by C. M. Owens
It takes me a few minutes of being lost in his kiss to realize I just told him I love him.
I really have the shittiest timing ever for romantic notions.
CHAPTER 28
MAYA
We’re a tangle of naked limbs when I wake up and see the dark sky through the window. Loud voices beyond the bedroom draw my attention, making me think that’s probably what woke me up.
The door is cracked, as though someone didn’t shut it and probably peeked in to see if Axle was awake.
As if he hears it too, Axle jerks awake, his hand immediately tightening on me like he’s making sure I’m still next to him.
“I’m saying it’s a possibility,” I hear Jude telling someone. “Hershel tells us where to find Herrin, and we’ll just kill him.”
“Hershel won’t talk this quickly,” Sledge growls.
“No, but he will eventually. Death will be the reward, since he seems to want to push you into killing him. Is Liza coming out here?” he asks.
A lump forms in my throat as Axle sits up a little, bending over to grab his discarded boxers from the floor.
“No. She’s still at the hospital,” Sledge says quietly.
“Yo, Axle, you up?” I hear someone asking, probably hearing him shuffling around.
“Yeah. I’ll be out in a second,” he says. “Are Maya’s clothes here?”
“Drake put them just inside your door,” Drex calls out.
I spot a pink bag that isn’t mine, but assume that’s what’s holding my clothes. I suppose that’s the real reason as to why the door was cracked.
“We’re going outside. Join us when you get dressed,” Drex tells him.
As soon as I hear the front door shut, I look over at Axle. “I don’t think Liza was really a victim.”
Word vomit, hello. That totally wasn’t supposed to come out like that.
His eyes flash to mine, his pants hanging on his hips undone, and I rush to add, “She stared at the camera, and victims who know there’s a camera always stare away—”
He darts to me, clamping his hand over my mouth to shut me up as he looks over his shoulder toward the door.
He listens for a minute, like he’s checking to make sure no one is still out there, before his eyes finally come back to mine.
“You can’t say that to anyone else,” he says quietly. “Liza has been with the club for longer than any of us, including Sledge. You’re an outsider. That will piss a lot of people off, and—”
“I know,” I interrupt, pulling his hand down. “That’s why I’m telling you. Just you. I’ve had to watch tapes like that more times than I care to count. Some of the heads of other Families aren’t quite as civilized as we are. We had to desensitize ourselves to things like this so that we didn’t cave against the demands. It was part of our training.”
He looks behind him again, before redirecting his attention to me.
“What did you see?” he finally asks.
“She stared at the camera,” I repeat. “Shame is a powerful thing, even though these girls are feeling unwarranted shame. It still keeps them from looking at the camera, refusing to allow their families or anyone else to see them so vulnerable and exposed. Usually, the captors force them to look at the camera, and you can see the way it kills them. Liza looked into the camera for almost the entire video.”
He blows out a breath and runs his hand through his hair before sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“That’s how you knew it was a setup,” he says quietly.
“That and the fact she had access to at least one of your accounts, since she cleans the money at the club. She also knew about the cars being done today.” I glance at the bedside clock to see it’s two in the morning. “Well, technically yesterday. And she chose her escorts. Twenty-five years is a long time, Axle. Especially for someone as devoutly loyal as I’ve been told she is.”
He looks back at me, and I expect him to tell me to shut up and keep my opinions to myself. Being an outsider doesn’t lend me the right to have an opinion, after all. People get killed for accusations like I’m making against one of theirs.
If someone accused Smitty of this, and they were an outsider, there’d be hell to pay. Although I didn’t get too pissed when Axle tried to suggest as much once. But that’s because it’s Axle. I’m hoping he feels the same.
“Get on some clothes,” he says, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “And come find me when you’re done if you feel like it.”
“What about what I said?” I ask him.
He studies my eyes for a moment, hesitating to answer. “I’ll figure something out. I can’t just accuse her of not being a victim and then her turn out to be a victim. It wouldn’t end well for you or me. Understand?”
I just nod, blowing out a breath. I knew it was treacherous territory. Hell, they trusted her enough to give her their account information. Which means they’re too loyal to her to question her loyalty.
Vicious little circle there.
He stands abruptly and finishes doing his jeans up, before he pulls his boots on and walks out.
And I drop back to the bed to stare at the ceiling, wondering if he even realized I told him I love him.
I almost died today. I suffered what can only be a mild case of PTSD that I wasn’t aware I had. Axle told me his inner, darkest, most painful secrets.
And I’m worried about if he caught onto my little declaration of love.
I’m apparently the queen of inappropriate timing and thoughts.
CHAPTER 29
AXLE
Just as I shut the door behind me, I freeze to my spot.
Sledge is sitting on a chair across from me, his eyes cast downward, and his hands clasped together.
“Liza is loyal to the club,” he says calmly, his eyes coming up at the end of that sentence.
Tensing, I step closer to him, but keep my body between him and the door that shields Maya.
“I know,” I say cautiously, warily gauging his body language that would trick someone into thinking he’s relaxed.
He glances at me then past me to the door, and I grow tenser. No doubt he heard all that. I assumed everyone was outside.
