by Tia Lewis
Ace went to Gunner. “Shit, man. What did you do, huh?” He pulled him up into a sitting position.
My brother glared at me through his one good eye. “Just had to go running to Daddy, right?”
“Fuck you,” I growled. “I did the right thing.” I looked at Ace. “He made a deal with the skinheads to save his ass inside.”
Ace took a step back. “You’re kidding.”
“Oh, so you hate me now, too? Is that what I’m hearing?” Gunner shook his head and touched his fingers to his split lip. “I thought I was doing something good.”
“Oh, bullshit.” Drake was back, and he tossed a wet washcloth to Gunner. “You didn’t think you were doing good for anybody but yourself, and now I have to clean up the mess you made.”
“I don’t see why we can’t play ball, Drake.”
“Because we don’t do that anymore, Gunner—especially not with them. Do you think I want the cops here day and night? Do you remember what that was like, back when they would do anything to get something to arrest us on? All we need is to start hanging around with the skinheads, and they’ll be back on us.”
“You’re being dramatic.” It took both Ace and me to hold Drake back before he charged again.
I looked back at Gunner. “He’s not,” I said. “That’s what’ll happen, and you know it. Don’t act like you don’t remember the way things used to be.”
“I do remember the way they used to be.” He stood up and swayed a little, but he managed to stay on his feet. “I remember how good it was. How right it felt when we scored a big deal. Don’t you remember that? It gave you something to look forward to when you woke up in the morning, didn’t it?”
Drake relaxed, and I let him go. He nodded. “Yeah. I remember that. But now I have something else to look forward to. This is a business now, man. I have a life, too.”
“Right. You have an old lady, and you settled down.” He laughed. “Come on. You don’t belong in the President’s chair if you can’t make the tough decisions anymore.”
Drake’s face turned blood red, and when he spoke, it was through clenched teeth. “I want you out of here. As of now. You don’t stay here anymore.”
“What? You can’t handle the truth?” Gunner laughed again. “Pussy.”
“Gunner!” I shouted. “Just shut up and get out while you still can. Get a room somewhere. Just get the hell out of here.”
His good eye was hard, cold. “And you. My own brother. You would do this to me.”
It was him or the club. I could only choose one since he was determined not to be part of the club we had become. “I didn’t do anything to you. You did this yourself.”
He sighed heavily. “Right. Glad I got out so I could deal with this bullshit.” He pushed past Creed to get his bag and throw his things inside. We watched him pack.
“Tell your buddy, Eagle, that I’ll meet with him this week,” Drake growled.
“And what should I tell him the meeting will be about?” Gunner asked.
“You know what it’s about. I wanna talk this out. Maybe I can find a way to smooth this over.”
“Don’t be a stubborn cunt, Drake.” Gunner turned to face him. “Please. Just hear him out.”
“Go before I kill you,” he snarled. Gunner looked wounded, but he did what he was told. I stepped aside and let him walk out into the hallway and down the stairs. He didn’t even bother changing his bloodstained shirt before he left.
“Where do you think he’ll go?” Ace asked from behind me.
“I don’t know. He can go to hell right now for all I care.” I hated him then, not just for what he did, but for the position he put me in. Making me choose between him and the club. I heard his engine as he rode away and wished he would never come back.
I knew who was knocking at my door without having to ask. “Come in.” I had been sitting there in the darkness for hours. It was too much, the thought of facing anybody in the club just then. I knew they would look at me and think of him. I was already conflicted enough.
“I couldn’t go home without checking on you,” she whispered. The door was open just a crack, and the light coming from downstairs was enough for me to make out the shape of her in the hall.
“You can come all the way in if you want. I don’t care.” So she did, and she closed the door behind her, but she still stood there against it instead of coming any further in.
“Are you afraid of me now?”
“No, of course not.”
“So why are you just standing there?”
She blew out a long breath. “I don’t know what you need right now. I don’t know who I should be.”
“You don’t have to be anybody but you.”
“But are you going to push me away if I come closer?”
I didn’t need to play games with her just then. I had enough to deal with. “I won’t push you away.” So she sat at the foot of the bed, while I sat with my back against the headboard.
“You did the right thing,” she whispered. I couldn’t see her well in the darkness, but I could see her nodding her head.
“There had to be a better way to work things out.”
“It’s not your job to work things out. They have to—Drake, Gunner, the other guys. You only told Drake what he was going to find out anyway, and if you didn’t tell him, he would’ve found out that you knew and held back. And that wouldn’t have been good for you.”
“I feel like a traitor. Either I’m with the club, or I’m with my brother. I screw somebody over either way.”
“You’re in a bad position. I wouldn’t want to be in your position. But you did the best you could with the shitty hand you were dealt.” She rested a hand on my leg. “That’s all anybody can do.”
I felt so sore inside like somebody had beaten the hell out of me. And she wanted to make it all go away. She wanted to help me. And I wanted her to.
“Come here.” I took her hand and pulled a little. She waited for a second or two, but then she came up to where I was sitting. I kissed the back of her hand, running my lips over her knuckles. She sighed. I felt her pulse pick up, where my fingers touched the inside of her wrist. I turned her hand over and tongued over that sensitive spot. She gasped.
