If Your Wife Only Knew

by Cydney Rax

  She saw Rashad arrive first. But he wasn’t in his van. He was in his black sedan. It was a new Honda Accord that he had recently purchased.

  Alexis began to perspire under her arms. She’d never want Rashad to know what she was doing. But she hated to assume. Evidence would give her what a lying mouth wouldn’t.

  Rashad entered the restaurant without noticing Alexis. She sat up in her seat and took out her phone. She felt foolish, but she opened the camera app, aimed the phone at his car, and took a few pictures.

  And five minutes later, Nicole slinked into the restaurant. Alexis snapped a couple shots of her, too.

  She popped the locks and got out of the car. She walked toward the restaurant entrance, grabbed the door handle, changed her mind, and started walking back toward her car. She reached her car and turned around and went back to the restaurant.

  She stepped inside and saw the back of Rashad’s head. He was standing next to Nicole as they waited for the hostess. Nicole was gazing up at him and laughing. They posed for a picture that Nicole took with her camera.

  Alexis was infuriated. She texted Rashad.

  We need a face-to-face.

  He looked at his wrist but didn’t respond.

  Seeing him with another woman made Alexis feel an indescribable sadness. She was used to being the object of his attention. It felt different when she knew he had to give time to his wife.

  Alexis decided not to return to work after lunch. Instead, she texted her boss, then drove all the way to the house on the north side. She parked her car and hurried up the walk to the front door. After she knocked, Glynis answered and said, “What are you doing here? It’s not Sunday.” Alexis pushed past her and went inside until she reached the breakfast room. Hayley played with her food. Four little boys were eating their afternoon snack.

  “Lessie, Lessie,” the girl chirped.

  “How’s my little sweetheart?” Alexis picked Hayley up and kissed her cheeks.

  “I love you so much. You have no idea how much I love you.”

  “What’s this about?” Glynis asked.

  “I-I just had to see her.”

  “Oh, y’all must be on the outs.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because I know how it works. I’ve seen it plenty of times. When a man pisses off a woman, she either don’t wanna see the child to punish the man, or she really wants to be with that child . . . and turns it against the daddy.”

  “I’m not trying to do that, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just miss her.”

  Glynis came and seized Hayley from Alexis. Hayley started kicking her legs and screaming. Alexis gave Glynis a smug look and took the little girl back from her. She placed her on her hip and glanced around. “You only got seven kids today, huh?”

  “Yeah, one mother heard a rumor about me, and un-enrolled her two kids. That really messed me up. But I’ll be fine.”

  “What’s the rumor that she heard?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Miss Glynn left us by ourselves one time.”

  Glynis shushed the child. “Stop lying. I did no such thing. Hazel was here.”

  “You leave the kids alone? You could get in a lot of trouble.”

  “I told you Hazel was here.”

  “You probably did it that day you were trying to spy on me and Rashad. You gotta do better, Glynn.”

  “Don’t judge me. I just got out the hospital, for your information. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Oh yeah? What happened?”

  “I had an issue with my blood sugar. I’m better now.”

  “Glad to hear that.”

  Alexis went to sit in the living room on the lumpy sofa that had books and tops lying stuffed between the cushions.

  “You could stand to clean up around here.”

  “Unless you’re willing to grab a broom and a dust pan, don’t tell me how to run my business.”

  “Don’t be so sensitive. I’m just saying—”

  “The custodian will be here this afternoon.”

  “Thank God for that.”

  Glynis looked her sister up and down. “You always did think you were better than me even though I was Daddy’s favorite.”

  “I’ve had a rough day and I don’t want to hear all that negativity.”

  “Well, you’re about to hear it. Your mama was something else, back in the day.”

  “Leave my mother out of it.”

  “She tried her best to get my daddy to leave us . . . and she was successful . . . except he ended up with another whore and left us broke and forgotten. It seems like you turned out just like her.”

