by Tia Lewis
“You look out for me,” he said. “You always do.”
“Well, nobody else has come along to do it, so I figured I might as well.”
He smiled and opened his eyes. His free hand found the back of my neck and pulled me down just far enough to reach his mouth.
It was like something out of a dream when our lips met. How often did a girl get to finally live out something she had dreamed about for so long? And how often was it even better than anything she had ever imagined?
I ran my fingers through his hair and held his head close to mine as we kissed. His lips were just as firm and soft as I had imagined, and he kissed me like a man who knew how a woman liked to be kissed. He took his time, drawing it out, moving his lips over mine before probing at me with his tongue. I groaned and wrapped my arms around his neck, opening my mouth a little to let him slide inside. The first touch was like magic, exploding all throughout my body.
His hands ran up and down my back, finally sliding up under my shirt. They were rough, calloused, and I got goosebumps with every stroke against my soft skin. My nerves were on fire, and when one hand slid further down to cup my butt, I threw my head back to gasp for breath.
“Mm, you like that?” he whispered in a low, suggestive voice that went straight to my core. A tingling sensation had started there, warm and sweet. Every touch of his fingers against my body turned the heat up just a little more.
I put one knee on the bed, next to his leg, and he ran his hand over my bare thigh. He was so close to me, already growing in his jeans. I had wondered so many times how big he was—a man of his size had to be pretty big, I guessed. His bulge pressed against my mound as I ground myself against him.
“Oh, fuck,” he groaned. His mouth found my throat and latched on, his tongue swirling, his teeth biting ever so gently in between licks. I touched him everywhere I could reach, filling myself up with the feeling of him under my hands. I had waited for so long, so long, so many nights spent wishing I had the nerve to tell him how much I wanted him. It was all happening, and I wanted to make the most of it.
I pushed him back onto the bed, and he let out a little grunt of surprise. Before he could react, I moved over him until I was straddling that enormous bulge. I rocked my hips, humping him, while he ran his hands up and down my body.
“Holy shit,” he whispered. “You’re incredible.” He pulled at the hem of my shirt, and I worked it up over my head. His hands found my breasts immediately, and he massaged them while I rubbed myself against him. The warm tingle had turned into an almost painful ache so fast—my whole body was on fire, desperate for him. All of him.
I slid my bra straps down, and he pulled down on the cups to free me. “Come here.” He pulled me down until my breasts hovered over his mouth and took one, then the other nipple between his lips. By the time he finished sucking, my panties were soaked, and I was whimpering, begging for more.
He flipped me over before I could think twice and positioned himself over me. “You want this?” he growled, driving himself against me. I groaned, hiking my skirt up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He pulled his shirt over his head, and my fingers danced over his bulging chest and chiseled abs. His hard body was covered in ink, the biggest piece being the recreation of the Blood Riders' patch across his chest. I watched as he unfastened his jeans and pulled his hard, straining dick out from his shorts. My eyes widened in disbelief. Would I be able to take all of him inside me? I was a small girl, and he was a very long—very thick—man. He shot me a sexy smile, full of promise, as he unrolled a condom over his length. I told myself it was worth trying, anyway. And I trusted him.
He slid my panties off, then positioned himself between my legs. I nodded once, then closed my eyes and cried out against the back of my hand when he drove himself into me. It was too much for a second, but I relaxed into it, and my cry turned into a moan.
He waited until I relaxed, then set his rhythm. I closed my eyes, rolling head back and forth. It was happening. It was really happening. Finally. He was inside me, thrusting hard and fast, deeper and deeper. Grunting every time we crashed together. I held him close with my thighs, pulling him in, jerking my hips up to meet him.
He fell onto his hands, one on either side of my head, and I reached out to touch my lips to his. He kissed me back, flicking his tongue over my lips. I moaned as the unbearable tension went higher, higher until I clenched around him and bit down on his shoulder as I came.
