by Violet Paige
“You can use the guest bath down here.” She pointed into the darkness. “I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”
“Thanks.” I opened the door. If I didn’t get out of here, I wouldn’t be able to reel myself back in.
“Good night, Jake.”
“Good night, Olivia.”
I climbed the stairs to the second floor of the barn. There was a light switch at the top of the staircase. The room was finished off, but I could see where the bathroom had been plumbed, but no fixtures were installed.
I looked around the room. There was a single window at the end of the room. There was a bed pressed against the wall and a dresser on the opposite side. I dropped the sheets and towels on the mattress.
I looked out the window. From here I could see the back of the house. There was a single light on upstairs. Olivia’s room. I lowered the blinds and turned toward the bed.
Sleep. I needed to sleep. Hopefully it would quiet my longing, and all the feelings that had surfaced since I laid eyes on Olivia.
I peeled his T-shirt over my head, and shrugged the jeans off my legs. My dog tags swung around my neck as I flung chest down on the bed. Within minutes I was asleep.
8
Olivia
I crept downstairs. I thought I heard sounds coming from the back of the house.
“Hello?” I called into the hallway.
“Good morning.” The bathroom door opened and Jake stood in front of me. Toothbrush in hand. Towel wrapped around his waist.
Holy shit. I wanted to count every indentation on his stomach.
“G-good morning,” I stammered. My eyes stopped where the towel was tucked at his hipbone.
The water rolled down his chest. The rest of his body was as gorgeous as his rugged face.
Part of me thought yesterday had been a dream. Too much wine. Too much time alone. But here he was. Jake was standing in front of me half-naked and wet.
“Sleep ok?” he asked. He turned to spit in the sink.
“Mmmhmm. How about you? How was the apartment? Did you freeze? Do you need more blankets?” I should have checked on him.
“Great. Slept like a bear.” He winked. “Looks like there’s another storm coming today. What if I tackle some of the inside things? I can’t do as much in the rain.”
I nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll make breakfast.”
I left him to towel off and get dressed while I worked on breakfast. I would need to make a trip into town and buy groceries. But I had enough bacon and eggs to feed him. A man like that must eat a ton.
I threw a few pieces of bacon in a frying pan. In a few minutes, they began to sizzle. I started a pot of coffee.
It was nice to cook. It felt natural and normal to make a meal for someone else again. I began to hum as I whipped the eggs in a bowl.
“Smells good.” Jake appeared in the doorway.
I smiled. I couldn’t help it. It was raining and dreary and cold as hell outside, but I felt like there was something to be happy about with Jake in the kitchen.
“Want some coffee?” I offered.
“I’ll take a cup.” He sat at the kitchen table.
I poured coffee into a large mug and handed it to him. “I have a realtor coming by later today.”
“Oh yeah?” He watched as I hovered over the stove. I added cream to the eggs and started whisking again.
“I need to get things started to list the house. I have no idea what price to put on it. The property is several acres, the waterfront, the barn, and the house.”
“Hmm. You’re sure you want to sell it? I’ve never seen anything like this place.”
I turned to face him. “It’s too much work. I can’t take care of it by myself. It might be different if…”
I wasn’t sure what would make it all change. If Elliot had lived. If my parents were still here. If I had someone in my life to share all of this with.
“You don’t have to explain. I get it.” He sipped the coffee and looked out of the bay window. “The view from here is amazing. Sure beats looking at the desert.”
“It’s like we’re the only people in the world. It’s so isolated. I think that’s why my parents bought it. They wanted a refuge for Elliot and me. Someplace we could go that would protect us from the rest of the world.” I poured the eggs into the pan. “I just wish he had been here more.”
“I’m sure he wished that too.” Jake’s voice was quiet.
I pulled two plates from the cabinet and served bacon, eggs, and toast. I wished I had some fruit. Oh well.
“I don’t know if I can believe that.” Every time I thought about Elliot leaving it started the roller coaster of grief again. If only he had stayed.
I sat across from Jake.
“I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but your brother died doing something he loved.”
My eyes shot to his. “It doesn’t.” I instantly regretted snapping at him.
I didn’t think I could explain how I teetered in me grief. One minute I was sad. The next furious, and then nostalgic with memories of Elliot. It had been a month since I received the news my brother had died in Kiawai.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t mention it.” Jake finished his bacon and eggs and pushed back from the table. “I’m going to head to the store. I’ll be back in an hour or so. Need anything?”
He paused in front of the kitchen door.
“No.”
“All right.”
He walked out. I heard his footsteps fade and then the front door close behind him.
9
Jake
I drove down one dirt road and then another before the tires hit pavement. She was pissed. Bitter. Frustrated with her brother. Angry at the world for taking him. I could see it. I could feel it. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
Her emotions were so vulnerable and raw. The same emotions I pushed down every day.
I hit the steering wheel with my fist. I was angry too. I watched my best friend die. I couldn’t get there in time. I should have been able to save him. I was a fucking Ranger. What was the point if I couldn’t save Elliot from that explosion?
