The nagging in the back of my mind refused to be silenced so I could gather my thoughts. The Batman keychain. The Kit Kats. The butterfly. The magnetic pull she had over me. The reason I felt the need to be with her. The explanation for the sudden wave of memories of second grade.
I shook my head, fully aware of what I had to do. So I abruptly stood and set my plate on the coffee table with a loud thud before prying Charlie’s and Louis’s from their grasps.
“Cam, what the hell are you doing?” Charlie mumbled around the food in her mouth. She made a futile attempt to retrieve her dish from my hold, but I moved it out of her reach.
“It’s time for you and Louis to leave.” I tried to send her a pleading look without Louis and Lex realizing what I was trying to do. I turned away from them and tossed the rest of their food into a carton. Then, as Louis approached me in the kitchen, I shoved the cardboard container into his abdomen. “Here, take some pizza to go.”
I mouthed the word butterfly to my sister, and her lips curled up at the corners as her smile broadened with approval. She embraced me in a hug, and with a quick release, she grabbed my arm and glared her gray eyes directly at me. “You better text or call me…no matter what time it is.”
I merely nodded. Louis appeared puzzled as he rubbed his chin and grimaced, but then again, he didn’t observe the lip reading my sister had to decipher. While Louis was literally left holding the box, Charlie returned to a very confused Lex still sitting on the couch. “Louis and I have to go, but I’ll see you soon.” She leaned over to embrace Lex in a brief hug, nearly knocking the food off her plate.
“Maybe I should go, too.” Lex tried to stand, but Charlie gently pushed her back into the cushions of the couch. She almost dropped her dish again. I wondered how difficult it would be to get hot cheese off the upholstery, since the event was more than likely to happen with the rate things were progressing.
I shot Charlie a “you’ve outstayed your welcome” warning and motioned her toward my door. Thankfully, she took the not-so-subtle hint I’d thrown at her. “Come on, Louis. Let’s go eat at my place and watch Netflix.”
They left, and since I was standing in my living room and Lex was sitting, I began to advance toward the couch. But I was hit with a thought before I completed the two strides.
“I want to show you something, but I have to get it.” I pointed to the back of my apartment. “It’s in my bedroom. Promise me you’ll wait right here.” I didn’t wait for her response. All tension left my body and happiness took up residence in me as I literally skipped to my bedroom.
7
Alexis
I wasn’t sure if I should stay or not. Cam was acting strange. Then again, Charlie was a little odd right before she left, too. Louis looked just as confused as I felt right now, so maybe it was a weird twin thing. I became more uncomfortable as the moments dragged by. I hadn’t attempted to eat another bite of my pizza, so I decided to set it on the coffee table alongside Cam’s abandoned slice.
A rustling noise came from a room at the end of the hallway when I stood. I didn’t know what was going on, and I really began to feel uneasy. As if sensing my thoughts of abandonment, Cam emerged from the open door, which I assumed was his bedroom. He launched into a jog toward me, clutching a large sketchpad to his chest. Then, with a look of what appeared to be panic, he stood in front of me.
“You asked me once if I had ever been in love. And I’m very, very sorry because I wasn’t truthful with my response.” He pointed toward the couch, indicating he wanted me to sit. I complied with his unspoken request, and he continued to hold the sketchpad and sat not just next to me, but painfully close to me. His knees touched my own. “Please look at me, Lex.”
I hadn’t realized I wasn’t looking in his direction. I was uncomfortable, and when I’d be uncomfortable, I zoned out. It was a defense mechanism I had developed long ago. When I didn’t like what was going on around me, I would transport my mind to another place. Cam appeared nervous and anxious. His face was flushed, and his muscles were coiled. It was not his normal demeanor at all.
Once again, I conformed to what he asked of me and looked into his hazel eyes. He flipped open the spiral-bound pad with shaky hands and turned the picture to show me the sketched image. It was a beautiful drawing of a butterfly with yellow and orange hues and black outlining its wings. “I fell in love with a girl named Butterfly a long time ago.” He searched my eyes for a sign that I might discern what he was referring to, but I didn’t concede. “I couldn’t get her out of my mind for years and years, so I began drawing butterflies.”