His gaze settles on me again.
“The way you’re protecting her, keeping yourself between me and her, that’s not something I’ve ever done for Liza. She would have kicked my ass for thinking she needed my protection,” he states emotionlessly.
I say nothing at first, but finally find something diplomatic to respond with. “Liza is tough.”
He nods slowly.
“She joined the Death Dealers at fifteen, worked her way into a respectable position at one of the bars. I was twenty when I joined the club. She was twenty-five, and she liked the way I looked. She wasn’t my piece of ass; I was hers.”
My arms cross over my chest as I try to figure out where he’s going with this.
“Mean as a rattlesnake, she was. Still is,” he says, smiling tightly. “Tough as a bear.” He pauses as he holds my gaze. “And cunning as a fox.”
Slowly, he stands, and I let my arms fall to my sides as we stand at almost even heights—me, just a little taller than him.
“She wouldn’t have screamed,” he says while looking down, confusing the hell out of me. “Even if they’d chopped her arms off, she wouldn’t have given them the satisfaction of screaming.”
His eyes come back up to mine, as I try to decide if he’s saying what I think he is.
“She would have fought,” he goes on, biting the words out like they’re acid. “She would have had skin under her nails. She’d have drawn their blood. They’d have had to beat her almost unconscious to get their hands on her, but there wasn’t a mark on her.”
I nod slowly, letting him know I understand. And honestly, I agree.
“She’s always thought me a fool,” he goes on, clearing his throat. “Always thought me too soft. Even hated it when I took Rush in because she thought it made me lo
ok weak to care about some kid. She always treated me like I was beneath Herrin, but good enough to warm her bed.”
He grabs a blunt that is idling on the table, lighting it and taking a long puff. As the smoke billows from his lips, he adds, “She’s loyal to the club. Just not ours.” His eyes move to the bedroom where Maya is. “And your girl is too smart to be fooled. She’s outside all this, looking in. And she knows how to run an operation four times the size of ours.”
“I’m aware,” I state dubiously.
“She’ll see shit we can’t. Listen to her. Because she saw through Liza immediately…probably saved lives today. It took me some calming down before I thought about it, and I felt like I was a fucking asshole for considering it. I’m glad I overheard her talking to you, because now I know I’m not a reprehensible piece of shit for my suspicions.”
That was a hell of a lot easier than I expected, but then again, I expected him to be emotionally attached. He seems resigned to the truth as though he’s been defeated by it already.
“How much does Liza know about Maya?” I ask as he reaches for the front door.
“Not a thing,” he answers, turning his head to look at me. “Never felt right telling her something that could be dangerous. But also…just didn’t feel right telling her at all. I guess that should have told me I was in the wrong relationship to begin with.”
“Herrin never meant for us to find Liza, but it’s likely that he planned to return her,” I tell him.
He gives me a tight smile. “I know.”
“No one expects you to deal with this. You decide how we play this.”
He cracks his neck to the side before answering. “She just played me. She was willing to watch me go to my death at that factory, which might have happened if we’d taken the bait. She was willing to put all those girls at risk just because Herrin asked it. I think it’s only fair I return the favor and play her for all she’s worth. Then we’ll take a vote on what to do. This is Drex’s show. He loves a good vote.”
He cracks a smile, though I can tell how weighted it is.
As he opens the door to leave, I turn and walk back into the bedroom, curious if Maya overheard all that. The second I’m inside the room, I see her on the bed, her eyes trained on me.
“Sledge is only thirty-five?” she asks, her brow pinched in confusion. “Not that he looks older or anything, but I thought he raised Rush. And Rush is in his twenties.”
“That’s what you ask?” I swear I’ll never figure her out or see her zigs and zags before they come.
She shrugs. “Seriously. Only thirty-five? Or is my math wrong? Liza was fifteen when she joined, and she’s been with the club for twenty-five years, so that’s forty, minus five—their age gap—and that makes him thirty-five,” she says so earnestly.
“You’re really fucking hard to predict,” I grumble.
“Thank you,” she states as though she truly finds that to be a compliment.
Rolling my eyes, I answer, “Sledge just turned thirty-six last month, same day Rush turned twenty-two. Rush was fourteen when Sledge found him on the streets. He took him in like a big brother, but turned into more of a paternal figure when he realized Rush needed that. He was twenty-seven or twenty-eight and wise beyond his years.”
“This is going to sound absolutely terrible that I don’t know, but how old are you?” she asks.
My lips twitch. I honestly think that’s the first time a girl has asked my age. “Twenty-seven and nowhere nearly as wise as Sledge was by my age.”
She glances down at her hands, idly picking at the hem of a skirt she’s wearing—a red one that has the same flowy bottom as the last one. But there are leggings on underneath it. Or tights. Hell, I don’t know the difference.
“He seemed so okay with all of that. But I thought he and Liza had been together for fifteen years.” As the words leave her mouth, they almost sound sad.
“I’m not sure exactly how long they’ve been together, but it’s been more off than on over the years. Liza didn’t want to be tied down, and Sledge was the only one to give her the freedom she wanted.”
I study her expression, wondering why she looks a little upset.