“Oh, yes…” I groaned, shuddering. He drove himself harder, harder, losing control until he came with me. He went stiff from head to toe, straining and grunting until he collapsed a little. Lucky for me and my ribs, he rolled over to the side in time to avoid crushing me.
“Wow,” he groaned. “That was intense.”
Yes, intense was a word for it. So was mind-blowing. Or was that a term instead of a word? It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I stared up at the ceiling with what I knew was a ridiculous grin on my face.
He got up then and pulled his t-shirt on. I was pretty sure I heard my heart shattering, but I told myself I was an idiot for thinking we would do anything more than hook up briefly. I sat up and put myself back together.
“You going back down to the party?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I think I’ll go freshen up first.” He kissed my forehead and gave me a quick squeeze before stopping off at the bathroom. I, on the other hand, went to my room and didn’t know if I was glad it happened, or if I would have rather never been with him at all if it meant being treated like any other hookup.
6
Diesel
“Oh, my fucking God.” I stumbled down the stairs the morning after the party with a splitting headache. Every bit of light coming from anywhere sliced through me. My stomach turned with every step I took.
The downstairs looked like a bomb hit during the night. There were bodies everywhere—on the floor, the furniture, the pool table. Even on top of the bar. Gunner was sandwiched between two girls from the Cobras, and both of them were down to their thongs. His head was nestled between their tits. Lucky guy.
The smell of puke started hitting me, and my stomach turned again. “Is anybody alive around here?”
There was noise in the kitchen, and out came Violet with two mugs of coffee. “Here you go.” She was always smiling at me that way, but she smiled at everybody that way. She was always falling over herself to make everybody happy. I never knew anybody so desperate to be liked. But I did like her.
“Thanks.” I closed my eyes and focused on drinking it instead of throwing up. It helped clear my head a little. She went behind the bar to pour me a glass of water, pushing somebody’s leg out of the way to reach the soda gun.
“This has to be, like, a top five party since I first started with the club,” she whispered. I thought she might be blushing a little bit, too. Then I remembered what we did. Oh, shit. I always thought she was cute, maybe even a little bit hot. Definitely worth screwing around with. But I knew she liked me, too. Anybody with eyes would’ve noticed just from the way she looked at me. Or maybe she wanted to be like Nicole and Tam, have a man of her own in the club. Either way, I shouldn’t have led her on. Just another thing for me to hate myself for that morning.
I reminded myself that she had said something worth answering. “Oh, yeah. We haven’t partied like this since…” Since before Gunner went inside. I felt that stab of guilt again, and too many things were already stabbing me—light, sound, the coffee sloshing around in my stomach. It wasn’t worth getting into.
She gave me an understanding look as she handed over the water. “Well, it was a good time, anyway.”
“I’m not the kid I used to be,” I muttered. I could handle it back in the day. I didn’t feel like I was going to die the morning after—or if I did, the feeling went away pretty fast.
“It’s worth the good time the night before.”
I looked her up and down. “You look way too human right now.”
&nbs
p; “I didn’t have half as much to drink as any of you. I knew somebody would have to get this place together today.” She shrugged with a smile. I couldn’t understand her.
“You really love this club, huh?”
Her smile faded a little. “Yeah. I do.”
“Ugh…” I turned around and saw one of the two girls Gunner was using as a pillow moving around. “What the hell happened? Christ.”
“Come on.” Violet clapped her hands. She was all business all of a sudden. “It’s time to round up and get outta here, you all. Unless you wanna help me clean up.” She walked around, nudging bodies with her foot. Meanwhile, Drake and Nicole came out from the room down the hall. They both looked a lot more with it than anybody else looked, including me. I barely managed to nod my head in their direction.
Gunner looked around, and Drake grinned in his direction. “So, now do you know how much we missed you? We don’t throw a party like that for just anybody.”
