by Mary Calmes
I smiled into the phone. “You’re saying I kiss well?”
“Yeah, you dick, that’s what I’m saying.”
Shit, time to come clean. “I don’t.”
“You do,” he corrected me. “I’m telling you, you kiss like you do it for a living.”
“What I’m trying to say is….” I sighed, giving up, giving in, and realizing, again, that I still had it really bad for Mitch Thayer. “I don’t kiss everybody like that.”
Silence.
“Mitch?”
He coughed. “So I think what you’re saying is, you kiss me different ’cause you like me best.”
It was so obvious it was ridiculous.
“Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes, honey, that’s what I’m saying.”
His pained whimper made me smile. “Don’t lose the honey, okay?”
“No. I think it’s permanent now.”
“I want you to tell me where you are,” he insisted.
“I’m at Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica.”
He took a moment to absorb that. “I’m sorry what?”
So I explained about Ash putting me up at the hotel and how he was supposed to come talk to me later and how he and I were only friends—
“Because of me,” Mitch clarified. “Right?”
“Yes, because of you.” His smug grunt made me smile in spite of myself. “Can I finish now?”
“Yeah, g’head.”
I told him about the Korean food and the beach I was looking out on as I figured out my life.
“With me,” he added. “Figured out your life with me.”
“Yes,” I agreed, sighing. “Jesus, the sun feels good.”
“Does it?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Hey.”
I grunted.
“Call me honey again.”
“You’re insane.”
“Just—come on.”
“Honey,” I repeated, my eyes fluttering shut.
“I’ll see you soon, all right?”
“I’ll call you when I get home,” I promised.
“No, idiot, I mean I’m at the airport, so I’ll see you at the hotel.”
That made no sense. “You’re… here?”
“Of course.”
“You came?”
“Of course I came,” he said gruffly. “You think I was gonna let you fly out here to see Ash and not follow?”
“I… yeah?” I answered honestly. It had never once crossed my mind that he’d get on a plane.
“Yeah, you thought I’d do that?”
“I was worried that you were gonna be upset, but I never thought for a second that you’d follow me out here.”
“That’s stupid.”
“But you’ve never come after me before.”
“It was never life and death before,” he retorted, his anger flaring. “It was never my whole life before. I used to take you for granted; I can’t do that anymore.”
I was speechless.
“Say something.”
“I’m—that’s kind of amazing.”
“That’s because I’m kind of amazing.”
“And modest,” I baited him.
“That too,” he said fondly.
We were both quiet for several moments.
“Okay, so just wait. I’ll be right there.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Don’t talk to strangers.”
“No.”
“And if Ash gets there before me, you just talk to him right there out in the open.”
“So not in a room with a bed is what you’re saying.”
His growl was endearing.
“I won’t move from this spot.”
“Promise.”
“I promise.”
“You missed me,” he accused, and I could hear the hope in the gravelly tone.
“For a very long time, yes,” I admitted, my heart in my throat.
“Not anymore, never again.”
I was counting on it.
I LOST track of time listening to the breaking waves, and the nice lady who brought me a Mai Tai and a glass of water smiled wide as she served me.
“You look so content,” she murmured.
“I think I just figured out my life.”
She nodded. “Mine next, okay?”
“You got it.”
Once she left, I was alone again until I heard my name called.
Turning, I saw Mitch and couldn’t control my grin. I was utterly bemused by him being there. The warmth of his smile heated his eyes and curled the corner of his lips, making him look like home with just a trace of wickedness, enough to illicit a whine in the back of my throat.
“Good boy, you stayed put,” he whispered as he reached me, dropped his duffel and took a seat beside me, moving the chair so his knee bumped mine as he leaned close.
“I can follow directions,” I said, taking off my sunglasses and placing them on the table.
He took my face in his hands. “That’s very good news.”
I took a breath. “Swear to me you’ll never go away again.”
“I swear,” he promised before he kissed me.
Chapter Twelve
“YOU LOOK good,” Mitch assured me, looking me up and down as I unlocked the door to my room.
“Really?” I teased, trying for normal even though it felt nothing like.
“I’m a fan of your casual style,” he said, striding into the room before me.
Closing the door behind me, I turned to look at him. “What are you even saying?”
“I have no idea,” he said, huffing out a breath. “I’m nervous.”
“Why?”
He gestured at me.
“That didn’t help at all.”
“You. You’re my miracle and I got you back.”
I smiled and closed the space between us, slipping my hand into his.
Squeezing tight, his eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled. “You don’t even…. I never in a million years thought you’d pick me, you know? Us. I thought, it’s too late and he’s gonna hold on to his feelings and not gimme another chance.”
I stared into all that blue.
“But you didn’t. You have faith and I’m a little bit gutted at the moment.”
Letting go of his hand, I stepped into him, opening my arms and wrapping him up, hugging him tight. He dropped his duffel—I heard it hit the floor—and then clutched at me, his face pressed down into my shoulder as he trembled.