“This is good, Maya. Means I don’t have to bust up a friend to keep him from wanting to bust you up.”
She peers up at me, nodding absently.
“It is good,” she agrees. “Just didn’t realize how hard you had to be on the ground floor. Makes me wonder if they ever even cared about each other. I mean, truly cared. My father would have never believed something like that about my mother, even if he’d seen it with his own eyes.”
She stands and joins me.
“Are we still going outside?” she asks abruptly.
How hard you had to be on the ground floor? What does that mean? I’m tempted to remind her she had her ex tortured and executed for siding with the wrong people when her Family was attacked. But it seems a little cold to throw in her face like that.
Instead of saying anything and prolonging this unexplainable awkward tension that’s settled between us, I nod and put my hand on the small of her back, guiding her out. We walk out to join the others who have a fire burning as Drex writes in the sand with a stick.
It’s rare they light up a joint, but tonight…well, hell. It’s been a shitty time of things lately.
I wave it off as a blunt is offered to me by Drake, and opt to simply drink beer.
Maya joins Colleen, who I’m surprised to see, and she leans against the back of a SUV to talk to her.
One day, I’ll fucking figure out what’s going on in her head, but apparently that’s not today.
Just as I take a seat by Drake, who is obnoxiously spilling out his own conspiracy theories about what went down today, I hear what Maya said earlier. I really hear it. As though it’s just now sinking in.
The words echo in my head like a distant memory instead of something that happened moments ago.
This is me caring about you. It’s a side effect of loving you.
Drake has the blunt in his hand, and I tear it away from him as I bristle. He starts to object until I take three long drags in quick succession.
“What has you chasing the dragon?” the prick asks with a grin.
I say nothing, my eyes on Maya as I take two final draws and hand it back to him.
“Nothing bonds two girls more than nearly dying together,” Drake says, stoned as fuck, gesturing toward Maya and Colleen.
Eve is in Drex’s lap, and I’m admittedly a little annoyed with the fact Maya seems so content so far away from me. Which is stupid. That’s not who I am. That’s not what this is between us either.
She’s going back to New York, after all. After the shit-storm she barely survived, that much is glaringly evident.
That thought has me taking the blunt away again. Damn girl is fucking ruining me.
CHAPTER 30
MAYA
Axle peers at me over the paper, his eyes narrowed and his body tight. I’m not sure what his deal is, unless he regrets sharing all his dark secrets with me.
For the past two days, he’s basically avoided any physical contact and he keeps looking at me but looks away when I catch him. So I pretend not to notice he’s staring at me right now.
Sledge walks in, his eyes meeting mine, and I tense. Axle turns his attention to Sledge, who just stares at me before moving over to the coffeemaker.
Axle goes back to pretending he’s reading the paper, even though we both know he’s staring over the top of it at me.
Talk about annoying.
Everyone else is gone right now, tending to business as usual. There’s a trailer full of bikes that Drex and Dash brought back, including Axle’s skinned up one. He went for a ride just this morning, but he wasn’t gone for long.
Axle’s phone rings, and he glances at the screen, grimacing. Standing, he answers it, walking away and heading outside.
For the first time in two days, I’m alone with Sledge, and I sort
of hope this hasn’t all been an act, because he could easily kill me. Sledge is an apt nickname, considering he has all the brute strength of a sledgehammer.
I watch him warily as he sips his coffee, taking a seat in the chair Axle just vacated. He doesn’t pretend to study the paper; he merely stares at me openly.
“You want to say something, so feel free to say it,” I tell him, my toes poised on the floor and ready to launch me up so I can run.
“I have to go back to Liza tomorrow, before she gets suspicious,” he says gruffly, surprising me. “You’re the only person in this bunch that’s ever dealt with betrayal from someone you cared about. I need you to tell me how you did it.”
Ice runs through my veins, and I take a deep, steadying breath. Apparently they all know about my scars.
Our situations are similar, even though a stark difference rests in there too.
“I trusted the wrong person. My brother used his knowledge about me against me, and he groomed Thomas to be the perfect boyfriend that he knew I couldn’t resist. Thomas was relentless, and I loved being chased. He eventually won me over,” I say with a grim smile. “He worked in my father’s crew and had the balls to tell my father to ‘fuck off’ when he tried to intimidate him into breaking up with me. He earned my father’s respect that day, and I fell harder.”
As Sledge leans up on his elbows, listening intently, I stare down into my coffee, trying not to think of that day but unable to do so.
“I’m begging, please! Baby, don’t let them do this to me. You know me,” Thomas pleads, the gun to his head as I skate toward him, pretending to be aloof and cold, hiding the broken pieces inside me as the gold mask rests on my face.
He’s not allowed to say my name or his tongue will be cut out. Too many others are here to witness this—people who don’t know my name. People who need to see Blackbird is fucking crazy as hell.
“Ah, but then you forgot to tell me you and my brother were working together, didn’t you?” I ask him with mock giddiness, skating backwards now. “You forgot to mention my brother at all. Now he’s missing, our parents are dead, and you were curiously packing a bag for one. Not two. Trying to leave me behind, Thomas?”