by Johnna B
“I told you. It’s me, so just leave me alone! I’ll call you when my head is clear. Maybe then I can explain to you.” She could finally see the love he had in his eyes for her. He really wanted her to stay. But she couldn’t. She didn’t want to be the one who ruined his life.
“I was doin’ just fine till you came along. You got a nigga all in love and shit. Now you want to pull a 180 on me? I don’t put my heart out there like that. Now you ’bout to just walk away with it? What type of shit is you on? What the fuck happened in the last hour? Nah, better yet, scratch that. What if I wanted to be tied down?” He pulled her chin up so they were looking eye to eye. “What if I said that you are the only woman for me and that I wanted to be with you and only you? What if I said that I love you and really don’t want you to leave?” He was looking into her eyes and tried to wipe away some of her tears, but she moved her face out of reach.
“I would say please go on with your life and let me go on with mine. Trust me, this is for the best.” She turned and ran to her car. The waterfalls started. She could barely see to get the key in her door. She was so distraught that she clearly forgot she had a remote to open the doors. She got into the car and drove off as Moochie watched her from the middle of the yard, but he couldn’t move. He wanted so bad to go after her and tell her how much he really loved her. But he could tell she had her mind already made up.
She was everything he ever wanted in a woman. Her smile was like fresh air, and it melted his heart every time she did it. The way she would make sure she was touching some part of him in her sleep to make sure he was still there. He loved the way he got lost in her moans while they made love. But, in reality, he wasn’t ready for this yet or just didn’t want to be ready. Whatever the case, he watched his perfect match drive away, crying, and, in the process, shattering his heart.
* * *
“Well, this has been an eventful night, I—” Valencia’s sentence was cut short as Kidd stepped into her personal space.
“You think so? That’s funny, because the main event hasn’t even started yet.” He kissed her lips hungrily.
“Oh really?” Vee had to bite her bottom lip to keep her excitement down a little.
“Really.” He picked her up and started toward the bedroom.
Kidd laid her down on the bed and began to crawl on top of her. In the process, he pulled his shirt over his head. Vee found herself rubbing all over him. She couldn’t keep her hands off of him. He licked and kissed her from her face all the way down to her toes, not yet getting to her sweet spot. He left her toes and began going up her legs with long strokes of his tongue. He made it to her throbbing clit and sucked it right into his mouth, making her scream out in ecstasy. He was happy she wore no panties. The fewer obstacles the better. His tongue was driving her into a frenzy.
“Damn! She wasn’t lying. Sheesh! You do have a vicious head game,” Raven laughed.
He stopped moving and looked up at Valencia. “What’d you just say?” he asked, trying to make sure he heard correctly.
“I said, ‘She wasn’t lying when she told me you were Grade A. Don’t stop. Keep going.’” she smirked.
“Yo, what the hell is going on, Vee?”
Laughter filled the room and seemed to suck the very air they were breathing right out.
“Oh my God, Kidd, just leave, right now, please!” Valencia was mortified and scared to death. This isn’t the way she wanted him to find out about Raven, and especially not at that moment. He’d just proposed to her, and they couldn’t even enjoy the moment.
“What the fuck you mean just leave. Not this shit again, Vee.” He sat up in frustration.
“Just trust me, please. I’ll explain later.”
“No, I let you do that shit before. Explain now!”
“Get the fuck outta here. She ain’t gotta explain shit to your ass.”
“Why you talking in the third person and shit?” Kidd studied Valencia’s face and could see a mischievous look spread across it.
“Ummm, let me think . . . because this is the way I talk, nigga.”
“Stop talking like that!”
“Wanya, can you please just leave! Please listen to me!”
“Man, wat the fuck is going on, Vee?”
“You’s about a dumb muthafucka, I swear.”
“Stop talking like that. Vee, why you talkin’ like that, baby?”
“Because there is no more Valencia, sir. Ding dong the bitch is dead!” Raven sang.