“I’ll have to get back to you once my brain starts working,” Gunner mumbled. “I think I died last night. And went to heaven.” He slapped the ass of the girl who was still wrapped around him. The other girl was sliding back into a dress that didn’t cover her up much better. I had to give it to the Cobras. They had some pretty choice meat. I glanced around and saw Violet giving me a dirty look. She turned away.
“So what’s the plan for tonight? Where are we partying?” Gunner looked around with a lopsided grin. I looked at Drake.
“Uh, I think we could use a break tonight,” he chuckled. “I don’t even think we could afford a night like that two days in a row.”
Gunner’s face fell. “Since when?”
“Since…now?” Drake looked at me and shrugged.
“We’ll still hang out here,” I said. “We always do. But we won’t throw down like we did last night.”
“Are you serious? What’ll we do, sit around with our sewing? Or will we knit?” He stood on shaky legs, but his voice wasn’t shaky.
“Why don’t we go outside? Now?” I took him by the collar of his leather vest and pulled him out the door. The sun was murderous. I could barely keep my eyes open. I had a pair of sunglasses in my pocket and slid them on to make living a little more bearable.
“Who are you now?” Gunner spat. He leaned against the brick wall, looking at the ground. “You think you’re my mom or something? Or maybe you forgot I’m the older brother and more senior in the club than you.”
“I thought I would keep you from making a bigger ass out of yourself in there. It was embarrassing, watching you have a tantrum over not having another orgy tonight.”
“Check you out.” He sneered as he looked me up and down. I saw disgust in his eyes and sure as hell heard it in his voice.
“What’s that mean? What are you checking out?”
“I’m checking out my little brother, thinking he’s got the balls to take his big brother on.”
I had to laugh. “You’re so full of shit, it’s a fucking sin. Just because I tell you you’re being a piece of shit asshole, which you are, you think I’m challenging your manhood. Like I wanna go out and settle it with fists or something.”
He jammed two fingers into my chest. “See? Back when this club had some balls, that’s what we would’ve done. That’s the club I knew, man. The club that didn’t take any shit from anybody. Not this, I don’t know, neutered shit that’s going on now.” He poked at me again, and this time I caught his wrist.
“That’s old stuff, man. The past. We’ve moved on since then. I guess you didn’t get the memo.”
He gritted his teeth. “Yeah. Funny how you don’t get memos when you’re stuck in prison for something somebody else did.” He wrenched his wrist from my hand. I let him go because I was too surprised to hold on. He took a few steps away from me and ran his hand through his hair, looking at the ground. His chest heaved. He was breathing heavy like he wanted to tear something or somebody apart. I knew him well enough to read him, even if it had been a long time apart.
“You always said that was your choice,” I spat. “You told me over, and over it was the way you wanted it.”
“Nobody wants to spend the best years of their fucking life rotting in prison, Diesel.” He looked up at me through the hair that hung in his face. “That wasn’t what I wanted. But I wanted it for you even less. So if one of us had to go, it was gonna be me. I wanted you to have the chance I didn’t have, to spend your young years outside in the world.”
“If I could go back, I would take the rap.”
“You wouldn’t because I wouldn’t let you. Don’t try to be noble now. It’s too late for that, and it’s pointless. We made the right choice, both of us.” His face hardened. “Just don’t strut around here like you’re king in the castle, okay? Don’t forget who’s the big brother here and who’s the little brother. I was hot shit in this club before I went away, and everybody knows that.”
“Of course, they do. Nobody ever forgot what you did for the club. That’s why you were so safe inside. Big Jack never woulda let anybody touch you. Drake, too.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. But it’s one thing to be a big deal inside and another thing to come out and find out everything went on without you, ya know?” He shook his head. “Ah, I don’t know, brother. It’s all so different. Like a different world. You wouldn’t think eight years would make such a huge difference, but they did.”
“It has been a lot of change lately,” I admitted. “When you’re in the middle of it, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. It even makes sense, going legit. Making things more peaceful.”