I pulled up to the hardware store and grabbed the list I had scribbled. I wasn’t going to let Olivia pay for any of it. I was going to make sure the house was perfect. Every nail. Every crack. Every seam would be perfect for her. Because when I had to leave again, I had to know she would be safe.
I looked up from the bathtub. Olivia was holding a glass of ice water with a slice of lemon in my direction.
“Thought you might need a break.” She placed the glass on the counter.
“Thanks.” I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead. “I should have the leak fixed for you once this caulking dries.” I stepped out of the tub.
“So my shower was the culprit?”
I nodded, chugging the water. “Yep. The water was seeping between the tiles. But I’ve re-grouted the entire wall and this will seal it.”
She twisted her lips against her teeth. Holy hell. She had no idea how that made mt cock jerk to life. I would have taken a step back, but the bathroom was small and there wasn’t anywhere to turn.
“That’s a relief.” She smiled.
I was glad that when I returned from the hardware store she seemed less angry. I had found her wrapping up the meeting with the realtor. I wanted to ask what the verdict was on the listing, but I knew it wasn’t any of my damn business.
The realtor had left Olivia with a folder and a stack of business cards. I couldn’t imagine this place ending up in someone else’s hands. I would do whatever I could to help her keep it. I just didn’t know how I would convince her yet that she had to fight to hold on to it.
“Hey, I’m going to the grocery store. I might be gone awhile. Any requests?”
“Surprise me.” I winked. I knew I was flirting, but I couldn’t fucking help it. I her. I wanted to touch her. I wanted her in my bed.
“Oh, al
l right.” She wiggled past the grout bucket. “Be back soon.”
I turned back to the tub. “Work,” I mumbled. “Just fucking work.”
That night I ate quickly, praising Olivia’s cooking before running for the barn. She had brought out another bottle of wine, but I turned down the glass she offered. I would wait until she fell asleep before I headed back to the house for a shower.
Being around her was killing me. It was torture to have her right in front of me, but I couldn’t touch her. I couldn’t make her mine.
I needed a side project at night. Something to keep my hands busy. Otherwise they were going to end up on her.
The workshop in the barn was well equipped with tools. I rummaged through the supplies, examining a stack of teak wood stashed under a cabinet. I held one of the pieces between my hands. It was good wood. The veins of the cut would make a nice piece of furniture.
I turned to the saw and came up with a plan. This would be perfect. I drew out a diagram and got to work.
A few hours later I climbed the stairs to the apartment. The wind had picked up and I looked out the window, waiting for Olivia’s bedroom light to go black. The branches swayed. Finally, her light went out. I picked up my shaving kit and made the trek across the yard.
This was the way it had to be for now. I let himself in the house, listening for any sounds that Olivia might be awake.
I walked to the bathroom, locked the door behind me, and started the shower. I tried to ignore the fact that one story up Olivia was sleeping in her bed.
10
Olivia
Jake had been at the house for three weeks. I kneeled on the porch, running a paintbrush over the new wooden beams he had used to replace the rotting pieces.
I couldn’t figure him out. I couldn’t figure any of it out. He had landed on my doorstep ready to do anything I asked. He was here as some sort of gift from Elliot.
The light switch in my room worked. The step had been replaced. The dryer didn’t make a rattling sound anymore. My shower didn’t leak. The gate opened. The porch swing was hung. Right now, Jake was on the roof, tacking down new shingles.
Every morning we had breakfast together. Every afternoon lunch. And at night I made dinner. Not just any dinner. I tried recipes I had never attempted. Heavy Italian sauces. Grilled combinations with special herbs and spices. I dusted off my old cookbooks. I did everything I could to impress him with my cooking. But after every meal he cleaned the kitchen and hit the door for the barn.
It didn’t make any sense. His eyes were always on me. I hadn’t been with many men, but I knew when eyes were undressing me. And Jake Crane was always undressing me.
I shoved the paintbrush back in the can and stood back to examine my work. Once the paint dried it would blend in with the rest of the railing.
“Hey.”
I jumped then spun around.
“You scared me.”
“Sorry.” He grinned. “Done on the roof.”
“How did you do that so fast?” The bridge of his forehead was sweaty. Damn he was the sexiest sweaty man I had ever seen.
“It wasn’t as bad as I thought. But I did notice some brick missing around the chimney. I’m going to head to the store and get some. Be back.”
“Want me to ride with you?” I offered.
“Nah. I got it.”
I watched him climb into his Jeep and speed off down the driveway. I put my hands on my hips. Maybe there wasn’t much to figure out. Jake wasn’t interested. The sooner I accepted that, the easier it would be to spend time with him every day.
I had been dreading it, but Elliot’s room wasn’t going to pack itself. I pushed open the door, armed with cardboard boxes and a trash bag.
“I can’t believe you left me this mess,” I spoke to the empty room.
