and lovely calls this week! Oh your voice sounded so divine on Friday. You create such a state of heightened sexual excitement in me! I have had to indulge in quite a bit of self pleasuring because of this - thinking of you all the while and what we could be doing together - (and what we have done: there are certain things that I find just wonderful to muse on!)
I have made a lot of progress this weekend with organising for the move up to Brisbane. I have also found some housing possibilities on the internet for when I get there.
I have had great pleasure in tossing out a lot of paperwork from my study related to my old job. Still waking at 4.00 am and feeling fuzzy brained during the day. Hope this passes soon as I have a lot to do this week.
How are things with you mon coeur? What's happening in your life and how are you feeling at work? Any signs of any big change yet?? (I wish you so well in all that happens to you.)
Look after your beautiful body for me. Just longing to indulge in it...
Your amoureuse Chariette
My beautiful dear Chariot
With regard to the suggestion in your email...you're on! Would love you to do the same for me by your own means too as I would find that very exciting too. I would love to do all sorts of things to/with you too (up, down, over, under, in, out, above, below, against, between, harder...faster...deeper...Oh God!!....)
Also, apart from the shoes, I bought something extra special in Paris in the way of undergarments to wear for you which I think you will like exceedingly well. Oh you just thrill me so...
It is very easy to be open with you. I feel completely safe with you and so trusting of you. If only you knew how different this is for me and how wonderful after years and years of the complete opposite. You make me feel like a flower opening up to the sun. I am SO happy!
At the Musée D'Orsay I bought a CD of music of 'La Belle Époque' (I would have loved to have lived in those times). I bought it thinking I could play it to you some time and maybe we could dance together. That would be very lovely.
Listening to it though, it made me realise that the French are not a musical people. I don't know of any great French composers come to think of it. They were probably all too busy involved in more carnal activities...I don't think you and I will ever write much music either...
Chariette
Dear Chariot
Thank you for your lovely message. I'm very excited about the last day tomorrow and have done all I have to at work apart from packing the last few things from my office (including a institutional Christmas card that you sent me a few years ago where you said you were ‘hoping to catch up next year’!) Well we certainly ‘caught up’!
I won't be able to contact you again until Sunday night as my computer will be packed up tomorrow and Saturday night my sister has organised a big family get together to say farewell before we set back off up north which I'm looking forward to in a happy and sad way. I've had a lot of strange feelings like this over the past few days - think I'm just a bit overwrought with everything. The whole thing is a big step for all of us but I'm sure we'll be OK. I'm so looking forward to being able to settle down at last in a place and an environment that makes me feel very happy.
I was thinking on the way home on the train (almost my last journey..) how I would love you to lift my hair and kiss me on the neck and for you to hold me in your arms. I would also love to wrap my legs about you and experience you to the very depths of me. Oh that would be just so wonderful.
My space would love to have you in it.
So Good Night my heart's delight and may angels guard thee til the dawn!
Chariette
Dear Chariot
Can't believe my last night in Melbourne has finally arrived. I'm drunk with emotion and fatigue after such a hectic month.
I will miss Melbourne. I am after all a daughter of Melbourne, and it has done much to fashion my outlook on life, my personality and politics. But I am very much looking forward to settling down in Brisbane. I feel a lovely undercurrent of excitement and optimism all the time when I think of it.
The poor dog is psychotic - little does he know that he has the big aeroplane ride tomorrow....then a week at the dog's home. We'll get in there mid afternoon and it's straight into house hunting. I'm hoping to find something by Wednesday. It's a strange feeling not having an address - a peculiar mixture of disquiet and liberating excitement, not knowing what's around the corner.
I hope you've had a great weekend. Wishing very much I could be lying in your arms tonight (for a little while - then getting a lot more active...). You thrill me and stir me and excite me so... I am so full of desire for you and full of kisses and full of tender touches.
Your Chariette
Dear Chariot
Wonderful to hear from you last night. Beautiful voice...
