by Sarina Bowen
Chloe complained just a little bit when I jostled us both to hook up the milk line, but I apologized and began to sing to her. While the fresh milk ran through the milking tubes, Chloe looked up at me with big eyes.
We milked three cows before Daniel stumbled into the barn, sleep in his eyes. “Oh my God,” he said. “I’m so groggy.”
I laughed, because he really was. “Didn’t mean to scare you, sneaking off with the baby.”
He just shook his bed-messy head. “I knew who she’d be with. Just didn’t know where. I woke up Caleb, looking for you.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled, nudging Clover’s flank. “He’s still finishing up his beauty sleep right around now.”
“Let me…” Daniel said, stepping in to take over the milking. “You can take her inside, or whatever. I got this.”
“All right. But I don’t think she’s too cold.”
Daniel sighed. “It’s not about that. But you’re doing all the work right now, okay? I feel like a heel.”
“Hey, I just got eight hours of sleep. I’m doing great. There’s two bottles in the sink, which means you woke up at least twice.”
“She woke me three times to eat, but at least she went back to sleep right away.” Daniel unhooked Clover from the pump. “Nobody tells you it will be like this. And I wouldn’t even mind, if Maggie was doing better.”
“She will be,” I said quickly.
“God, I hope so,” he whispered.
“Well. Chloe and I are going inside for coffee. We’ll save you some.”
Daniel gave me a wave. “You’re the best, Josh. Really.”
I liked hearing it, even if I doubted his opinion would hold up if he knew the real me.
* * *
Daniel brought Maggie home from the hospital that afternoon, still looking like hell.
“The drugs make her really sleepy,” Daniel whispered after he’d gotten a zombie-like Maggie upstairs. “But it’s supposed to even out soon.”
He took the baby from me then, leaving my hands empty. And Caleb was at work. So I had nothing to do at all, except worry and wonder what would happen next.
There were practical things I might have worked on. I needed to write to the State of Wyoming and ask them to grant me a birth certificate. But I needed instructions from Maggie, who’d had to do the same thing. Or at least computer help from Caleb, who knew his way around Google.
With nothing better to do, I went in our bedroom and lay down on Caleb’s pillow, because it smelled like him. And I had sexy thoughts about him as I drifted into a nap.
That night, after I ate macaroni and cheese that Daniel made from those blue boxes they sell at the store, I put the baby to bed again. This left Daniel in front of a football game with a beer, looking tired but content. And he didn’t even fight me too badly on putting the baby to bed for him. I think he’d finally just given in and accepted my help.
I liked that. A lot. Because family is supposed to help family. Family is how Maggie viewed Caleb and I. Maybe Daniel could, too.
After Chloe was settled into her crib, I tiptoed into Maggie and Daniel’s room, and perched on the bed.
Maggie opened a set of unfocused eyes, then seemed to locate me through her haze.
“I just came to say that I hope you feel better soon. And I’m sorry for your troubles.”
“Thank you,” she said, surprising me. “I’m embarrassed, though. That people have to fuss. That it couldn’t just be easy.”
I reached over to give her hand a squeeze. “You just described the first nineteen years of my life.”
Maggie’s eyes opened wide, and then she smiled. Finally! A smile from Maggie. So I smiled too. “I love you, Josh,” she said.
My chest squeezed with happiness to hear it. So few people had ever said that to me. Caleb, and my mother. And my mother hadn’t said it since I was seven. When I answered her, my voice was rough. “Love you too. I’ll see you in the morning.”
* * *
That night I got into bed before Caleb. And when he finally crawled between the sheets, and rolled to face me, I slid into his arms and kissed him. Hard. He opened for me, but not without making a surprised little noise in the back of his throat.
But Caleb was a smart man. He went for it, inviting my tongue to tangle with his. And his strong arms pulled me close, against that broad chest that I loved so much.
I’d been dying for this. While he was at work, I’d been yearning for it. Kiss after kiss, I lost myself in Caleb. Pushing my body into his, I could have stayed there all night.
