by J. S. Scott
“No way. I don’t really want to talk about it. I talked myself to death over my years of counseling. I want to live my life in the moment. I just don’t want to keep reliving the past.”
“Maybe you need to close that door before you can move forward,” he suggested huskily.
I thought about his words for a moment.
Had I ever really dealt with the truth, or was I just trying to sweep it under a rug? “I’ve never really had anybody I wanted to trust with my secret. The only one who knows is Laura, and she never pushed. I think she knew it was a sensitive subject for me.”
“Then talk to me,” he urged.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said softly. “It’s like living with a stigma that will never go away. It’s haunted every part of my life for fifteen years now, and I’m not sure I can let it go. I can’t change my DNA. People are always going to judge if they know, and if I ever have kids, I’d have to explain what happened with my father to my children. How do you tell a kid who looks up to you that your father raped and killed so many women that we probably don’t even know about them all?”
Carter lightly stroked my hair as he replied, “You can deal with that when you get there. Until then, you have to know that you’re okay. Every family has their fair share of black sheep.”
“I studied my family history. My father’s family has been here in the United States for centuries. None of them ever had a history of violence. No murders. No black sheep. Not until him.”
Checking out the family genetics had been an obsession for me. I hadn’t been able to stop until I knew that there was nothing in my father’s family history.
Carter’s touch soothed me, and I let out a sigh.
“I don’t know what to do to help you believe that none of this was your fault,” he said, his voice tormented.
“Just being with me and knowing you’re okay with this helps,” I replied. “You have no idea how much it helps.”
I’d felt so damn lost for so long that it was a relief to finally have somebody see me without seeing my father.
He wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me against him again, and I let myself relax.
I fell into the safety of Carter Lawson, and it was the most solace I’d ever experienced since the day we’d found out who my father really was, and what he’d done.
“I’ll make you believe that just because you share some blood with somebody evil doesn’t mean that you’re anything other than perfect,” he crooned next to my ear.
“I have to watch the interview. It’s my mom. Will you watch it with me?” It would be so much easier if Carter was around.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said with so much conviction that I was starting to believe that nothing I could tell him would make him go.
I just hoped to God that I was right. I’d survived the guilt and shame of being a killer’s daughter, but I probably wouldn’t make it through seeing Carter Lawson leave.
Carter
“I’m taking some time off,” I told my two brothers on a video conference call the next morning from my home office.
I was going to get Brynn out of the city. She’d done okay watching the interview with her mom, but it had damn near torn my heart out.
I’d heard more about the trial because her mother had needed to testify, and about how people had shunned them after the news broke in their town.
Fucking judgmental assholes in their city had even sent letters and talked on the news about how Brynn and her mother could have prevented some of the deaths if they’d just paid attention.
For God’s sake, Brynn had been a child, and people still got on their high horse, blaming her.
And the damage had torn Brynn and her mother both apart.
In many ways, I understood why Brynn’s mom had needed to speak out. The lesson to her story was to blame the perpetrators and not the family. I’d gotten the message loud and clear.
Still, I wasn’t sure Brynn had really understood. Not completely. She’d looked like she’d been torn up once the show was over.
“How much time?” Mason asked gruffly.
“I don’t know. Maybe a few weeks. Could be a month.” I had no idea how long it took to mend a heart, but I’d fucking keep at it until I fixed everything that had ever been done to Brynn.
“Where are you going?” Jett asked, sounding confused. “The engagement party is next month.”
“I’ll be there,” I promised. “But something happened to Brynn. Something bad. I can’t share it, but I need to help her. I need to get her out of the city for a while.”
My plan was to escape to the mountain cabin I owned, and give her some peace.
“Is she okay?” Jett asked, sounding worried now.
“She’s fine. It’s not physical. But she needs me.”
It felt good to say that the woman I cared about needed me, and I was kind of taken aback at how it made me feel like I was the only one who could help her right now.
“Take whatever time you need,” Mason said firmly, like he was talking to an employee instead of his brother.
But it was kind of surprising that he hadn’t missed a beat in giving me all the time I needed, even if it stretched out for a very long time.
“You need anything, man?” Jett asked sincerely.
“Maybe a manual on how to make a woman happy?” I said hopefully.
Jett chuckled while Mason grimaced. “Fresh out of those manuals,” Jett answered. “If I finally figure that out, I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks for covering me. If it wasn’t important, I wouldn’t go,” I told them.
“Carter, the company won’t crumble if you’re not here,” Mason said.
“I know. But compared to you, I’ll look like a slacker.”
“You always have,” he shot back.
An actual joke from Mason? I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that.
“I’ll be in touch,” I answered.
“Call me if you need to talk or anything,” Jett told me in a serious tone.
