Distant Dreams

by Judith Pella

  James felt his face grow hot and didn’t know if the cause was the fire in the hearth or the woman beside him. He looked at her intently, trying to find some real fault with her. True, she was shallow minded, hardly well-read, and able to converse intelligently on only a handful of the most unstimulating topics. But who could fault her for that? That was the kind of woman men were supposed to seek out. She knew nothing of the world around her, and if her father and mother weren’t friends with the President, she’d probably not even give the matter consideration enough to know who was in office.

  “You’re looking at me as though I’d grown a second head,” Virginia said, suddenly drawing him from his thoughts.

  “Sorry, I was simply admiring your assets,” he grinned. “You are charming and delightful, and I am glad to have the peace of this moment in order to tell you so.” The words came so easily, yet part of James sensed he was only spouting what he knew to be the right thing to say. The words were true, of course, but—

  “You’ve been living with us for nearly six months,” Virginia said, jarring him once more from his thoughts. “Do you realize that?”

  “I do. In fact, that very thought crossed my mind this evening.This place—Oakbridge and all that is here—has been a healing balm to me. Why, I’ve completely recovered from my accident.” In more ways than one, he thought, but for some reason he couldn’t admit the other things to Virginia.

  “It’s been wonderful having you here,” she was saying. “I’ve learned so much more about you. Things I might never have known if we’d simply courted.”

  James smiled broadly, amazed at how readily the response came. Virginia wasn’t bad at all . . . not at all.

  “Such as?” he asked, warming to the flirtatious mood Virginia was spinning.

  “Well, I know you don’t care for eggs, and you detest it when your hair falls below your collar.” Her face brightened. “And I know the cut of coat you prefer and your favorite color.”

  James narrowed his eyes slightly. “Which is what?”

  “Green.”

  “Fair enough, you’re correct on all accounts.” James noted that nothing in her calculations of him went further than the surface observations.

  Virginia surprised him by continuing. “I know, too, you don’t hold much stock in slavery or in church.”

  He concealed his surprise. “Why do you say that?”

  Virginia smiled. “I’m not blind. You scarcely allow any of the servants to wait on you. Even Jericho, whom Father put in your charge, stands about idle most of the time. And you left the room in a complete state of disgust when our overseer spoke of the Milfords’ missing slaves and how there was to be a manhunt for them.”

  “I wouldn’t have believed you to find those matters of importance.”

  “Everything about the plantation is a matter of importance, and everything regarding those I love is of special importance to me.”

  James was stunned nearly into silence. He did manage to ask, “Am I to understand . . . ?”

  “That I love you?” Virginia finished the question. “Why act so surprised, James? Certainly you can’t have been unaware of my feelings all these months?”

  “I see . . .” James could still not recover from his shock at her bold declaration.

  “No, I don’t believe you do,” Virginia stated evenly. “But I will endeavor to make myself clear. I’m eighteen—almost nineteen— years old. I’m the daughter of a prominent plantation owner and businessman. I’m not without my charms, and many have paid me court; however, I’ve been very reluctant to settle down and marry just anyone.”

  “And why is that?” James asked, genuinely interested.

  Virginia folded her hands and looked into the flames. “So many of those who have been interested have been such boys. Their affection, even their love, has not stirred me. It is different with you, James. I feel such passion when I am around you.”

  “Miss Adams!”

  “Do you think me positively brazen? But sometimes a woman must be when a man is a taciturn sort, when he appears to need a bit of a nudge to express his true feelings.”

  James knew this was his opportunity to express the passion he should feel for her. She was so beautiful, so desirable. He was stirred by her beauty. But passion? Perhaps that was too much to hope for.

  “I could not be around you without having feelings,” he said, trying to infuse his tone with the kind of passion she was looking for, while at the same time remaining as noncommittal as possible.

  “I knew it!” she said, her eyes glowing. “It is sometimes such a burden being the daughter of a wealthy man. I have had one or two suitors who have turned out to be only after my father’s money. I never believed that of you, James, but it is so heartening to be completely assured of that fact. You have shown me now that your intentions are pure.”

  Her words caused James to grow uncomfortable, but he said nothing, following Virginia’s example of staring into the fire. He felt a terrible urge to reveal his father’s deceit, to declare that he himself was no fortune hunter, but that he was merely trying to be an obedient son. But she would never understand that his predicament was no reflection on her charms.

  She tittered softly. “Goodness! It is foolish of me to even wonder about such things. You are a Baldwin and the Baldwins have their own fortune and good name. You are secure in your position in Washington and needn’t come to the Adamses for a step up into society. Your mother is highly esteemed and keeps company with the elite capital social circle. Your father is an important man, and you yourself have a sterling reputation. I can respect you and honor you as an equal in the realms of genteel folk and love you as a man.”

  She said nothing more, and James knew she was waiting for some similar statement or declaration of love. He had come to care about her, and perhaps he could tell her that, but it bothered him deeply that he was chasing her fortune. Still, how could he let his father down and admit the truth?

  Suddenly, overcome by a gnawing sense of guilt, he found himself voicing words he had been avoiding all along. “I do care for you, Virginia. You are the only woman I wish to be with.”

