by Cydney Rax
Nicole gave him the side-eye.
“I’m on my way.”
Nicole was silent for the majority of the ride over to the north side.
“So you really do have a baby?”
“Yeah, I do. Her name is Hayley. What about it?”
“Oh, so it is true. Damn. We been rolling a long time and you could have told me that.”
“I didn’t want to tell you. I still don’t. That’s my private business. I just didn’t know when to tell you.”
“But what man denies his child?”
“I’ve never denied my kid.”
“I’m just saying. We tight. You can trust me.”
“I can trust you to do what?”
“I won’t tell a soul.”
Rashad didn’t say another word until they pulled up on the block and ended up having to park the next street over.
By the time they walked into Glynis’s house and Rashad saw Alexis nursing her head injury, he went and knelt beside her. “I heard what happened. You all right? You gone be okay?”
He grabbed Alexis in a bear hug. She let him hold her. Nicole stood to the side with her arms folded. Alexis didn’t care about the hateful looks Nicole shot at her. When Hayley stumbled into the room with her arms outstretched saying, “Mama,” Alexis scooped the precious little girl into her arms. She squeezed her tight. She knew Hayley was looking for the woman who had always acted as her mother.
“Mama,” she cried out as she squirmed and curiously stared at all the people that began to congregate throughout the house.
As the house started to fill up with family, friends, and associates, Alexis heard in bits and pieces the details about her sister’s passing.
“She was driving to the store and she passed out at the wheel and crashed through the front of a Starbucks. Her blood sugar dropped too low and she blacked out. She died instantly.”
Alexis felt so sad and dry inside, she had no tears. She and Glynis had butted heads off and on for years, but she’d never wish death upon anyone.
“This is shocking and so unexpected,” Alexis said. “I knew she had seen the doctor about her blood sugar and she was on insulin. I thought she could beat this disease. Now this.”
“Thank God the baby wasn’t in the car with her,” another person said.
“Speaking of cars . . .” Alexis told Rashad. “Did you find yours?”
“No. I was on my way to the police station when I got the phone call about this.”
“Thank you for making this a priority.”
“No problem.”
“And I know where your car is.”
“You do?”
“Follow me.”
Nicole tightly held onto Rashad’s arm as he rose to his feet. Alexis told her, “This has nothing to do with you. It’s just me and him. Have a seat.”
Nicole defiantly kept standing.
When Rashad proceeded to walk out of the house, Nicole was right behind him.
Alexis told him, “Please handle this.”
“Chill, Nicky. I got to take care of my business real quick. And I’m warning you, don’t ever tell anyone about my child. She’s innocent and doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of a scandal. If you tell anyone, especially Kiara, we are through, you got that?”
“Okay, I won’t tell a soul. I love you, Rashad.”
“Good. Now go get something to eat. I’ll be back.”
Nicole gave Alexis a hostile look but she smiled at Rashad and said, “Okay, babe.”
Most women wouldn’t put up with Rashad’s reckless ways, but Nicole wasn’t most women. She knew he wasn’t a perfect man, but she could sense he was a man who tried to act like he had it all together. But she knew he had his fears about life, yet he tried anyway. He had a strong work ethic. And he was generous and thoughtful. Nicole felt she understood him. When he previously told her about the clashes he had with his own mother, and how disappointed he was at not receiving his mom’s full support when he became a young man, Nicole wanted to hold him in her arms and let him know that she would ride for him no matter what. She believed in his potential. She knew that, if he had the right woman, he could excel. She felt he lied because of fear, and fear was something Nicole understood well.
Once Nicole left them alone, Alexis and Rashad stepped outside the house and walked down the block. Alexis cleared her throat. “What the hell is going on?”
“I told you, she’s my client.”
“Cut the bullshit. I can tell by y’all’s body language that you’re fucking her.”
He scratched his head and looked away in the distance.
“It is only because you had a death in the family that I will ignore that accusation. Meanwhile, we got something serious on our hands. I am assuming you will take Hayley with you at some point till I figure out what to do.”
“Rashad—”
“Here, take this.” He handed her a wad of cash. She tossed the bills in the air.
“This is what you can do with your guilt money.”
She proceeded to head back toward the house but he grabbed her.
“Okay.” He couldn’t look her in the eyes. “I messed up. I messed up.”
“That’s all I ask is that you be real with me. I know you too well for you to try anything else.”
“We kind of fell into a little thing; before I knew it, I was in deep. It wasn’t planned.”
“No wonder you disappeared on me. But it’s cool. Hayley and I will be just fine.”
“This does not mean I have abandoned you, nor Hayley.”
“Save it, Rashad.”
He apologized again and reached down to pick up the money. When she turned around to walk back to the house, he called out after her, “What did you want to tell me about my ride?”
“Nothing, Rashad. I know nothing about your ride.”
She started to walk away but she turned back around and looked him in the eye. “Except that you can find it parked all the way down the street on the right-hand side. Next time roll up your windows, lock your damn doors, and remember to take this with you.” Then she reached in her purse and retrieved his key.