“Everything’s gonna be okay,” I whispered.
“Yes, it is,” he choked out before stepping back. “And this is good because now I can hear about what happened to you and it’ll be just us, no interruptions.”
“It’s not—”
“Don’t say it’s not important,” he warned me, “because everything’s different now.”
“Yes and no.”
“No,” he corrected me. “It’s—”
“You’re talking about me not bottoming,” I threw out.
“Yeah,” he husked, and I noted how sad he looked.
It hit me then, the epiphany, and my heart hurt with the ache of realization. “You’re actually sad for me and not for you.”
Grabbing my hand, he led me to the couch and yanked me down beside him, twisting quickly to face me. “Hagen, I—”
“You’re remembering how much I loved being under you,” I told him as he squinted at me so he wouldn’t tear up. “And you’re thinking ‘I want to give that back to him.’”
“I—”
“And of course, you do wanna give it to me,” I said, waggling my eyebrows, going overboard leering at him before cupping his face in my hands.
“Please just tell me if they—”
I inhaled quickly so I could get it all out in one shot. “I was blown up, kidnapped, tortured, and then when I was liberated they botched the rescue mission, and me and everyone else who was running down the alley that day were caught in the crossfir
e, and I was in an explosion for the second time in my life.”
He just stared at me as I stroked his cheeks, the stubble along his jaw, and imagined everything changing for me again because what I’d needed was just a bit more faith. I’d already taken the big leap. The next step was far simpler.
“Do you remember the other day when you kissed me at my house?”
“Of course,” he rumbled, his breath hitching as he stared into my eyes.
“Well, that day I learned something about myself.”
“And what was that?”
“That with you, and only you, I don’t feel trapped.”
“I don’t—what?”
Instead of answering, I leaned forward and took the kiss I wanted, tipping his head back, opening his mouth, pushing, pressing, until he was simply mine.
Heat built between us, the familiar rhythm, and when he shoved me back and I was at his mercy, after a moment he broke the pulse-pounding kiss to stare at me.
“That was it,” I panted, smiling at him. “Turns out that because it’s you, the way I’ve been feeling, like I could never bottom again because of how vulnerable that would make me—doesn’t apply to you.”
He blinked at me, which made me laugh.
“And I still have to spend time and find someone to talk to about the crap in my head. And even though I’ll have to drive to Portland God knows how many times a week—”
“Therapy’s not a bad thing,” he offered cheerfully.
“Yeah, so, I’m gonna do that because even though you make me feel secure, I still have problems with closed spaces and any kind of restraint and—”
“Shrinks call those on-going issues.”
I shot him a look.
“What? This is good. Because of me, because I’m such a positive presence in your life, you’re gonna get help to fix the stuff you can’t fix yourself. I think that’s great.”
“I just need to be better.”
“You will be,” he said, and sounded sure. “You’ve never been afraid to put in the work for something you wanted.”
No, I hadn’t, and I wanted to be the best I could be for him and his boys.
“I’m not gonna lie, being a catalyst for change in you makes me pretty fuckin’ happy.”
I laughed at him. “Well it’s all about the trust, and even though my heart and mind took a bit longer to get on board, my body never doubted you.”
He froze, startled, and it was adorable. “Your body?”
“Oh, you heard that part, did you?” I baited him.
“Are you fucking with me?”
“Not yet,” I teased.
The sound he made, the heave of breath, the helpless groan, was a good one. I realized that the idea of him and me had every drop of his attention, leaving not a single brain cell left for anything else.
“So maybe we should go to bed, huh?”
There was only nodding before he took my hand, led me to the bedroom, rounded on me, and delivered a kiss that took me out at the knees. When I gave him my weight, he toppled me sideways down onto the bed, following fast, covering me with his big, hard body, pressing me into the mattress, his hands braced on either side of my head.
“You were scared of this,” he reminded me.
“I was, would still be with anyone else.”
“Then it’s lucky you let me be here.”
“Yes, it is,” I agreed, coiling my arms around his neck and drawing him to me.
One kiss led to another and another and then the fast, yanking urgency of clothes being pulled off, shed, needing skin, and the frenzied dance of want begun.
Mitch had lube he’d packed for me to use when I took him, and I found that ridiculously romantic and terribly hopeful.
“There’s no condoms,” he rasped, his voice going in and out on him as he kissed whatever patch of my skin got close to his lips. “Because I trusted you to top and come inside me.”
“Same,” I urged, my hands running over his chiseled abdomen, mapping skin, the carved muscles in his back, and digging into his shoulders as I tried to get him closer, wanting him inside me more than I’d thought possible. I’d given up on ever feeling like I did now, and I should have known better. This was Mitch Thayer, after all, the love of my life.
“Shit,” I groaned.
He lifted up so he could see my face. “Not hot.”
“It’s not fair.”
His eyes were shining as he smiled at me. “What’s that?”
“Don’t act innocent, you know very well what.”