I nodded right before I cut the video chat session.
My mind wasn’t on my company or my brothers at the moment.
I was thinking about Brynn.
And the fact that if her evil parent wasn’t already dead, I’d want to kill the bastard myself.
After everything she’d been through, all I wanted to do was protect her, make it impossible for her to ever be hurt again.
She was born to be a giving, brilliant, talented woman—which she was.
And she’d had to shine under a shadow for long enough.
How in the fuck can a man have a family, including a beautiful daughter of his own, and ruthlessly rape and kill young women along his truck route?
When they’d showed pictures of the victims during the interview, Brynn had completely lost it.
“We’re getting the hell out of here,” I mumbled to myself as I stood up, anxious to take Brynn somewhere that was peaceful and quiet.
I grabbed my bag and I was at Brynn’s door within a few minutes.
Everything stopped when she smiled at me after she opened the door.
I was fucked.
And I knew it.
But I’d be damned if I cared.
“Hi,” she said, still smiling as she waved me in.
“You ready?” I asked, anxious as hell to get her away from her own thoughts.
“Yes. But you still haven’t told me exactly where we’re going.”
“I have a place in the mountains. Here. Take this.”
She looked at me dumbfounded as I held out a card key that opened both the penthouse elevator and the door.
“I don’t need a key to your place,” she argued.
I picked up her bag that was already at the door as I said, “I wa
nt you to have it. If you ever need me, or if you ever need to see me, or you ever need to talk, just come up.”
There was no way I ever wanted Brynn to need me and not be able to gain access to my door.
She looked hesitant, but I was relieved when she took it and put it in her purse. “You didn’t have to do that, Carter.”
“I wanted to,” I said, my voice hoarse with the need to wrap her up inside me and never let her escape.
“Thank you,” she answered, her tone more subdued than it had been.
“Let’s go.” I motioned toward the door.
Neither one of us spoke until we were in my black Lincoln Navigator and we were on our way to the mountains.
“I never pegged you as an SUV kind of guy,” she mused.
“I only drive it when I’m going to the mountains.”
“It’s comfortable,” she answered. “But it’s big.”
“Happen to have a lot of big things,” I told her.
She laughed, just like I hoped she would. “Men who have to brag are generally overestimating.”
“Not me. It’s just a fact, baby,” I joked.
“I’d call you out by asking to see for myself, but you’re driving,” she quipped.
“I could stop,” I offered with way too much enthusiasm.
She giggled, something I’d never heard her do before. “Don’t. We’d never get into the mountains.”
My dick was instantly as hard as granite. I’d wanted Brynn for so damn long that I was pretty much getting used to having a constant erection. “We could stay in the city,” I suggested.
Hell, I didn’t give a damn where the first time happened for us. I just needed something to happen.
“The mountains sound like a romantic place for us to get naked for the first time,” she pondered.
“This won’t be easy for me, Brynn. You’ll be way too close,” I growled.
“Does this place of yours have a hot tub?” she asked innocently.
“Yes,” I answered shortly.
“How fast can we get there?”
“It will take a while to get up there,” I warned, now cursing the Seattle traffic that was going to slow me down.
Why in the hell had I decided to drive? I should have taken the helicopter.
“I can wait,” she murmured. “Tell me about it? Is it a cabin?”
I nodded. “A big cabin.”
“You never really do anything small, do you?”
I shrugged. “Generally not. And I bought it a couple of years ago. Haven’t really been there much yet.”
“Why?”
“I think I was pretty much just waiting for you,” I answered, my voice coarser than I wanted it to be.
“You didn’t even know I existed when you bought it,” she said doubtfully.
“Maybe I just needed a reason to go. Going there sounded good in theory, but I never seemed to find enough time to get away. But it’s nice there. Peaceful.”
Honestly, I could hear my thoughts too loudly when I was there alone. I’d decided I needed to be around the constant hustle of work to drown them out.
“Thanks for this,” she uttered in a genuine tone. “I think I need to get away.”
“Everything will be okay, Brynn. You just need time.”
“I’ve had time. I think I just need the right perspective. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe we do need to speak out about blaming the families. The way we were treated, and everything we had to go through to hide our identities, is crazy. I had to make excuses, or tell people that my father had died, even when he wasn’t dead. I was a victim for a very long time. Maybe it is time to go on the offensive. At least for Mom. I can’t speak out right now. I have a responsibility to my clients to keep the gossip about me at a minimum. But maybe someday I’ll be ready.”
“Until then, can you just be Brynn?” God, I hoped she could because she was special. She didn’t need to be associated with anybody to shine.
“I guess that’s something I’m willing to discover,” she said wistfully.