Alexis returned to the house where her relatives were grieving and swapping stories about her sister. By the time evening arrived, Alexis grew completely exhausted from all the talking and asking questions. Rashad told her, “Come on. We’ll take you to Home Depot.”
“We?”
“I meant me. Alexis, go and get Hayley’s things so she can spend the night with you.”
“She’s not just spending the night. She’s going to live where she always belonged.”
While Alexis packed, Rashad fielded calls from Kiara, who’d been trying to reach him all day. Nicole stood around trying to listen to his conversation but he ducked inside another room. Alexis and Nicole were left alone.
“Sorry about your sister.”
“Shut up, Nicole.”
“You know what, I’m trying to be nice to you.”
“I don’t need you to be nice to me.”
“You are one stupid ass—”
Alexis shoved Nicole up against a wall and held her by her wrists. “You and I are not friends. Got it? We have nothing in common. Nothing!” Alexis was close enough to spit on her.
“What are you doing? Get your hands off me. I’m gonna scream for Rashad, you better stop.”
“Trust me. That man can’t even save himself let alone you.”
Alexis let her go. She had more important things to deal with.
Glynis’s funeral was held a few days later. Rashad insisted on driving Alexis. She hadn’t seen the family since Tandy had died a few years ago, but everyone in the family was happy to talk to her. Hayley sat perfectly still until she noticed the blown-up poster of Glynis stationed close to the casket. She pointed and yelled, “Mama,” but Alexis didn’t mind. She got up and carried her daughter to the open casket. As instructed, Hayley dropped a pack of Starbursts on top of the corpse, Glynis’s favorite candy.
When the memorial service ended, Rashad drove them home. They were silent during the ride. Hayley was leaning all the way out of her car seat, snoring like a hundred-year-old woman.
Even though Alexis and her sister hadn’t been particularly close, she still felt the loss. She wished she could hear Glynis’s voice again . . . and wished she could say all the things that division and pride kept her from voicing during the times that she could.
Finally Rashad spoke. “I told myself I’d never let you ride in my car again, yet look at what I’m doing.”
Alexis gave a small smile. “We always gotta try and do right by family, no matter how mad we get at them.”
“Yeah. I guess . . . Fam.”
“And, Rashad. I-I am sorry for getting pissed off at you . . . and taking off in your ride. I’ve never done anything like that before. But, hey. It was fun.”
“You ain’t right, Skillet.”
She could tell from the sound of his voice that he wouldn’t hold a grudge. He never had.
“I learned you never know what you’ll do when you’re in a certain situation. You only know when that thing is right in your face, when you’re in the moment.” Death always made Alexis think about life. And making sure life was right before it shifted into death. She paused and searched for the words she wanted to say. “You may not want to hear this, but I think two years is long enough to keep this situation from her. The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be, Rashad.”
“Tell me about it. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, my daddy, my son, Hayley, you, Kiara. I kind of wish I was a Mormon.”
“You sound crazy.”
“Who says I’m not? Seriously, you may not believe this, but I don’t know what I’d do if I lost the most important things in my life. I wonder why things can’t be the way I want them to be.”
“But that’s not fair, Rashad. There’s something called ‘order’ that is supposed to rule everything in this world. And if you don’t live life in the right order, well, things will be messed up. I sure wish our daughter had been born under better circumstances . . .”
“Hell, I do, too. But what’s done is done. I’ve already hurt enough people. You really think I want to hurt her?”
“Think about it, Rashad. With everything that’s happened, you already have.”
Chapter 18
Kiara and Eddison were standing in a stairwell between the first and second floor of her office facility. Their voices were low, but they still echoed against the walls of the corridor.
“I had to see you. How are you doing?”
“I have moments when I feel great. And other times, I want to pinch myself just to make sure I’m not in a dream. But work . . . work helps me to keep it together. This is where I know my role. Where I’m in control. So it’s coming along.”
Kiara was indeed expecting, but she wasn’t showing yet. She was wearing layered tops, a style that she’d usually wear during the late summer.
“Well, I’m sure you already know this, but you’re glowing.”
“I’ll bet I am.”
“Anyway, Kiara. Just checking on you. But I wanted to thank you for meeting with Collette and Gherman the other day. Because of you, the kids are going to make restitution. They’ll bounce back and this whole thing will be behind them. And the university will be better off as well as the families.”
“Yeah. It’s funny how that works out. Glad I could help.”
“One more thing. Did you find out . . . ?”
“The due date is April seventh. I don’t know the gender. I don’t think I want to know. I feel like I’m in an episode of Bill Cunningham.”
“When will you know if it’s mine or not?”
She could only smile at him. She knew he was as anxious as she was.
“When I know, you will know.”
They said good-bye. It was eerily quiet as Eddison reached out to hug her.
Kiara noticed the sound of someone’s footsteps running up the stairwell. When she tried to see who it could be, that person was already gone.
