by Amy Bearce
“Keep trying,” he encouraged.
She squeezed her eyes shut again and flipped onto her back in the currents to help relax her whole body. She kept her eyes closed to concentrate better.
“Tristan,” she said, a little stronger. She thought of the times they had played in the surf, of the gifts he had left, of his rescuing her from Bentwood and now Donovan, too. She would miss Tristan terribly. Calling her emotions a secret crush really didn’t do them justice. She loved him, always as a friend, but also as so much more. She thought the words, “I love you, Tristan,” but couldn’t say the words out loud. She never could. Then a hand touched hers, and she gasped.
Her eyes flashed open, and Tristan’s face was right in front of hers. There was no twinkling smile now. His face was utterly serious.
“I heard you,” he said.
He heard that she loved him? Panic surged through her until he said, “Not with my ears. Somehow I heard you call my name here.”
He tapped his chest, just over his heart. They stared at each other for a timeless moment before he backed up. “You are more powerful than you realize, I think. This is good for our people.”
But not for us, Phoebe thought.
He cleared his throat. “Soon, we will have to defend ourselves. The wraiths will not let us be, Baleros will surely come after us, and we cannot just swim away and abandon our city again. None of our people will pick up edged weapons. It goes against our ancient culture. But the blue light you have called has worked like a weapon, sending the wraith away, twice, without true harm. This is part of what the ancient merfolk could do; my mother has shown me in the historians’ records. They also knew how to build shields of magic around their city to keep it safe. We need to learn how you use the magic like they did.”
“I don’t know how!”
“We’ll learn together.” He took her hand and ran his thumb over and over against the back of her hand. Phoebe didn’t even think he was aware he was doing it. It wasn’t like Tristan to touch her so casually. It was not how mer-culture worked. Maybe she had charmed him. He’d never allowed them to be so close before.
Uncertain, she backed up, breaking their linked hands. She tried to keep her voice casual. They still had to work together, and she didn’t want to allow them to begin something between them that could not last. If he were under her power, she’d have to keep her true feelings to herself. To do otherwise was unkindness. “So, how do I do this?”
“I have an idea, but it means moving to a more dangerous place.”
Phoebe raised her eyebrows and followed him. She might have charmed him, but he had thoroughly charmed her years before, even without a magical gift. Her own folly made Phoebe shake her head. The more time she spent with him, the harder it would be to say goodbye. But if this was the only time she could be alone with him for the rest of her life, she’d take it.
He took her to a deeper level of the ocean, where schools of bright fish scurried by and jellyfish hung in the water here and there like cobwebs.
“Some of our natural predators live here, but nothing I can’t handle. I’m the fastest swimmer my age. We’ll be fine. But you might find them frightening enough to cause your magic to flare. Learning to create moonglow in your skin requires steady, low-level power. Your energy has been too strong and sudden for that, so we’re going to focus on the blast of light first.”
“You brought me here to scare the power out of me?” Laughter burst from her.
“You can handle it.”
She stared at Tristan. He wasn’t looking at her like she was frail. Phoebe wasn’t a little sister here. They were going to save Tristan’s people. The old Phoebe would have been too afraid, but the new Phoebe could be strong and powerful.
“I’m ready.” Excitement rose in her, just a little, just from knowing she had enough power to be a worthy foe for anything.
“Okay, then. See that octopus over there?”
She squinted in the direction Tristan pointed. “The little one the size of my hand?” Phoebe wanted to scoff. “I think I can do better than scaring a kitten.”
He laughed. “Look beyond that one.”
Focusing where he pointed, Phoebe’s eyes grew large. Concealed among the reef behind it, the bulbous head of a giant octopus was almost invisible, camouflaged to match the rocks behind it. Two tentacles swayed with the current swirling around the crevice where it hid―silent and watchful. The bulk of it was concealed, but she could imagine its size.
“Ugh,” Phoebe said, averting her eyes from the sucker-cup lined arms. She tried to hide how the sight of the creature made shivers dance up and down her skin. Anything with that many arms was terrifying, and he knew all about her fear of squid and octopuses.
“Those arms have the strength to crush your tail before you can swim away. The beak at the center of its head is hard enough to break open anything that lives down here.”
She shuddered. “Why are you telling me this?”
“You need to make it run away, using your light.”
Maybe he’d lost his sanity. She laughed once in disbelief. “And how am I going to do that?”
He smiled, but it was grim. “You’re going to get scared.”
h, I don’t think so,” Phoebe shook her head so hard that her hair spiraled loose all around.
“You must.”
He pulled her forward toward the octopus. It shrunk slightly into the crevice, as if sensing their approach. Watching that bag of skin waver in the water made her skin crawl. What happened if she vomited? How mortifying would that be?
She imagined those cold, sticky arms wrapping around her legs, holding her down. Of course, she didn’t have legs anymore, did she? She took a deep breath, almost a reminder of her new status. An octopus could kill her in a number of ways, but drowning at least was no longer an option. She shook off Tristan’s arms. If she was going to do this, she’d do it on her own. She swallowed hard. I will not throw up. I will not throw up. She wouldn’t get sick, not in front of him.
