by Robin Wells
“Oh, my God,” she gasps. “My God!”
“And that’s not all,” I say. “I saw photos of her.”
“Of Lily? What does she look like?”
I take a deep breath, then slowly exhale. “You know that big photo in my sister’s house hanging over the piano, the one of her and me when we were preschoolers? The one I told you Mom used to keep in our living room?”
“The portrait where you and Charlotte look like twins?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Well, Lily looks like she belongs in that picture.”
“Wow,” Jess breathes. “So . . . what are you going to do?”
“About what?” I hedge.
“About Lily. I mean, where were things left as far as you’re concerned?”
I blow out a sigh. “Nothing’s settled. I need to talk to Margaret and find out why she wanted to contact me.”
“Is she going to get better?”
“I think so, but she’s unlikely to recover one hundred percent. In any case, she’s in for a long haul of rehabilitation.”
“So Lily will live with this friend? With this—this Quinn?”
“That seems to be the plan.”
“I’ll catch a flight back first thing tomorrow,” she says. “We’ll figure this out together.”
“No. There’s no need,” I say quickly—maybe too quickly. I don’t know why, but I’m not ready to see her. Maybe I’m still angry at her. Or maybe I want to figure out what I want to do before she tells me what she wants me to do.
That’s probably the truth of it. I don’t know my own mind on this yet, and I don’t want to be influenced by her personal agenda. This strikes me as the wrong view to have in a marriage, but it’s where I am at the moment. I decide to turn the conversation around. “So how are things out there? How’s your family? How was the house hunting? Tell me about your day.”
“My day pales in comparison to yours.”
“Tell me about it anyway. You had an old high school chum show you some homes, right?”
“Brett went to my high school, but we moved in different circles. Anyway, he now owns a big real estate company, and he’s a partner in a construction company that does renovations.”
“Did you find a place you like?”
“There’s one possibility. It needs some updating, but Brett says he could oversee the renovation, and the whole thing would come in under budget.”
She launches into a detailed description, but I don’t really follow what she’s saying. My mind keeps rolling back to the photos of a little girl who clearly has my blood in her veins—a little girl who is technically an orphan.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Quinn
AFTER ZACK LEAVES the hospital, Annie drives me home. I feed Ruffles and call to check on Lily.
“She and Alicia are having a great time,” Alicia’s mother, Caroline, tells me. “She’s welcome to spend the night.”
I want Lily with me. I’m not sure how she’ll react to learning that Margaret’s in the hospital, and I want to be near to reassure her. Besides, Zack’s unexpected appearance in our lives has made me feel oddly threatened. “If you don’t mind keeping her awake until nine, I’ll pick her up then,” I say.
“No problem. It’s the weekend, so we usually let Alicia stay up late anyway.”
I drive to Sarah’s house in Old Jefferson, a small neighborhood of raised cottages with large yards tucked between the hospital and the river levee. Sarah’s home is nearly hidden from the street by oak trees and azalea bushes.
When I arrive, I realize she’s invited the whole single parent group over for gumbo and salad. Mac is away at an equipment training seminar, but Lauren is there. She and Sarah greet me with hugs and a touching show of support. Annie has filled them in about Margaret’s accident and Zack’s unexpected appearance in my life.
By six fifteen, we’re sitting on Sarah’s back deck. Annie’s eight-year-old son is pretending to be a robot as he chases Sarah’s two-year-olds across the lawn, and the toddlers shriek with delight. I drink sparkling water while Annie, Sarah, and Lauren sip glasses of white wine.
“You won’t believe how good-looking Lily’s father is,” Annie says. “Here—I pulled up his picture on Google.” She passes her phone around.
Lauren’s eyebrows rise as she looks at the photo, and she lets out a low whistle. “Oh, wow!”
“Lily looks just like him, doesn’t she?” Annie continues. “You can see where she got those eyes. And that dimple!”
“He’s amazing.” Lauren smiles at me as she passes the phone to Sarah. “You’re going to have a beautiful baby, Quinn.”
I’d never thought otherwise. Lily is adorable, so I’d figured her sibling would be. I didn’t really need to know that the bio dad is hot. In fact, it was simpler when he was nothing but a childhood photo, a bunch of data, and a donor vial. “Yeah,” I mutter.
“And Zack is just as nice as he is handsome,” Annie enthuses.
I didn’t need or want to know that, either. I lift my shoulders. “I suppose.”
“Wow, that’s a less than ringing endorsement,” Lauren says.
“Did I read things wrong?” Annie’s brows crease.
“No, no, you’re right,” I say. “He’s terrific. He saved Margaret’s life, he drove me to the hospital, then he stayed all day to make sure she’s okay.”
“I sense a ‘but’ coming,” Lauren says.
“Yeah,” I say. “I have a big but.”
“Not compared to me, you don’t,” Lauren says, sitting forward and slapping her curvy backside.
Everyone laughs.
“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.” Lauren grins. “You were saying, Quinn, that he’s terrific, but . . .”