Later on, Tony Fu swung by Kiara’s office.
“Hey, Tony, how are things going?”
“Cool. I just wanted to follow up with you about something. All the staff complied with the request to get their home addresses updated, except for one person.”
“Let me guess. Nicole?”
“Yes! She wouldn’t respond to all my emails so when I asked her for her driver’s license so I could make a copy, she refused to hand it over. You think she’s hiding something?”
“Something is definitely up. But don’t worry. There are still other ways to find out where she lives . . . Not that I personally care. But we need updated info . . .”
“In case of an emergency,” Tony said, and gave Kiara a knowing look.
Kiara got off work a couple hours early that day. She went to see her physician. After she received a full examination, Kiara knew her fate was sealed in terms of having a baby; but other parts of her life were still uncertain.
Afterward, Kiara decided to visit the woman she loved and trusted the most in the world. She held Mama Flora’s hand as she finally admitted to her that she had had sex with two men in one day. And that a child would be the result of her rash behavior.
“Mama Flora, I have very mixed feelings. A part of me is excited. Another part is scared. I never thought this ratchet drama would be my life.”
“It’s okay, baby. And believe it or not, the Lord understands.”
“He understands I’m a fool. I’m not his best child. I’m not as perfect as folks think I am.” At that moment she felt a bit of despair. “I wouldn’t mind if it’s not Rashad’s, but the court of public opinion may feel differently.”
“Baby girl, horrible things happen to basically good people, and they still turn out OK.”
“Who, Grandma? These days when people realize they mess up, they—” She swallowed deeply and shook her head.
“No. Wait one minute, young lady, I know you not thinking about—”
“But I hurt so bad. The pain is so deep. I don’t want to face the day anymore.” She buried her face in her hands and wept. “And my marriage is getting worse. I don’t know if having a baby will save our relationship. Who am I kidding? I can’t have this baby.”
“You can have it and you will. Your child deserves a good life and if God didn’t have a purpose for it, you never would have conceived.”
“Thanks for saying that. If things were really great between us, I’d be super excited, Mama Flora. Sometimes I think back to our good old days, and I pray that they will return. If the old Rashad came back, that would give me hope. Back in the day, he was totally into my pregnancy; he rubbed my feet, he cooked the meals, made sure I ate healthy. He was everything.”
“It seemed he understood his purpose back then, but somehow he lost his way.”
“If only we can find it again,” Kiara responded. “The bottom line is I’m scared. And I don’t know how to properly handle this situation.”
Kiara collapsed again in her grandmother’s arms. She despised herself for thinking she could handle a situation that was clearly more complicated than what it seemed.
“Look, young lady, you may feel hopeless and regretful right now . . . but it’s not the end of the world.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because I’ve been through what you’re going through.”
“Huh? What did you say?”
“Everybody’s got secrets. And only a privileged few know what married folk really go through behind closed doors.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“Long ago when you were just a child, I thought John was doing something devious behind my back. There was a flirty lady that lived down the street from us. Her name was Billie Fay. One day I saw her leaving our house, coming through our front door as I was pulling up. I saw her with her red tinted scraggly hair, her wide hips, and her cleavage poppi
ng out her blouse. It was the middle of summer and, boy, was I hot. I ran up to her and smacked her hard across her face. She screamed and told me to stop. I hit her again. Billie Fay ran and got in her car. I ran and got in mine. John stormed out the house waving his arms and asking what’s wrong. She sped down the street like she robbed a bank but I caught up with her. I rolled down my window and cursed her something good. Then I turned my steering wheel and side-scraped her. I heard that metal screeching. She gave me a horrified look and drove till she reached her house. That’s when I saw an ambulance pull up. They went into my neighbor’s house and . . .” Grandma hung her head. “They rolled out her husband on a gurney. He’d had a stroke. He died later that day. I found out that Billie Fay drove down to our house because their phone service was cut off. All she wanted to do was use the phone.”
“Mama Flora, you didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
“John said I made us look like countrified fools. He told me I made myself look real insecure and dumb. I couldn’t argue. He was too ashamed to go to the man’s funeral. And I just had to endure that time period and wait till John started talking to me again.”
“Going off on the lady was pretty bad. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“I didn’t either. That was my one and only TKO. I retired after that.”
Kiara managed to smile. “And you survived that one incident?”
“My situation wasn’t yours, but it shows you that a couple that’s dedicated can get over the biggest mistakes of their marriage. I eventually forgave myself. John got over it. But my point is, the thing you’re most afraid of is the thing you can survive, even if you’ve done the worst thing ever.”
“Are you saying that Grand Pop was the angel of your relationship and you were the devil?”
“Neither he nor I are perfect. But truth be told, when it came to him and what he was possibly doing behind my back, I never asked John any questions. So he couldn’t tell me any lies.”
Kiara couldn’t begin to count the number of lies Rashad may have told. And she was no better than him now that she’d had her own affair. They were both guilty of sugarcoating the truth.