“Huh?”
“Did you miss me?” She smiled at him.
“Raven?” Confusion flushed his face.
“I was wondering when your dumb ass was gonna figure it out.” She laughed a little louder.
“What the fuck is going on, Vee? Why you sound like Raven?” He was now up and almost out of the door.
“Because, dumb ass, I am Raven.” She stood up to put her clothes back on. “I am she, she is me, we are one!” she said in a little kid’s voice as she held up her index finger.
As he looked at her, everything started to add up. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t put two and two together. Was he really that blinded by love that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him? Why couldn’t he tell that the woman he loved the most was living a double life right in front of his eyes?
“Wait! Please don’t leave! Let me explain. Please don’t leave like this.” He heard Vee plead with him. He stopped walking.
“Vee?” He stopped and turned to look at her.
“Yes. Please listen to me before she comes back!”
He could see the tears rolling down her face. “What the fuck you mean before she comes back? Here we go with this shit again.” He threw his hands in the air.
“Please wait. Raven, she’s the she I was talking about,” she tried to explain as quickly as possible.
“So what? You got two different personalities or some shit?” He frowned up and stepped away from her.
“Duh, dickhead! How the fuck could you not know the woman you in love with is a nut job? And how could you not know that we were the same fuckin’ person? Y’all really are some dumb muthafuckas.” Raven gave him a look that said dumb ass.
“I’m getting the fuck out of here. You two muthafuckas have a nice life together.” Kidd ran down the stairs into the living room.
“Why would you do that, you dumb bitch? I love him, and you will not keep me away from him.” Vee ran down the stairs. “Kidd, please wait a minute! Don’t just leave. Let me explain, and, if you still want to leave, I’ll understand.” She had tears running down her face. He hated to see her crying, so he stopped to listen.
“When I was younger, I went through a lot with the people around me. I guess I couldn’t handle my life anymore because somewhere along the line, Raven came in and took over. And I let her. She lived through all the pain and suffering I went through as a child. Nobody loved me. Sometimes, I didn’t even know where my next meal was coming from. I never had a problem that she didn’t handle. We came up with a plan that she could have the nights and I would live the days. And I never had a problem with it until—”
“Until she met your punk ass and wanted to renege on our arrangement!” Raven interrupted.
“Would you shut up for one fuckin’ minute!” Valencia yelled. “When you came along, I wanted to live my life. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be loved and to fall in love, which I did, and she didn’t like that. Now, she is doing everything in her power to keep us apart.”
“So, she’s the one you was talking about when you said you owed someone a debt. So, when you disappeared, you didn’t really go anywhere. She just took over?” He looked real confused, but he was trying to understand.
“Yes,” Vee answered, exhausted.
“So what about Sena? Does she know all this?”
“She doesn’t know either. I’ve lived this way for more than half my life without fail.”
“Oh, okay, enough of this bullshit, bitch. Let his ass go. All this emo
tional shit is for the fuckin’ birds.”
“Would you shut the fuck up and let me talk!”
Kidd was just standing there watching her talk to herself. If he wasn’t standing there watching, no one would have been able to convince him that this shit was happening. He felt like he had just taken a leap into the Twilight Zone.
“Ah, look at this shit. This nigga’s a pussy. He getting all misty eyed and shit. I see why you two muthafuckas are together. Ole sensitive ass. Fuck is you cryin’ for? It’s just pussy,” Raven taunted.
“Yo, bitch, you got one more time to disrespect me.” He was losing his cool. He was trying to understand, but this bitch Raven was working his nerves.
“Please ignore her. Before you leave, I want you know that I love you with all my heart.” She started walking toward him, but he backed away. “I know you will never be with me, and I can accept that. I just want you to know that you are my heart. You are the reason I smile. You have my heart, and I don’t want it back.” She stepped forward, and, this time, he didn’t move. He wanted her to touch him to make sure this was really happening.