I am SO HAPPY to be here. Finding it very hot though - it will take me a while to adjust. Also the house I've been chasing has come through, so we'll be moving in there on Friday (if all goes to plan. I'll be able to walk to work from there! It's an old place with no wardrobes (or heating!!) but liveable enough with lovely outdoor areas so I think the three of us (me, son and dog) will be happy there. Have to retrieve the dog from the dog home at the weekend and he will be delirious with joy to see us again.
Hope your trip to Tasmania goes well for you. . Wish I was there to keep you warm...very warm. And ditto for Canberra. Hope you have some more interstate trips coming up so we can get together and do a lot of relishing of each other. How I long to do that. You are so extremely relishable. I so adore you...
Chariette
Le désir de mon coeur
Spent all of yesterday with my head in boxes and things are starting to take shape although I still haven't found the iron..or any towels. I am delighted with the house. It has a lovely aspect and is up high and gets a lot of cheerful breezes. There are many magpies and kookaburras around too and that's so lovely.
I haven't got the phone connected at home yet, so no internet either. I'm at a cafe sending you this. I can access hotmail from work but I'm a bit reluctant
to send you the passionate outpourings of my heart and body from my work terminal, so please be patient with me until I can get it on at home.
Your call from Tasmania was utterly lovely. I so love to talk to you. I so appreciate your calls. I think I must be your biggest fan.... I will gladly speak to you in French next time we're together (not for the promised reaction) but because there's so much I'd like to say to you....Oh I am so glad to have connected with you. I love your proportions (one in particular..), I love your voice, and think you are just heaven sent all around really. You are one complete package of lusciousness and oh how I could do with you....
From your happy, happy, oh so happy one.
Dear Divine One
I've been here a week now and what a dream week it's been. Still have to keep pinching myself to see if it's real.
What I love is driving around the streets and feeling your presence here. I feel close to you... I hope that your week is going well. I know that budgeting is always a fraught experience, there's never enough to do all that you want, and none of the recipients is ever pleased with what they get and suspect that you're being a bastard holding back great pots of gold that should be theirs. You can never please anyone in this process and it must be quite awful for you (you always please me though...no matter what...).
Thank you for your lovely calls this week. You are the complete 'objèt du mon désir'.
Chariette
Dear Chariot
I need to tell you something about how I'm feeling now that we’re in the same state ....I'm feeling a little bit restrained just now about telling you how much I adore you, long for you, want you. I think it's because I'm very conscious of not wanting to make you feel as though I am putting any pressure on you re real contact (as opposed to virtual). I think I would die if I couldn't tell you these things because it acts as such a relief valve for me. So - how about this: I continue to outpour as per past behaviour and you just continue to enjoy being on the receiving end and we'll think no more of it than we have in the past. I am putting my trust in you completely to handle and manage our newly changed circumstances in the way you see fit and I will not make any attempt to influence you.
Having said that....I wish you were handling me right now!! I would love to be sucking your fingers and pushing them into secret parts of me
I love being here. I enjoyed the rain yesterday.
Thinking of you very tenderly and lasciviously beyond description.
Chariette.
Mon vrai coeur
So wonderful to hear from you again last night. Oh you thrill me so much!! I love talking to you.
Did you like the Rodin? I think that what is just so amazing about his work is that he captures such fluid moments of connection and evokes such sensuality in his figures - you can almost FEEL the moment yourself. And then when you realize it's captured in marble - well - the paradox of that really brings home his genius. His sculptures just exude life and deep passion and feeling (not just sexual passion - there's one called Ugolino that's just the most moving and disturbing piece I've ever seen. I can hardly bare to look at it...) What a stir he must have caused in his time when you think of the contrast between his work and the classical sculptures which I've never really taken to because I find them cold and lifeless (apart from David's legs because they remind me of your beautiful thighs and calves).
