by J. S. Scott
“Oh, God no. I don’t know any man who’d be willing to do that.”
“I might know one,” he rasped.
“Who?”
I wanted desperately to hear his answer, and I was pretty sure that he actually uttered “Me” before I passed out in his arms and he caught me before I hit the ground.
Brynn
I didn’t know how to feel after I got back to my condo. I wished I could stay numb. It was safer that way. But every word Carter had said was tearing at my heart.
Yesterday, I would have been weeping in joy because he said he loved me. Now, I was bawling my eyes out because he’d said those words, but I definitely wasn’t, in any way, ecstatic.
I got out of my little black dress, slipped into a pair of boy shorts and a cropped t-shirt that I slept in, and made myself some coffee.
Carter was right about one thing…I’d consumed a lot more alcohol than I normally would. And I knew why. I was trying to escape.
I hated myself for that.
My plan had been to get through the party, and then give him a chance to explain. Not that there actually was an explanation for him being that close to another female, but I’d owed it to him to at least have the chance to say something.
Instead, I’d simply pushed him away because it was way easier than opening myself up to get slammed.
I sipped my coffee at the small kitchen table, thinking about every single time he’d reassured me, only to end up cheating on me in the end.
Maybe he hadn’t slept with the female yet, but it didn’t matter. Emotional cheating was just as bad as physically fucking another woman. Maybe worse.
I was getting my brain back now that I was filling up with caffeine, and it had been awhile since my last drink.
I hadn’t been drunk, but the alcohol had been enough to make me shy away from anything raw. It had opened the door for the emotions to rush through, and all I wanted to do was close the damn thing.
I wanted to call my mother just to see how she was doing, but it was after midnight, three a.m. her time, so I’d have to wait until tomorrow.
After hearing about the hell that Ruby had been through, I guess all I really needed was to thank her for always being there, and loving me as much as she always had.
We hadn’t had a lot of money, but she’d kept a roof over our heads after my father had gone to prison. And I was what I was today because of her. Well, maybe not the heartbroken part. But the independent, career-minded, wealthy woman I usually was.
The final fog lifted from my mind, and all I could feel was pain.
I should have given him a chance to say what he wanted to say.
I should have given him the opportunity to explain.
And I should have listened.
Looking back to all of the things that had been said and done between us, I should have given him that chance.
After all, Carter had essentially healed a wound that had festered inside me for years. And even though it was highly possible that he may have betrayed me, at least I knew that I was capable of trusting someone. Even if that person wasn’t going to be him.
Do it, Brynn. Just do it. Rip the damn Band-Aid off and find out the truth!
In the end, I knew me, and I wasn’t going to be able to move on until I heard the truth from his lips.
Before I could think better of it, I grabbed my purse and rummaged around inside until I found the key to his penthouse. I’d never used it, but I was glad I had it.
I swiped my own keys from the table, and headed upstairs.
I have to know the truth. I have to know the truth.
When I finally got to the door of his home, I hesitated briefly, but then gathered my courage and rang the doorbell.
He answered the door almost immediately, and my heart sunk when I saw the ravaged look on his face.
His tie was unknotted and hanging around his neck, and his tux looked like he’d slept in it.
I swallowed hard. “You said if I ever needed you, I could just come up. Can I come in?”
His gaze was cool, but he swung the door open and I stepped inside.
“I have to ask you a question, and I really hope you can be honest with me,” I began.
His stare went to my attire. I’d forgotten I was dressed for bed. I’d been too intent on getting the answers to my questions.
“I’ve always been honest with you, Brynn,” he answered in a flat tone.
“You told me you had a meeting yesterday, but when I left the café I’d had my meeting in, I saw you. I saw you at the jewelry store with another woman, Carter. I saw you hug her, and I saw you kiss her. You weren’t at a meeting. You were with another woman,” I said.
He looked puzzled for a second, and then his expression became completely shuttered.
Without a word, he turned and headed toward the bedroom. He was back within a minute.
“You’re right,” he said distantly, like he was having a casual conversation. “I wasn’t at a meeting. That was my one and only little white lie, and I probably justified it because I wanted Harper to help me pick this out.”
I audibly gasped as he pulled a jewelry box from that store out of his pocket and flipped it open. Nestled in the red velvet lining was the most exquisite diamond I’d ever seen.
The setting was either platinum or white gold, and it had a huge center stone that sparkled and winked, even in the dimly lit room. The big diamond was flanked by two smaller ones set back so that it didn’t detract from the gorgeous middle stone.
“Oh, my God,” I said, horrified. “That was Harper in the store with you.”
“Of course,” he said offhandedly. “And if I did kiss her, it was brotherly and not romantic. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I was happy that she was with me. I made her promise to keep quiet about it until I had the right spot to propose. I wanted to marry you, Brynn. I loved you.”
