Why You Shouldn't Lend A Bad Boy Your Clothes

by Philline Harms

  I cringed at the way he read it. Hunter’s words out of his mouth sounded completely wrong.

  He looked down at me, disgust distorting his features. “So, this is how he talks to you? You let him stomp around on your masculinity like that?”

  “What does that even mean?” I groaned, my fingers itching with the urge to reach out and rip my phone out of his grasp.

  As if sensing what I wanted to do, he suddenly turned it off and slipped it into his back pocket. A new wave of helplessness crashed over me when I saw my last chance of communicating with Hunter disappear.

  If I had still been a child, this would’ve been the moment when I would’ve stomped my foot and shouted that this wasn’t fair. Instead, I said, mustering the tiny bit of dignity I had left, “What if I need to call someone in case of an emergency?”

  Dad pulled something out of his other pocket and pressed it into the palm of my hand. I looked down to see my mom’s old mobile. For a second, I wanted to throw it to the ground and crush it under my foot, but even that wouldn’t have helped me. It was a Nokia brick phone. I probably could’ve rolled over it with a tank, and it still would’ve been perfectly intact.

  “You will hand this over to us as soon as you come home every day. We will also check the incoming and outgoing messages and calls regularly to make sure you aren’t contacting that boy.” Just by looking at my father’s face, I could see how damn proud he was of himself for coming up with all of this. “We also expect you to come home right after school every day.”

  I gritted my teeth and pocketed the phone. Then I said, “I have to go now. I’ll be late for school.”

  My father nodded and squeezed my shoulder. I could feel myself tensing up under his touch and shook his hand off, almost tripping over my own two feet in my eagerness to leave.

  The car drive to school consisted of holding back tears, nearly running a few red lights, and trying to comprehend everything my father had said. I usually wasn’t one to cry easily, but the situation ground on my nerves and undermined my intention of not letting them get to me.

  Being outed to the entire school obviously had been a shock, and for the first two weeks, it felt horrible, but it was nothing compared to this.

  People had already moved on to more interesting subjects rather quickly, especially since there were already a new bunch of gay students who came out in public. Hunter pretty much prepared the ground for anyone else. After he publicly came out two years ago and dated boys and girls, more and more people, dared to come out of the closet as well. It wasn’t a rarity anymore, and my case had only been so interesting to them because it was Hunter who I was with. Now it simply wasn’t a big deal anymore.

  But this was bigger. My parents were homophobic and apparently determined to…Well, what were they actually trying to do? Forbid me to be gay? Make me forget about my feelings for Hunter by keeping me away from him?

  God, just thinking about Hunter now made my breath hitch in my throat. He was probably confused because I hadn’t replied to any of his texts. What would he think if I started avoiding him at school now?

  I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even realize I had already arrived. In fact, I had already been parked in front of the building for several minutes when a knock on my window nearly made me jump out of my skin.

  Standing outside was Nate, grinning at me. I reluctantly got out of the car, locking it behind me. The cheery expression on his face faltered as soon as he got a good look at me.

  “Dude, what happened?”

  “My parents,” I said weakly. “They know.”

  Nate didn’t ask any further. Instead, he suddenly pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. “Hey, it’ll be okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Victoria sent them the video. They want her to tell them whenever she sees me with Hunter at school,” I muttered. “They told me to stay away from Hunter, or it’ll have consequences.”

  “Fuck them,” Nate said. “And fuck Victoria. I swear. If I get a hold of her, I’ll rip out every false lash and every extension one by one until she wishes she didn’t touch your man.”

  I smiled faintly for the first time today. “I would actually pay to see that.”

  Nate let go of me, obviously relieved that he managed to cheer me up at least a little. “If you ever wanna come over or spent a night at mine, you know you can.”

  “Thank you,” I said, honestly touched by the offer. “But…isn’t this weird for you? Not even a little?”

