by Liz Schulte
“But he has to eat, right?”
I gave a sympathetic shrug. I had my doubts Holden had to do anything he didn’t want to. “We can order something,” I offered.
Baker shook his head and sat back down in his chair. “Probably shouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Boss man wouldn’t be happy if I invited in a demon, jinn, vampire, or whatever pretending to be a delivery boy to get to you.”
“You’re as bad as Holden. No one’s after me.”
“I wouldn’t count on that, angel. No one’s closed their trap about you since Holden’s meeting. You put on quite a show. The whole Abyss is talking about the guardian who flipped sides and pulls souls from purgatory. You’re already a legend.”
I made a face. Fantastic. “Go get something, then. I’ll wait here.”
A laughter erupted from his mouth. “You trying to get me killed? I ain’t letting you outta my sight ’til Holden walks through that door and kicks me out. You better not disappear either. That stunt could have sent me into hiding.”
I sighed. “Why do you do this?”
“What?”
“Work for Holden. Let him threaten to kill or maim you every day, but still help him.”
Baker cracked his neck and stared at me for a moment. “You asked if my parents were shifters. The fact is I don’t know. I never met them. I was found abandoned in an alley as a baby by a man named Shorty McGovern. He wasn’t the smartest or most loveable man in the world, but he did right by me. He gave me a home and taught me a way of life. Shorty was one of the lads of Kilgubbin.” He looked at me as if that should mean something.
I shook my head and leaned forward.
Baker gave me an exasperated look before continuing. “They helped O’Banion put the kibosh on the other bootlegging competition. My earliest memories are of helping Shorty run shipments from Canada. Anyway, he introduced me to a life that suited my particular talents. I could look and sound like anything that drew breath. After O’Banion was whacked, there was a war. The north side fell, and I didn’t have anywhere to go. Since then I’ve been doing this or that to make ends meet.”
“How’d you find out what you are?”
“The hard way.” He laughed. “I encountered a couple other supes—supernaturals—growing up. Enough to know everyone couldn’t see what I saw. So when my human world collapsed, I wanted to learn everything I could about what I was. I sort of collected each new creature I met or learned about like trading cards. You’re my first angel.” He winked at me.
“Alleged angel.”
Baker quirked an eyebrow and gave another lopsided grin. “Anyway, to answer your question, the Abyss isn’t welcoming to outsiders. I didn’t have ‘people’ or anywhere I belonged. Working for Holden’s the closest I’ve been to having a niche since Shorty died. He threatens to kill me, but he listens and he’s fair. I’ve worked for a lot of bosses—those qualities are few and far between.”
I didn’t think I had ever misjudged someone as unfairly as I had Baker. Holden was pretty amazing when he wanted to be. If only he wanted to be more often. What would life be like if we could stay together? Would Holden let more people into his very small circle? Would I change, become more like him the longer I stayed with him?
Baker interrupted my thoughts. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Why are you doing this? I like you, and I like the boss even more when he’s with you, but you don’t belong with us, even if it’s temporary. We’ll rub off on you, leave a mark that won’t go away.”
“Maybe I’ll leave a mark on you.”
Baker chuckled. “I hope not. Holden would gut me.”
I smiled. “Somewhere in the ranks of the guardians is a person who’s willing to sacrifice others—”
“But that’s not your problem, is it? If you aren’t a guardian, that is.”
“No matter what I am. I’m making it my problem. I may not have loved being a guardian, but I’ve never met kinder, gentler people. All they want to do is help others, and they shouldn’t be killed for that. None of them will ever stand against the traitor, let alone a demon, but I will. I can.”
Baker sighed. “Do they at least appreciate what you’re doing?”
“They don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?”
“I’m trying to do what’s right.”
Baker stared at his templed finger tips. “When this is all over, take Holden and run.”
I started to object—
“No, I’m serious. I see the way you look at him, and no one could miss the way he looks at you. You two aren’t fooling anyone but yourselves. Even if it means I’m out a job, I’d like to see you kids defy the odds and beat the system.”
