by Hamel, B. B.
Colleen
I could still taste the skin of his palm on my lips when we got back to his house. He let me out and I hurried inside, not looking back. I heard them talking on the front stoop as I went in and headed straight up stairs. I turned and slammed the bedroom door before locking myself in the bathroom.
I sat on the floor, pulled my knees to my chest, and cried so hard I thought I might puke.
My mind was blank. I just sobbed and sobbed, getting out my anger, my frustration, my fear. I didn’t know just how much danger I was in until Steven pushed me up against that wall. I didn’t see anger in his eyes when he spoke to me, when he whispered in my ear.
There was only fear and pleading. He didn’t want me to keep pushing my case and piss off Roberto or the Don. Not for his own sake, but for mine.
They wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me, but he would.
I got myself together and turned on the bath. I got the water nice and hot and filled up the tub. I stripped off my borrowed clothes, dropping them on the floor. I peeled back the bandage I’d hastily taped to my shoulder and checked the stitches. They looked the same, bruising all around them, but no bleeding. I put the bandage back and climbed into the water.
I sank down and let the heat wrap around my body.
But I didn’t have long to enjoy it. There was a knock at the bathroom door a few minutes after I got in.
“Go away,” I yelled.
I heard Steven’s muffled voice from outside the door. “You can’t lock this,” he said.
“I think I already did.”
“Colleen, open the door.”
“Go away,” I said, then took a deep breath and went under the water.
I stayed down there for a while. I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t care if the water stung, it felt good to be under it, deep under the water where I couldn’t breathe or hear anything else. Already I felt like I was drowning, but as my body began to yearn for oxygen, I just ignored it.
I knew I wouldn’t hurt myself. I was going to come up in a few more seconds, when the need to breathe got unbearable. But for the moment, lying under the water, I felt like I had some small amount of control in my life.
Until I heard a loud bang. I let out the breath in my lungs in surprise and before I could move, hands came into the water and pulled me up to the surface.
I gasped for air and flailed out of sheer surprise. Pain lanced up my shoulder and I screamed as I shoved Steven away from me.
“Fuck,” he said. “What the fuck are you doing, Colleen?”
His eyes were wide and wild. The door was broken open, the knob shattered, wood splintered on the ground. I wiped water from my face, took heaving deep breaths, and then realized that I was completely naked.
I quickly covered my breasts. He took a step back and blinked like he was just realizing that I was naked at the same moment. He stared at me, down my lips, down to my breasts and my body beneath the water.
“Get out!” I screamed. “What are you doing? Get the hell out!”
“You were under the water,” he said. “You were trying to hurt yourself.”
“No, I wasn’t,” I said. “You asshole! I was just trying to ignore you.”
He took a couple of deep calming breaths and put his hands on the top of his head. “Fuck,” he said again. “You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were trying to drown yourself.”
“You think I’m going to kill myself?” I gaped at him, my naked body forgotten.
“I don’t know what you’re going to do,” he said. “And I’m not about to find out the hard way. You can’t lock this door again.”
“I can’t close this door again,” I said. “Now get the hell out.”
I held my breasts tighter and glared at him. If I could, I’d get up and start hitting him, but I didn’t want to release my chest. He lingered for a moment and a little smile played on his lips.
“You look good naked,” he said.
“Oh my god,” I said. “I’m not kidding, get the hell out of here.”
He grinned and stepped out of the room. I heard him sit on the bed a few feet away, although at least he couldn’t see me anymore. I groaned and moved my hands away from my chest, sinking back down against the tub. My heart was racing from fear and excitement, and we lapsed into silence for a few long moments.
I couldn’t believe he just kicked down the door like that. I thought he’d go away if I just held my breath long enough and ignored him. Instead, he thought I was trying to drown myself, and saved me. I was both angry and a little grateful that he’d come and try to help me, which was confusing and only made me angrier.
“We should talk,” he said from the other room.
“No, we shouldn’t.”
“Look, I get it, I saw you naked. If you want, I’ll strip down and we can be even.”
I frowned a little and actually considered it. He was a gorgeous man, after all.
“No, thanks,” I said.
“Suit yourself.”
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend like he didn’t exist anymore. I floated in the bath water, focusing on my breathing.
But I couldn’t help it.
“Are you still there?” I asked.
“I’m still here,” he said.
