by Judith Pella
Hugging her knees to her chest, Carolina laid her head against the windowpane and tried to work up some enthusiasm. How can I look forward to this day? Virginia is angry at me, believing that somehow I’ve tried to interfere between her and James. My own feelings are such that I can scarcely address her in conversation without worrying I might betray my heart. And tonight I’ll be expected to become a young woman who desires nothing more than to seek out a husband and settle down to a life of hostessing formal dinners and giving grand balls.
She thought about her little ruse over the last weeks in trying to show enthusiasm for the party in order to please her mother. Would she now have to go through life performing that same deception? Following the course set for her by society and never at liberty to seek her personal fulfillment in her own way? Finding her identity in that of her husband?
At the sound of her bedroom door opening, Carolina looked up and found the warm brown face of Hannah to be a welcome relief.
“I sees my little chicken be up and about,” Hannah said, smiling wide. “Happy Birthday, Miz Carolina.”
“Thank you, Hannah.” Carolina got up from her place at the window and stretched her arms into the air. “I was just noticing how beautiful it is outside. All the trees are in bloom and the flowers are glorious.”
“Yassum, I hear tell Miz Margaret say she gwanna have the best of ’em at de party.”
Carolina frowned, but a quick glance indicated Hannah, who was busy laying out her clothes, had not noticed. No sense in having to answer to Hannah for her concerns about the party.
“Mother said that Miriam will be mostly helping me with my clothes and hair from now on. I’m going to miss you, Hannah.” Carolina paused for a moment, realizing yet another change due to her coming of age. “I can’t imagine life without you here in the morning first thing and tucking me in at night.”
“Babies grow up, Miz Carolina. Old Mammy is for takin’ care of babies, which you ain’t rightly one any mo’.”
“Oh, I know all that. I know, too, you’ll just be down the hall in the nursery seeing to my sisters, but it won’t be the same. Nothing will be the same.” She bit her lip, which had suddenly started to quiver. There was no way Hannah wouldn’t notice that. For a slave without education, Hannah was wise beyond her station.
“I ’spect you’ve been thinkin’ on dat for some time. Growin’ up ain’t a thing to be put off. You got no choice but what you make it. So go have a bad time today. Won’t change a thing. You is still gwanna be sixteen an’ dey is still gwanna be things expected of you, child.”
Carolina smiled and nodded. “I know. I know. Granny told me the same thing.”
“Granny knows.” Hannah came forward with a cotton morning dress. The white material was printed with tiny purple and pink flowers and seemed to complement Carolina’s morning observations of the blossoming spring. The skirt was trimmed in wide-paneled lavender lace with a ribbon of the same color at the waist. The bodice, with its capelike bertha collar, was trimmed in a narrower version of the skirt lace and bore a tiny lavender ribbon bow at the center of the neckline.
Carolina anxiously accepted the white cotton undergarments and allowed Hannah to corset her in, although she didn’t really need the supporting garment. Fitting her arms into the elbow-length flounced sleeves, Carolina tried to steady her nerves. In her mind she ran through the day’s agenda. There was to be a lawn supper in the late afternoon with time to retire and rest before the ball. The ball itself would start after eight and last well into the night. There would be toasts to her at midnight, and a buffet of mouth-watering treats would be laid out for the visitors. Those who were to spend the night would dally another hour, maybe two if conversation stimulated them to do so. Others who would make journeys back home would leave as soon after the birthday cake as possible, offering congratulations and teasing questions about whether she’d picked a young man to marry.
She knew these things because her mother had told her it would be so, and now, waiting for Hannah to hook up the back of her dress, Carolina shuddered and wished it were the next day with the party well behind her.
There was little more time to worry about the day. York arrived soon after breakfast, bringing with him a birthday gift of two novels and much discussion on the happenings in Washington. Hannah gave Carolina a present of finely crocheted mitts, which Carolina assured her would be perfect with her coming-out gown.
Later in the morning Carolina made a brief visit to Granny, who spent most of her time in unconsciousness. Sleep seemed to be all the old woman could handle these days, and Carolina always hesitated to disturb her slumber. Feeling comforted that Granny had made it through yet another night, Carolina returned to the house, slipping through the kitchen entrance, where Naomi barked out orders to a bevy of dark-skinned staff.
Passing through the house, Carolina inhaled the sweet fragrance of multiple bouquets and garland trim. Some servants busied themselves setting out crystal, china, and silver, while others rolled up rugs and removed unneeded furniture to storage. No one seemed to take notice of her as she moved from room to room.
Fleetingly, she wondered where James was, but Carolina’s mother had made it clear there would be no lessons today, so he was probably somewhere enjoying the respite. It was just as well he was gone. Her thoughts were confused enough.
She found Maryland running up and down the stairs, as usual. Brown curls bobbed as the child enjoyed her favorite game.
“Maryland Adams, how many times has Mother told you not to run on the stairs?” Carolina asked, with hands on hips. She tried to sound stern, but Mary looked so sweet and happy.
“ ’Free times,” Mary answered, and as she skipped down to where Carolina stood she held up her hand, her face contorted in severe concentration. She tried hard to isolate three fingers, but her hand didn’t want to cooperate, much to the child’s consternation.