  “Oh, James!”

  “My only hesitation in making a deeper commitment is that I desire to have my future in order before I take on the responsibility of marriage. But I suppose one thing you ought to know, and I fear it may not please you.” James’ voice was barely audible. “I have come to believe my future will still be in the railroad business. I am not certain in what capacity, or if . . . I still have the . . . uh . . . aptitude for the work. But I’ve been in contact with Philip Thomas, the president of the Baltimore and Ohio.”

  “Yes, I know him. We’ve had him to dinner here,” Virginia interjected.

  “Yes, well, Mr. Thomas has offered me a job, whenever I’m ready to accept it. My accident has not dulled my fascination with the work of designing and planning railroads. I want to see the business go forward.”

  Virginia shifted as though uncomfortable, and James thought a brief expression of worry creased her brow.

  “I don’t pretend to be interested in things such as that,” she said. “I only know the railroad very nearly took your life, and I can’t imagine feeling loyalty to a thing when it has so deeply scarred you.”

  “But life is full of things that scar,” James remarked. “No one escapes the pain and suffering of this earth.”

  “But neither does a wise person put himself in a position to be hurt again, if ”—she stressed the last word—“they can avoid that position.”

  “I feel I must give it another try. As I said, I don’t know how it will work out. But it is too deeply a part of me to let it go so easily.”

  “Maybe the accident was God’s way of trying to redirect your life. Father says God sometimes works through the strangest of circumstances.”

  James thought of the six months he’d spent at Oakbridge and knew he could easily agree with this. If he hadn’t come here, he’d no doubt st
ill hate the railroad for the death of Phineas Davis. If he hadn’t come here, he might easily have taken his own life in abject despair. But he had come here, and a young girl had wrapped him in her passion for life and her hunger for knowledge, and through it, James had found comfort and a reason to go on. Unfortunately that girl had been Carolina, not Virginia.

  “Talk about God makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it?” Virginia seemed to conclude from his silence.

  “Perhaps,” James replied, glad that Virginia was unaware of his reflection on Carolina. Religion was as good a cover as anything. He’d never seen much use for religion in his life, and while he knew it to be the socially acceptable thing, church attendance was not among his favorite ways to pass a Sunday. He would much rather have watched the horses run, read a good book, or even thrown in a line and fished away the hours. Instead, he’d found himself forced to attend the very strict and pious Falls Church—for which the town was named—where none other than George Washington had once been an esteemed member. The stiff formal worship left him desiring nothing more than a hard fast ride atop his mount after escaping the highly ornate building and grimly proper congregation.

  “I find it difficult to deal with the severity of God at times,” James answered honestly. “But I believe in His omniscience, if that’s what is worrying you.” He tried to sound casual, but Virginia’s frown only deepened.

  “Father says that believing in God is all well and fine, but a person needs a daily walk with Him as well.”

  “And you have this daily walk?”

  Virginia bit her lip. “I suppose I don’t live up to the expectations my parents have for me regarding religious consideration. I have a sharp tongue, especially where Carolina and York are concerned. They both have been intolerable at times, and I’ve not taken it well.”

  “Intolerable?” James hoped to get off the subject of religion altogether.

  “Well, Carolina is very stubborn, and though I’ve tried to help her become a lady, she’s determined to disgrace this family by pushing into the realm of places where she is not wanted, nor welcomed. I’ve tried to speak with her as a sister and in sisterly love,” she said, as though she were looking for James’ approval or confirmation. He nodded and she continued. “I’ve tried to tell her how her attitudes have caused our mother great grief and positioned this family awkwardly when it comes to polite society. But Carolina thinks only of herself.”

  “I don’t know that I agree with that. She is a very spirited young woman and holds her dreams and desires in the highest degree of importance. But then, so do you. You desire to marry well and keep a home and husband. You see yourself as a wife and mother, and those are admirable ambitions. But even so, why fault your sister for being unconventional?”

  “She’s mean tempered and cares nothing for me,” Virginia said rather haughtily. “York and I used to be close, but now she’s clearly his favorite, and he bows down to her every request.”

  “Not quite. As I understand it, York chose work in Washington over Carolina’s desire for him to remain at Oakbridge.”

  “What are you talking about?” Virginia sounded rather indignant.

  “York told me she was devastated when he decided to accept the job as aide to President Jackson. He had promised to tutor her a bit, but when the job opportunity presented itself, he could hardly resist. It meant disappointing Carolina, but his own path was as important as her dreams. So I don’t know that I would think him as devoted to her as you believe.”

  Virginia got to her feet and seemed to struggle for words. “I don’t want to talk about them. I want to talk about us.”

  James immediately got to his feet. “Us? What about us?”

  “That’s precisely what I’d like to know.”

  “I thought we’d already discussed that,” James said rather lamely.

  “And there was nothing more you wanted to say?”

  “I thought you understood. My future is so uncertain right now. I am not even certain, now that I am recovered, how much longer I shall remain here at Oakbridge.”

  “So you won’t be tutoring Carolina much longer? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “I suppose in a way, I am. Although I’ve not given your father any kind of notice to end our arrangement.”