“Can you just go away and give me some privacy, please?” I asked. “I’m not going to run or hurt myself. I just want to take a bath and unwind.”
“I’ll leave you alone,” he said. “But we need to talk first.”
“About what?”
“About the rules.”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “What rules?”
“You’re going to be staying with me for a while,” he said. “And unfortunately, I can’t spare a guy to watch you all day and all night. Which means you’re going to have to stick with me whenever I go out.”
“So what?” I asked.
“So, that means there are going to be a lot of opportunities for you to get yourself into trouble. Do you understand?”
I snorted. “You’re telling me that I’m going to have a lot of chances to escape.”
“Sort of,” he said. “I’m not sure you could get far. But you can certainly make things difficult for me.”
“Sounds like a good idea then.”
“Colleen,” he said, sounding annoyed. “You might want to rethink that. Fact is, you won’t get away, but if you make my life difficult then I’m going to have to make your life difficult. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t want that. I want to take care of you, at least while you’re under my protection.”
“You’re not protecting me,” I said. “You’re the one that took me. I need protection from you.”
He laughed and I wished I could see his face so I could slap him.
“Maybe,” he said. “That’s one way of looking at it. But there needs to be rules if this is going to work.”
“Fine,” I said, ready to get this stupid conversation over with. All I wanted to do was take a bath and now I was totally rattled by his insane rescue attempt. “What are the rules?”
“First rule is, don’t try to run. If you do, I will catch you, and I will punish you.”
“How will you punish me?” I asked.
“I’ll strip you naked and spank you,” he said.
I took a sharp breath and my mouth hung open for a moment. But I gathered myself together.
“Liar,” I said.
“I’m not lying,” he said. “I’m not the kind of man who hurts women. But I’m certainly the kind that spanks them. And I will spank your pretty little ass nice and raw.”
“Go to hell,” I said. “That’s insane.”
“I know,” he said. “And I think it’ll be enough to make you rethink trying to run.”
“Fine,” I said. “What are the other rules?”
“No running,” he said. “No screaming, no fighting, no drawing attention to yourself. When we’re here in the house, you have total freedom to do as you wish,
but you may not have access to a phone or a computer, at least until I think I can trust you. If you play nice and you don’t make trouble, I promise that you’ll make it through this war and I’ll let you go home.”
“How about you just let me go now,” I said. “That way we can avoid all this. I’m not worth anything to you. Uncle Mathis doesn’t care about me.”
“We’ll see,” he said.
I heard him stand up from the bed and take a few steps to the bathroom door. I covered my chest again and was about to tell him to go away, but he didn’t come inside. He lingered near the doorway, and I could see his shadow on the white and gray tile floor.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked, my voice soft.
“You may not realize it, but I’m doing you a favor. You witnessed a mafia hit last night, Colleen. I can’t think of a single person that’s ever walked away from something like that, but here you are, still alive and breathing. The Don would never allow that if you were out there on your own, but so long as you’re mine and you’re useful, he’ll allow you to live. So you should feel lucky that I decided to take you last night instead of calling an ambulance.”
I let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “Yeah, I feel so lucky.”
“Enjoy your bath, Colleen. I’ll get some more clothes for you soon.”
I heard his footsteps recede and the bedroom door shut. I heard the padlock click into place.
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling again, my heart racing. When I closed my eyes, trying to steady myself, I saw one single image staring back at me.
Steven’s eyes moving down my body, lingering on my lips, on my breasts, the pure lust in his expression driving me wild.
I tried to shove that image away, but I just kept seeing it play behind my eyelids over and over again.
5
Steven
All that night, I kept thinking about her at the bottom of the tub.
I don’t know why I reacted that way. When she didn’t respond to me, I just thought something bad was happening.
I had that feeling deep in my gut, and I reacted way more forcefully than I thought I ever would. I kicked down that door and saw her under the water and just lost it.
As soon as I pulled her up from under the water, I knew I made a mistake. But I couldn’t risk it, I couldn’t let her stay down there at the bottom of the tub and let her hurt herself. I was wrong, obviously, but the image of her under that water kept coming back to me over and over.
I slept like shit. I got up early, worked out, went for a run, made breakfast, and sat up on the roof deck drinking coffee while the sun rose up over the city. I let Colleen sleep in, figuring she could use the rest. But around ten, I came back inside and knocked on her door.