  “Glynis, please stop. Why bring up old news? And my mother isn’t here to defend herself.”

  “Ain’t nothing to defend. She was a ‘CU Next Tuesday’ type of woman.”

  “Are you trying to call my mother a cunt?”

  “If the pussy fit . . .”

  “That’s it. I’m about to take Hayley with me. This is a bad environment for her.”

  “It can’t be any worse than the one you created for her.”

  “Glynis, you’re a hot mess. I regret—”

  “You regret what? You regret having Hayley for a married jackass named Rashad?”

  “Shhhh!” Alexis covered Hayley’s ears.

  “You’re a fool. You’re the mess. And you need to get on up outta here right now.” Glynis’s voice was loud and harsh.

  “I will leave as soon as you pack her bag. I want her to spend the night.”

  “Nope, not today. You gone give me more than a five-minute notice, I know that much. That’s what your problem is. You so used to snapping your fingers and getting weak men to bow down and kiss your stuck-up ass. But I ain’t the one. I got standards. I can say ‘no’ as fast as I can say ‘hell no.’ And you won’t be coming over here any time you please without calling and acting like you can disrespect my place of business.”

  Glynis went on and on and on.

  Alexis wanted to lash out at her sister, but she knew that would have been the wrong thing to do. She had her child to think about. So while Glynis rattled on, cussing and sputtering herself into some high blood pressure, Alexis raised her hand and begged her to “give me a minute.”

  Alexis saw the back of Glynis’s head as she took her time leaving the room, but she heard her cussing all the while.

  Her daughter grew alarmed by all the yelling and arguing. Little Hayley was sniffling, coughing, and weeping, all at the same time. Alexis rocked the baby in her arms and softly sang a little song that she made up:

  Hush, little baby

  Don’t you cry

  Mama’s gonna make everything all right.

  She couldn’t think of a new line to sing. So she just repeated the words:

  Mama’s gonna make everything all right.

  Chapter 11

  “Mama Flora, is the divorce still on?”

  “Well, miracles can happen.”

  “Grandma, stop playing. Tell me the facts. I want to know how things are. And if you don’t tell me, I’ll just call Grand Pop.”

  “Don’t call that fool.”

  “Oh, it’s still on!”

  It had been a while since she’d seen her grandmother, so Kiara decided to visit her on a Sunday afternoon. The streets of Houston were so hot if an egg got cracked and poured on the sidewalk, a fried egg would appear in seconds. Kiara had to get out of the house. So she and Myles ended up at her grandmother’s sitting in the kitchen, and helping her to fold the clothes that had just come out the dryer.

  “I wish you would’ve told me that you spent the Fourth by yourself, Grandma. If I’d known, I would have picked you up and we could’ve gone to see the fireworks.”

  “It’s all right, sweetie. I’m fine. I’m here.”

  Kiara wanted to wrap her arms around the fragile woman and take away all her pain. Grandma wasn’t fooling anyone. Kiara could tell the way the woman walked from one room
to another, holding an empty mug, sitting down and standing up. And started the process all over again.

  Kiara slid a round plastic laundry basket next to her feet. She lifted up some bath towels.

  “C’mon, you can tell me. What’s happening with y’all?”

  “Well, he is gone, yet he’s still here, if that’s what you asking.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “John calls himself quitting me but he still has a room in this house that he comes to whenever he gets ready.”

  “What type of crap is that?”

  “I dunno.”

  “Well, how do you feel about it?”

  Her grandmother was silent.

  Kiara couldn’t understand why her grandmother wasn’t throwing dishes and breaking glasses. It was like her emotions were trapped deep inside a long, dark pipe.

  “Are you hungry, Grandma? We can go out and eat some crawfish.”

  “I don’t want no crawfish.”

  “For real? I know you lying ’cause that’s your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I’m not hungry.”

  “Oh, you know Grand Pop may be family, Lord forgive me, but I can’t stand him right now.”