“Touch me, please,” she begged. She needed so much. And I wanted to give it to her, all of it. She deserved that. And I needed something to help me forget everything for a little while. At least after sex, I didn’t wake up with a hangover the next morning.
So I reached for her, just like she asked. The sweet sigh that came from her open mouth as I touched my lips to her throat was almost too much. Blood surged into my cock—I was hard in no time. She did that to me like she flipped a switch and I was ready to go. Her pulse raced under my mouth, and she groaned as my tongue slid up and down her smooth, soft neck.
“Oh, Diesel,” she breathed again and again. She gripped the back of my neck, then ran her fingers through my hair. She had so much passion just under the surface. I never would have guessed.
I laid her down, then hiked up her skirt and hooked my thumbs into the waistband of her panties. I slid them over the curve of her ass, then stroked her softness. She was like silk. I could’ve touched her all day.
She whimpered and shook as I drove her wild with the lightest touch. I was barely making contact with her skin—I watched as her face contorted with pleasure. “Yes, touch me, yes. It’s so good, baby.” Her nails ran over my head, the back of my neck, my shoulders.
I stretched out on top of her then and rubbed my aching erection against her thigh as we kissed. She crushed her lips against mine, pulling me closer, almost hurting me with her intensity. I pulled back just far enough to whisper, “Relax. Take your time.”
And we did. We took our time all night long.
12
Violet
When I opened my eyes, I had no idea where I was. Panic shot through me until I heard Diesel snore softly behind me. Then it all came back, and I could relax again.
> What was happening with us? Even in the middle of everything going on, all the excitement, there was something growing there. Maybe I just happened to be who he needed then, somebody to listen to him and tell him he was doing the right thing. A friend. Someone comforting to turn to when it felt like the whole world was falling apart. If I could do that for him, I would. He needed me, and it felt good to be needed.
He stirred a little, and I held my breath to see whether he would wake up or not. “Hey,” he whispered. “You awake?”
“Yeah. I can get up if you want.” I started to push myself up, off the bed. His arm held me down.
“I didn’t say that. I was just asking if you were up. Why did you think I would want you to go?”
“I don’t know. Because we never spent the night together before.” I settled back in gently, still a little nervous.
“If I wanted you to leave, I would ask you to.” His body was warm and firm behind mine. It felt good. I wondered if I should pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but then I remembered I wouldn’t want to wake up if it was a dream. I would stay there forever if I could.
I wanted to tell him that what we were doing together meant more to me than it did to him like I should warn him or something. I didn’t want to be the only one who caught feelings, but it was looking more and more all the time like that was the situation. I told myself to take what he was giving me and not ask for more. My heart didn’t want to hear it, especially when he held me so close and his body fit so perfectly around mine.
“Why did you join the club?” he whispered.
My eyes flew open. That was not what I had expected to hear. “Oh. Gee. It’s funny, but there are times when I don’t remember not being part of it. Know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I know.” He stroked my hip almost slowly, just to touch me. It felt so right.
“A few of my girlfriends in high school had crushes on you guys in the club,” I said. “I mean, I’m a Queens' girl. My parents raised me here until the fire.” He knew about the fire that killed my parents while I was at a sleepover at a friend’s house. “I lived with my aunt and uncle until they retired and moved away. I needed something to be a part of, I guess. I never felt like I had a family.”
“Yeah. I know that feeling.”
“Why did you join?”
He was quiet for a moment. “My brother.”
“Oh.” Stupid question.
“I wanted to be just like him, you know? I would’ve done anything he did, even when I was already out of the Army and had seen a little bit of the world. We were only in the club together for less than a year before he went inside. Then I stuck around, and sort of climbed the ranks, and here I am. And there he is. Funny how that works out, huh?”
“Funny,” I whispered. I pulled his arm around me and held it close to my body, burrowing against him a little. I wished I had the nerve to roll over and wrap my arms around him and stroke his back and caress him. I was there in bed with him, naked, but I still didn’t have the nerve to hold him the way I really wanted to.
We sort of drifted off again, until the next thing I consciously felt was his hardness poking against my lower back. I smiled sleepily.
The next thing I felt was Diesel’s hands working their way over my body. I moved my hips a little to rub against him. We were both still half-asleep, but there was no missing the way he thrust his hips against me. I groaned softly in the darkness. The house was quiet. It might as well have been just the two of us and nobody else on the planet.
He didn’t say a word, and neither did I. All he did was touch me—my hip, my thigh, my calf. Then up to my waist and around to my breasts. I groaned again, helpless. I was his, totally. His gentle touch made me tingle, and I felt my pulse leap under his fingers when he reached my throat.
I ground my butt against him, and he growled—his breath stirred the tiny hairs at the nape of my neck and made goosebumps erupt all over me. My nerves started to sing, and all of them begged for more. More touch, more pleasure. More of him. I strained toward his touch, acting totally on instinct.