She swam forward a few lengths. The octopus tightened further into a ball, as if trying to disappear. Her hands grew cold and her lips numb. She was supposed to get closer? Sharks could kill just as fast or faster, but there was something singularly repulsive about the tentacles, the billowing amorphous skin of the head, sagging and bagging. Yet, she knew the lazy-looking blob could propel itself with surprising swiftness.
“Please?” she whispered. She wasn’t even sure what she was asking for. But Tristan knew.
“My people need you to master this power. It’s strong, but raw and unpredictable, which is not sufficient yet for what we need. I’m so sorry. I don’t enjoy this, either.” He remained right behind her.
She turned to him and knew he spoke the truth by the way his pale skin looked waxy in his silvery light, like he was ill at the thought of causing her fear. A few beams of sunlight shimmered through the coral, the beauty highlighting the hideous creature before her. Tristan’s mouth twisted in a grimace, and he clasped her shoulders. “Phoebe, if I could do this for you, I would, but you must use your own strength. You can do this.”
She could do this. She could do this. She tried chanting to herself, but the words sounded empty, echoing in her mind. There was no song inside for her to draw upon. She was hollow.
Moving forward again, she stopped close enough that the tiny octopus she’d first seen dashed into a crevice of the rock by the bigger one. If she hadn’t seen it go in, she wouldn’t have known it was there. She shivered, wondering how many times she had swum by such a creature hidden in the rocks and reefs around her.
The big octopus only had to leave. She didn’t have to hurt or kill it. Just scare it away with her light. She tried to call it forward, but the magic refused to burst forth. It was like a river covered with a thick layer of ice. Water passed swiftly below, bubbles slipping against the frozen slab. But the water remained unreachable through the blockade of ice. Likewise, her magic flowed inside her, but stayed tr
apped beneath her fear. Tristan was at her back, and she knew that at least he could take her and flee if necessary.
“Leave!” she called out, feeling foolish but hoping the verbal command would stir up some magic.
Nothing.
She swam a few more swishes forward. Now she could see the way the tentacles slid one over the other, seething like a nest of snakes.
“Go away!” she cried.
All at once, the octopus exploded out of the crevice, a wheel of arms spinning, aimed right at her.
She screamed, but before she could think to do anything else, Tristan grabbed her by the waist and dashed straight down, zig-zagging in evasive maneuvers that shook the angry octopus from their trail. Phoebe didn’t even watch. The fear that so often choked her had sunk its teeth into her yet again.
Tristan sped away from where the sunlight reached its fingers into the ocean, going deeper and deeper. The water here was quieter, darker. Soothing. Sea horses and strangely-shaped crabs floated by, along with puffy fish with spiny points and glowing tiny shrimp that hovered in clumps like lanterns nearby. Phoebe’s ragged breathing slowed, and he held her hands.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Tristan kept saying.
After a few minutes, he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Obviously, this isn’t working. We could be here all day and not get anywhere. We might have a little time but not that much.”
“I think that even though it was scary for me, deep down I knew you wouldn’t let that thing hurt me, so it didn’t work. The blue light just wouldn’t come. I was near death the other times, and this time I was terrified but not dying.”
“I can’t argue. It goes against everything in me to even let you near such a creature, knowing how you fear them. I don’t think either one of us could risk your life to make this magic reappear. I do have another idea, but I don’t want you to think I’m being… how do you say… inappropriate?”
Baffled, Phoebe grabbed his arm. “What are you talking about? We’ve got to make some progress. We should try any and all possibilities.”
“Well,” he began slowly. “When we are seawees, we are taught several ways to silence our minds and relax. We are taught that we are all part of the whole, and through silence and meditation, we find this to be true. It’s part of why merfolk do not fight, and it is through this unity that we are able to access our modest magics. Meditation is one excellent tool, but we do not have time for such a long, intense pathway. One is the path of pain, which I believe you have used to connect to the whole on those two occasions. Terror. Fear. These are deeply painful experiences and link us with the rest of the world as we intuitively seek connection in our moment of darkness.”
“Riiight,” Phoebe replied. “And we’ve been trying to duplicate it, but, so far, nothing is working. I know I’m safe right now with you, and I can’t lie to my body.”
He cleared his throat. “Exactly. So, there is another pathway we could try.”
She raised an eyebrow. He was really, really uncomfortable. How interesting.
“What do you propose?” she asked, searching his face for clues as he swam closer.
“We are taught that close contact with others is another way to feel united,” he whispered, running his hands across her shoulders, and she shivered.
She wished she was as smooth with words as her father had been, but she had to ask a hard question. “Will it make the magic worse between us? Steal your will?”
He shook his head. “My mother has greatly overestimated that danger, Phoebe, even since you gained your scales. I promise. I’ve felt the pull from the start, and it hasn’t changed or overwhelmed me. I’m not worried. And this is a necessary step for your magic.”
Two bright red spots lit his cheeks. It was adorable.
He’d felt the pull from the start. Was that good or bad? Fireworks were exploding in Phoebe’s mind at his choice of words, but she struggled to keep focused on the issue at hand. Magic. Saving his people. Helping the merfolk. Don’t look at those green eyes. Don’t hope that this relationship could actually work.