“I’ll bet it was more than three times,” Carolina said, lifting the squirming Mary into her arms. She rubbed her nose against Mary’s and laughed at her sister’s giggles. “Now, Mistress Mary, how did you get out of the nursery?”
“I wun,” Mary answered. “I wun fast.”
“Yes, I’ll just bet you did.” Carolina started to climb the stairs. “Well, I’m taking you back. Hannah has probably worn herself out looking for you.”
“Don’t wanna go.” She wriggled against Carolina’s sturdy hold. “No! No! No! Don’t wanna go!”
Mary’s protest was ignored by Carolina. “I’m sure you don’t. But look, today is my birthday, and they are planning a special party for me. I don’t want the party, but it makes Mother happy. You want to make Mother happy, don’t you?”
Mary stopped wriggling and nodded solemnly.
“Very well, then you must go back to the nursery, and I must prepare for my party.”
After depositing Maryland in the nursery, Carolina went to her room. Hannah had already laid out her ball gown. It would be Hannah’s last real duty for her, and the thought made Carolina sad. Lightly fingering the material, she remembered a time when gowns and finery were far from her mind. Why, it seemed like only yesterday she was climbing trees and running on the stairs herself. Looking up, Carolina caught sight of a package on her dressing table. Curious to see who had sent it, she quickly forgot the gown and went to the gift.
The package was quite large and nearly covered the surface of the table. There was no note on top of the box, so Carolina decided there was no other choice but to open it. Inside was a single piece of paper.
Darling Daughter,
On this, your birthday, I pass to you a tradition begun by my great-great-grandmother. For over five generations, mothers have gifted their daughters with a sterling tea service on their sixteenth birthday. This is to start you off well in a life of hostessing in your own right. I pray you enjoy this gift as I have enjoyed mine. One day you will make a fine wife and mother, and this tea service will forever remind you of your transformation into wom
anhood.
Love, Mother
Carolina picked through the cotton batting to pull out the silver creamer. She held it up to catch the fading light from the bedroom window. It was lovely and ornately designed with intricate curlicues and vines on the handle. She thought of her mother picking it out for her and the hopes that must have crossed her mind.
“She probably already sees me married and moved away,” Carolina mused and returned the creamer to the box. She wanted to be happy about the gift; she truly did. But something inside rebelled at the very thought of its domesticating implications. Why couldn’t her mother be happy with planning Virginia’s life out? Why, she practically had Virginia and James engaged. But this thought only prompted more concern, because as soon as Virginia was safely married to James, Margaret Adams would no doubt turn her full attention to seeing Carolina married off as well.
Carolina wasn’t sure which bothered her more—the idea of James married to her sister or her mother’s manipulative plan to see her plunged into marital bliss.
Thankfully, she didn’t have time to ponder that question further. The guests were arriving for the lawn dinner, and she must go greet them.
“Hold still, now, while I secure this necklace,” Margaret said as Carolina nervously fidgeted. “There. I knew it would be perfect.”
Carolina had to admit her mother was right. Creamy pearls were the crowning touch to the elegantly draped neckline. The necklace was an unusual design with three sweeping strands of graduated pearls, offset in the center with a peach and ivory cameo. The cameo, a carving of her mother at the age of eighteen, was one of Margaret Adams’ prized possessions.
“It’s truly beautiful, Mother. Thank you for all you’ve done.” She leaned over to kiss her mother on the cheek.
So far, the day was progressing beautifully. Dinner had been enjoyable and the afternoon weather had been perfect for the outdoor event. Now it was time for the ball, and Carolina’s knotted stomach hinted that this would not be the relaxing affair dinner was. She would truly be on display now. Through the closed door, Carolina could hear the orchestra warming up and the sound made her shudder a little.
“I just hope everything goes well.” Carolina’s tone was a bit shrill with nerves.
“It will,” Margaret replied, giving her daughter a soothing pat. “I’ve seen to every detail. Which reminds me, I’d better go and see to it that the musicians are properly arranged. I’ll send your father to present you. You wait here until he arrives.”
Carolina nodded and waited until her mother was gone before motioning Miriam to help her.
“My hair seems loose on this side.”
Miriam inclined her head in agreement and went to work to ensure the coiffure remained stable. When she’d finished, Carolina went to stand before the cheval mirror. The transformation from regular everyday life to the fairy-tale princess in the mirror startled Carolina. This was her first glimpse at the full effect, and it left her nearly breathless.
The silk gown was completely draped and veiled with the peach tulle. The bodice was just low enough to separate it from the more childish designs Carolina was used to wearing, while revealing nothing more than creamy white shoulders and neck. Still, the draping gave an alluring hint of womanly fullness before narrowing sharply to a petite basque waist. The skirt, rich and full, seemed to glitter in the soft light when Carolina twirled in front of the mirror. For the first time she noticed that the tulle had a modest weave of golden thread amid the peachy blush. It was this that caught the light and gave the dress an enchanting glow.
Moving around the room as though she were waltzing, Carolina suddenly felt her heart soar with anticipation for the evening before her. She was to be the belle of the ball, and even Virginia wouldn’t dream of upstaging her little sister’s coming-out party.