The fact that he was using past tense was a little scary.
Shit! What in the hell had I done? “I couldn’t really see her. I just saw you put your arm around her and kiss the top of her head like you always do with me. I’m so sorry, Carter.” My heart was splintering into a million little pieces.
I’d hurt him. I could see the devastation on his face.
“It never occurred to you that there could be a logical explanation?” he asked in a clipped voice. “Granted, I never should have lied about the meeting, but I didn’t want you to find out. But you tossed our relationship away over something pretty damn petty.” He closed the box and shoved it back into his pocket.
“I love you, too, Carter. I really do. I just got scared. It was like the worst thing I could imagine happening had come true.”
There was silence as his frosty gaze bore into me.
Finally, I asked hesitantly, “You don’t want to give me the ring anymore?”
Pain sliced through my soul as I saw the doubtful look on his face.
He didn’t want to marry me.
I’d killed the fragile love that had grown between the two of us.
He raked a hand through his hair. “Christ! I don’t know what I want anymore. Earlier, I swore I was going to give you some time, and that I’d be here when you were ready. I even planned on dogging you until you told me what the hell had happened. But now, knowing such a ridiculous thing sent you off without even talking to me, or better yet, you just coming into the store when you saw me, makes me wonder if you’ll just keep running. Or if you’re just making excuses to run because that’s really what you want. I don’t think I can deal with that, Brynn. You didn’t even give me a chance to tell you the real truth.”
I tried to blink back the tears that filled my eyes, but it was a useless battle. He was right, and he had every right to be angry.
“I was going to talk to you after the party. But you’re right
, I drank too much, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
He was quiet, his expression still turbulent.
“I don’t blame you for being hesitant,” I said in a quivering voice. “I was stupid. I went with a knee-jerk reaction, and let it take over every one of my thoughts.”
Carter had wanted to marry me.
He’d loved me that much.
And I’d tossed it away. I’d tossed him away.
“I really don’t know what to do right now, Brynn.”
I swiped at the river of tears that were flowing down my face. “I understand,” I choked out. “But I want you to know that I love you. I think I have since you kissed me in that elevator. You’ve done so much for me, and I hate myself that I doubted you, even for a second.”
“You changed my life, too,” he said in a slightly warmer voice. “But I need more. I get that couples fight, and I’d fight with you any damn day of the week. I just can’t take it that you might run at the first sign of trouble.”
My heart was aching, and all I wanted to do was throw myself into his arms and beg for forgiveness until he gave it to me.
But he was wary now, and he wasn’t going to give me a second chance.
“I know,” I agreed tearfully. “I broke the bond of trust we had. It’s my fault.”
I’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to me in my life, and it was all because I let myself give in to my fear.
“Maybe we should talk about it when we’ve both had time to think,” he suggested flatly.
I knew what that meant. He wasn’t going to be able to forget that he’d given me everything he had, and I’d hurt him irrevocably.
“It’s okay,” I told him wistfully. “I’ll go.”
He didn’t protest as I opened the door and let it close behind me.
Not that I’d expected him to.
I got into the elevator and rode it back down to my floor, thinking about the fact that I wasn’t going to lose Carter because he’d betrayed me. I was going to lose him because I hadn’t completely shaken off my insecurities.
I couldn’t go back in time and change what I’d done, but I was going to put myself out there completely to Carter. I wasn’t giving up until I was convinced there was no chance for us at all.
Maybe I didn’t deserve a second chance. But I wasn’t letting go of Carter without a fight.
Brynn
“How is it that I didn’t sleep much last night, but you look worse than I do?” I asked Laura early the next morning as I took a seat across from her at the diner where we were meeting up.
I’d gotten an email from my agent asking if I could get a flight out the next morning for California. My client wanted to start the shoot and commercial early, so I’d booked a flight last night.
Then, Laura had called early, and we’d decided to meet up for coffee before I had to get to the airport.
My bag was in my car, and I had about an hour to spare.
I assessed Laura’s face, and I wasn’t liking what I saw. The bags under her eyes were dark, like she hadn’t slept much at all. And her expression was stressed. She had her fingers around the coffee mug like it was her only savior.
“What’s wrong?” I pressed. “Is everything okay?”
She planted her face in her hand. “No. Oh, my God, Brynn, I drank way too much last night.”
“Not like we haven’t done that before,” I reminded her.
“But I didn’t know anyone at the party. I feel like an idiot,” she said with a moan. “At my worst, I was talking to Mason Lawson. Honestly, I don’t remember what all I said, but I remember telling him that I wanted to have a baby.”
I knew Laura was a private person, but… “What’s wrong with that? It’s true.”
“I think he offered to be the baby daddy for me. Everything is vague. Maybe I’m wrong, but I swear he said he’d be willing to do it.”
I whistled. “I can think of way worse sperm donors.”
