by Lila Rose
“I’ll be back later,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it; you look beat. Go home, get some rest, and come and see me tomorrow after school. I’m sure the doctors will be letting me out then anyway.”
“We’ll see. I love you, Dad.”
“You too, sweetheart, and I am sorry to scare you.”
I nodded, gave him one last squeeze, and walked to the door. I waved my goodbye at a teary Mrs. James; she waved back over Skylar’s shoulder.
Jessie met us down the street at a small coffee book house. One that I’d never been to before, but Alex had, and she was driving, so I let her choose the place. It wasn’t too bad. It was a nice, warming, pleasant atmosphere with quiet music playing in the background.
I introduced Jessie—who was already waiting out the front—to Alex, and then went on to fill her in after Jessie yelled at me for not calling her last night to tell her what had happened with our parents.
Jessie gasped. “Holy heck.”
Alex giggled at Jessie’s usage of words. “That does sum it up nicely,” she said.
I then went on about my night with Kane before I had that frightening phone call. When I mentioned Donna, Jessie breathed, “Dog.” And I couldn’t agree more.
It was when I got to the part about what had occurred that morning that both Jessie and Alex stared at me with wide eyes and mouths open.
“Oh, my freaking God,” Jessie said, and sat back in her chair.
“Wow,” Alex sighed.
“I know. But no matter how many times I tell him that it just isn’t going to happen between us. He gets all…”
“Alpha hot male,” Jessie offered.
“Yes. It drives me crazy. I just need him to get it through his head that it ain’t gonna happen.”
“Why can’t it?” Alex asked.
“Yeah! Girl, you’re crazy turning down someone that fine.”
I shook my head. I should have realised that they wouldn’t understand. “It won’t work…and if I did happen to let something happen between us, it’ll kill me in the end. When things do go bad, ‘cause they will. His mother hates me; I don’t know about his dad, but I know his mother would never approve of me in his life. I’d never want to cause trouble in his family life, and…we’re just too different.” I took a sip of my coffee, and watched Alex and Jessie share a glance. I had to smile; it was like Alex had been around us all our lives. She just fit right in.
Alex cleared her throat. “Sky, I know we don’t know each other well, but I can already tell that when you talk about Kane, your whole face lights up. Wouldn’t that type of happiness be worth any sort of trouble?”
Would it? I didn’t know. It scared me. All of it.
“You know she’s right, hooker,” Jessie said as she placed her hand over mine on the table. “Though, I do know you, and you’ll fight this in every way.” She leaned back and grinned. “But I think you’ve met your match with Kane, and I think he’s right. He will wear you down.”
“No, he won’t.” I glared at them both.
“See? Stubborn. Alex, get used to it; she’s like this all the time.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Let’s move on to your problem, Alex, and then we’ll get to you, Jessie. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about Mitch.”
Jessie sighed. “Mine’s straight forward, so I’ll go first, because from the look in your eyes, Alex, your troubles seem more in depth.” Jessie reached out and patted Alex’s hand, and then continued, “Mitch went his own Alpha male way on me, and it was hot, so hot that now we’re dating. I’ve started to notice the way he’s been watching me—”
“Finally,” I groaned.
“What? You knew? How long and why haven’t you said anything?” she screeched.
“Probably because I know you, Jessie, and I know that you wouldn’t have been interested if I had said anything back at the start of the year when I guessed it.”
“Well, that’s true. Okay, anyway. I’d told Mitch the other day that I was going out on a date…not that I was, but I wanted to see what he’d do.” She grinned. “He said, ‘Bullshit, you ain’t going anywhere with anyone but me. From now frigging on, you and me are together.’ That was when he kissed me, and I melted into a puddle of goo.”
“That is so sweet,” Alex said.
“Like I said, about time.” I smiled. “Now that’s been settled; Alex you’re up.” I nudged her foot with mine under the table.
“Oh, um. Mine isn’t as exciting as any of yours.”
“Girl, that doesn’t matter, but we can see something’s beating you up inside, and it’s best to get it out,” Jessie said.
“Okay. Well, I usually would tell my friend Sarah about this…but it kind of involves her. Sort of. You see there’s this guy at my school—”
“The one who was at the hospital last night?” I asked, and when she nodded, I informed Jessie, “He was one huge, hot piece of meat, and I mean that with a capital H. He also looked like a badass; is he?” I asked.
“Yes. That’s also the problem…I mean, not that I have anything against it,” she looked down to the table and mumbled, “and really, it wasn’t like anything would have happened between us.”
“Alex,” I said, and when she looked up, I added, “why don’t you start from the beginning?”
She nodded. “My friend Sarah came to school one Monday and informed me that she had kissed Tristan—the one you saw last night— and at first I felt sick because she knew that I didn’t like him and his crew; they are mean and…bullies. But she also said that he was different and that she really liked him. Of course, I supported her, though I still worried. But then one afternoon, my Maths teacher asked me to be Tristan’s tutor. I had no other option but to agree. He warned me to never say anything to anyone. So I didn’t. But then we…I guess I could say we grew close, became friends. Secret friends, of course; he could never tell his friend about me—the nerdy loser from school. I could also never tell Sarah; she was falling for him more and more. I have never felt so guilty, but also…jealous. Of course, the more time I spent with Tristan, the more I liked him, so the more my feelings grew. One night, he turned up at my house; he’d been in a fight. I helped fix him up, and he kissed me in return. But that’s all it ever was, a thank you kiss. Of course, my feelings didn’t think that way.” She took a sip of her latte and looked at us with tears shining in her eyes. I wanted to reach out and hug her, but she continued.
