Mistletoe Mishap

by Siri Caldwell

“Okay, not an experiment then.” Kendra’s fingers twitched, wanting to play with Viv’s apron ties again but not allowing herself to. Acting pitiful once in a day was more than enough. An idea formed. She expanded her lungs the way she’d been taught a lifetime ago in choir and belted out the line about the partridge in a pear tree. “A competition.”

  Viv angled her head without turning her body and kissed the underside of Kendra’s jaw, somehow managing to keep her wooden spoon safely over the pan where it could drip without making a mess, controlled even without looking. “A singing competition?”

  “No. The twelve days of Christmas. The alternative, inappropriate twelve days of Christmas. Competition style.” Kendra gently slid the spoon out of Viv’s hand and placed it on the ceramic spoon rest. She brushed her lips over Viv’s ear and lowered her voice. “Who can make the other person come twelve times first.”

  “Twelve times sounds a bit excessive,” Viv said in her stern, disapproving professor voice.

  Kendra put her hands on Viv’s hips. Viv didn’t squirm away, and the squeezing tension in Kendra’s ribcage relaxed. One touch and she felt lighter.

  “It has to be twelve, or it’s not the twelve days of Christmas.” And because once or twice wasn’t enough. They needed momentum.

  “Twelve times, huh?” Viv turned in her arms. Her lips were pursed, but a hint of mischief glimmered in her eyes. “That won’t take twelve days.”

  That’s my smart girlfriend. My smart, sexy, willing girlfriend. Kendra’s smile widened. Viv was going to say yes.

  She ran a hand from Viv’s hip to her waist to her ribcage. “Only one attempt per day allowed.”

  “Well…”

  Kendra moved higher and lingered on the side of her breast. “What do you think?”

  “I…” Viv’s breath hitched. “I take it we’re doing this on the actual twelve days of Christmas. Or…‌we could, I suppose. Do the twelve days start on Christmas Day? Or end there?”

  Huh. Good question. Were the twelve days even a real thing? She’d always assumed they were a real thing, but… “That’s what you’re thinking about right now? Logistics?”

  “What else would I be thinking about?”

  “You’re pretty good at doing that blank face thing that you’re doing right now. Where you pretend you’re not lying.” Kendra moved more purposefully over Viv’s breast, watching her carefully to make sure Viv didn’t want her to stop. “How long do you think you can keep it up?”

  Viv’s eyes fluttered closed.

  Kendra’s fingers played over her ribs. “I could make you think about something more fun.”

  Viv sighed and gently wiggled out of reach.

  Yeah. There it was. Moment ended. Kendra sighed, too.

  “I need to watch the stove,” Viv said.

  “Yeah.”

  “So make me think about having your hands on me later.”

  Yeah? Okay. Yes. They could do this.

  “Make me think about having your mouth—” Viv cut herself off before she could finish, because wow, Viv never said things like that. “Or vice versa, I suppose, since I’ll be the one winning this competition.” She retrieved her wooden spoon and stirred the pot with a controlled calm that made her look anything but controlled and calm. “You never said when the twelve days are.”

  “You will not be winning this…‌uh…‌wait, what?” Kendra stammered, struggling to make the mental switch. “Oh. Uh…‌days. Uh…‌what’s Epiphany? That’s the twelfth day, right? January…?”

  “Yeah, January sixth. So December twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven…” Viv counted on her fingers.

  “Just subtract twenty-five from thirty-one.”

  “Quiet, I’m counting.”

  “You’re a college professor and you’re counting on your fingers?”

  Viv ignored her. “Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty…”

  “You teach a lab science!”

  “So?”

  Kendra laughed. “Subtract twenty-five from thirty-one and add one, because you’re including both end dates. And add six.”

  “Thirty-one, one, two…”

  Kendra did the math in her head while Viv continued to count on her fingers. “Wait a minute, that adds up to…”

  “Three, four, five, six.” Viv stared at her hand, which had three fingers curled down with the pinky finger and ring finger sticking out. The ring finger was partly bent and was losing the battle to stay straight, like it was trying its best but was starting to regret having volunteered for this job. “Thirteen.”