“Ah, nigga, fuck you, pussy.” Instead of the loving touch he longed for, Raven slapped him in the face. “Love don’t live here anymore,” Raven spat as she turned and walked away from him.
“I am so sorry,” Valencia cried. She watched in horror as his facial expression changed to disgust. She knew he would never look at her the same—ever again. The love she once saw in his eyes was now replaced with repulsion.
Vee had to take a deep breath because Raven wouldn’t let her finish her sentence. And Kidd looking at her like she had the plague wasn’t making things any better.
“I’m so sorry for this. I can’t control her. She’s always been around. She comes and goes as she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” She could see the look of uncertainty written all over his face.
“You muthafuckin’ right, bitch! It’s you and me for life, till death do us the fuck part.” Vee looked defeated.
“So what do you want from me? I ain’t with this schitzo shit.” It didn’t matter how she explained it. He knew they could never be together again. The more she talked, the more his happily ever after slipped further and further away.
“I don’t want anything from you. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate everything you did for me. I now know what it feels like to be loved. And that’s all I ever wanted in my life. As you can see, I can’t seem to stop her.” She was crying even harder now as she walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out the Bible. “I will always love you.”
Chapter 23
Revelations
Moochie was up, on his way to Valencia’s house. He needed to talk to someone about what had happened. As he drove down the streets, he couldn’t help but think about his situation, not knowing what to do about Sena. He couldn’t wait for his brother to come home to help him out. No, he needed him at that very moment to school him and drop some knowledge about this thing called love. Was he supposed to chase after her or let her breathe? He didn’t know what to do. But what he did know was he wouldn’t be any good if she didn’t come back soon. He hadn’t expected her to invade his heart that way. She snuck in through the back and caught him by surprise. Unfortunately, for him, it was already too late when he realized it.
When he got to the door no one was answering as he knocked. But he could clearly hear yelling and crying. So he went around to the back to see what was going on. The back half of Valencia’s home was glass so he knew he would see whatever was going on. When he got to the window, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. Kidd was standing in the middle of Vee’s living room with her on the other side with a gun pointed at him. He checked his hip to make sure he had his gun on him.
Vee was waving the gun real crazylike. She kept pointing the gun back and forth between her and Kidd. It looked like she could barely see. Her eyes were so black from the black makeup she wore around her eyes. She pointed the gun back at Kidd, and Moochie was fed up with that shit for real.
He picked up a huge vase that Valencia had in her backyard filled with flowers and threw it through the window. The glass shattered everywhere, but Moochie took no time to assess the damage. He rushed right in. He came in gun drawn, ready to shoot now and ask questions later.
“Ah, now, ain’t this shit too cute. You came to save yo’ big brother, so you don’t just save hoes. You save niggas too, huh?” Raven laughed at him.
Moochie looked at Kidd, but he just hunched his shoulders and nodded back toward Raven. He wouldn’t know how to explain this situation if his life depended on it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Vee? I can’t just let you shoot my brother. Bitch, I will shoot the shit out of you with no second thoughts about it.” He kept his gun aimed, never breaking eye contact.
“You see this shit, Vee? Don’t you call him your brother. You see the people you trying to leave me for?”
Now Moochie was really looking confused and looked at his brother again, and Kidd just raised his eyebrow and nodded toward Raven again.
“Moochie, I’m so sorry,” was all she could muster up to say. She was at a loss for words as she watched her world come crashing down around her.
“What’s going on, sis? Why you waving guns and shit?” Moochie asked softly now that he assessed the situation a little closer. She was crying hysterically, and Kidd didn’t seem too worried.
“I’m not about to explain myself to this nigga. Bitch, is you fuckin’ him too? Jeez, Louise!”
“I am not waving guns at anyone.”
“Well, what the fuck is you doin’?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
“So since, technically, I’m not Valencia, can I test the goods? Sena just raves about how good you are! And I’m tryin’a see what that be like.” Raven laughed at Moochie’s facial expression.
