by Sean Michael
He got back into bed and stroked Jeff's belly. "Shh. It's okay. Just sleep."
"Don... Don, the house. You need to get the babies..."
"Shh. They're fine. Everyone's okay." He kept stroking, kissed Jeff's shoulder. "Everyone's safe."
"The babies. Oh, God."
"No, they're fine. Jeff. Kimberley and Robin are safe."
God, Jeff was breaking his heart.
Jeff pushed close to him, rocking. He wrapped his arms around Jeff, encouraged the rocking.
"My head hurts."
He bet it did. "We could take a shower; that will help."
"Yeah? I'm so sorry, Don." Jeff held him tight.
"You didn't do anything to apologize for." He got up and tugged, encouraging Jeff to stand. Jeff came with him, swaying, eyes looking bruised.
Don got the shower going, then started working on Jeff's clothes, pulling them off. Jeff didn't fight him, didn't help either. Just stood there like a child. It made him want to cry, but he didn't. Jeff needed him. So he tugged Jeff into the shower, under the spray of water.
Jeff just kept apologizing to him, over and over.
"Hush. Hush." He finally pushed their lips together, stopping the words.
Jeff sobbed into his lips, but kissed him back, hands wrapping around his hips. He held Jeff's face between his hands, letting the kiss go on and on. Jeff held on, the tension slowly, slowly easing.
He didn't give up on Jeff. He took another kiss, his hands sliding down to cover Jeff's nipples. They could survive this. They had to, right? They would. Those kids needed them and they had lots of love between them. They'd come out of this together. He'd keep telling himself that until someone else could say it to him.
He slid his tongue into Jeff's mouth, deepening the kiss, but keeping it gentle. Jeff rested their foreheads together, both of them breathing slow. He ran his hands up and down Jeff's chest, along his sides and over to his back, helping the water sluice over Jeff's skin.
"I'll make it up to you, Don. I promise."
"Hush. There isn't anything to make up." They just needed to get through it. Together. Like a family.
Jeff nodded, but those eyes dropped.
"I love you," he told Jeff, breathing the words into Jeff's mouth.
Jeff's breath hiccupped, the hands on his hips tightening.
"I do. And this doesn't change that. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. We can tackle anything together."
"What if you'd been in the house?"
"Stop that right now." He shook Jeff a little. "No what ifs. What happened, happened. Nobody was in the house."
"But..."
No. No more buts. He shook his head and brought their lips back together again, shutting Jeff up. Jeff needed to relax, breathe for a little while. He pressed Jeff up against the tile, and kissed his way down toward Jeff's cock.
Jeff shook his head. "I can't. Please, just come here. Hold me a minute."
"Only if you relax and stop making yourself crazy with what ifs and buts."
"I'm trying, babe. I swear. I just... It hurts."
"I know, but you've got two beautiful kids and a lover and the house was covered by insurance and now you can make something that doesn't have any associations with that asshole..."
Jeff nodded, took one breath after another.
Donny held him, arms wrapped tight around Jeff. "At least you have a suitcase of clothes."
"I... It takes months to build a house."
"So we live in someone else for awhile." He was sure they could find someplace to rent.
"I just... I can't think right this second. I can't be reasonable."
"Then you can't think about the negatives either." He kissed Jeff hard. "You don't have to be reasonable."
Their lips parted with a pop. "Okay."
"Okay." He leaned their foreheads together and breathed. "Okay."
"I... I need something to eat. Maybe a cup of coffee. Or a Sprite."
"We can see what's in the mini-bar to tide us over until room service can get up here." He turned the shower off and grabbed a towel, started drying Jeff off.
"Okay." Jeff let him dry, then took the towel and dried him off, too. "I need to... no thinking."
"That's right. No thinking." He drew Jeff back into the room.
He grabbed Jeff a Sprite and the room service menu. Something quick and simple, right? Something yummy.
"How does chicken parm sound?"
