Butterfly Girl

by Greenleigh Adams

  “We’re going to continue to get to know each other. We’ll continue to spend time together, and we’ll see where things go…okay?”

  I merely nodded. How can one person have such an influence on my actions? I really think I would’ve agreed to anything he said. I wasn’t sure how I was so willing to give a man that much control over me.

  “One of these days, I’m going to convince you to trust me, and you’ll let me in because we are friends, right?”

  Sure, we were friends, but as far as letting him into the secrets of my past…well, that just wasn’t going to happen. He might have control over some of my actions, but he wouldn’t be able to penetrate that wall of steel around the crap from my previous life. I didn’t even go there if I could possibly help it. That area of me was kept locked up tight.

  “But I have never dated a friend before, so you may need to be a little patient with me. I’m not sure how to blend the two together yet.”

  I appreciated his honesty, although it almost sounded like a premonition that he would screw things up and hurt me in the process. Those invading thoughts forced my back to straighten. However, my stiff posture relaxed slightly when he pulled me close to him again, because “dated a friend” still resonated in my ears.

  “So we’re…dating?” I wasn’t sure why I felt like I needed to push him away, but there I was, using my hands against his chest to wedge extra space between us. I needed to protect myself from him for reasons I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it was that comment he made about me letting him in. Into what? My mind, my heart, my past? The first two quite possibly…but the third…not going to happen.

  “You’re adorable. Of course we’re dating. We have been for a while.” His smile was playful yet comforting. “Ever since you agreed to go to breakfast with me after your shift that day. I mean, Charlie and Travis were there, too, but I still count that as our first date.”

  Definitely uncharted territory. I doubted that I had ever dated anyone before. I’d never had any interest in spending a whole lot of time with boys when I was younger, or men when I was older. Cam was the only boy I wanted to be around when I was a little girl. And now that I’d grown up, he was the only man I wanted to be around again. Louis and Travis seemed like okay guys, too. Maybe Cam was changing my whole perspective on men in general. How can one person change my whole belief in mankind?

  “So I’d like to call you my girlfriend now, if that’s okay with you.”

  Really? He could call me whatever he wanted. Any name he said broke my skin out in gooseflesh. When I heard Lex in that throaty voice of his, I found it sexy as hell. When the name Butterfly passed his lips, I felt my heart up in my throat. Now that he wanted to call me his girlfriend, I might just melt into a puddle on the floor.

  “Are you with me?”

  So maybe I drifted off in my own head for a moment. What happened to that wall I need to protect myself? “What does that title even mean?”

  He let a small laugh escape and attempted to pull me toward him again trying to close the gap I had created. “It means we’re only dating each other.”

  “Okay.” I liked that, because the thought of him with another woman made me vomit a little in my mouth. Who needs that wall, anyway? I have several walls in place. Just because I let one or two come tumbling down doesn’t mean I can’t keep that one around my past sealed shut.

  “Well, okay then. Go ahead and get ready, so I can take my girlfriend to breakfast and spend the day with her.”

  It sounded like the perfect plan to me.

  8

  Cameron

  Since I planned to ride a surrey on the boardwalk, I took my girlfriend to a breakfast diner on the way to the beach. It felt weird to give Lex that title, but at the same time, it felt good. Even though I hadn’t used that term in a really long time, it seemed completely appropriate for what we had with each other. I haven’t even had a girlfriend since Cassidy Crandell in eleventh grade. She’d wanted that label since we had sex, so I figured I’d oblige her. I wasn’t in love, so of course it didn’t work out. I was seventeen and horny. I would have probably called her my wife if it meant I could continue to have sex with her.

  Honestly, I’d only had physical relationships with women I was interested in since then. Lex was different, though. I loved to spend time with her, whether anything physical happened or not. Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to hold her naked in my bed, but I was crazy happy just being in the same room as her.

  I loved how she wore a ponytail at the nape of her neck so I could see her exposed skin. I loved that her blue eyes said so many things without her mouth having to utter a word. And I loved that she only smiled when she was truly content, and not just to be flirtatious. Of course, she didn’t even have to flirt to get my pulse racing.

  Having such an emotional investment in a woman was foreign to me. Of course I wanted both the emotional connection and the physical intimacy. But I wouldn’t even begin to have a clue how to go about that. I needed some advice. So I sent a text to the group chat I had with my two best friends while she used the restroom.

  Cam: How did you two go from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend status?

  Louis: Are you looking for advice or a really long, boring story?

  Charlie: HEY!

  Cam: Advice, I guess.

  Charlie: [jumping up and down GIF]

  Louis: If it feels right, everything will fall into place.

  Charlie: [heart emoji]

  Cam: Are you going to just text me GIFs and emojis Lean Bean?

  Charlie: [laughing emoji]

  Cam: Why do I even bother? [hand slapping me in the forehead emoji]

  Louis: Are you planning to ask Alexis to be your girlfriend?

  Cam: I already did.

  Charlie: What did she say? What did she say?

  Cam: I don’t think I want to tell you two now.

  Charlie: Oh come on! Please! Tell us!

  Louis: Please!

  Cam: You two are pathetic. Maybe I should start the silent game.