I sniffed. I wanted us to make it, too. The admission formed like a rock in my chest. If I was honest, I was happier now, living among the jinn, than I ever was with the guardians—and all because of one person. My head throbbed, and I massaged my temples. “You okay?” Baker asked.
“I have a headache. That room did number on me...” I trailed off, unable to articulate the feeling the room gave off, not evil so much as corruption. Baker bit his lip as if contemplating who he could take me to if I took a turn for the worst. I changed the subject. “Is this what you really look like?”
A slow grin replaced the worry on his face. “Everyone always wants to know that.”
“And?”
“What makes you think this isn’t it?”
“You were a baby in the early 1900’s, yet you don’t look much over 35. Either shifters age slowly, or you’re keeping yourself looking young. Why show your age if you don’t have to, right? And you look much meaner than you are, which seems like a survival thing to me.”
“You want to see what I look like?”
I nodded.
Baker stretched his arms back and popped his back. His face shimmered for a moment—then the lock on the door clicked open. Holden strode into the room, the gold in his eyes sparking when they met mine. Baker’s face went back to normal.
“See you in the morning, Baker,” Holden said without even looking at him.
Before I could object, Baker winked at me and left. Holden kneeled in front of me and caressed my cheek. “Why aren’t you sleeping? I could feel your exhaustion from the elevator.”
“I was waiting for you.” The mossy depth of his eyes made my heart hum and my headache recede. Why did I always feel incomplete when he wasn’t with me?
“I’m here now.” He stood up, pulling me with him. We walked to the bedroom, hand in hand, his strength flowing into me.
I crawled onto the bed fully clothed. I didn’t have the energy to make pajamas. Holden tugged off my shoes. “I can do that,” I offered half-heartedly. Now that I didn’t have to try to stay awake, my eyelids felt like a magnet tugged them closed.
His hands cradled my hips, and his thumbs rubbed the skin under the hem of my shirt. I sighed, enjoying the sensation too much to remember why I thought him touching me was a bad idea. Then he slid my jeans off. “Holden…” My voice was a whisper, and as soon as the word met my lips I forgot how I planned on finishing the thought.
“You can’t say my name like that if you want me to follow your rules.” His voice was low and sultry in my ear. His lips grazed against the side of my neck.
“Mmm, what rules?”
He moved around to the other side of my neck. I tingled everywhere he kissed. “Do me a favor?” he asked, his voice almost a moan.
“Mmmhmmm.”
He tugged my sweater over my head and rolled off me. “Find me irresistible when you aren’t half dead.”
I cracked open an eye and peeked at his serious face. “Don’t leave me.”
He grabbed a t-shirt and returned to the bed. “Never.” He guided my arms into the shirt then lowered me back to the bed and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. At last I gave into the sleep that beckoned me forward, our hearts b
eating as one.
****
I awoke with the sunlight, still nestled in Holden’s arms. It felt good, too good, being like this. It was something I wanted to get used to with every fiber of my being. I wanted to solve the mystery and save the day, but if it meant having to leave, maybe I wouldn’t rush. I recalled Holden’s gentle touches and his promise to never leave. Could he keep that vow? Would he even want to when our lives settled down and became boring?
“Always,” his tired voice mumbled in the back of my neck. “They’ll have to kill me before I let them take you away again.”
I rolled over in his arms. “How would it work, Holden? Where would we go?”
His body and mind went still. “What are you asking?” He held his breath as he waited for my answer.
What was I saying? Could I live like this forever? I hardly noticed the jinn, and Holden never talked about work. Could ignorance be bliss? If I pretended not to know what he did, could we carve out a life here? My heartbeat was fueled by doubt. I couldn’t turn my head as he hurt people. But maybe I could follow him and undo what he did? We wouldn’t get anywhere, but we wouldn’t harm anyone either.