I watched the sweat beading on his forehead for a moment before I found the courage to add my own confession. “I have to show you something too, but I don’t want you to get all weird. Okay?”
Cam nodded, but still had apprehension hanging across his face. I pushed myself up from the couch and stood facing him. Then I pushed my shorts and panties down slightly over my hip to expose the tattoo I had inked along the left side of my bikini line. Cam’s mouth dropped open as he reached toward me and touched the permanent picture with his index finger.
“It’s the same butterfly I drew.” He was right. It was the same colors, the same profile, the same details.
I snapped my clothes back into place, and Cam’s finger relented. He dragged himself up slowly from the couch until his towering frame stood next to me. He didn’t embrace me as I feared he might, which allowed me the opportunity to turn away from him. A new and unexpected warmth surged through me, mixed with a tumble of confusion. I didn’t want him to witness those tormenting emotions bubbling to the surface and threatening to erupt. My mind was spinning, and I was desperately trying to conceal the inner turmoil.
I didn’t want to croak words out, so I tried to calm myself before speaking. “I couldn’t get you out of my mind, either. You told me you would find me. I kept hoping you would, but Batman never came back into my life.” I totally croaked…like a whimpering frog.
A tense silence enveloped the room as he stepped toward me. I still had my back to him, but I could sense he was at a loss for words. He reached for my hand, but instead of grabbing my palm in his, or intertwining our fingers, he linked our thumbs together and stretched his fingers out like a wing. I felt myself surrender. I stretched my fingers out also and moved them in unison with his.
“I found you now, Butterfly.” He brushed his face against my hair, and I felt the tension between us beginning to melt with his huskily whispered words. He stood tall behind me, but he leaned down, and I could feel his heated breath against the back of my neck. “I’m so, so sorry it took me this long.” He unhooked his thumb from mine and applied light pressure with his hands to my upper arms so that I would turn to face him. His eyes were like embers burning in a fire that I thought had died out a long time ago. I wasn’t sure how I didn’t recognize those eyes until now. “I told you that we would be best friends, and I let you down. I promise that I will never let you down again.”
“Butterfly and Batman. Best friends?” The tears filling my eyes stung, and I couldn’t prevent them from spilling over soon. With my impending emotional breakdown, Cam released his grip on my arms and walked past me to his kitchen counter, where he retrieved the bag his sister had left behind and quickly returned to my side.
“These used to make you feel better.” He ripped open the plastic bag holding the mini chocolate bars and offered me a Kit Kat.
I released a laugh just as a tear slipped from my eye. I snatched the chocolate candy from his hand, and a smile stretched wide across his face. I felt lighter somehow, but so exhausted all the same.
“Come on, Butterfly.” He walked the two steps toward his couch and motioned me to follow him. “Let’s finish our pizza and watch Batman.”
In dazed exasperation, I stood frozen in my spot. I tried to force my confused emotions into order, but I couldn’t figure out what to say or what to do. I felt like I couldn’t even think straight as my brain continued its tu
mult. So I took a very long, cleansing breath like I had taught myself to do a long time ago when I felt overwhelmed. I truly was overwhelmed.
“Cam, I’m exhausted. I really just want to curl up in my bed right now. This whole thing”—I pointed between the two of us—“has been very emotional, and I really need a minute to myself to process it all.”
Disappointment was written across his beautifully chiseled face. Why I hadn’t recognized him until now seemed absurd. Of course he was my Batman; it was clear as day. “I just found you again, Butterfly.” He reached for my hand, but I pulled away. “Please don’t leave.” Those damn hazel eyes and his murmured pleas killed me.
“I’m leaving for now, but we’ll see each other again soon.” I offered him a faint smile. Hopefully, he wouldn’t try to stop me from walking out of his apartment. I really wanted to be by myself right now. I was on the verge of falling apart, and I didn’t want him to bear witness to that. It had been a very long time since I’d let myself get so emotional that I could even allow myself to feel anything. Now I couldn’t seem to avoid it. I needed to go before I lost all control.