"Is there a BLT?"
"Yeah, you want the fries with that?" Jeff was being choosy, that was a good sign, right?
"Please, yes. Mustard. And something sweet."
"You got it."
He ordered two BLTs with fries and two different cakes for dessert, along with more Sprite.
Jeff rested on the pillows, watched him, not speaking, not moving. He didn't know what to do, so he just sat with Jeff and rubbed his hands, his shoulders. The tears came and went, and his poor, overwhelmed lover was asleep again before the food ever came.
Donny sighed and rubbed his face. It was going to be a long, long night.
Chapter Seventeen
Jeff stared at the wreck that was his house. Had been his house. This was a dream, right? A sick, sad dream.
Don held his hand tight, reminding him that he had someone there in his corner.
The insurance agent kept talking, saying words that made no sense. Jillian was taking notes, asking questions. But all he could see was the ruin that was his dream home. He could see the ruined parts of furniture, of his life. He had been so proud.
"Hey." Don hugged him from behind. "It's just stuff."
"Yeah." No. No, it was his life. His whole life. His memories.
"It is. The important things are all safe. You, the kids, me."
He tore his eyes away from the wreckage. "Yeah, I know. I'm just... stunned."
"It's a terrible thing. Don't let him win, though, Jeff. The best revenge is to get on with your life and turn this into a positive."
"Stop. Please. Right now I need to be pissed, okay?" Don needed to stop Pollyanna-ing him. This was his fucking house.
"What good is that going to do?"
"It's not. It's not going to do any good at all." His fingers curled into fists. "But I need it right now. I need to be angry."
Don's lips pursed, but he didn't say anything.
Jeff shook his head, took off without a word, heading closer to the house. There was still heat from it, and the smell was awful. Like Beth. His phone rang and he checked the number. The restaurant.
He answered. "Hey."
"Hey, Jeff. Martin. God, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
"You guys need anything?"
A new house? Clothes? DVDs? Pots and pans? "Time. I'm going to need some time." Which he knew was a damn near impossible request. Hell, he'd just taken a month off when he'd gotten the kids.
"Jeff... I can't give you more than a day or two. You've got that nanny, though, right?"
"I do, yeah, but..."
"Man, I've been cool. I really have, but, look. There are a lot of guys looking to climb and..."
He looked at his phone, then turned it off. Enough. He was done. He was going to get a plane ticket to Belize and stay there, forever.
"Jeff, the insurance guy needs to talk to you." Jilly waved him over.
"Okay." He stood there, took a deep breath. "Okay."
He could see Robin's face, Kimberley's sweet smile. He was never going to be able to desert them. Ever.
"It's going to take a week to ten days for the insurance to come through, but I can give you a check for five thousand now to get a place to live in the meantime, buy new clothes and stuff."
"Okay." He nodded, sighed.
The agent handed over a check. "I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm going to stay on top of this one, make sure that check comes through as quickly as possible."
"It will. Thank you." He put the check in his back pocket, then headed away again.
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Don caught up with him as he walked. "Where are we going?"
"I don't know." He grinned over.
"We should go have food, figure out what we're going to tell Robin."
His grin disappeared. "Yeah. I have one more day off before I don't have a job anymore."
***
Donny waited until they had their lunch in front of them. "What do you mean one more day off before you don't have a job anymore?"
"Martin says I'm back in tomorrow."
"Then go back in. I can take care of the kids, Jeff -- why would that change?"
Jeff gave him a long, blank look. "I guess it wouldn't. I'll take you to Mike and Samantha's. You can stay there with the kids until I figure something out."
"I can help you find a place for us to live until you can rebuild. Don't shut me out, Jeff -- we're a team, right?"
Jeff looked at him, eyes furious. "How the fuck can you be so calm?"
"Because it's not going to help anyone for me to lose my shit."
Jeff didn't answer that, just looked down at the table. Donny sighed. He was more upset about how this was affecting Jeff than the fire. Jeff was what mattered, not the house.