“I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”
“You’re an amazing man, Carter Lawson,” she said with a sigh.
Hell, I could feel my ego swelling every time she stroked it, but I really needed her to pet something else, too. “I’m just a guy who wants you to be happy.”
“I am,” she answered immediately. “You make me happy. But I really want to make you happy, too.”
“I’m a simple guy,” I said. “Just get naked and I’ll be ecstatic.”
“Pervert,” she accused.
“I never claimed that I wasn’t warped.” Hell, she made me so damn desperate that, for the first time in my life, I actually felt depraved.
“You know, I kind of like that about you,” she said with a laugh.
“Yeah? What else do you like about me?”
“Hmm…you’re pretty bossy, but nothing I can’t handle. So it’s attractive. And you’re willing to eat anything I cook, which is good since I’m assuming I’ll be cooking on this trip. You’re pretty smart, and I’m discovering that I really like intelligent men.”
“Not men,” I demanded. “You like me.”
As far as I was concerned, she didn’t need to even discover if another guy was intelligent or not. I’d keep her so damn happy she wouldn’t need to.
“I do,” she said in a soothing voice.
“You sound tired. Are you?” I demanded to know.
“I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I had a nightmare, and I haven’t had one about my father in a long time.”
I turned my head for a second, and saw the exhaustion on her face for the first time since I’d picked her up.
“You can sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get there.” There was no reason for her to stay awake.
“Then I’d miss talking to you,” she answered in what she must have thought was a rational tone.
“We’ll have plenty of time to talk while we’re there.” I hated the fact that she hadn’t slept because she was scared. I wished I would have been there.
I was pretty damn determined to make every fear she’d ever had go away.
“Sleep. You will have to cook or we’ll starve.”
“Worried about your food source?” she said, giving me a hard time.
I’m worried about you!
“I don’t like to see you exhausted,” I admitted.
Not unless we’ve just had mind-blowing sex, and you definitely wouldn’t look that weary.
She’d look utterly and completely satisfied.
“I think I’ll live,” I grumbled. “Go to sleep.”
“I feel safe with you, Carter. I like that.”
Hell, I liked that, too. But she had every reason to be scared. “You can trust me, sweetheart. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
Maybe I had been a prick. Maybe I still was, but not with her. Brynn had me by the balls. I just wasn’t sure she knew that yet.
“I might fall asleep,” she conceded.
I smirked. The only reason she was fighting it was because I’d insisted she sleep. But I wasn’t complaining. Her stubbornness was one of the things that had gotten her through her early life. Brynn was a fighter, and I’d never want to see her any other way.
“I’ll wake you up when we get there,” I said quietly.
“I want that hot tub,” she said, sounding like she was ready to give up the fight to stay awake.
“It will be ready for you,” I promised.
I’d sent one of my assistants up by helicopter to make sure everything was ready when we got there, and that we were completely stocked with food.
I highly doubted that the hot tub would happen tonight since she looked like she was going to be out cold. But the sleep was better for her
than getting in the hot tub tonight. Unfortunately, my imagination ran wild about finding her naked in that spa.
I hadn’t been joking when I’d told her that it was going to be hard having her that close. It was going to be very hard the whole damn time we were in the same house. I’d be jacking off every damn night thinking about her. But I wasn’t going to push until she was ready. She’d been through hell the last few days.
I heard a cute little snore from the passenger seat, and I grinned like an idiot.
She trusts me enough to keep her safe when she’s vulnerable, when she’s asleep.
I couldn’t say why that made me happy. But my heart raced for a moment while I contemplated the fact that she really had passed out in my SUV without a second thought.
She fucking does trust me.
And that was way more important than my need to get her naked. At least it was for now. I’d worry about my painful erection later.
Right now, I had everything I needed.
Brynn
I’m definitely not going to need to work out today!
I was actually short of breath by the time I reached the viewing area that had been mentioned with a small sign on the hiking trail.
But the view was definitely worth every bit of the pain it had taken to reach it.
It was wilderness for as far as the eyes could see, and the mountains were spectacular.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
This was what I needed. I had to be reminded of how small I really was in the face of the vast space that was spread out before me.
Sometimes it was easy to forget how little my problems meant when considering the entire universe.
I wonder if Carter is awake?
I didn’t remember much about the night before. I’d been so exhausted, but I did recall falling asleep on the drive up. After that…nothing. Somehow I’d woken up in Carter’s bed early this morning with his arms tightly around me, and my head on his bare chest.
He felt so good that it had been hard to get up, and I didn’t for at least a half hour. I’d just watched the sunrise, and basked in the feeling of being protected by a man who cared about me.
Obviously, he’d lugged me off to bed, and stripped off my clothes. I’d woken up in only my bra and panties.