“See, now you doing too much.” Kidd gritted. Raven was about to see what he was really about. He’d never hit a woman before, but he would make an exception for her.
“Moochie, shoot her!” he heard Vee’s voice say.
“Shoot who?” He was looking around the room. He still hadn’t caught on yet.
“Her! Me!” she pointed to herself.
“What kind of dumb bitch are you to ask somebody to shoot you? Uh-uh, you see how crazy she is?” Raven said sarcastically while twirling both her pointer fingers in circles around her ears. “I mean, if you really loved her, could you really shoot her? I mean, if I loved somebody, I don’t think I could shoot ’em.” Raven walked around the room with the gun down by her side.
“Yo, Kidd! What the fuck is going on?” Moochie walked closer to his brother.
“She is Raven.”
“What?” He stood up straight and let the gun fall to his side. “Come again?” He needed to hear that shit again.
“I know. You ain’t even got to say nothing,” Kidd said, reading his brother’s mind.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you. I just wanted to be loved and know what it felt like to love someone. Just remember, I did love you like a real brother, and I would never do anything to hurt you or Kidd. This gun isn’t for him. It’s for me,” she cried. She didn’t want to be in the world any longer if she could never be around them again. She knew neither Kidd nor Moochie would ever be with her or around her now that they knew about her horrid secret.
“The hell it is, bitch. What you think you going to do with this gun? Shoot me? How you gonna shoot me without shooting yourself?” Raven smirked, figuring she hadn’t fully thought her little plan through.
“Wait a minute! You don’t have to do that. You can get some help.” Kidd finally found his voice. He knew he couldn’t be with her, but he would never wish death on her. The world without her spirit just wouldn’t be right.
“No, she will never leave me alone, and I know she will never let me be with you. I can’t even fathom my life without you. It would be like making me
breathe in a plastic bag. Just can’t do it. Eventually, you die. You, Kidd, taught me how to love. Please remember you were my first and only love. And I thank you for loving me.”
“Please don’t do this, Vee. You don’t have to do this!” Now Kidd was getting hysterical. “What about Sena? You would put her through this again?” He knew she loved Sena, so he threw her in there, so she would know that it was not just him and Moochie that would be missing her.
“Fuck that bitch! She ain’t never did shit for me! I couldn’t even call on her when I needed her the most, so she could go suck on a sandpaper dick!” Raven was spitting real venom now.
Moochie felt his trigger finger itching. Raven had hit a soft spot with him.
“Vee, you don’t believe that. She almost had a nervous breakdown last time you got hurt. Don’t do it again,” Kidd pleaded.
“Fuck her and this damn Brady Bunch shit y’all tried to create.”
“Vee, you are stronger than her.”
“Noooo, she’s nooootttt,” Raven sang sadistically.
“Yes, you are, baby, you can do it. Fight it.”
Moochie was still in shock. He hadn’t said a word since the revelation.
“See what I mean? I can’t control her. Plus, I promised myself that I would never let her play with my life again. First, she took you away from me. Then, she almost got me killed. Now she’s back to take what she believes is hers. But it’s not hers; it’s mine, and, if I can’t have it all to myself, I don’t want it at all.”
“Nooooooo!” Kidd tried to tackle her, but he got to her too late.
Chapter 24
Shattered Hearts
Valencia finally woke up to the sounds of the machines constantly beeping. She looked around the gloomy hospital room, and it felt like déjà vu. Only, this time, she was all alone. She didn’t have anybody to call. She was too scared to call anybody. She knew Kidd and Moochie didn’t want to see or hear from her, and Sena . . . She wasn’t sure if they had told her what happened. She wondered if the bitch Raven was lurking around waiting to appear. She felt around her body because she couldn’t believe she was still alive. But, in reality, she had only grazed her head. With her shaking hands and the sight of Kidd running toward her, she had missed her mark.