  “That’s what I get, too.”

  Viv uncurled her fingers and started over. “That can’t be right. Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven…”

  “Maybe we’re not supposed to count Christmas Day.”

  Viv stopped counting and made a face. “The twelve days of Christmas don’t include Christmas?”

  “Maybe it’s the twelve days after Christmas, not of Christmas.”

  “Maybe it’s the twelve days before Christmas. Like an advent calendar.”

  “Advent calendars are twenty-four days.”

  “Are they?”

  “I don’t know. Aren’t they?”

  Viv gave a helpless shrug. “They start on December first, right?”

  “Who knows.” Kendra had never had an advent calendar. She remembered seeing them sometimes at other kids’ houses, hanging on their bedroom doors, but did they have twenty-four pieces of chocolate? Twenty-five? No clue. “We’re pretty hopeless Christians, aren’t we?”

  “Speak for yourself. I knew what day Epiphany is.”

  “But you don’t know what it actually means.”

  “Yeah, but I knew the date. And it has to be the twelfth day. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

  Kendra wrapped her arms around Viv’s waist and angled her farther from the sizzling food on the stove to keep her safe. “I don’t want to wait until Christmas. I want to start now.”

  “Grades are due the twenty-sixth. We’d be more relaxed if we started after.”

  “If we started now, I’d be more relaxed about doing the grading.”

  Viv gave her a searching look. “You’re afraid that if we put it off, we’re not going to do it at all, aren’t you?”

  “Maybe.” Absolutely. “You really want to wait two weeks?”

  “Twenty-four, twenty-three, twenty-two, twenty-one, twenty…” Viv was back to counting on her fingers. “The wait would be only ten days.”

  “Ten days, two weeks, close enough.”

  “Close enough? I don’t know how you geologists make any scientific breakthroughs with that kind of attitude.”

  “We save our precision for when it matters. Not my fault if the rest of you other scientists are jealous.”

  “Ten days, two weeks, that’s a difference of four days.”

  “Ooh, she can do math in her head.”

  “Shut up,” Viv said with a small smile. “Four days is not nothing.”

  “It is when you study rocks. A million years is a margin of error.”

  Viv shook her head, her fingers roaming over Kendra’s biceps. “Are you saying I should be happy that you show up anywhere on time?”

  “You should be.” Kendra’s arm warmed under Viv’s touch, even through the layer of her sleeve. “And yet ten days without touching you is going to feel like an eternity.”

  Viv stared at her, searching her eyes as if she needed to figure out whether Kendra was serious or not.

  Kendra’s chest pinched. Viv should know. Shouldn’t she?

  Viv leaned in and brushed a kiss on her cheek. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “We can start the challenge now.”

  Kendra pulled her in tight.

  A little burst of laughter escaped Viv’s lips, like the sudden squeeze had taken her by surprise. “Does this hug mean ‘Yes, Viv, let’s begin?’”

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe it means ‘Yes, Viv, you’re the best girlfri
end I ever had.’”

  “That too.”

  “Lucky for me you can’t remember back that far. To the women before me.”

  Kendra winked. “That’s what I tell you, anyway.”

  Viv gave her a chilly look of warning that probably made her students worry for their grade point average. “That’s what you tell me, because it’s true.”

  That glare didn’t have quite the same effect on Kendra. At least she hoped the effect wasn’t the same.

  “It’s true, babe, it’s true.”

  “On your mark, get set—”

  “But if Christmas really is only ten days away,” Kendra interrupted, “we don’t stop at Christmas. We go the full twelve days.”

  Viv dropped her forehead to Kendra’s shoulder with an exaggerated sigh. “It’s not the twelve days of Christmas if it neither starts nor ends on Christmas. If we start now, we stop at Christmas.”

  Oh, now Viv was just playing her.

  “Twelve days,” Kendra said.

  Viv raised her head. “Ten.”

  “You’re cheating me out of two days and we haven’t even started yet?”