  “And had you planned to tell me about it?”

  James saw the pain in her eyes. “Of course I would have spoken with you of it.” He wondered how he might comfort her without actually offering some type of promise.

  Virginia swept the skirt of her gown to one side and edged her way around the settee. “I’ve made my feelings clear, perhaps foolishly so. I have no desire to be ill thought of by you, and I pray that is not so.”

  “I could never think ill of you, Virginia.”

  She nodded. “It is enough, then, that you know my heart. What happens from this point is, I suppose, out of my control.”

  But control was Virginia’s specialty, and she wasn’t about to lose her only real chance at a summer wedding. James Baldwin was going to marry her if it took every conniving, underhanded plan she could muster. First, however, she had to deal with Carolina. Perhaps it was her sister’s fault that James had changed his attitude about his future. He hadn’t even wanted to talk about the railroad when he’d first arrived. Now he was considering working for it once again.

  Virginia had hoped, with Carolina seeming to be involved with her coming-out party, that James would be left more to her manipulations. She hadn’t been disappointed when Carolina had cut her lessons short that afternoon to join their mother in planning the menus and decorations for the ball. What had been disappointing was that no matter how Virginia had tried to set the scene of romance, James Baldwin remained reticent beyond expressing his affection. Somehow, she had to draw out the passion she knew he must feel and put it into action.

  “Carolina!” Virginia called softly and knocked lightly on her sister’s bedroom door later that evening.

  Carolina, already clad in her nightgown, opened the door. “Virginia? Whatever do you want?”

  Virginia pushed her way into the room. “We need to discuss James.”

  “James?”

  Virginia eyed her carefully. “Yes, James. Why? Does that subject not bode well for you?”

  “I . . . it’s just . . .” Carolina fell silent and snapped shut the book she had been holding. “What has this got to do with me?”

  “That’s exactly what I’d like to know,” Virginia said stiffly. She looked Carolina over from head to foot and didn’t like what she saw. It was suddenly clear that her sister was no longer a child; instead, she was every bit a rival.

  Carolina flopped onto the goose-down mattress and yawned. “I haven’t any idea what you’re talking about.”

  She appeared for all intents and purposes to be completely bored with the topic of discussion, but Virginia was not convinced. “I intend to marry James, and I won’t allow for any interference on your part. Whatever notions of glory you’ve been putting in his head regarding the railroad, you can just forget.”

  “What?” Carolina was genuinely stunned.

  “James is thinking about returning to work for the railroad. This could happen in short course and will very likely involve him moving north to Baltimore.”

  “This is news to me,” Carolina replied.

  “I won’t allow you to interfere.” Virginia stood directly in front of her sister, a force to be reckoned with. “I mean it.” She shook her finger to emphasize her mind on the matter. “I will marry James Baldwin, and if you know what’s good for you, you will stay away from him and keep your notions about the railroad to yourself.” Carolina appeared to cower at the hateful words, much to Virginia’s delight.

  Going to the door, Virginia turned. “I am completely sincere in this. I can make life most miserable for you if you cross me. It’s too late for me to start another courtship all over again. I want James Baldwin. Mother and Father want me to marry James Baldwin, and I believe even
James wants this arrangement. He’s just afraid to take the extra step forward.”

  “But you’ll give him the push he needs. Is that it?” Carolina snapped, suddenly finding her voice.

  Virginia gave a calculated smile. “I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure our nuptials. If that means putting you in your place, or manipulating him, so be it. Consider yourself amply warned, little sister.”

  33

  Coming of Age

  From the moment Carolina opened her eyes in the morning, she felt a foreboding of the events to come. This was her sixteenth birthday, a day any young woman should look forward to with absolute delight. But Carolina wasn’t just any young woman, and she dreaded this day as she had no other.

  Sitting up to yawn and stretch, Carolina tore the mop cap from her head and let her brown curls tumble down her back. The house was uncommonly quiet, and so for a few minutes she did nothing but enjoy the peace of the morning. It was no doubt to be her last quiet moment for some time to come.

  The room bore a slight chill, but it was refreshing, and Carolina pushed back her covers with great abandonment and went to the window. Clad only in her white cotton nightgown, she drew back the curtains and welcomed the day.

  How she loved spring. The orchards were in full bloom, showering the ground with dainty-petaled flowers whenever a stiff wind blew up. Yellow-flowered sassafras and persimmon trees set their colors against the reddish purple of redbud and newly blooming lilac. Beyond these walls the world was alive with color, and Carolina longed only to embrace it all and hide herself away within it.

  With a heavy sigh, she tied the curtain in place and plopped down dejectedly on the window seat. Why must I endure this day? she wondered silently. Coming of age was a highly celebrated tradition, she knew full well. From the time a girl was little, she was taught about this pinnacle of life. Once presented to society in a coming-out debut, people treated her differently, and the world expected certain things of her. But in some ways, coming of age was a bit like being caught stealing cookies. The mere existence of one’s hand in the jar proved one’s guilt, and there were certain penalties to be faced. Despite the joy of the treat—the cookies or the newly given respect—there were definite disadvantages to the situation as well.