“Does this mean you’re staying? Don’t toy with me, Liv. If you don’t know, say it.”
I stared back at him. The thought of staying made me nervous, but the notion of never seeing him again terrified me to the core. “I don’t know if I could leave,” I whispered.
His fingers played over my bare arm. “I’m not the type of man you deserve. I’m…” His voice died. Worry washed his eyes.
“Complicated,” I supplied. “You’ve done horrible things. I can't think about them without cringing and wanting to pull away.” I was honest, because he’d know if I sugar coated anything. “I can’t imagine staying with you if you continue on in this world.”
“I’m fine with leaving the jinn.”
“It’s more than that. I need…”
“Need what?”
I sighed. “For a little more of what you show me to fall on other people.”
He brushed a stand of hair from my face with a thoughtful expression.
“You’re so much more than you let the world see.”
“I’d love to say I won't disappoint you again, but—” Holden's voice was quiet and thoughtful. He shook his head, determination filling his eyes. “I will do my best.”
And I believed him.
I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his. Our kiss started gentle but passion soon devoured all softness. Our tongues dueled and teeth clashed as if we would devour one another, never able to get close enough. I nipped at his lower lip; his deep groan made my heart pound. His fingers slipped my shirt over my head. I worked on removing his shirt, less adept than he was. My mind swam with our mingled thoughts, making the urgency to feel his flesh against mine unbearable. As he unclasped my bra, I stopped fighting with my clumsy fingers and yanked his shirt hard. The clatter of buttons across the floor barely registered in my mind, but Holden’s chest vibrated against mine as he chuckled.
“I liked that shirt.” His voice was thick and amused in my ear.
“I’ll make you a new one,” I muttered between fervent kisses over his heartbeat, the heart that beat for me.
He rubbed my nipples into hard nubs that made me gasp with every additional touch. “Holden,” I moaned both aloud and in my mind. His want crashed into me like a wave.
He rolled me on top of him. I straddled his waist. God, it had been too long. Why did I wait? How could we be wrong for each other when we were so perfect together? He continued to kiss me like he could make up for lost time, and when I was panting with need, he lowered me back onto his bed and got up. The distance hurt, as if he’d taken part of me with him and he did—my heart. He reached down and slid my panties off at an excruciating pace. I had the urge to brush his hands away and do it myself, but I clung to the soft blankets and let Holden prolong the delightful torture.
“We went too fast last time, never got to enjoy the moment,” he said so softly it was hard to say if he spoke to me or to himself.
My body screamed for what it wanted, who cared about the moment, but Holden held back despite his own desires that still mixed with mine in a heady cocktail. His determination to touch, kiss, and taste every last inch of me was clear in his mind and heat pooled in my belly in anticipation. No matter how much my mind begged he wouldn’t move any faster. He knelt on the ground and started at my feet, running his fingers up the arch of my foot in a soft, tickling manner as he pressed his lips to my ankle bone. He nibbled his way up my calf and teased the sensitive skin behind my knees. His hands lingered along the length of my thighs and cupped my buttocks, then pulled me closer to the edge of the bed and angled my hips up. My stomach tightened. This man would be my undoing. His relentless mouth made my vision go white and my body buck in such a powerful relief— but Holden wasn’t done. He moved up my stomach dipping his tongue into my belly button in an erotic kiss. His mouth reached mine. He drew my tongue and sucked on it gently. I couldn’t imagine why we ever got out of bed when we could do this.
A smug smile spread across his face. He brushed a strand of hair from my forehead. “We don’t have to get out of bed,” he whispered. “Not if you stay with me forever.”
Forever. That wasn’t unreasonable. His eyes darkened and his feelings of possession surged at my acceptance. Tension built between us and my nerves popped and vibrated. I ran my hands down his hard abs to trace the deep vee to his groin. Holden licked his lips in anticipation, but I moved my hands against his shoulders and pushed, ready to take my turn at control and exploration. He didn’t budge.