  Charlie: Okay. I lose. I owe you a soda. #tellmeplease

  Cam: She said YES

  Louis: [heart for eyes emoji]

  Charlie: [big heart emoji]

  Cam: Gotta go. She’s walking back from the bathroom now…and she looks upset. Hopefully I haven’t screwed things up already.

  Louis: TTYL

  Charlie: See you at Mom & Dad’s

  “We have to go right now, Cam.” She hadn’t even reached our table before she blurted that sentence out. Her brow was outlined with a frazzled expression. Her creamy complexion had gone pale, and her body was trembling.

  I reached for her hands and pulled her to the chair next to me at the table. “What’s wrong, Lex?” Worry coursed through me as I held her palms that were moist with perspiration as her trembling intensified. I hadn’t seen her upset like this since that nightmare she had a few nights ago. I was aware that she had secrets in her past she wasn’t comfortable talking to me about, but I was pretty sure she would confide in me one day. I just needed to be patient.

  “Alexis. Don’t you dare walk away from me! I’m talking to you.” The roar of an older, gruff voice boomed throughout the restaurant.

  “Please, Cam. I want to go.” Hysteria shuddered through her panic-laced speech. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and the begging plea was insistent.

  I wanted to take her hurt away, but I also wanted to know what I was up against.

  “Alexis!” I heard the same voice, but at an increasing cadence just before I saw the short, balding man with gray wisps of hair stomp toward our table.

  I stood to my full height and reluctantly released Lex’s hands.

  “Hey, I don’t want any trouble. She obviously doesn’t want to speak with you, so I think it’s best if you leave her alone.” My upright stance drew an angry scowl across the old guy’s face.

  “I wasn’t speaking to you, asshole. I’m talking to her.” He lunged forwar
d, toward my Butterfly, but being half his age, I was quicker on my feet than he was.

  I grabbed his arm and had it twisted behind his back before he had a chance to touch her. “Like I said before, she isn’t interested. It’s time for you to go. You can leave on your own, or I’m happy to assist you. It’s your call.” I held a firm grasp on his arm while he fought against me. He was no match for my strength, but he attempted to struggle out of my hold, nonetheless. Now would be a great time to break his arm. Louis was always the bigger person. He could walk away from a fight, but not me. I was always happy to show a jackass my fist.

  “Fine. I’ll leave.” I shoved the old guy away from us, and he stumbled forward. He coughed, and with one last look, he walked in the opposite direction. I let him go. I didn’t want Lex to see that angry side of me. Louis would have been proud.

  I sat back down next to Lex. “Who the hell was that retched old man?”

  “That was my dad.” She threw herself at me at that moment, so all I could do was catch her and wrap my arms around her. I had so many questions. I’d tried to be respectful of her privacy, but I might have to start asking more about her past sooner rather than later.

  I managed to pay our check, collect Lex in her fragile state, and walk her out to my truck. After helping her into the passenger seat, I swiftly jogged to the driver’s side and slipped behind the steering wheel. Once I started the ignition, I returned my arm to its proper place wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her toward me.

  She sniffled into my T-shirt as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the highway. I decided to head to the beach, even though I was unsure if this unexpected meeting would alter our plans for the afternoon.

  “Butterfly, please talk to me,” I whispered into her hair. I had my chin resting on the top of her head and placed a kiss on her light brown hair.

  “He’s the reason I didn’t want to go home every day from school.” She spoke into my chest rather than looking at me. I should have punched the asshole when I had the chance.

  “Did he…hurt you?” I braced myself for what she might or might not share.

  She stiffened at my question and turned her body away as much as she could with the restriction of her seatbelt and stared out the window.

  I reached over and linked my thumb with hers, reminding her of who I was. I wanted to remind her of who we were together. I was her Batman, and she was my Butterfly.

  “He used to beat my mom.”

  My breakfast sank like a brick in my stomach, and my grip tightened on the steering wheel. I wanted to turn my truck around and find that jackass. I took a deep breath and probably gritted my teeth so hard the thousands of dollars my parents had invested into my smile was probably just destroyed. She didn’t need me to be a crazy, raging animal. She needed me to comfort her and exhibit patience and understanding. So I unlinked my thumb and grazed the top of her thigh closest to me.

  “But he never hit you?” Again, I braced myself for her response.

  “No. But I was so terrified of him.” Her tone wavered with a mixture of sadness and perhaps a hint of fear. “I guess I still am.”

  “Butterfly, I will never let anyone hurt you. I wish I had known all those years ago. I would’ve done anything I could to help you.” My heart broke for her. It was ripping apart for the little girl who used to sit next to me on the bus every day. I wished I had been more persistent in asking why she didn’t want to go home.

  She continued to gaze at the passing trees along the highway. “You couldn’t have done anything. You were just a kid.”

  “My dad’s a pediatrician, and my mom is an attorney. I could’ve had them help you.” I needed to hold her again. I couldn’t continue to drive. I needed to look into those blue eyes and show her the promise that I would never hurt her. I would never let anyone hurt her. So I pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall.