I printed out the Woman in Fur you said reminded you of me and have it in my bedroom. Looking at it again last night I think what Rubens has captured that probably reminds you of me is an air of shyness coupled with a strong undercurrent of willingness...You can see it in the pose, the one shy breast exposed, the fur off the shoulder, but the hands and arms protectively encircling the body holding the garments close. The difference with me now is that my willingness for you is no longer a secret undercurrent but an in-your-face, bold, tempestuous storm.
Oh how I'd love to be making thunder and lightning with you just now.
Chariette
Dear Chariot
Wonderful to hear from you last night - brief but beautifully intense. I so appreciate your calls.
I think so much of you (and think of you so much). You have been so good for me in so many ways. You make me feel so alive and optimistic and joyful and you give me such pleasure - the core of me is aglow with happiness because of you. Oh I owe you so much and want so much to give to you in all sorts of ways - not just my body - but caring and friendship and connection. I care very much about how you're feeling and want to make you feel good and great and wonderful and blissful and...
Speaking of blissful - the new poetry book is an absolute treat (without you I would never have returned to poetry and it has brought such great delight back into my life.). Here's the first of many good bits that I will linger over choosing especially for you:
"None but a Muse in love, can tell
The sweet tumultuous joys I feel,
When on Chariot's breast I lie.
When I tremble, faint and die;
Mingling kisses and embraces,
Darting tongues and joining faces,
Panting, stretching, sweating, cooing,
All in the ecstasy of doing." (1722)
With many mingled kisses, embraces and much cooing to you my beautiful Prince.
Chariette
Mon cher Coeur
So lovely to hear from you on Monday night. I treasure the time you give me and don’t take your generosity for granted in any way. Your voice sounded very tired though. I would have loved to be able to stroke you to sleep, then secretly drink you in with my eyes so tenderly as you slept…
I hope you can find the Rubens and send it to me. It seems important to you and I would love to respond to it with you. Oh you have changed my life so much. You make me feel so feminine and full of soft feeling and wonderful fiery desire. I was living an empty, soul-lonely, ghost of a life before you came into it. You make my body sing with delight, you warm my heart and touch my soul.
Ton amoureuse amie
My beautiful Chariot
It was so wonderful to see you again. Somehow you always manage to be more handsome than I remember or dream of. I think the proximity of you does much to dilate my irises.. I want you to know, however, that I was quite prepared to act in a most dignified, adult and civilized manner knowing you had only a few moments - but then you started kissing me and your tongue started tantalizing me and I quickly descended (or maybe that should be ascended) into hot, and completely naked uncontrollable DESIRE for you - so it was all your fault!! (You were SUCH a lovely handful though!!)
I love my life just now!!
Your oh so tender and juicy one.
Prince of my passions
It's six in the morning. I'm sitting at my desk looking over the back deck to the garden. Magpies are making their beautiful noises; two kookaburras are sitting on the verandah railing and I'm filled with tender thoughts of you. I truly think I must be in heaven. I love this little house and its location. My two favourite places are here at my desk and also sitting on the top front step looking up at the beautiful changing sky or catching the city lights at night.
I feel as though I'm stepping back into life again after so many years in the wilderness. I don't think I've ever been this happy and contented in my life. And if only you knew what a significant role you have played in getting me to this stage. I owe you so much (Wishing I could repay you over and over again...)
"Come in thy raven-plumage, Night,
Sun, moon and stars withdrawn a'!
An' bring an angel-pen to write
My transports wi' my (James-o)."
Chariette
My Most Beautiful, Most Adored One
Oh I hope you will be able to contact me this week. I am missing your beautiful voice so much. I know what addicts must feel like now...
All of my reading throughout my life never prepared me for the intensity of feeling and attraction I have for you. Oh you are so special to me!
"Thou
hast ravished my heart...
Thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes"
How will I ever get through the day??
Your poor besotted one.
A Long Distance Love Affair Page 9