My nipples hardened under his fingers as he stroked them, and when he pinched ever so slightly, he sent shockwaves through my core and straight between my legs. A harder pinch and my back arched as my breath hissed between my clenched teeth.
He backed away, then rolled me onto my back. I wrapped my arms around him and thought again about how strong he was. He could’ve overpowered me without thinking about it, but he didn’t. He wasn’t that kind of man.
He touched the tip of his tongue to one of my nipples and my back arched again while my fingers ran through his hair. He sucked them slowly, one at a time, swirling his tongue in slow, torturous circles around them until I whimpered and almost cried for more. He twitched against my thigh, aching for me just like I ached for him. It only pushed me further, and I rolled my head back and forth as the waves of pleasure pulled me deeper and deeper until there was nothing but him and me and us in the darkness.
“You taste so good,” he growled as he worked his way down my body. I thrust my hips toward his mouth when he reached the aching, burning heat between my thighs. I would die if he didn’t let me come. I spread my legs, begging without words. He ran his thumb over my slick cleft, and I just about wept, it felt so good.
“Yes!” I whispered. He replaced his thumb with his tongue and started licking, slowly, carefully, never going between my lips. Always making me ride the line between pleasure and agony as he teased me. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I bucked my hips to force them against his mouth, and he laughed softly before going deeper.
My thighs squeezed his head instantly as an orgasm rocketed through me. I pulled and twisted the sheets, almost screaming as my body shuddered. It was perfect, so perfect, worth waiting for because it was so much better than anything I had ever felt. I sank into it and let the shockwaves roll through me until I relaxed against the bed.
I wasn’t finished yet when I opened my eyes to see him unrolling a condom. His breath came in hard, short gasps. “I need you,” he grunted.
I held my arms out to him. “Take me.” He impaled me with one sharp thrust, and I gasped, gripping him with arms, legs, holding tight. He didn’t take his time. He used me, riding me mercilessly, and I pushed my hands against the headboard to thrust onto him. He took that as a challenge, and before I knew it we were fucking hard, so hard, our bodies slapping together, grunting every time we crashed into each other. I completely let go and loved it. I wanted him to make me his forever and ever.
“Come with me,” I panted between grunts. “Please, baby. Come with me.” I started tightening around him as another orgasm built and he lost his rhythm, slamming into me until I couldn’t take it anymore and lost control and heard him groan against my neck and knew he was coming, too. It was so good. I wished it could last forever, that perfect moment when we collapsed in each other’s arms and held each other tight until it passed.
I smiled, eyes closed, holding him tight with my hand on the back of his neck. I could’ve held him like that forever. Tenderly, sweetly, kissing the side of his head as he worked on getting his breath back. He felt vulnerable in my arms.
Which was why I was so surprised that he jumped up and turned his back on me. I sat up, grabbing the sheets and wrapping them around me.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
He shook his head as he got up and went to his dresser. “No. You’re cool. I just have a lot of shit to do today.” He pulled clothes from the drawers and a towel from his closet, wrapping it around his waist before walking out into the hall. Seconds later, I heard the water running in the bathroom across the hall.
I didn’t wait around to see him after his shower. I had the feeling he didn’t want me around.
13
Diesel
I didn’t see my brother for three days after Drake beat him, and when I did, he was with the skinheads. Not with them, really, but in their company. He looked proud of hi
mself when they walked in like he was about to build a bridge between our clubs.
Drake, meanwhile, looked like a man on his way to the gallows. He would never let anybody see what was going on in his head, but he didn’t look happy. Not the way my brother did. There was no smile on his face as he shook hands with Eagle and the three club members he brought with him. The sight of swastikas tattooed on their necks turned my stomach. I didn’t have to look around to know the rest of the guys felt the same way. We weren’t nice guys or good guys or anything like that, but we weren’t sick fuckers, either.
“Have a seat.” Drake didn’t bother with pretending to be nice. No chit chat. He wanted it over as quickly as possible—it was bad enough anybody could’ve seen the guys walking into the clubhouse, even though we deliberately chose to meet late at night to avoid it.
Eagle sat at the other end of the table, his guys around him. On our end were me, Creed and Ace. The fewer, the better. Gunner sat in the middle.
“I’m glad you could take the time to meet with us tonight. I don’t think this will take much time.”
Eagle nodded his shaved head. “I heard from your boy here that you’re not a fan of the deal we came up with.”
“My boy?” Drake smiled. “Anyway, no. I wasn’t going to be that blunt about it, but there it is. It’s a deal that was made without my knowledge. I never would’ve okayed it.”
“Because this club has become a joke,” Eagle said with a nasty grin. “There it is.”
I bristled, and one look at Creed and Ace told me they felt the same way. But Drake was cool. He wouldn’t take the bait. “It’s relative, though, isn’t it? Even before I took over, our club didn’t do business with yours. We don’t have the same interests or goals. That hasn’t changed. We wouldn’t have done business with you before and we won’t now, no matter how many prison deals were made in my name.”
Eagle glared at Gunner. “You told my guys inside that it was taken care of. You told them you talked it over with him.”