“Last night, he helped me in more ways than one. As soon as I’d received that awful phone call, my brain shut down. He barked out orders and got me to the hospital; he took care of me. He got me home and stayed…with me, in my bed. But…” She bit her bottom lip. “This morning, when he thought I was asleep, he woke up and swore, then said, ‘What was I thinking?’ and I didn’t understand it at first. Then I pretended to wake up; it was then he informed me that nothing had changed between us, that he could never date someone like me. He doesn’t need or want my help any longer with Maths.”
“What a frigging ass,” Jessie hissed.
I nodded and asked, “What did you say to him?”
“I told him that I understood that someone like him could never have feelings for someone like me, and that I knew nothing would have ever come of us because of those facts. I also told him that he was an ass for saying all that to me after the night I’d just had.”
“Good for you,” I said.
“I then went on to tell him I was going for a shower and that I expected him gone when I was out…and then, before…before I broke, I whispered his own words to him. I said, ‘you’re right, Tristan. What the hell were you thinking?’”
“Was he there when you came out?” Jessie asked.
“No,” Alex whispered.
“Jesus, Alex. No wonder you looked so shattered when I saw you this morning. But, honey, he isn’t worth it. Still, I don’t get it. I saw him with you last night—the way he was looking at you…it doesn’t make sense.�
�� I shook my head.
“If you ask me, I think he’s more concerned about his street crew than anything, and that makes him a big jerk.” Jessie said. “Forget him, Alex. I know it’s going to be hard, but move on.”
“I still think he’ll come begging,” I added.
“That’s nice of you to say, Skylar. Very doubtful, but nice. So do you…do you think I should tell Sarah about everything?”
Jessie and I shared a look. I knew we were both thinking of my idiot-ex. So that was why I said, “Yeah, I think it needs to be done.”
She nodded, took out her phone, and texted someone. Her phone pinged back straight away.
We watched Alex push her glasses back up her nose and then say, “She’s meeting me at my house in an hour. Wish me luck.”
“If she’s any true friend, you won’t need it,” I said.
Two weeks passed by, and in that time, everything had settled down in my life. Skylar and Jessie had been right. Sarah understood why I had kept everything from her; she was hurt, but she forgave me. She also agreed with Skylar, that Tristan would come crawling back because she saw the way he was with me that night at Joe’s. The possessiveness and intense gaze while he watched me make out with that…idiot…clued her in.
Like I had said, I doubted it, and I was right. I no longer saw him outside of school, and even in school, he ignored me in every way. I no longer existed to him and his crew.
It hurt, not because he didn’t reciprocate my feeling, but because I’d lost a friendship. Still, I could understand why he had done it this way, and I think he’d done it for my benefit, even though he was an ass about it. But if he hadn’t cut me loose, I would have hungered for something more than friendship, worse than I already did, and it would have ruined everything. There was also the fact that he would have been embarrassed if anyone had seen us together…the nerd and the badass. They just didn’t mix.
So I had to move on.
Even though there wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think of him, or of the kiss we shared, or the way he’d held me all night.
Until his truthful, but hurtful words would crash through my mind and cut me deeply once again.
My dad had stayed in the hospital for three more days, and once he came home, things changed even more than what they had before he’d been hurt. He quit his job and was going to become an accountant with a firm that had a firm belief that family came first.
Last Saturday, he went on his first date since my mother had passed away…with Mrs Jones, Skylar’s mum.
After he left, I rang Skylar, and we had a great laugh at how nervous they were. Secretly though, we were both thrilled by it.
“Alex, are you with me?” Sarah asked as a chip hit my chin.
“Sorry, what?”
Aaron, who was now a regular at the table because Sarah and he were dating, snorted and then laughed. “Off with the fairies again, Alex?”
At first, both Corbet and I worried he’d be his usual annoying self and tease us in every way when he started to join us for lunch. Only he didn’t. It had a lot to do with Sarah, but lately, in the last couple of days, he actually seemed as though he liked hanging with us. He was nice, and often joined in our conversations.
I asked Sarah one time what Tristan thought of Aaron being around us all the time. She replied with a sad smile and said that Tristan didn’t seem to care; he was happy for Aaron.
Aaron’s friends still gave him hell for the change in his life. Still, Aaron didn’t care; he’d give just as much as he received, and in the end, to my and Corbet’s shock, they sometimes joined us as well.
Never Tristan, though.
I smiled at Aaron and said, “Yes, they’re a better company than you guys.”
Sarah giggled as Aaron kissed her neck.
“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Corbet said, as he sat down at our table in the cafeteria.
“Thank goodness you’re here. These two have been at each other the whole time; at least now, I’ll have someone to talk to.”