“I’m mortified here, buddy. From what I remember, I was a twit. He must think I’m a total idiot. Not that it matters because I’m not likely to run into him again. So if I can just stop thinking about what he thought, I’d be good.”
“He’s just one guy, Laura. Really, who cares what he thinks?”
She sat up straight again, but her face was still haggard. “You’re right. It just seems a tiny bit mortifying that I suddenly became chatty with one of the richest guys on the planet.”
“What else did you talk about?” I asked curiously.
“Nothing I can remember, thank God. It was a short conversation. Thanks for getting me back home.”
“Laura, I didn’t take you home.” She must have been really out of it.
She looked at me in horror. “But I was home in my bed this morning. How in the hell did I get there? My car was still at Jett’s place. I had to go pick it up this morning. Damn, I’ve never forgotten how I got home.”
“Laura, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you get that trashed.” Although I was glad she got home safe, I was worried about what had caused her to lose it in the first place.
She shrugged. “I started the search for a possible sperm donor. It all seemed so…cold. Do you know that you have to actually shop for a donor? They take MasterCard, Visa, Discover, and American Express. It’s not like I’m ordering a pizza or something. It’s a baby, for God’s sake. I started thinking about how I was going to tell my child someday that I ordered him or her like I was buying a new computer. And I have no idea what traits I want. Education level, medical history, ethnicity, physical characteristics, personality traits—blah, blah, blah. And what if my kid ends up with biological siblings? Do I want the donor open to seeing my baby some day?”
“I didn’t know you’d gotten that far into it,” I said, a little hurt that Laura hadn’t shared that with me earlier.
“I wasn’t really. I just went for a consult. But they asked me to start looking for a donor if I was interested.”
“So it’s more complicated than you thought?” I questioned.
“Actually, I think it was far too easy. I pick a guy who has all the traits I want, go to the checkout, and I’m done. The process isn’t complicated at all. But all I can think about is how all this works out in the future. I guess that’s why I just wanted to let go for a while last night. But I went way too far,” she said with a weary sigh.
“Please don’t let this stress you out,” I said softly. “You don’t have to go through with it, and you have time to think about it. Unless you made a purchase. And even then, nobody is going to force you.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t. I guess I just wanted to see what the process was like. Getting pregnant isn’t the problem. It’s all the other things I worry about down the road.”
I could definitely understand her predicament.
“Take your time,” I advised. “And don’t worry about what you said to Mason. From what Carter tells me, he’s basically a workaholic. He’ll likely forget all about it.”
So much for the possible hookup between Laura and Mason. I was hoping they’d get along.
“I hope so,” she mumbled. “So how did it go for you guys at the party? When I saw you, I can’t say you looked especially happy.”
Laura and I had been together at the party until Ruby had pulled me aside, and somebody else had wanted to chat with my best friend.
“I screwed up. I tried to break up with Carter instead of confronting him about the woman I saw him with at the jewelry store. Turns out, it was his sister, Harper, and he was buying me an engagement ring—with her help. Now we’re broken up for good because I pushed him away,” I told her, my heart aching all over again.
“Oh, Brynn. I’m so sorry. I wish you had just asked him.”
I ordered a coffee, and then explained to Laura what had happened
the night before.
“Did he say he didn’t want to see you again?” she questioned.
“No. But I’d say he was pretty certain. I’m kind of glad that I’m flying out this morning. Maybe being somewhere else for a few weeks will help.” Everything in Seattle was going to remind me of Carter, and the local media loved covering all things Lawson.
“He still loves you, Brynn. And you love him, right?” Laura asked gently.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without blubbering in the middle of the diner.
“Maybe you can work it out when you get back. Carter might be angry, but he isn’t unreasonable. He knows about your history.”
“He does. But there comes a point when I have to leave that behind. He’s never given me any reason not to trust him. Just the opposite. It was a reaction that came out of nowhere, an insecurity from my past. God, he loved me so much he was going to ask me to marry him,” I said a little louder than I should have.
“Believe me, he’s not going to give you up. Give him time,” she said.
“I’m not going to give him that much space. I love Carter. I want to marry him. I can’t imagine being with anybody else,” I told her. “I guess I’m just going to have to prove that I’m really not willing to let go. That I’m not going to run away for some idiotic reason that isn’t even true ever again.”
“That’s the woman I know and love,” Laura said with a smile. “You’ve never backed down. Don’t start now.”
“I don’t plan on it.” I shot her a weak grin, and then looked at the clock. “Oh, God, I have to go. I have a plane to catch.”
I stood up and grabbed my purse.
“I’ll get the coffee.” Laura waved me on. “Just go.”
“Don’t make any decisions without me,” I pleaded. “I want to be there if you decide to go through with the insemination.”
“I won’t. I really need to think about it,” she agreed.