Giggling nervously, Carolina checked her hair again and nodded approvingly. Parted in the middle, the ringlets were pulled back and pinned high to cascade down her back. Added to this, a peach-colored ribbon daintily trimmed her hair and disappeared into the curls. The style was all the rage and suited Carolina well. Going to the dressing table, Carolina pulled on Hannah’s mitts and smiled. Now, all she had to do was wait.
The waiting turned out to be more nerve-wracking than Carolina had imagined it would be. She couldn’t sit down—it would wrinkle the dress and ruin her debut. She couldn’t walk out in the halls because she hadn’t yet been presented for the evening, which was the formal presentation and much more important than the earlier festivities. So, confined to her bedroom and now without even Miriam to talk with, Carolina silently wished for the time to pass more quickly.
Music drifted down from the third-floor ballroom, along with the animated sound of voices and laughter. Carolina knew that every family in the county would have turned out for this night, as well as many families from Washington City. It was to be a grand occasion, and it was even rumored that President Jackson himself would honor the family by attending. Carolina knew this would be to her mother’s absolute delight.
The knock at her door interrupted her thoughts and put an end to Carolina’s waiting. Opening it revealed her father’s smiling face.
“My, my, but you do this family proud, Carolina,” her father said and leaned down to kiss his daughter on the forehead.
“I’m very nervous, Papa,” she admitted. “This whole ordeal is both terrifying and exciting.”
He nodded with a knowing look. “Life is often that way. We push it away for fear of it overwhelming us and at the same time beckon it forward and hold it tight.”
“That’s exactly how I feel. How did you know?”
Joseph Adams shrugged. “I’ve been through much in the way of pomp and ceremony. Usually it was on someone else’s behalf, but I too have had my moments. Just relax and realize you are among friends. I have the utmost confidence in you, my dear.”
Carolina took her father’s arm and held it tight. “You have given me so much, Papa,” she whispered. “I’ve cherished it all. The books, the tutoring, and mostly your understanding. All of it has given me a new outlook on the future, and I pray I might always be this happy.”
The music was much louder with the door open, and with a glance upward, Joseph gently tugged her along with him into the hall. “Come. They are waiting for you.”
34
No Longer a Child
Carolina entered the ballroom on the arm of her father. In her family it was tradition, as it was with most, that she not be allowed to attend a formal evening ball until after being presented to society. Now, standing near the threshold with all eyes directed toward her, Carolina felt her heart nearly beat out of her chest.
The room fell silent, and Joseph cleared his throat with a couple of gravelly coughs. “I am delighted to have the privilege of your company this evening. I am even more delighted to present my daughter, Carolina, to you on this, her sixteenth birthday.” Everyone clapped politely, and before another word was uttered the orchestra struck up a waltz, and father led daughter to the dance floor with great flourish.
“This is your dance, my dear,” Joseph said, and taking her into his arms, he twirled her into the steps of Weber’s Invitation to the Dance.
James leaned casually against the wall and watched Carolina with guarded eyes. She swayed to the music, a vision in the glittering gown, seeming not to even be aware of the crowd around her. She laughed at something her father had said, and the amusement of the moment found its way into her eyes, making them sparkle with delight.
“Where have they hidden her?” one young man asked his companion.
“Behind her sister, I’d say. Virginia is more to my liking; why, just look at the way that pink dress of hers shows off her shape.”
“I still say that the younger Miss Adams is just as stunning. I only wish that gown were done up a little differently. You can’t get a good look at her . . . well . . .” He laughed. “Shall we say, her womanly charms.” Both men laughed at this.
James prickled at the continuing conversation regarding Carolina’s obvious attributes. When he could tolerate no more, he turned to glare at the younger men until they fell silent. Oddly their crass comments about Virginia hadn’t rankled him nearly as much as those concerning Carolina. It’s only because she’s so innocent and inexperienced, he thought. Virginia could hold her own among any crowd and, no doubt, with any suitor, but Carolina was different. She was clearly an unplucked blossom, just starting to bloom. He could not feel charitable toward the hooligans he’d overheard, trying to force their attention on one so naive and pure.
James was startled at his protective reflection. And he smiled slightly at what Carolina’s response to that protectiveness would be. On this of all days she’d be furious at being treated like a child. But James wondered if that was entirely where his attitude had come from. He tried not to think about it.
The music ended and everyone clapped again for the young woman being presented to society. When the orchestra started up a lively reel, couples soon joined Carolina and her father on the floor, and the evening of dance was officially begun.
James realized he’d be expected to seek out Virginia for this dance, so leaving off with his brooding, he went in search of her. The rhythmic pulse of the dance was contagious, and he found himself walking to the beat. Little by little the atmosphere was getting into his blood.
He spied Virginia in the middle of several young men, all who seemed to be begging for her company. When he was within earshot he heard her exclaim, “I couldn’t possibly dance with any of you just yet. I’ve promised the first dance to James Baldwin.”
The statement, though accurate and completely acceptable, caused James to pause. The full implication of the message was that she belonged to him and all others were to keep hands off. At least that was the message he received.