“Baby,” he whispered, dipping a hand into my underwear. “Let me make you feel good.” His hand closed around my cock. But then he waited, asking permission to go on. His other hand stroked my back slowly. Lovingly.
“You can’t fuck me, because I can’t be quiet,” I whispered.
In the dark, I watched him smile at me. “Can you be quiet if I blow you?”
Thinking that over for a second, I shook my head. “Stay right here with me.” Tonight, I just wanted him close. I wanted to rub off on him, kissing him. Sucking on his tongue.
Caleb shoved his underwear off his body and tossed them on the floor. “Come here.” He pulled me partway onto his chest, yanking my own boxers off of my ass.
I spread myself out on his hard body. He felt incredible underneath me. I could have happily stayed there forever.
Caleb produced his little bottle of lube and dripped some into his hand. When he gripped both our cocks in one slicked palm, I gasped.
“Shh, now,” he reminded me.
I dropped my hungry mouth onto his, whimpering softly. Thrusting into his hand, my dick got as hard as a fencepost.
“You stay quiet now,” Caleb whispered after breaking our kiss. “Can you do that?”
I kissed him again instead of answering.
He reached around me, spreading my ass with one slicked hand, teasing my hole with a finger.
Opening my mouth, I gave a silent shout.
“Next time,” he whispered. “I’m gonna pound you from behind.”
The beginning of a moan escaped my lips, and Caleb caught it in his mouth. I fucked my hips against him, while his naughty finger tortured my hole.
“Let yourself go. Kiss me, and come all over me. Right now.”
My whole life, I’d always done exactly what Caleb asked of me. And right now was no different. My balls tightened up, and my breath hitched with expectation. Then I slanted my mouth over Caleb’s and let it happen. All the tension of the last forty-eight hours just left my body as I shuddered and shuddered again.
Caleb let my tired dick slip out of his hand. But he took up his own, milking himself with my come all over his hand. We both looked down to see him erupt once… twice… I lifted my chin to watch his face. His head was thrown back into the pillow, mouth open in a silent gasp of pleasure.
Then it was just two sticky guys, breathing hard, listening to their hearts race together. I loved this part just as much as the sex. Because I never saw any regret in Caleb’s eyes. He always looked so darned happy to lie there with me, painted with my seed, blissed out.
He never seemed to doubt himself. And that meant that he never seemed to doubt being with me.
I kissed his forehead. “Was I quiet?”
“Quiet enough,” he sighed. “Don’t really care at the moment, though. That was nice.”
It really, really was. But you can always trust me to ruin the moment. “Do you think they’d notice if we ran the shower for a minute?”
Caleb pinched my ass. “We’d better make it a double shower. Less obvious that way.” He grinned without opening his eyes.
“Good idea,” I said.
And it was.
Sixteen
Winter
MAGGIE DID GET BETTER. The rest of us breathed many, many sighs of relief as she seemed to slowly perk up over the next few weeks. She came out of her room more. Daniel brought the rocking chair into the living room, and she sat there
with the baby, talking to whoever else was around. Which often meant me.
She started to cook again, too. I made it as easy as I could for her, by holding the baby when necessary. Standing in the kitchen, talking about flavors and recipes, she seemed more like herself.
Meanwhile, Chloe was growing fast. Every morning, when I got to hold her after the milking, she seemed bigger. And she learned so many new tricks. Like smiling at me. And pushing up off her tummy onto her little chubby arms to look around the room.
In February, when Chloe was twelve weeks old, she learned to roll over from her back to her front. So she basically did that all day long. But she couldn’t figure out how to roll the other way, so when she got sick of lying on her stomach, she would screech until one of us came to rescue her, flipping her over like a pancake.
Another new trick she learned was sleeping through the night. I was not the beneficiary of this new maneuver, but Maggie and Daniel were over the moon. They stopped looking so haggard, and started joking more often.