  Nate had been awfully supportive and didn’t seem to mind my sexuality even once. In fact, he didn’t even seem to care at all and just carried on the way we had before.

  Now he looked at me with a frown. “Are you stupid? Did you fall on your head or something?”

  “I’m serious. If you’re uncomfortable with that, you don’t have to—”

  “Jules, just because your parents are intolerant assholes, doesn’t mean that everyone is like that.” He groaned. Then, he suddenly smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Do you think I’m hot? Is it that?”

  I grimaced and faked a shudder. “I’d rather sleep with a trash can than you.”

  “At least you noticed that there’s a difference,” he said lightly and pointed at the school entry. “So, are you done stalling and ready to go inside?”

  “No,” I said but followed him up the stairs anyways.

  As soon as I entered, I spotted Hunter standing by his locker. My heart dropped at the sight of him. He was still looking a little sleepy with his hair tousled and hanging over his eyes. My gaze drifted down to his lips that were slightly parted.

  The desire to kiss him was nearly enough to make me walk right over to him, but then I saw Victoria standing at the end of the hallway. Her smile was vicious as she saw me staring at Hunter. She raised an eyebrow and shook her head slightly, still grinning.

  I swallowed my anger and quickly looked down. From the corner of my eye, I saw him staring at me with a bewildered look on his face as I walked right past him. Nate’s hand on my shoulder was somewhat comforting, but I had the suspicion that part of why he placed it there was to keep me from jumping onto Victoria when we neared her. Instead of stepping away to let us pass, she crossed her arms and deliberately blocked our path.

  “Move,” I hissed, anger seeping into my voice.

  She smiled innocently up at me. “Well, Jules? Is that the way to speak to me?” Twirling a strand of her black hair, she leaned forward. “That’s probably not the smartest idea since I have your parent’s contact details and their instruction to tell them whenever you only so much as talk to Hunter…”

  I gritted my teeth and dug my fingernails into my palms to hold myself back from strangling her on the spot. “What are they giving you in return for this?”

  She laughed and got even closer, trailing a finger down my chest. “Nothing. Seeing you suffer is rewarding enough.”

  Nate snorted loudly behind me, but she didn’t pay any attention to him.

  My body went rigid under her touch as she suddenly pressed her upper body against mine and pressed a sticky kiss to my cheek. Disgust welled up inside me, but I was determined to hold my ground. She could try to take Hunter away from me, but I wouldn’t give my dignity away, too.

  “I’m gay, in case you didn’t notice,” I said. “He won’t believe this.”

  Victoria looked over my shoulder and grinned contently. “Of course not. But this still seems to sting…” She faked a pout. “Aw, he’s looking at you like a hurt puppy. Don’t you want to go over to him? Comfort him a little?”

  I reached out and pried her hands off me, aware that my fingers were shaking from so much pent-up anger. “Screw you.”

  She sighed theatrically and shrugged. “Too bad. Looks like I have to do it then.”

  With that, she stalked off and walked right up to Hunter. He looked at her and gestured wildly, looking not only irritated but pissed off. Victoria only smiled sweetly and pushed herself against him.


  Nate tugged at my sleeve. “C’mon, Jules. Don’t do that to yourself. Let’s just go…”

  Without looking back, I nodded and followed him to our next class. Still, the image of the hurt look on Hunter’s face seemed to etch into my brain for the rest of the day, not leaving my thoughts for even one second.

  ***

  The rest of the week went by exactly the same. I suffered through long school days, came home, handed my mobile over, and hid in my room for the rest of the day, drawing, reading, and listening to music. On some days, I worked at Starbucks, doing my job, but not even that was enough to distract me. Whatever I was doing, in the end, I always ended up thinking about Hunter.

  Avoiding him became harder every day. He seemed to be behind every corner, waiting for me after class, standing near my locker. I was dying to explain my behavior to him, but every time, Victoria seemed to appear out of nowhere, smirking provocatively at me. She was doing her best to follow me at every turn, even making sure that Nate didn’t come near Hunter. The day after the confrontation with my parents, she had also claimed the seat next to Hunter in Biology, so I couldn’t even be near him then.