She lifted her chin. Right. On-task now.
“So what kind of… contact… do you have in mind?” She held her breath.
“A simple hug might suffice,” he said gruffly, eyes roaming her face. He paused, clearly waiting for permission.
Her pulse galloped. She didn’t think he meant the kind of hugs they had shared before. Something in his expression suggested this hug would be much different than the friendly, casual ones of their childhood. He may be only touching her to train her properly, but she’d dreamed of this moment for months now. This was a step beyond a peck on the cheek. Her handsome friend wanted to hold her. Instead of being little kid friend Phoebe, she could pretend they were something else to each other. Something more. Something with a future. He said he wasn’t under her influence. He promised. So it wasn’t selfish if it was just her who was heartbroken in the end, was it? And this was necessary. For her to learn magic.
She’d allow herself to enjoy it, as it would probably never happen again. He hovered perfectly still, the ultimate gentleman. The anticipation was killing her. It would be up to her to begin, then.
Heart hammering in her chest, she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, weaving her hands through his hair. Her fingers ran over the silky strands, and he closed his eyes. Water slid between and among them as he pulled her closer. He nestled his face against the top of her hair and took a deep breath. She pressed her cheek against his chest, closing her eyes against the soft illumination of his skin.
The strength of his body so close to hers was intoxicating. She fought to keep her breathing steady. No need to embarrass herself here. He wrapped his arms around her as if she were made of glass. Images flickered through her mind, of Tristan as a young seawee, Tristan as the young merman he was now. The two of them splashing in the waves together, the surf roaring, sea gulls twirling, her own voice singing…
She sighed, both relaxed and thrilled, and leaned against him. Their tail fins entwined slightly as they floated close together, and her heart fluttered like a trapped bird, waiting to fly.
She closed her eyes tight, forgetting all about magic until he said, “Do you feel anything?”
Did she feel anything? Only a tsunami of sensations. There were too many ways to answer that question. No magic light grew within, but so much emotion, too much, cascaded through her, leaving her wordless at the comfort and thrill of being held in Tristan’s arms. He lifted his face away from hers.
“Talk to me, Phoebe,” he whispered.
This was her one chance to show Tristan how she felt, perhaps before her power grew stronger. She could no longer bear the thought of leaving the sea without him ever knowing. He deserved the truth, even if he couldn’t feel the same way, but no words could encompass what resided in her heart. So she reached her hands up to the back of his head and guided his face downward to hers, ignoring the nervousness making her hands shake.
“Are you sure?” he asked, though his expression was eager.
Phoebe just smiled.
He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.
At his touch, everything else seemed to fade away. Tristan filled her mind, her senses, her heart. She never knew his lips would be soft, not when he was always rugged and strong. But his kiss was incredibly gentle; it felt like bubbles tickling her lips. Joy spilled up inside her, filling the emptiness that had echoed before, the music she had always loved swirling through her veins like a rushing current of blue flame.
The ocean―in fact, the universe―felt expansive and beautiful. Surely she must be glowing from these overwhelming feelings. She opened her eyes. She wasn’t glowing, but Tristan was―brighter than usual. Incandescent.
He broke away, and Phoebe had to squint at the radiance shining from his skin. His light was like a beacon. A dark shape cruised above them. It had a sharply pointed dorsal fin.
Shark.
“Oh no,” she
whispered. It was unusually large, too.
Then the fins along its sides lifted and spread wide like wings, with translucent skin rippling in the water. The creature looked for all the world like a dragon soaring through the sky, down to the long tail with its pointed tip undulating back and forth.
Not a shark. A sea dragon.
“By the stars,” she breathed.
Tristan muttered a curse and pulled her alongside him as he began to move, gazing up at the huge outline on display against the light above. The dragon banked along in a turn downward, and the gaping mouth opened, showing several rows of glistening teeth.
“A sea dragon is more than I’d like to outrun right now. We’re still learning how to best evade them,” he whispered in her ear as they sped away.
She looked back over her shoulder, unable to resist staring at this magnificent creature of legend. The sudden staccato beat of her heart testified that the sea dragon was following them―and not just one dragon. A spiral of sea dragons spun above them, all drawn to the light, at least twenty of them together. Tristan’s skin was still too brilliant.
“Stop glowing!” she hissed at him.
He grimaced. “I can’t! I’m too full of energy.” He gazed at her, eyes soft despite the danger above. “I’ve never felt this way in my life.”
Joy, fear, and confusion tangled around each other inside Phoebe, a potent elixir that made her dizzy. The dragons were picking up the pace, vibrating her bones with their bass growls. They were coming up from behind, closing in. It was too late to run. The dragons were too close.
She stopped and spun in the water, closing her eyes and picturing the sharp, glistening teeth coming to kill her and her beloved Tristan. If he died, it would be because of her.
Shivering, Phoebe glared at the sea dragons as they lowered through the water like a cyclone touching down. The first dragon bared its razor teeth as it did its first pass-by, as though testing them to see what kind of fight they might give. Its eyes were flat black, cold and uncaring, like a shark’s. Terror slid through her as easily as the creature slid past.