As winter wore on, I worked with Daniel whenever I could. Sometimes he found jobs for me in the wood shop. But tools were not really my thing, and everything always took three times as long when I did it. I was better at sorting nails and screws, sweeping up sawdust and helping him move boards around.
There wasn’t much of that to do, though.
Instead, I finally convinced him that I should do the morning milking alone. “Since Chloe sleeps past seven o’clock, so should you. Until I can get a full-time job, I don’t mind spending a couple of hours with the cows every morning.”
I gave Daniel this little speech one afternoon in the barn, when the two of us were shoveling cow shit into a wheelbarrow. I enjoyed the milking and the barn work, anyway. Taking care of cows didn’t even feel like labor. They watched me with their big, liquid eyes, and their breath warmed the room, even on the coldest days.
Daniel leaned against his shovel, stroking his jaw thoughtfully. “All right. You know I appreciate the help. And Maggie and I need to get on top of your documentation. Sorry we haven’t given that enough focus.”
“You’ve been busy. But I don’t want to just sponge off you guys forever.”
Daniel shrugged and went back to shoveling. “I don’t think you’re a sponge. But I understand if you two need to make your own way.”
We did, too.
Caleb was, as always, doing a pretty good job for himself already. The garage was pleased with his work, so his hours remained steady. He spent half his paycheck on gas and groceries for the house. That was the deal he’d made with Maggie. She’d insisted that he save up the other half. “I know you want a car. So bank your money, because one of these days you’ll be able to afford one.”
He’d saved almost two thousand dollars already. It sounded like a lot to me, but apparently cars cost plenty. Even old ones.
I needed to work. That much was obvious.
In January, Daniel and Maggie called the same lawyer in Wyoming who had helped to get her a birth certificate. There was some kind of petition you could file to ask the state to recognize your birth. I signed a form, and we sent it in.
“Mine took months, though,” Maggie said. “So I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting.”
In the meantime, Maggie’s friend with the catering business needed her back at work. And since a family of five needed cash, Maggie sat me down and asked me to babysit while she did some gigs with the caterer. “Obviously Daniel can take her after dinnertime. But sometimes I need to be at work in the afternoon.”
“I’d love to do it,” I said. “It doesn’t make sense for you to work if Daniel has to stop working.”
She grinned. “So true. Except that I’d probably still work, even then. Because I like this job, and I really need to get out of this house once in a while.”
“Go on, then,” I said. While we had this conversation, I was sitting in the rocking chair, holding Chloe, who was chewing on a plastic rattle. The poor thing was teething. And apparently, teething made you drool. Lately, she left little wet patches on the shoulders of all my shirts.
“I’ll pay you,” Maggie said. “It’s only fair.”
“Eh. If you’re paying me, then I should pay you rent. And I can’t afford it.”
Maggie laughed. “But I’d feel guilty just skipping off to make strawberries dipped in chocolate while you watch Chloe.”
I picked my head off the rocker. “Strawberries dipped in chocolate?”
Maggie grinned at me. “That’s it! I’ll pay you in desserts.”
“Deal.” I rocked the baby, feeling as calm and happy as I ever had in my life. Things weren’t perfect, but for the first time in my life I didn’t fear the future. Maggie wanted me here, in this chair, in this room, in this house. As did Caleb, and Chloe, and even Daniel. Hell, even the cows were happy to see me.
When dinnertime came, Daniel came into the house, lightly coated with sawdust. He changed his clothes and then found us in the living room. “My turn,” he said, holding out his hands for Chloe.
“I don’t see your name on the list,” I said lazily. Chloe was a warm weight on my chest, and I didn’t feel like giving her up.
“Pretty sure fathers are always on the list,” he said.
“Well, if you want to get all technical about it.” I handed Chloe up to him, and she started making excited noises. Chloe loved her daddy. When he took her, she put her little starfish hands on his face.
“Hi, baby girl,” he whispered. “What have you been up to today?”
“Drooling on Josh and mommy,” I answered for her. Daniel gave me a grin. Then I got up to go help Maggie set the table.