Once Elliot joined the Army, he had made the house his legal residence and moved everything from his apartment into this bedroom. He said there was no reason to keep an apartment or to buy another house. He was a drifter as long as he was a Ranger.
He didn’t accumulate much, but the closet was full of high school football trophies. I pulled a stack of yearbooks from the top shelf. I dusted them off and put them on the bed.
There was a box on the floor, under his winter coats. I opened the top flap. It was full of Ranger school manuals. I sat on the floor, looking through everything my brother had saved.
What if Elliot hadn’t joined the Army? I looked at the pictures of him in his uniform. He was a handsome guy, but I never would have told him that. It would have gone straight to my older brother’s head.
I wiped away a tear.
“Olivia?” I heard Jake’s voice outside the door. He stepped into the room. “There you are. I’m back from the store.”
He stopped. His eyes landed on the pictures in my lap, the tears streaming down my face.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” His chest puffed forward and his eyes immediately darted to the window. He scanned the room.
I shook her head. “I’m fine. I thought I’d pack up Elliot’s things, but maybe I shouldn’t. It’s too soon, but I’ve got to clean this stuff out of here.”
“Oh.” He lowered his voice. He took a step toward me, crouching to the floor so we were eye level.
My breath caught in my chest when he reached for my face and brushed the tears from my cheeks.
“What did you find?” he asked.
It was tender and sweet. His skin was warm.
“Maybe you can help me.” I couldn’t take my eyes off him. The world had felt dark and sad, and then he walked into the room. His wide shoulders making me feel protected. His eyes full of concern. His touch gentle.
“Sure. What do you have?” He sat next to me.
I shoved the manuals in his lap. “Do I need to save these?”
He looked down at the manuals and chuckled. “He kept these?” He flipped open the first one.
“Are they important?” I asked.
“Not really. It’s just basic intro school stuff. It’s not like there are any classified secrets in here.” He seemed to enjoy looking through the manual. “Man, I forgot our instructor’s name.”
“Were you in this class with Elliot?”
“Yeah. It was our first class together. Who knew we’d end up in the same squad?”
“Was anyone else from that class on your team?”
“No. Half of them didn’t make it through the training. Then after that one, there was another Special Forces school. The graduation rate isn’t very high.” He eyed me and I felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
“Elliot didn’t tell me much.”
“I’m sure he wanted to. We can’t share much about we do.” His voice was thick and husky and sitting this close to him, I felt my skin tingle.
I picked up a stack of pictures from the box. “Do you know who any of these guys are?”
Jake shuffled through them, pausing every once and awhile. “Yeah, I knew a few of these guys.” He handed them back to me.
“Do you want them?” I offered. “I don’t know who they are. You can keep them if you like.”
“No. It’s better if I don’t get attached to things. I travel lightly. Everything I have fits in the back of my Jeep.”
My forehead creased. “Well, that’s kind of a sad way to live. You don’t keep pictures? Or what about books? Family mementos? You must have at least one Christmas ornament.”
He shook his head. “Tools and clothes. That’s it. I can’t afford to put down more roots than that right now.”
Suddenly my chest felt heavy. If Jake Crane wasn’t the definition of unavailable I didn’t know what man was.
“Oh. All right.” I threw everything back in the box and tossed the manuals on top. “I think I’ll do this another time.”
“You sure? I can take it to the burn pile for you.”
“I can’t burn my brother’s things.” My voice flashed with anger and I didn’t care. How could he even suggest it? Th
e fury had surfaced before I could even think about controlling it.
“Sorry. Sorry.” He put his hands in the air. “I think I’ll just get back to the roof. I’ve got to get the bricks up before it rains again.”
And before I could apologize he was gone.
“Damn it,” I whispered.
11
Olivia
Another week passed and I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.
Jake would walk in a room and my body would light up like a Christmas tree. He’d walk out and I felt the disappointment wash over me.
There was a moment, sitting on the floor in Elliot’s room when I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. He hadn’t touched me again. It was all I could think about. It was all I wanted. All I needed.
I had to put a stop to it. Now.
I sat across from him at the kitchen table.
I watched his expression as he took a bite. I wanted to see that grin. The one that said he loved the way it tasted on his tongue. The one that said he was happy with what I had made for him.
The corners of his mouth turned. “God, this is good.” He heaped more pasta on his fork.
“I’m glad you like it.” I couldn’t put up sheetrock, but I could cook. I smiled at him over my wine glass.
“What do you call it?”
“It’s one of my special dishes,” I teased. I wasn’t about to tell him I had spent the entire afternoon whipping up a cream sauce that would seduce him. I had to use the skills I had.
“So are you going to tell me the big secret you’ve been keeping?” He eyed me.
“S-secret?”
Oh God, he knew I had a massive crush on him. He knew I was finding him in my dreams every night. He knew when I looked at him all I could think about was what his mouth would feel like on mine. He knew I wanted him.
“There is definitely something you’re not telling me.” He paused. “No one can just cook like this.”