“Peaceful,” he snorted. “Boring is more like it. Man, don’t you remember the way it used to be?” His face lit up like he was remembering his birthday, Christmas morning and the first time he ever got laid all at once. “It was exciting and raw and gritty and nasty. And it was fun, you know? At the end of the day, after a run or a fight or something, we’d all come back to the clubhouse and drink and party and screw the girls. We lived like kings back then, Diesel.”
I did remember, and when he put it that way, yeah. I missed it. I missed the hell out of it. He was right when he said we used to live like kings. We would ride down the streets of other neighborhoods in formation and people would get the hell out of the way. They paid us respect out of fear, but that was all right. Respect was respect no matter how you had to get it. We sure as hell weren’t going to get respect because we were such good guys. We were no pillars of the community. Most of us never graduated high school. So fear and respect were all we could ask for, and we lived it up. I used to secretly love seeing fear on the faces of the people we’d pass on the street. Sometimes they’d even look like we disgusted them. I used to love that, too.
Nobody was ever going to invite a biker to Sunday dinner. We would never be embraced by the community—they were glad we kept the really bad guys away from them, but that was about it. Still, that fear was gone because they knew we were legit. We didn’t fire bomb other clubhouses or businesses that wouldn’t play ball with us. We were the almost-good guys. I could see how my brother didn’t know how to be.
But that didn’t change anything. The club was the club. I knew Drake, and he wasn’t about to send things back eight years or more just because my brother was hot shit back in the day.
I took a deep breath and tried to say it in a way that would help him understand. “I miss it, too.”
His eyes lit up. “See? That’s what I thought! I bet the other guys miss it, too!” He got real close to me, and his voice dropped until it was almost a whisper. “I bet if we talked to them—”
“I don’t wanna hear this—”
“No, just listen!”
“You listen!” I pushed him away. “This is fucking mutiny shit you’re talking about right now, brother. You’re walking a real dangerous line, and I’m not gonna walk it with you. If you got a problem with the way Drake runs things, be a man and face him on it. Don’t try to bring me in to make your case
stronger, and don’t drag the other guys into it, either. We like things the way they are.”
“Oh, bullshit, you fucking pussy.” He pointed to the door. “Those bitches in there have you all so whipped, it’s sad.”
My blood shot up to the boiling point. Violet wasn’t a bitch. None of them were. And we sure as fuck weren’t whipped. We were smarter than before, was all. “We’re making more money than we ever did back in the day. Did you know that?”
He rolled his eyes. “But you’re not a real club anymore, man! This is what I’m trying to tell you! Maybe you need a little fresh blood in the mix to remind you all of the ways things are supposed to be. Hey, hey, listen.” He got quiet again, and his eyes pleaded with me. “I see what you’re saying. I really do. And hey, brother, I’m the last person in the world who wants us to get into some of the shit we used to get into. That shit got me sent to prison for a long time, you know? I don’t wanna go back there.”
“I don’t want you to ever go back there again, either. So why don’t you give this shit up, then? Just accept things the way they are, work, get your cut, have a good time. We can still have a good time.” I smirked. “You had a damn good time last night, but I can see how you’d forget that. You were pretty wasted.”
He laughed. “Yeah, that was fun, but it wasn’t enough. I’ve been sitting in a cell for eight years, daydreaming about the way things would be when I got out. I would sit near the top of the heap again, and I’d live the way I used to.”
“Brother.” I clapped my hands on his shoulders and stared him straight in the eye. “It’s not the way it used to be. You’ve gotta get used to that. I know you spent a long time, like, fantasizing or whatever. This is reality. You’ll be a helluva lot happier if you just accept that and find your new place with us.”
The muscles in his jaw jumped. I wasn’t sure how he would take it for a minute there—would he blow up at me? Take a swing? He was drunk enough even at eleven in the morning to be slow and clumsy, and I could duck him even with a hangover. That didn’t bother me. And it wouldn’t be the first time he ever took a swing, either. We used to fight like hell when we were kids.