I turned to walk away as his silky, throaty voice caressed me. “Lex.”
I didn’t turn around this time. I reached for the doorknob and felt it turn between my fingers.
“Please.” The desperation and pleading in his voice were too much. I had to get the hell out of there.
The sound of a fist pounding into flesh woke me up again. Or maybe it was the woman’s screams. I flipped over onto my abdomen and grabbed the pillow to pull over my head. Then I squeezed the stuffing over my ears and held tightly, hoping to drown out the sound. It was bad enough that I was aware of the hitting, but I hated actually hearing it.
My pillow did nothing to drown out my mother’s cries, and I was tired. I was tired of it all. So I tossed the pillow to the side and rolled off my bed. This needed to end…now. My feet hit the floor with a thud, and I shuffled toward my bedroom door. The door creaked on its hinges when I opened it. I peered around the corner down the dark hallway, although I wasn’t sure why. I knew they were in their bedroom. It was on the other side of my wall.
As I approached the door to their room, I saw the shining steel blade I carried in my hand, and I was aware of what I had to do. The doorknob turned freely. They hadn’t even locked the door.
“Get off her right now!” I stood firm across from my mom and the jackass of a man that lived with us.
“Sweetie, this doesn’t concern you. Go back to bed.” Was she serious? Like I could sleep through the deafening sounds of my mom’s boyfriend beating the crap out of her.
“What do you think you’re going to do with that, Alexis?” He chuckled a throaty laugh with his rotten teeth on display. Both his cold laugh and his dental disaster made me want to vomit. I choked down the burning bile that threatened to travel its sour contents up my throat.
Before I could answer the bastard, the door behind me flew open, and a man donned in a dark cape appeared in the room. I twisted on my heels to get a good look at the masked man that materialized like a magic spell. My mom’s boyfriend found the distraction opportunistic and grabbed the knife from my hand and proceeded to stab at the stranger. I was horrified as it all played out in slow motion before me, and he lunged toward the unknown visitor and impaled the blade into him.
The man collapsed with a thud and tugged at my nightgown, taking me down with him, pulling me on top of him when he fell. There was only the dimly lit moon outside the window illuminating the room, so I couldn’t identify the crazy man who’d just broken into our house.
“Butterfly. I was trying to save you.”
But I recognized that voice. Desperately yanking the mask off the man’s face, I gaped in bewilderment as those hazel eyes looked at me for only a moment before the life drained out of them. Those amazing eyes that once stared right into my soul were lifeless.
I couldn’t breathe. Choking sobs scratched at my throat, and a wave of panic surrounded me. My vision blurred and contorted. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, the whole room spun as the oxygen began to deplete, and a sheet of darkness slipped a veil over my eyes. I hadn’t a clue of what to do.
I tightly squeezed my eyes shut, and when I cautiously opened them again, my heart pounded in my ears and palpitations were flying through my chest. If it was possible for someone’s heart to take flight, mine was certainly beating fast enough to burst right out of my chest. But when I surveyed my environment throughout the blanket of darkness, I realized I was in my apartment, in my bed. I wasn’t at my mom’s house.
I swallowed the despair, and I felt a wretchedness I had never experienced before. I needed to find out if Cam was okay. Fighting against my cloudy state of mind, I desperately sought out his number in my phone and called him. I could have sent him a text, but I needed to hear his voice. I had just gotten my childhood hero back.
“Butterfly?” Hearing the soft sound of his sleepy voice was the reassurance I needed, but I had no idea what to say to him. Even if I could transcribe thoughts into words, I wasn’t able to speak. I still felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, and a suffocating sensation tightened in my throat.
“Are you okay?” The volume of his tone increased, and he sounded more awake now.
Still fighting through the cobwebs of my nightmare-filled sleep, my voice remained silent, and reckless shuddering took hold of my core. It was another beat before I realized I was sobbing. So much for not falling apart in front of him. At least he couldn’t see me.