  Of course, I didn’t only want to talk to him about that. There were a million things I wanted to tell him. Before, I hadn’t even noticed how much time I actually spent speaking to him, via text or in person. By now, I would give anything just to hear his voice.

  Whenever I saw him, my entire body itched and tingled with the overwhelming desire to kiss him and feel his breath on my neck and his hands in my hair. During the day, I couldn’t stop thinking about touching him, and at night, dreams of him haunted me.

  Every time I saw him in person, my heart seemed to contract itself to the size of a walnut, hurting in my chest. The look on his face when I walked past him, pretending not to take any notice of him at all, was even worse. At first, he seemed confused, then hurt, then angry. Now I couldn’t read any emotion on his face at all whenever he saw me.

  I hated it with a passion. I hated not being able to reassure him. I hated that the person keeping me away from him had to be Victoria, of all people. I hated that I was so helpless, so pathetic. I hated the way my parents looked at me, and I hated that it affected me.

  My parents were constantly around me, controlling my every move. Sometime this week, I had simply stopped talking to them and shut down entirely. They didn’t seem to mind. Surely, it was easier for them to temporarily forget about me.

  Nate, Emily, and Red were the only ones who knew the reason for my sudden distance from Hunter, but apparently, there were others who wanted to know. Alex, for example, who was sitting next to me in the cafeteria right now.

  “Jules, what is this really about?” she asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

  I could tell that she was upset that I was acting the way I was. I dropped my head and continued to pick at my food with my fork. I hadn’t really eaten much for the past few days.

  “Does Hunter want to know that?”

  “Of course, he does!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “Why wouldn’t he want to know why you suddenly act like you don’t know him?”

  “Alex, go easy on him,” Nate muttered from the other side of the table. Then he nudged my elbow. “Come on, Jules. At least eat a little.”

  As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. Not while I felt Hunter’s eyes on the back of my neck from across the hall. I dropped the fork onto the plate and pushed it away from me.

  Nate sighed, looking even more concerned now. He had barely left my side all day.

  “Should I get you ice cream or something, Jules?” Emily asked. She looked equally as worried but at least tried to smile encouragingly at me. “You love ice cream.”

  I shook my head and muttered, “Thanks, Em, but I’m not hungry.”

  Everyone fell silent again, but I could see them all exchanging a long glance.

  Then I finally said, “I can’t talk to him, Alex. God, you have no idea how much I want to.”

  “What do you mean, you can’t?”

  I looked over at Victoria, not even remotely surprised that she was watching me from the other side of the room. “Victoria sent my parents the video. You know which one. Long story short, they think I’m a disgrace to the family and want me to stay away from Hunter. They basically hired Victoria as their private detective to inform them whenever she sees me with Hunter. If she catches me with him, it’ll have consequences, they said.” I swallowed hard, feeling my stomach turn upside down. “I…I heard them talking about sending me to Church Camp.”

  When I finally looked up, I saw that Alexis’s face was just as shocked as Emily’s had been the first time I told her. “Oh my God…Jules, I’m so sorry, really. I don’t even know what to say…”

  “It’s alright,” I said.

  “No, it’s not,” they all said in unison.

  “Can I tell Hunter?” Alex asked. “I think it’d help him. He’s devastated because he thinks this is all his fault and that he did something wrong.”

  I nodded. “Yes, please tell him. And tell him that I—”

  “You’re not telling him anything,” a sharp voice suddenly cut in.

  We all looked up to see Victoria standing right behind Nate, who looked like he was about to get up and scratch her eyes out.

  “If I notice that you or any of your friends told Hunter, I will go straight to Jules’s parents and tell them he found a way to communicate with him. I’m sure they won’t be delighted to hear that.”