His laughter made me smile in spite of myself, and then I bowed up off the bed as his slippery fingers, coated with lube, slid inside me.
It had been so long. I’d had no idea how much I’d needed and wanted this until I was breached in the most primal way, the most intimate way, and felt instead of heart-stopping fear, the roar of anticipation that finally gave me what I’d spent years craving… peace.
“Tell me I can,” Mitch rumbled, kissing a line up my throat before mauling my lips, sucking, licking, nibbling until I arched up into him looking for more friction, more of his talented fingers stroking into me and more of his hot mouth.
All of it, from my renewed faith to the deep, welling longing were signs of who I truly was—the guy who got a second chance on love.
“Hagen,” he demanded, and I could feel the shuddering restraint in him.
“Please, Mitch, remind me of what we are together.”
He moved fast, slipping my legs over his arms as he curled forward. “After this you can’t ever tell me to go.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“This is done between us, sealed.”
“Yes.”
“Promise me, Hage.”
And instead of answering, I met his thrust, lifting, opening for him as he ground his length into my body, driving deep as the tight ring of muscle resisted the invasion, pushing the air sharply from my lungs.
“I have you,” he promised, adjusting his angle, his thighs pressed to the backs of mine as he sank inside, first slowly and then building speed and momentum that quickly became a pounding, delicious rhythm I didn’t want to end.
When we were young, it had been good but fast, and a lot of times he’d had to finish me with his mouth, not having the stamina to bring me to release before finding his own.
I would never mistake the man in bed with me now for the boy he’d been.
The Mitch who folded me in half, spreading me wide, sucking on my tongue as he hammered into me, was a new and dangerous creature. He was in total possession of my body, decisive in his movements and lethal in his delivery. The confidence was nearly as annihilating as the act, and I lost myself in the smell and feel and taste of him.
“Jesus, Mitch,” I whimpered, writhing under him, clawing at his back, wanting him deeper, needing more of him, all of him.
“Hagen… love… you, feel so good, I just want to be here, like this, for the rest of my life.”
There was nothing but him.
As I wrapped my legs around his hips, working myself on the end of his cock, crying his name as he fucked me, I couldn’t imagine why I hadn’t jumped him the first day I’d seen him back in Benson after all those years.
“We were always good at this,” he rasped between the brutal, devouring kisses.
I flung my arms wide, needing the leverage, my hands fisting the sheets, holding on as the long-remembered revving began, the build as my body was rocking with his, the slap of flesh, the frantic joining followed quickly by the retreat, over and over, relentless claiming more than anything I could have ever imagined.
In that moment, I had the clarity that came with being in bed with the one person who knew me body and soul. I belonged to him and that was the inexorable truth.
“Come for me, baby.”
The words, guttural and commanding, turned me inside out and I came, howling his name, the world around me lost, narrowed to only him and the way my body clenched tight around his long, thic
k shaft buried inside of me.
“Hagen,” he yelled hoarsely before his orgasm rolled through him and he came spilling thick and hot inside me.
My joy translated to laughter, and I pulled him in for a kiss as I smiled against his mouth.
“You fuck,” he snarled, and I wasn’t for a moment surprised, instead running my hands over his sweat-dampened skin, marveling at how sleek and hot it was. “You just give yourself to me?”
“Yes,” I said, clenching my ass just to hear him moan, as overly sensitized as he was making him fun to tease.
“Stop, don’t do that,” he ordered, easing gently from my well-used channel and onto the bed. His gaze was riveted to my face; the look of both concern and happiness was beautiful to see.
“Oh God,” I groaned, feeling the twinge in my ass, sending me into his arms instead of flat on my back.
“I hurt you?”
“No,” I soothed him, cuddling into his side, kissing under his jaw and the base of his throat. “I had no idea you were so gifted.”
“I had no idea you were so responsive and sexy. Nobody ever wanted me like that.”
“No, they haven’t,” I vowed.
“Same here,” he said, leaning in for a kiss.
I didn’t disappoint him.
I WOKE when I heard voices but fell quickly back to sleep, and when Mitch slid back under the covers with me, wrapping all his sleek warm skin around me, his lips placing soft kisses on my shoulder, I was out like a light in seconds. In the very early morning, I woke up and turned to Mitch and found him awake.
“What’re you doing?”
“Just lying here feeling lucky.”
I chuckled. “’Cause you got laid.”
“Yeah,” he mocked, bumping me with his shoulder. “And I was thinking maybe this time, you can have me.”
I stared at him in the semidarkness, the traces of moonlight making his eyes sparkle. “I love that you’d want that,” I murmured, pressing against him, taking his hand and smoothing it over my hip. “But I’d rather have you inside me again, if you wouldn’t mind.”
He attacked me, which sent me into peals of throaty laughter, and then he made love to me again, and then again, the connection needed, the reminder of what I loved profound.
In the morning, we had breakfast in the room and it was huge, and when it was time to sign the bill, before I could stand up, Mitch took care of it.