  “Oh, baby, I don’t mean to pull you into this. You have your own family to worry about. How is Rashad?”

  Kiara wished she could pour out her heart to her grandmother, to tell her how Rashad was acting and to admit to her all the things that made her feel depressed and confused, but she just couldn’t. She was a proud young woman who didn’t want her family to know all her dirty secrets.

  “How’s Rashad? He’s great,” she chirped. “Just busy. And we are getting excited about the cruise. We plan to go snorkeling. We’ll be gambling like crazy on the ship. And I’ve been trying to consistently work out so I can buy me some pretty swimwear real soon.”

  “You’re saying the right words, but your voice don’t sound right.”

  “Um, Mama Flora, honestly, on the real. My husband and I are having a few issues, but I’m positive things will work out for the better.”

  “If you insist, then I’m glad for you,” Grandma said in a light voice. “Keep it up. Invest in him.”

  “Invest in him? Isn’t that what you did?”

  “Yes, I did. So what? You do it anyway because you might get a different outcome.”

  “Grandma, that sounds crazy.”

  “I’m sure it does. But it’s because you don’t understand. I can’t look with regrets. Do I wish things were done differently? I believe no matter what I would have done, there were no guarantees.”

  “That sounds scary to me.”

  “That’s what taking a risk is about. When you walk down that aisle, you are filled with joy. It’s all about that special day. But there is a long, uncertain road ahead of you. You take the good days, mix them with the bad, and if you stay together through it all, you’ve done well.”

  Suddenly her grandmother rose to her feet.

  “Tell you what. You finish up the laundry and I will bake us some vegan cupcakes. How’s that sound?”

  “Sounds like a winner.”

  The elderly woman started banging pots and pans and gathering the utensils and ingredients. She even started to hum. She grabbed a spatula and pretended like it was a microphone. She spun in a circle and whipped back her hair.

  “Are you all right?” Kiara asked.

  “I’m fine. I may have a moment now and then. But that’s all it is. A moment. Just like bad times come our way, good times will return, too.”

  “I guess I hadn’t looked at it that way.”

  “Listen, baby, John and I were together and happy for a good minute. And believe it or not, I still have hope. You never know what can happen even when things look real dark and bleak.”

  “I guess so.”

  “I know so. The other day I was sitting out in the backyard patio. I couldn’t sleep. It was five something in the morning. And it was very dark. But the birds started to sing. Their voices sounded sweet and happy. Before I knew it, the sun was rising. Within seconds, light swallowed up darkness. And let me know how fast things can change. Just because they’re one way today don’t mean they’ll be that way tomorrow.”

  Chapter 12

  It was a Tuesday in mid-July. Kiara woke up, showered, got dressed, and packed her lunch. By this time she was on marriage autopilot. She did everything without feeling. It was because she’d done certain routine tasks a thousand times before. So without thinking about it, she said, “Bye, I love you” before she drove off to work. She knew that Rashad would get up and take Myles to school. She knew he’d probably go to pick up some tools and start all his jobs for the day. Nothing out of the ordinary. But when she got to work, the first person she saw was Nicole. It was six-thirty in the morning.

  “You’re here early,” Kiara told her as she passed the girl in the hallway. Kiara inhaled and took in the flowery fragrance. Nicole was saturated in perfume. She wore a mint-colored belted dress that was very flattering to her shape. She even wore some chic-looking slinky sandals.

  Kiara glanced at Nicole’s nails. “Green nail polish?”

  “Yes, is that all right?”

  “Of course it is. It’s your hands. Cute.” She noticed the girl’s toes. “Green pedicure. You’ve really been stepping it up. Hmmm.”

  Kiara proceeded to her office. But she stole one final look at Nicole. Her head was perfectly straight as she walked. The swivel in her hips said, “I am here.” Her face looked brighter, more alive. And she wore no eyeglasses.

  When Kiara got settled in her own office and booted up her computer, she noticed an email Nicole had initiated. She clicked on it.