  Viv’s mouth twitched, like she was trying not to grin. “I don’t have to agree to any of this.”

  “But you want to.”

  “Do I?”

  “Twelve days.” Seriously. Kendra was not backing down on this.

  “If we include today and we include Christmas Day, that’s…” Viv double-checked on her fingers. “…eleven.”

  Was that supposed to be a compromise? “You’re welcome to stop at eleven, but that means you automatically forfeit.”

  “Not if we change the rules.”

  “We’re not changing the rules.”

  “Whoever can make the other person come eleven times first.”

  Kendra laughed. “I don’t think so.”

  Viv kissed her on the cheek and wiggled out of her arms to rescue their dinner before it burned. “We could talk about this all night. Or someone could say ready, set—”

  “Go.”

  Chapter 3

  ———

  Day 1

  ———

  KENDRA 0 : VIV 0

  Kendra clicked off the bedroom light and hauled herself into bed in her sleep shirt and bare legs, hiking one hip onto the mattress and rolling because the bed was too tall for her to sink onto it gracefully. She got under the covers, and Viv yanked the edge of the sheet back into place, pulling it up to her chin.

  “Sorry I didn’t get you a partridge, seeing as how it’s the first day of Christmas,” Kendra said. Not the officially correct first day‌—‌they weren’t going to figure out when exactly that was‌—‌but their first day. “Or a pear tree.”

  “Thank God for small favors,” Viv said in the dark.

  “Hey! Where’s your sense of romance?”

  Kendra found her with her cold feet and Viv squirmed away.

  “I have no sense of romance when it comes to taking care of pet birds. No one should ever give an animal as a gift.”

  “Yeah, yeah. It’s not fair to the person or the animal. I know. A really good friend of mine explained it to me once. Or twice. Or three ti—”

  “Gardening’s also a lot of work,” Viv said. “Giving someone a fruit tree is—”

  “It’s just a song, babe.” Viv was thoughtful and practical and cared about things like protecting pear trees and partridges from neglect, and Kendra loved that about her, but there was such a thing as being too practical. “No one’s asking you to plant a pear tree.”

  “I know, but—”

  “Just wait until you see the seven swans I ordered. You’re going to love them. They’re beautiful and classy and the breeder swears they take care of themselves.”

  Viv sighed. “You’re lucky I can tell when you’re joking.”

  “The only issue is rounding them up and getting them into the car when it’s time to take them to the vet for their vaccinations. Supposedly they hiss.”

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  “And sexy.”

  Viv huffed a laugh. “Possibly.”

  Kendra turned onto her side and nudged her thigh between Viv’s legs. They were both tired, both ready to stop talking and move on to knocking day one of the countdown off the list.

  They rocked in a slow, familiar rhythm, gently working their bodies closer together. Kendra got lost in it, lulled by their sleepy pace and the warmth of Viv’s body. There was no urgency in it, just the comfort of holding each other. She could happily fall asleep like this.

  “I think I forgot to take the last load of laundry out of the washer.” Viv’s voice knocked her awake.

  Please don’t get up. Kendra knew what was coming next: Viv was going to get out of bed. Please don’t go check the washer.

  “I should check. I don’t want our clothes to be damp all night. They’ll mildew.”

  “The washer’s empty.”

  Viv rolled onto her back, her warmth slipping away as their legs disengaged. “I don’t remember emptying it.”

  No. Stay. Stay here. “I did it. I ran the dryer.” And thank God she had.

  “You did?”

  “Yup.” Kendra reached for her and tangled their legs together again. Stay. We have to do day one. We have a plan.

  “Oh good.” Viv snuggled closer, then froze.

  Crap. Viv was thinking again.

  “You sure?” Viv asked.

  “I’m sure. Folded everything and put it away.”

  “Oh. Thanks.” Viv squeezed Kendra’s thigh between her own in a lower-body thank-you hug. “That was nice of you.”

  Did everyone do this? Discuss household chores while their bare legs were intertwined? In the same exact everyday tone of voice they’d use on the phone at work in front of coworkers? Did they find themselves paying more attention to the question of whether they had, in fact, remembered to do the laundry, than to the sensation of skin against skin?