“He’s supposed to be an anonymous donor—not a standing-on-the-doorstep, sitting-beside-me-at-the-hospital, asking-to-meet-Lily donor! Brooke didn’t want him to play a role in Lily’s life, and I don’t want him in my baby’s life, either. And quite frankly, I don’t get why Margaret ever wanted to contact him.”
“Brooke always said Margaret thought every child should have two parents,” Sarah comments.
“Yes, and that worries me.” I draw a breath and voice the fear that’s made my blood run cold ever since I learned who he was. “I’m afraid Margaret wants him to be Lily’s guardian instead of me.”
“Oh, I can’t imagine that!” Annie says. “She adores you, and so does Lily. And you’ve known Lily all her life. You were in the delivery room when she was born!”
“Yes, but Margaret totally believes that blood trumps friendship.” I repeat what Margaret said that morning—that I wasn’t really family because I wasn’t a blood relative.
Lauren’s eyes grew huge. “She said that?”
I nod. “She tried to soften the comment after she made it, but she also said that blood is thicker than water and she wanted to get Lily’s father in the picture.”
“‘In the picture’ could mean anything,” Annie points out. “Didn’t Brooke’s parents die in an accident when she was young? And then Brooke’s death was completely unexpected. Miss Margaret probably wants to line up another guardian for Lily in case, God forbid, something happens to you.”
Lauren nods. “And you can’t forget that when she said you weren’t family, she was, what—a few minutes away from having a heart attack? She probably had reduced blood flow to her brain.”
“I hope you’re right,” I say. “I’m afraid she thinks I won’t be a good guardian to Lily because I don’t come from a good family.”
“Oh, Quinn—I’m sure that’s not the case!” Annie exclaims.
I’m not sure of anything. Miss Margaret knows that my father left us and that my mother is a self-absorbed narcissist.
“All I know is that Zack’s sudden appearance terrifies me,” I say. “I don’t want hi
m meddling in Lily’s life, and I don’t want him thinking he has any claim on her or my baby.”
“But how can he?” Lauren asks. “Didn’t he sign away all his rights when he signed the donor agreement?”
“Yes, but then Margaret went on that registry looking for him,” I say. “Who know what that does to the original agreement? Especially now that Brooke is dead.”
“Miss Margaret doesn’t know you’re pregnant,” Annie says. “If she did, she’d probably consider you a blood relative, too, because your child will be Lily’s half sister.”
“She’s in no shape to comprehend that right now, so please don’t tell her,” I say. “I don’t want her telling Zack he’s the father of my baby, too.” I fold my arms protectively over it. “I don’t want to have to deal with custody arrangements and who gets who on holidays. I had so-called ‘homes’ with both parents”—I make air quotes around the word—“and it felt like I didn’t have a real home anywhere.”
Sarah has been quiet through the conversation. “That’s because your parents mismanaged things,” she now says softly. “Not every child in a shared custody situation has a bad experience. A lot of them thrive.”
“But I don’t want to share custody,” I say. “I want Zack to stay out of my life.”
“The original donor agreement will probably hold firm,” Annie says.
“Zack and his wife don’t have any children?” Lauren asks.
“I asked, and he said, ‘not yet.’”
“So he wants them,” Annie says.
“That’s how I took it.”
“What’s the story on his wife?” Lauren asks.
“Her name is Jessica, she’s a regional controller for a big hotel chain, and she just got a promotion to Seattle. I don’t know much more than that.”
Annie picks up her phone, punches a bunch of buttons, and scrolls the screen. “Found her!” She turns the screen toward us and flashes a photo of a beautiful brunette. Everyone leans in to look.
“Ooh, she’s gorgeous,” Lauren says. She takes the phone and scrolls down through her bio. “Apparently she’s pretty brilliant, too.”
“Sounds like Brooke,” I say.
“And you,” says Annie.
“This guy mates with very classy women,” Lauren says.
Everyone laughs, but I squirm a little. “I didn’t mate with him. Neither did Brooke!”
“One of your eggs sure did,” Lauren says.
Annie turns to me. “If Zack is moving across the country in a few weeks, I don’t think you have much to worry about. Distance will make it hard for him to interfere too much.”
“He’s already said he wants to meet Lily,” I say.
“Uh-oh,” Lauren mutters.
“Oh, wow,” Annie murmurs.
“What did you tell him?” Sarah asks.
“That the last thing Lily needs right now is more confusion or drama.”
Sarah leans forward. “How did he respond?”
“He said we don’t need to tell her that he’s her father. He just wants to meet her.”
“That’s kind of scary,” Lauren said.
I nod. “I don’t want him anywhere near her.”
“On the other hand, you need to think about what’s best for Lily in the long run,” Sarah says. “She might resent it when she’s a teenager if she learns you kept her from knowing her father.”
My stomach tanks. “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that!” There’s so much about this parenting business that I don’t know. I not only need to think about what’s in Lily’s best interests right now; I have to consider how every decision I make might impact her in the future. I’ve bought a bunch of parenting books since Brooke’s death, but not every situation is covered.
“Maybe Zack can have some kind of limited role in her life,” Sarah suggests. “He could be introduced as your friend and maybe become a distant uncle-like figure. That way Lily will grow up having a connection to him without it being anything official.”