She’d lit the candles already, and their soft glow flickered on the wood of the table that Daniel had built. The warm lighting, and the sounds of a man saying sweet things to his baby daughter gave me an ache in my chest. The good kind of ache. The kind that means you’re alive and well.
Any minute now, Caleb would drive up in Maggie’s car. He’d shower off the smell of motor oil, then sit across from me at the dinner table. We’d be careful not to let our eyes linger too long on one another, and we’d never risk a touch beneath the table.
This was home, though. And for once in my life, I felt like I belonged.
Seventeen
Dear Washington & Brenda,
Happy New Year (a couple weeks late!)
We got your Christmas card. Would you believe that it was the first one we ever got? (Actually, I’ll bet you do believe it!) We never had Christmas at the Compound, because there’s no mention of Christmas in the Bible, and our divine pastor decided that celebrating Christmas was gluttonous, and a sin. (Caleb says that it’s just cheaper not to have holidays, though.)
Maggie prepared such a feast for Christmas that I’m wondering if the pastor was right about the gluttony. But I enjoyed myself anyway.
Caleb and I didn’t have a lot of money to buy gifts, so I gave Maggie and Daniel coupons for babysitting, so that they could go out together. I really don’t mind doing it, and she feels guilty asking me to do extra time with baby Chloe. So it’s kind of perfect.
For Daniel, Caleb put a refurbished stereo in his truck, which didn’t have one before. Caleb said he got it for almost nothing. He put it in one night after everyone else had gone to bed. Daniel was totally surprised when he found a bow on the dashboard in the morning.
Caleb’s had a mechanic’s job since Thanksgiving. They only gave him twenty hours to start, but then it crept up to thirty-five. So Caleb’s savings account is looking pretty good these days.
His plan is to buy a car and then move out. I’ll go with Caleb, even though I don’t have a job yet. We just asked the state of Wyoming for a birth certificate for me. When they get around to giving me one, I’ll be able to apply for a social security number, and get a driver’s license.
Maggie has gone back to work part-time at her friend’s catering company, and I’m her babysitter. It turns out that I’m good at taking care o
f things. Babies and cows seem to like me.
I’d never taken care of a baby before we moved here, but it’s really fun. I spend a good portion of the afternoon on my hands and knees hanging out with Chloe. It doesn’t seem like work, to be honest. But it helps Maggie, so it’s all good.
So far we haven’t had any contact with the Compound where we used to live. But tomorrow we’re sending a package to Maggie’s mother. All four of us worked on it, and we’re hoping it gets through to her.
It was my idea how to do it, but Daniel is the one who really made it look right. Maggie’s mom does a lot of needlework, so we’re sending her a dozen little hanks of embroidery floss. The whole thing is designed to look like something she mail-ordered. Daniel printed out a mailing label with her name and the P.O. Box for the Compound. The return address says “Extra Special Needlework Products, Since 2010,” which is the year that Maggie left. Daniel also printed “take care while opening, sewing needles within may be sharp.”
We’re hoping that nobody bothers to open the package before Mrs. Beaufort gets it.
But even if they open it, they still might not understand that it’s a trick. There’s no letter inside. But the packing list has a lot of information on it. There’s a color listed as “Maggie’s Magenta.” And there’s another one called “Massachusetts Maroon.” And “Berkshire County Blue.” There’s a “Caleb Copper” and a “Joshua Jade” and “Cheshire, MA Red.”
We replaced the little paper labels on every hank, and the new ones have Maggie’s phone number on the inside, just in case the paper is lost. And the packing slip says “Visit our factory. Call anytime to make travel arrangements. Our doors are always open to you.” The address and phone numbers listed are Maggie’s, of course.
Isn’t that sneaky? I was kind of nervous about sending them our exact location. I’m still worried that someone will try to get even with us. But Daniel tells me there’s nothing to fear — that those in charge have more to fear from us. Apparently Caleb or Maggie or I could get them in a lot of hot water, and not the other way around.