  When had she started taking that sensation for granted? It was a miracle that she got to be with Viv naked and share a bed with her every night. When she remembered what it had been like to wonder if she was the only teen in the world who felt this way about girls and how she’d worried she might never find someone to love, this conversation seemed impossible. She should be shaking with excitement that Viv would touch her at all. When did she lose that? Why hadn’t she noticed?

  “I guess we should be talking about something more romantic,” Viv said.

  “Like how fun it will be to do this for twelve days,” Kendra agreed. Twelve, not eleven. Kendra had won that argument over dinner.

  “I just needed to clear my mind. To stop worrying.”

  “Sure thing. All cleared now?”

  Viv made a noncommittal sound. “The minute I relax about one thing, I remember something else to feel stressed about.”

  “Let me distract you then.” Kendra found Viv’s shoulder in the dark and stroked softly down her arm. Up and down and up…‌and down…‌and up…‌and…

  Crap. Kendra had almost fallen asleep there.

  Distract her, she reminded herself. Don’t put us both to sleep.

  “You still awake?” Kendra asked.

  Viv’s breathing was quiet and even.

  Too quiet. Too even.

  Shit.

  Chapter 4

  ———

  Day 2

  ———

  KENDRA 0 : VIV 0

  While her students crammed last-minute studying into every free moment not spent taking exams, Kendra was in her lab inventorying supplies, ordering what she needed for next semester, and testing her lab equipment‌—‌the twenty polarizing microscopes, the two rock saws, the rock polisher, and all the other fun stuff‌—‌to ensure everything was working. Today had been a full day of repairing what had been battered by a semester of use.

  By the time she finished, she was more than ready to walk over to Viv’s building to meet up with her in the Madison Activity Ro
om for the end-of-semester party‌—‌more correctly referred to as the school-wide faculty/staff/alumni winter holiday celebration, informally known as the why‌-‌do‌-‌I‌-‌have‌-‌to‌-‌go‌-‌to‌-‌these‌-‌things‌-‌I‌-‌have‌-‌nine‌-‌other‌-‌Christmas‌-‌parties‌-‌on‌-‌my‌-‌schedule‌-‌in‌-‌the‌-‌next‌-‌two‌-‌weeks extravaganza‌—‌and stuff herself with hors d’oeuvres. And possibly red or green desserts.

  She wasn’t one of those people who hated socializing with her coworkers. She liked her coworkers. She liked catching up with former students who weren’t too old yet to wear plush reindeer antlers and jingle bell earrings, and she liked listening to the university a cappella group perform. It would be a nice change from working alone in silence all day.

  And when she spotted Viv stealing a sprig of mistletoe from the festive decor, she realized they’d stayed long enough.

  Kendra took Viv by the elbow and guided her out into the empty hallway, the roar of voices not muted in the least by the open double doors.

  “One down,” Kendra said, confident that Viv would know what she was talking about. “Eleven to go.”

  Viv smirked. “One down, ten to go.”

  Oh good. She knew. But what the heck was she trying to pull now?

  Viv knew it wasn’t ten. She was just being difficult. Perhaps because she had this weird idea that it turned Kendra on. Perhaps because it did.

  “Today is day two. I don’t know why you’re having trouble with the math, but like I said, if you’d like to forfeit, feel free.”

  “Me? Forfeit? I plan to win.” Viv put one hand on her hip and imitated Kendra’s just‌-‌you‌-‌watch‌-‌me wiggle, with plenty of shoulder and booty action.

  It looked ridiculous on her.

  Ridiculously adorable.

  And to see her do it within earshot of a work function, where someone could walk out at any moment and see her, was amazing.

  Kendra shivered. Losing would not be a hardship.

  But she wasn’t going to lose.

  “You can plan to win all you want,” Kendra said. “Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”

  “But it will.”

  “Doubt it.”

  “In six days, you’ll see how wrong you are.”

  “Eleven days.”