“What if he wants to make things official?” My fingers tighten around my glass of mineral water.
“Most things in life don’t turn out to be as bad as we fear.” Sarah’s tone is calm, her eyes reassuring. “Maybe Lily can meet him, and the three of you can do a few things together before he moves to Seattle. Afterward, he could send birthday cards and Christmas cards to you and Lily—and include the baby, too, once it arrives. That wouldn’t be so awful, right? Then, when Lily and your baby are older, you can tell them the truth—that their father has cared about them from the moment he first learned of their existence, but stayed in the background to honor the terms of the contract.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” says Lauren.
Annie nods. “Actually, it sounds like a really good plan.”
It does, if it’s not too good to be true. In my experience, plans involving men tend to go south. I look at Sarah. “What would you do if the twins’ father showed up on your doorstep?”
She lifts her hands, palms out. “Oh, I don’t have a clue! A lot would depend on my gut instinct, I guess.” She smiles. “Just because I’m a counselor doesn’t mean I have all the answers. I pose questions to help people find their own solutions.”
“But you seem to think Zack should meet Lily.”
She lifts her shoulders. “In my experience, it’s an asset for kids to have a variety of adults in their lives who love them and give them positive attention.”
“That’s a good thought,” Annie says.
Lauren murmurs accord.
“Yeah, it is.” I look at the caring faces of my friends and feel the tightness in my chest soften. “That’s why I love you guys so much. I know you’ll do that for Lily and my baby.”
Annie nods. “Well, you give us and our kids lots of love and positive attention.”
My eyes tear up. “I feel a lot better about things than I did when I got here.”
We smile sappy smiles at each other. Annie pats my arm. “What time do you need to be back at the hospital?”
I glance at my watch. “In an hour. Evening ICU visitation is from eight to eight thirty.”
Sarah stands up and gestures to the kitchen. “Well, then, ladies—I say it’s time we eat!”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Quinn
IT’S NEARLY NINE that evening when I arrive to pick up Lily at her friend Alicia’s house. A piece of notebook paper is taped to the front door: Please don’t ring doorbell. Baby sleeping.
I softly knock. Through the sidelight, I see Lily and Alicia race to the foyer. Caroline, a freckled, sweet-faced woman about my age, is right behind them.
“Auntie Quinn!” Lily exclaims in a whisper. She bounces up and down on her toes as Caroline opens the door, then hurls herself into my arms.
I crouch down and hug her. “Good to see you, sweetie! Did you have a nice day?”
“Yes! We played dress-up an’ went to the snowball stand an’ I rode Alicia’s tricycle an’ we watch’d-ed Pinocchio.”
“For about the five hundredth time,” Caroline says dryly. “Then I chased them outside.”
“An’ we looked for crickets an’ had hot dogs for dinner,” Lily reports.
“Soy dogs,” Caroline corrects. “With carrots and peas.”
“Where were you? I thought you an’ me an’ Grams were gettin’ pizza tonight.”
I shift from a crouch to a kneel. I put my hands on the backs of Lily’s arms and look into her blue, blue eyes. “Well, that was the plan. But your grams got sick and had a bad fall, so she had to go to the hospital.”
Lily’s mouth opens. Her bottom lip quivers. “Is she dead?”
My heart aches that she immediately goes to the worst-case scenario. “No, honey. But she had to have an operation, so she has to stay there for a little while.”
“Ho
spitals are where people go to die.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she sticks her thumb in her mouth.
“Hospitals help people get well, honey.”
“But Mommy died goin’ to one.”
My throat swells. “Your mom had an unusual health problem that happened very fast, and she died before she could get to a hospital. But Grams got to the hospital in time and the doctors treated her.”
“So she’ll get better?”
How am I supposed to answer that? I don’t dare promise she will, but I don’t want to upset Lily any more than necessary. “The doctors think so. They’re doing everything they can to give her the best chance of recovery.”
“What’s a ‘chance of ’covery’?”
Oh, the things that a three-year-old has yet to learn! I hate that these lessons have come so early in Lily’s life. “It means she’ll probably get well, but it’s not definite.”
“What’s ‘def’nite’?”
Nothing but death and taxes. Jeez, what’s wrong with my brain? It’s been a long, long day. “‘Definite’ means something we know for sure. Like how I love you and always will.”
“Will you take care of me now?”
Tears gather in my eyes. “Yes, sweetie. I’ll do my very best to take very, very good care of you.”
Her eyes brighten. “So I get to live with you?”
“Yes, honey.”
“Forever an’ always?”
“Well, we’ll have to wait and see how thing go with Miss Margaret, but you’ll be with me at least through the summer.”
“Yay!” Alicia cheers. Lily cheers with her.
“We don’t want to wake the baby,” Caroline says, putting her finger to her mouth. “Lily, you’d better go gather up your things to go home. Alicia, please help her.”
I stand up as they scamper off.
“Kids this age are totally focused on the moment,” Caroline says apologetically. “Please don’t think they don’t care about Margaret.”
“I don’t. Lily was relieved her Grams isn’t dead, and relief translates into happy.”