  “Emergency vacation. Leaving at noon today. Okay with you?”

  A nagging feeling streaked through Kiara’s belly.

  She typed back, “Sure. No problem.”

  Later on, Kiara overheard Shyla and Nicole talking. She could hear them but they couldn’t hear her because she was around the corner at the copier and totally out of their view.

  “Yeah, so he’s going to do something special for me for my birthday because he has to work on my real birthday.”

  Kiara wondered what man they were referring to. She hadn’t heard that Nicole had caught a man.

  “Celebrating early, huh?” Shyla said. “You go, girl. I can tell you been getting worked on.”

  “I don’t know what you talkin’ ’bout.”

  “You know if you got fucked last night. Answer me.”

  “Shhh, Shyla.” Nicole hushed up when she saw Tony Fu quietly walk up to them.

  “Who did what last night? What y’all talking about?”

  “No, Tony, see, I was asking Nicole when’s the last time she inserted a floppy disk inside her hard drive.”

  “And I told her I don’t mess around with floppy disks. Never have. Never will.” The two women cackled. “Tony, you’re too nosy. Get some business.”

  “You two are nuts. I think I will leave y’all alone.” Tony left them to continue their conversation.

  “Anyway, Nicole, I can tell you got some.”

  “No, you cannot.”

  “Girl, you walked in this place with that ‘I just got me some dick’ walk.”

  Nicole laughed out loud. “You’re tripping, Shyla.”

  “But girl, a woman always senses when another woman is getting sex on the regular.”

  The two women cackled and started whispering. Kiara couldn’t hear anymore. Yet the words the women exchanged flipped in her mind like somersaults.

  As soon as Nicole left for the day, Kiara called Rashad. His phone rang and rang and went into voice mail. She waited for her husband to call her back. She thought. And wondered. She looked up Nicole’s résumé. The address on the document was the old address that she had when she first applied for the job. Kiara had no idea where Nicole’s current house was actually located, because she never updated her physical address
when she moved.

  She called Tony into her office.

  “Hello, boss. What can I do for you?”

  “I want you to find out Nicole Greene’s current address for me. Send out an email to the entire staff and make sure everyone updates their home address and emergency contact info.”

  “Anything for you.”

  Around two o’clock, Kiara locked up her office. She came to a stop at Alexis’s desk.

  “Going to a meeting?” Alexis asked.

  “Yes. A long meeting. I won’t be back for the rest of the day.”

  “All righty then. See you tomorrow, Kiara.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Um, before you go, I want to show you something.” Alexis retrieved her BlackBerry. She had forwarded and saved the photos she took of Rashad and Nicole.

  “Take a look at this and draw your own conclusions.”

  Kiara examined the picture. It felt like someone kicked her in the stomach. “He’s standing cheek to cheek with her?”

  “Looks that way to me.”

  Her heart sank within her. This was so humiliating. The truth did more than just hurt; it devastated.

  “Thanks for letting me know.”

  She thought about how she had wondered if Rashad would ever hit on Nicole. The photo could be innocent, but she wasn’t sure what it meant.

  Kiara walked down the hall and tried Rashad one more time. Again, the call went straight into voice mail.

  When a wife thinks her spouse is unfaithful, she sometimes imagines that he is having sex with just about any woman, even if she has little proof. The darkness of her mind whispers words that cause her to imagine all kinds of scenarios. And her greatest fear is to believe him just to find out he’s lying.

  Kiara couldn’t deal anymore. She dialed up Eddison when she got in her car. “Look, we need to talk. This is very last-minute. But I am hoping we can meet up.”

  “Sure, I can arrange that. When you want to meet?”

  “In a couple hours. I have to make a stop first.”

  “Where you want to meet?”

  “Your place.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Kiara didn’t actually know where Eddison lived. She had to ask him to give her the address and directions. She didn’t want him to text the info, even though he volunteered. She didn’t need a record of that on her phone.