  Placing my truck’s gearshift into park, I unbuckled my seat belt and reached across to unbuckle hers, too. Linking my thumb with hers, I slid toward her and placed a peck on her cheek. “Butterfly, I am so sorry.”

  She wore the saddest expression I’d ever seen. She wasn’t just sad; disappointment washed over her features. She was crushed. What the hell?

  “I never told anyone about that. I have never shared that part of my past with anyone.” She appeared completely shattered. She definitely didn’t look like someone relieved to spill a secret kept hidden for so long.

  “You can tell me anything. Anything at all, and I won’t share it with a soul. I promise.” I couldn’t stay apart from her for another second. I released the hold our thumbs had, and I pulled her into me. I rubbed her back, and she sank into my chest, collapsing against me in a loud whoosh.

  “But you tell Charlie everything.” She was whispering, which meant she was worried what my response would be.

  “This conversation is only between the two of us. Okay?” I would keep any secret she told me if it meant she’d open up some more. How could I have not known what was going on back then? “You don’t need to be scared of him anymore. He can’t hurt you.”

  She shifted in her seat, and those beautiful blue eyes found mine. “I was caught off guard. I haven’t seen him in so long.”

  “When was the last time you saw him?” The terror embedded in her face seemed so fresh that I assumed he had made a recent departure from her life.

  “He left my mom and me when I was around ten.”

  I was relieved yet still concerned because she still feared him now. Her traumatizing experience seemed recent. She had a nightmare a few nights ago. Has she been having nightmares all these years?

  “Cam, I’m totally exhausted. Is it okay if we skip the boardwalk? I really am wiped out.” Her flushed face and puffy eyes emphasized her point. I could destroy the person who did this to her.

  “Of course, Butterfly. I’ll take you home.”

  Lex was already asleep when I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex. “Hey, Lex, we’re home.” I rubbed her head, standing outside of the passenger door.

  She released a soft moan before her eyelids lifted. She practically rolled out of my truck but managed to land on her feet before shuffling toward her apartment.

  I walked alongside her, but I held her tightly to me with my arm around her shoulders. I thought she would need to lean on me a little, but she seemed able to walk independently without my assistance.

  She fumbled with her keys trying to open her door, so I assisted her. But once inside her apartment, she trudged to her bedroom without saying a word. Of course I followed after placing her keys on the end table in her living room.

  I watched her slip under her covers and lay her head on her pillow. I crawled in next to her but remained on top of the comforter. I pressed my body against hers. She faced away from me, so I wrapped my arm around her, effectively spooning her.

  “Cam, I kind of want to be alone.”

  “I want to respect you and give you what you want…but I really feel like you need me. And I want to be here for you,” I said into her ponytail.

  “I don’t think I like the person I am around you.” She took a long exhale after that confession.

  “What do you mean?”

  She flipped over so that we faced each other, but I still was able to keep my arm draped around her waist.

  “I feel weak and vulnerable…like I need you. These are not things I’m accustomed to. I’m used to taking care of myself and handling things on my own. Quite honestly, I don’t like feeling as if I might need someone.” Those blue eyes signaled that she had more to say.

  “Butterfly, everyone needs someone sometimes. Hell, I need a lot of people.” I brushed the stray hair that had escaped the confines of her ponytail and tucked it behind her ear. “I need Charlie and Louis and my parents. And my God, I need you. I need you so bad I can’t even think straight.”

  She actually blushed. A pink hue darkened her cheeks, and it was the most adorable, honest reaction I h
ad ever seen on a woman. “Cam, some of the things you say make me very uncomfortable.”

  My feelings bounced back and forth between desire and lust to protectiveness and wanting to hold her and assure her that she was safe. “Butterfly, I have no idea what you must have lived through in your life. But what you need to realize is that not everyone is going to hurt you. I will never purposely hurt you. I get that you’ve been hurt, but I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. I swear it. You will always be safe with me. Just please, let me in.” My eyes searched hers as we laid facing each other.

  “I’ve already let you in more than anyone else in my life.” She closed her eyes and flipped over to face away from me again.

  “And I feel absolutely privileged that you chose to confide in me.” Running my fingers through the silky hair of her ponytail was the only comforting measure I could adequately do from that position. “Butterfly, I will share all my secrets with you just to hear one of yours.” I wanted her to feel protected and secure with me.

  “My secret is that I don’t like to share secrets.” Exhaustion and defeat seeped out in her whispered remark.

  I needed to do something to lift her spirits. So I did what Louis, Charlie, and I used to do to lighten a mood that became too serious. I jabbed my finger into her side and then poked her in the armpit and abdomen. She jerked backward and forward, and then the sweetest sound escaped her. She had a full, throaty laugh.

  “Stop, Cam!” she yelled between gasping fits of laughter.

  I relented, of course, and pulled on her waist to urge her to roll in my direction and face me again. She beamed a wide smile at me. The most perfect lips curled up in the corners, and I finally saw happiness radiate from her. Pure exhilaration rushed through me as I witnessed her delight. “I like this look on you.”

  “What, tousled hair and emotional exhaustion?” Those mirth-filled blue eyes sparkled, and her cheekbones were raised and prominent because she was still smiling at me through her sarcasm.