"I'm sorry."
"For what? The fire wasn't your fault." And he was tired of Jeff apologizing for something he hadn't done, couldn't control.
"I know, but I know you don't think I'm dealing worth a shit."
"I never said that."
"You didn't have to." Jeff met his eyes. "This is a big deal to me."
"I know it is. And I know you're upset, of course you are. But if you dwell on the negative..."
"What is the positive? I have to go tell a little boy who lost his mom to a fire that his home is gone, again. Every single thing I owned -- my first cookbook, the only pictures of my folks, the only pictures I had left of Beth, of Robin's birth? My recipes. All those plans? They're gone!"
"No they aren't!" He reached out and touched Jeff's heart. "They're all in here. Your parents, Beth, the kids. Your recipes and your plans. He can't take those away from you."
"I... I can't. I can't breathe." Jeff pushed back from the table, gagging. "I can't breathe." He fell to his knees, grabbed the edge of the table.
"Jeff!" Donny jumped up. "Someone call 911!" Donny went to Jeff, crouched next to him. "Jeff? What is it?"
Jeff gasped for air, grabbed him, then his eyes rolled back into his head. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Don got Jeff down on his back and listened for a breath, for anything that said Jeff was still alive. Jeff's heart was beating hard, steady. Strong.
"The ambulance is coming, sir." The restaurant manager was right there, putting a folded up emergency blanket under Jeff's head.
"Thank you." He kept his hand over Jeff's heart, needing to feel that beating, to know Jeff was alive.
Jeff started moved, shifting underneath him, about the time the EMTs came, started talking and taking vitals and getting information. Don found himself pushed aside as they worked on Jeff. He took one deep breath after another, telling himself over and over that Jeff was going to be okay.
He had to be. Don needed him. Those kiddies needed him. They all did. In such a short time, Jeff had become the center of everything Donny loved.
***
A panic attack.
Jeff sat in the bed at the ER, waiting for his release papers, so embarrassed he could just die.
The doctor had been dear, explaining that panic attacks could be completely overwhelming, that there were drugs for the next few weeks. Maybe he should see a shrink.
A stupid fucking panic attack.
Jeff blinked at Don. "I'm sorry."
"Shh." Donny hugged him hard. "Stop apologizing. I know how hard this is for you -- it's no surprise your body shorted out."
He wasn't sure what they had given him, but he could breathe, he could think. Sort of. "I need to talk to Mike and Samantha and see if you can stay there with the kids for a few days."
"I'm betting I can, but we should go there together now, so the kids can see you. Robin especially is going to need the physical you to understand that you aren't leaving him, too."
"Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. I'm not sure what I'll do. Just work the week out, then plan."
"Sounds good. It should be easier then, with a little time to ease things."
"Yeah." Or more of these drugs. Whichever. Jeff found he really didn't care.
"Come on, then. We've got a plan. Go to Mike and Samantha's. It's a start." Don held out his hand.
"As soon as the doctor signs the paper. You'll have to drive." He'd spend the night there, sleep, then drive back into town tomorrow.
"I can do that. This is going to work out in the end. We'll make sure of that."
He nodded. Whatever. He needed to find a condo or something, an apartment, maybe. He didn't want to build another house.
"Don't let Mitch steal your dreams, Jeff."
"I just want them to prove it was him."
"Yeah. Let's hope they can do that." Don squeezed his hand. "We have to put him and this behind us."
"How?" He didn't want to snap, but he didn't know how.
"By focusing on the good, by continuing to live your dream. There's a saying -- that living well is the best revenge." Don was going to Pollyanna him to death.
The doctor came in, with prescriptions and instructions not to drive or drink, plus a suggestion to see a shrink, and he signed and signed and nodded and paid. "Let's go."
Don grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together as they left. He handed Don the keys, keeping his head down and...