  Alexis’s hands were clinging tightly to the edge of the table in barely contained anger. “What is your problem, Vicky?” she spat. “You do realize that you’re hurting Hunter too, don’t you?”

  Victoria shrugged. “Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to reach your goal. In the end, it will all be worth it. Give him three, maybe four more days, and he’ll be just fine. He’ll realize that Jules isn’t anything special. And that will be the moment he’ll realize that I’m so much better for him and he’ll come crawling back to me.”

  “Girl, you sound like a psycho,” Nate said drily. “Where did you get that speech from? Desperate Housewives?”

  Victoria didn’t seem impressed at all. Instead, she pointed at us with a carefully manicured finger. “Joke all you want. You won’t be laughing anymore when you’ll see me attending prom with Hunter as my date.”

  Before any of us could reply, she turned on her heel and marched off.

  Once she was out of earshot, Alexis carefully asked, “So…should I still risk it and tell Hunter?”

  “I don’t want to go to Church Camp,” I said, horrified just thinking about it. “Maybe…text him about everything and make sure Victoria doesn’t see it.”

  She squeezed my hand before she got up and straightened her skirt. “Alright. Hang in there, Jules. If there’s anything I can do, tell me.”

  I nodded wordlessly and smiled weakly at her.

  A few minutes later, I left the cafeteria and my friends behind to get my stuff out of my locker. Rubbing a hand over my eyes wearily, I grabbed my books and headed towards my classroom.

  I was almost there when suddenly a hand grabbed my sleeve and pulled me inside another room not all too gently. A quiet gasp slipped past my lips as I was pushed against a wall.

  “Alright. I’m done with this,” Hunter said sternly, eyes blazing with a mix of emotions that I couldn’t decode. “What the fuck is going on?”

  Chapter 27

  For a moment, all I could do was stare at him while he was impatiently waiting for my answer. I had thought about him so many times this week that it felt surreal to suddenly be this close to him in person.

  Just like me, he looked like he hadn’t slept a lot, which actually wasn’t that unusual, but somehow it still worried to me, but his eyes were alert as he watched me carefully. Strands of hair were falling into his face, making my fingers itch with the urge to push them out of his eyes.

  But I kept my hands to myself, hiding them in the pocket
of my hoodie. Then I tore my eyes away from his face and made a move to push past him, just to get held back by his hands pushing me back against the wall.

  To hinder me from trying to walk away again, he stepped closer this time until I could easily touch him if I only lifted my hand. I swallowed and looked down at my shoes, which he immediately stopped by clasping my chin with one hand, tilting it upwards so he could look into my eyes.

  It was the first actual physical contact we had in a week, enough to make my heart skip a beat.

  “Jules, talk to me,” he said, sounding strangely desperate.

  I was so busy staring at his lips that it took me a moment to register his words. They immediately snapped me out of my daze, and suddenly becoming aware of my situation, I grasped his wrist and made him let go of my face.

  My voice was hardly more than a whisper as I said, “I can’t…Hunter, you need to let me leave. I can’t be here.”

  “You mean you can’t be here with me?” he asked. “I won’t let you leave until you at least properly break up with me. Do you understand?”

  I winced at the harshness of his words.

  Hunter looked me straight in the eye as he added, “You can’t just completely ignore me without at least telling me what I did wrong.”

  Feeling a pang of guilt, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, which I immediately regretted as I inhaled the scent of him—smoke, leather, aftershave, a hint of mint.

  It was painfully familiar.

  Everything about him was, yet right now, it felt like I was talking to a stranger. Hunter had never talked to me in that voice. He never sounded angry or disappointed before.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said quietly.

  “Then why don’t you want to see me anymore?” Hunter asked.

  It was the genuine hurt in his eyes that broke me.

  “My parents found out,” I breathed. “They saw the video of us in the club. Victoria sent it to them. They decided that I shouldn’t see you anymore and basically hired Victoria to watch out for me and tell them if I’m with you. If Victoria finds out, I’ll have to go to Church Camp.”