“I’m on my way over to your place; I’ll be there in ten minutes.” His blunt comment jarred me back to reality.
“I had a bad dream, and I just needed to know you were okay.” I hiccupped while I continued the struggle to find my voice between sobs.
“And now I need to know you’re okay, so I’ll be there soon.” The ignition of his truck fired, and his engine roared to life on his end of the line. He had left his apartment that quickly?
“That’s not necessary, Cam. I’m fine. It was just a bad dream. I’m sorry I woke you.” Fearful the edginess of my tone was reflected in the wavering of my voice, I ended the call and sniffed back more tears.
It was only a second before I saw his name and number scroll across my phone. I didn’t answer. I wasn’t going to answer. What have I done? I shouldn’t have called him. I hadn’t had a nightmare in a really long time. It caught me off guard, and before I realized what I was doing, I’d called him. Now he was on his way over.
Alexis: I’m fine, really. Please don’t come over.
Cam: See you soon :-)
Crap.
Maybe I just wouldn’t answer the door when he got here.
The knocking started softly at first but then increased in intensity, and soon, he spoke with desperation and need along with the pounding. “Lex, open the door, please. Lex, open up, please.”
I glanced at my phone. Two thirteen. He’d end up waking everyone on this floor if I didn’t answer him, so I had no choice but to let him in. After unlatching the deadbolt and slightly turning my knob, I forced myself to take a step back from the door swinging inward with a heavy shove.
Without even giving me a second to adjust to his intense presence, his arms were wrapped around me. Didn’t he know that I hated hugs? But he was trying to comfort me. I pressed my hands against his firm chest and pushed him away. His penetrating gaze drove me to take an additional step backward.
“I just had a bad dream. You didn’t need to come over here and rescue me like I’m some kind of damsel in distress.”
He kicked my door shut behind him with his flip-flop-clad foot. “I didn’t come over here to rescue you. I came over because my friend needed me.” Then he patted his chest and thighs. “I forgot the Kit Kats, though.”
Okay, so that made me laugh a little. “I don’t need a Kit Kat every time I get upset.” The tightened muscles in my neck and back uncoiled and released some of the tension that my dream had stirre
d up.
“Come on.” He offered his hand, and God help me, I took it. He led me down the narrow hall and into my room. “Lay back down, and I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep.”
“This is silly.” I attempted to pull away from his grasp, but he firmly held on. He was so incredibly strong.
He kicked off his flip-flops and pulled me toward my bed with him. “Go ahead and get under the covers.” He released me at that point so I could slide beneath my butterfly comforter. Yes. I was a grown woman, and I had butterflies on my quilt cover.
The mattress dipped with his weight as he sat next to me on top of the covers. He raked his fingers through my hair, causing a tingling sensation on my scalp, and I gave into the relaxation from his touch.
“Do you want to talk about your dream?”
I shook my head.
“Okay. But just so you know, I’m a great listener.”
I didn’t respond with words, but I was pretty sure I moaned slightly as he continued to stroke my hair. A yawn escaped as sleepiness surrounded my body and mind rather quickly, and before too long, my slumber ensued.
I woke up to the sound of talking. It was daylight in my room, and I could hear voices coming from the front of my apartment. I recognized Cam’s immediately, but I was unsure of who he was speaking with. Not even thinking to brush my teeth or hair, I crept out of my bedroom and down the hall listening to the conversation as I quietly treaded on the carpet.
“Yes, MommaRita. Lean Bean and I will be there. And I want to bring a friend, too.”
“I already heard about Travis. Claudette asked if your friend could come over, too.” He either had his phone on speaker, or this woman was the loudest phone talker ever.
“I wasn’t talking about Travis. I want to bring a girl.” Then the sound of deafening squealing and high-pitched screeching pierced the air as Cam came into my view. He pulled the phone away from his ear at the offensive noise. As he swiveled his head, he noticed me standing in the hallway. He mouthed Sorry and continued his conversation.
Butterfly Girl Page 9