"Jeffy!" Jillian came running like an avenging angel. "What happened?"
Don answered for him. "He's okay. It was a panic attack. It's under control now, though."
"A panic attack. Oh, God. Are you okay? What do you need?"
Really, he just needed a little time alone. In quiet.
"We're just going to go hug the kids." Don kept them moving toward the car.
"Okay. Do you want to stay with me?"
God, no. "Yeah, I probably will, if that's okay. During the work week."
Don sighed. "We'll get something figured out soon, though. So the kids get to see you every day."
"Soon." He kissed Jillian. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"You still have a key?"
"I..." It was in the house.
She winced. "I'll drop it by the restaurant tomorrow."
"Thanks."
Don gave her a hug and then opened the passenger door for him. He dropped into the car and closed his eyes. He just needed to hold his shit together for a few hours, then he would go to work where things were normal. Right?
Don got them moving. "Are you ready to talk to the kids?"
"No." But he would. He'd told Robin his mom had died, hadn't he?
"You need to reassure him that you're not gong anywhere."
"I will. I will do everything right. I will lie and tell that little boy that it's going to be an adventure, that we're going to find somewhere amazing."
"That's not a lie, Jeff."
He reached over, not even able to really feel angry, and took Don's hand. "I love you." There. That was not a lie.
Don glanced over to give him a beam. "I love you, too."
"Okay."
That was going to have to be enough for right now.
Chapter Eighteen
Robin had taken the news better than Don had expected. He'd been more upset that Jeff wasn't staying with them for the next week than he had been about losing the house. Don figured that part wasn't really real yet for Robin. Without seeing the house, it was kind of abstract.
Once he'd been told that Jeff would call every day and that they'd all be together again on the weekend, Robin had calmed down.
Now, four days later, Don and the kids had a routine going with Samantha and Mike. It was weird, having other grown ups around in the afternoon and evening, but aside from missing Jeff a whole lot, Don was adapting as quickly a
s the kids seemed to.
This morning, he was introducing Kimberley to smashed sweet potatoes with hilarious results. More of the food was coming back out than going in, but Robin was nearly in tears he was laughing so hard and Donny couldn't argue with that.
"You want to give it a try?" He offered the spoon to Robin. Maybe she'd be happier with it coming from her brother. She definitely adored him.
"I try." Robin fed her a bite, so careful, and Kimberley drooled, pushing the yams with her tongue.
"You're a natural at this. Must be because you're her big brother." God, he loved these kids. Good thing he was sweet on their father, too. A surge went through him; he could have lost them all in that fire. He reached over and hugged Robin tight, not caring that they were both covered in the mashed orange mess.
"Isn't that a... messy scene?" Samantha came in, smiled at them all. "I'm going out to the garden to get it ready for Halloween. Does anyone want to come with?"
Robin squirmed out his arms. "Me! Me! Halloween is candy!"
Donny chuckled. "If you don't need me, I'll see if I can't get a little more food into Kimmie and then get everything cleaned up first."
Samantha and Mike had been so good to all of them.
"We'll be fine. Have you heard from Jeff today? I told him you three are welcome to stay as long as you need, but... Well, he needs to come visit."
"He hasn't called yet. He will when he wakes up, I'm sure." He checked his watch. It was almost ten; he'd bet Jeff would call soon. He hoped so. He missed his lover a lot, and he knew Robin and Kimberley did, too.
They needed to sort out what they were going to do so he and the kids could be with Jeff, even if it was just a temporary solution.
Jeff always sounded so flat, so quiet on the phone. Tired. Distant. Depressed. He needed his family with him. Donny knew it was hard to look at the positive in the circumstances, but focusing on the negative and being depressed was no way to live.
"Just yell when he does, Donny, and I'll send my grandson in."
"Will do."
He waved at Robin as the boy went out with Samantha and turned his attention back to Kimmie and her orange mess. "Okay, little miss. Let's see about this before I break out the apple sauce."