His intense stare held me in place. “Tell me what you want.”
“You.” I didn’t have any fear or doubt, never with him. He was the only thing I was ever sure of wanting. “Please.” My voice cracked with need. I wanted to be one with him, needed to.
“Say my name.” Heat pooled between my legs at the rough tone of his voice.
“Holden,” I breathed, and he filled me in one long, smooth stroke that locked us together in completeness. He inched out before driving in again, a little harder. Then repeated. Soon he reached a rhythm that made my knees quiver with pleasure and demands stream from my mouth. He took me spiraling over the edge and plummeting toward the ground, but I didn’t care. I would go anywhere with him. Our releases came at the same time in one glorious burst of light that did, in fact, break me apart. I was pulled back together again by the sheer will of his gaze. When I was whole and in better control, he rolled to the side of me and gathered me against his chest—
When the world stopped spinning, my mind started reeling. I tried to lie peacefully in his arms and ignore my thoughts, but after a few minutes I couldn’t hold back. “What will you do when you’re bored with me? Then what?”
“I would love to be bored with you.” Holden’s voice sounded wistful, and the corner of his mouth tugged up, too tired to lift both sides.
I frowned. That wasn’t the answer I hoped for.
“Bored with you, not of you,” he clarified. “I could never be bored of you, Olivia.”
My name rolled from his lips with such reverence chills traveled down my spine and my skin tingled as if reaching toward him.
“You’re an indelible part of everything in me that’s worth having. I won’t lose you again, not ever.”
The pain from our time apart was evident in his eyes as they looked at me, through me, with too much emotion. I hated that I had hurt him, but I was glad he let me see it. We were growing and that plucked at my heart. The honesty, the vulnerability was almost too much. I went to him not sure what to do to make it better. He was so open in this moment, so exposed I didn’t want to chase him back behind his walls with sympathy he would reject. I wanted to keep him this way—looking at me with his damaged heart in his eyes. He reached out his hand, and I twined my fingers with his. He stared at our joined flesh as if it was a miracle. His breath searing against my sk
in. Soft, warm lips brushed against the base of my throat, his tongue sneaking out to have a taste.
My skin felt like a sparkler, sizzling and burning much too fast. Everywhere he touched sang and demanded more. I felt it was very possible I could have melted into Holden and disappeared forever and never regretted a moment of it. My body responded to every prompting and encouraging nudge of his as if my brain had given the order.
You’re mine. His voice was thick in my mind, drenching me in him.
It didn’t bother me that he was intruding in my thoughts. I was sorry I kept him out this long. The flush of him through all of my senses was enough to make me light headed and to grin like a fool as I pressed kissed into the hollow of his throat and traveled down his chest. His fingers grazed over me like a blind man memorizing every curve, every dip of my body. His hand glided up my neck and cradled the back of my head, tilting it so our eyes could meet. I looked at him through hooded lashes. The gold specks reflected my light and looked like fire swirling in the green irises. His fingers caressed my face as he traced all the lines. My lips throbbed with anticipation. “I love you.”
It wasn’t the first time he said those words, and I prayed it would never be the last. He said those three little words so much easier now than before. They had become as much a part of him as breathing. Heat washed through me and my heart settled in my throat. I had never loved nor would I ever love anyone as much as him. My light flared around us and Holden smiled, not looking so very tired anymore
A loud knocked sounded on the apartment door.
Holden groaned. “I’ll kill him.”
“Be nice.” I gave him one last peck then escaped his grasp in a ball of light and transported to the door.
“Hey, Baker,” I said, fully dressed and swinging open the door wide without looking through the peep hole, but it wasn’t Baker. The jinni on the other side was familiar, but I couldn’t recall his name. “Yes?”
“If it isn’t the guardian.” His intense eyes drilled into me, and he took a step forward into my personal space. He ran a finger up my arm. “I see why Holden keeps you on a short leash. Care to give someone else a taste?”