Corbet looked across the table to Sarah, and she longingly gazed at Aaron as he whispered something to her.
“I see what you mean,” Corbet said and rolled his eyes.
“Hey, Corbet, when did you get here?” Aaron asked. Both Corbet and I laughed. “Listen, you wanna try that new video game this weekend?”
“Sure, at your place or mine?”
“Even better—mine,” Sarah said. “My parents are going away for the week…” Sarah trailed off and looked behind me.
I felt who it was even before Aaron spoke, “Hey, man. What you doing gracin’ us with you presence?” Aaron grinned.
“I just want to talk to Alex,” Tristan barked.
Sarah looked at me. She studied me before she said, “Sorry, she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
Sighing in defeat, I closed my eyes. Sarah was right; I did not want to talk to him.
Two weeks.
He had a lot of chances before, but it had been two miserable weeks, and no matter what he had to say, I did not want to hear it.
“Man, maybe it’s best if ya just go,” Aaron said quietly.
“No.” I knew from Tristan’s tone that he was now glaring. I felt his heat move from my back to my side. “Alexandra?”
I opened my eyes to see him crouched beside my chair. His eyes pleaded, but once they saw my own eyes fill with tears, the look upon his face was regretful.
Shaking my head, I stood and turned to the others. “I—I’m going to go. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay.” Sarah smiled sadly at me. Aaron sent me a chin lift, and even his eyes showed pity. Corbet grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, which I returned.
Pushing my chair back, I moved away as Tristan stood and grabbed wrist. “Alexandra, please, just hear me out.”
The cafeteria went silent. I could see all the students looking our way. They were probably in hope for some sort of scene to entertain them in any way. Only I would not allow it to be me.
I spun back to Tristan, got close enough to stand on my tippy toes, and glare into his eyes. “Leave me alone,” I hissed.
He let go of my wrist. Let go of me. I made it five steps away, I counted them, when he called out, “What I said that morning—it wasn’t how it sounded.”
I froze.
Now, I wanted to hear what he had to say, but not in front of everyone. I was about to turn and tell him that when he continued.
In front of everyone.
“I said I didn’t know what I was thinking because I knew…I knew I couldn’t be around you without…without feeling the way I did about you.”
People gasped. Some laughed.
Turning, I pleaded with my eyes and a shake of my head for him to stay silent. He had to know what I was thinking as I surveyed the many students listening in. I couldn’t let…whatever this was…happen in front of so many people.
“Tristan,” I whispered, “don’t—”
“I don’t give a shit about what they think.” He gestured to the room in general. He started walking towards me, only to stop a few steps away. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and the time I chose to do it. I’m sorry I haven’t cleared this up before now. Jesus, I’m sorry for being a chicken shit and caring about what people would say, what your father would say if you brought someone like me home as…as your boyfriend.”
My hand flew to my mouth. I heard Sarah sob behind Tristan. Students started talking in low voices, but all I could do was stare at Tristan as his eyes warmed and he smiled down at me.
Tears now ran freely down my cheeks as I continued to stare with wide eyes.
He was telling the room, telling everyone here that he wanted to be with me.
But he had hurt me.
Just because he was willing to do this in front of so many, did that give him a right to expect me to forgive him for the way he’d treated me?
He took another step towards me, only that time, I backed up a step, shaking my head. I mov
ed my hand away from my mouth and asked, “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I hate what I am without you. I used to look forward to those days we had together when you tutored me in Maths. I looked forward to spending time with you. To the text messages. Crap, I sound like a tool, but I miss you. I miss not seeing you smile, not hearing your voice. I can only hope you’ll forgive me.”
“Under the thumb,” someone yelled.
“Rack off, dickhead,” Tristan growled. The room fell silent once again.
He took a step forward and I didn’t move. He reached out and ran the back of his hand down the side of my cheek, gently wiping away my tears.
As soon as he knew I wasn’t going to protest, he pulled me into his arms, wrapping me tightly in his embrace. He kissed my neck and whispered into my ear, “I will regret the words I said to you for the rest of my life. I didn’t mean any of it. You are more my type than anyone else in this room, and I will spend the rest of our time together making it up to you…”
My breath hitched; his words knocked the breath out of me. I gripped his tee and his waist. I wasn’t sure whether it was to pull him closer, or if it was for the support to help me stand on my two weak legs.
“I know we still have a long way to go before I even start to make it up to you, but every second will be worth it because you are worth it.”
I bit my bottom lip as he stood straight to study my face.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Y—you didn’t need to do…say this…in front of everyone.”
He chuckled. “I did. You can’t tell me that if I turned up at your place that you’d answer the door. Or you would have sent me away. I also wanted to do this in front of our peers to show to you and to myself, that I didn’t care what anyone thinks. Besides, if they do say shit, I’ll just beat the hell outta them.” He grinned and then sobered. “I have to be honest. It scared the hell out of me to do this. But once I saw you sitting there without a smile on your beautiful face, I knew I had to do it. I had to have you smile again. I had to take away your pain. The pain that I caused. I knew I had to go to great lengths…do you know why, Alexandra?”