She didn’t answer at first, so I knocked again. I heard some movement inside, so I knew she was still in there and awake.
“If you don’t answer, I’m going to assume you’re trying to hurt yourself again,” I said. “Might break down the door.”
“Good,” she said, her voice muffled. “I hope you do.”
I laughed and unlocked the padlock. I left it dangling and turned the knob.
She was sitting in bed, the sheets pulled around her, with her knees up to her chest. She stared at me, her pretty eyes shining in the morning sun as it lazily rolled in through the window and wrapped itself around her skin. She seemed like she was glowing, and for a second I had the urge to walk over to her and slip into bed.
But I stayed in the doorway instead.
“Good morning,” I said.
She just narrowed her eyes at me and didn’t speak.
“We’re going for a ride,” I said. “Get up and get dressed.”
She tilted her head. “Where are you taking me?”
“To meet someone,” I said.
“Oh, another one of your mob friends?” she asked. “No thanks, that’s okay. I’ll stay here.”
“I’m not asking,” I said.
“You just want to parade me in front of a bunch of dangerous men as a threat,” she said.
“Dante isn’t going to hurt you,” I said, rubbing my face with my hand. “Just get up, all right?”
“No,” she said.
“Colleen. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” I stared at her, starting to feel frustrated. “Dante is a friend, okay? He’s on our side.”
“That’s not the problem.” She looked away and I could see her cheeks turning red. I tilted my head and stepped closer.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Just tell me.”
She took a breath and looked at me again, her cheeks bright red.
“I need new underwear,” she said. “I can’t keep wearing the same underwear every day.”
I stood there for a second and blinked in surprise.
“Shit,” I said. “I thought… shit. All right, I’ll get you some.”
“Thank you.” She stared down at the bedding, clearly embarrassed.”
“Look, go shower. I’ll come back with clean underwear, okay? When you get out, it’ll be on the bed.”
“Fine.” She turned her head, looked at the window.
“And we’ll get you more clothes tomorrow. More underwear, too.”
“Good.”
I lingered there for a second. I wanted to see her get up, make sure she got into the shower, but I didn’t wait. I figured she wouldn’t get up in front of me anyway. I left the room, shut the door, and locked it again. I stood there for a few minutes, waited until I heard the toilet flush, then hurried downstairs, out the front door, and over to my next door neighbor’s place. I knocked a few times until an old woman with deep wrinkles and light brown skin answered, her thin hair down to her shoulders, wearing a simple floral housedress.
“Mrs. Suarez,” I said. “I need a favor.”
“You’re gonna ask for more of Cindy’s clothes, aren’t you?” She gave me a frown. “You’re not a sicko, are you, Steven?”
“No, ma’am,” I said. “Just need underwear for my cousin. I’m sorry to do this, she’s really forgetful. I’m pretty embarrassed.”
Mrs. Suarez gave me a look then shook her head. “You’re lucky you’re a good man and take care of your block,” she said, turning away. “Otherwise, I’d assume you’re just a pervert.”
She disappeared inside and I let out a breath. Mrs. Suarez’s teenage daughter was the source of Colleen’s first round of clean clothes, but I’d neglected to ask for underwear like an idiot. I was going to have to get Colleen her own stuff, otherwise I was going to ruin my reputation in my own damn neighborhood.
Mrs. Suarez returned with a handful of underwear and shoved them into my arms. There were two old, fraying bras and three pairs of black panties, each of them big and cotton. One had bleach stains on it.
“There,” she said. “Best I can do without Cindy getting mad.”
“Thank you,” I said. “You’re a saint. You’re better than a saint.”
“Aye, get outta here, crazy,” she said, giving me a little smile.
I laughed and waved, then ran back to my place. I hurried inside, carried the underwear up to Colleen’s room, and unlocked her door. The shower was running as I came inside. I was tempted to check on her, since the bathroom door still hadn’t been fixed. It was hanging open and wood splinters were still on the tile floor.
I dropped the stack of underwear on the bed but lingered only for a second. She’d invite me into the shower sooner or later, but she had to do it on her own. I kicked down her door one time too many already, and I knew I’d pay for that sooner or later.
I turned and left, leaving the door unlocked and open a crack behind me.
* * *
I parked the SUV outside of Sergio’s Bakery and climbed out. Colleen stared out the window at me with a frown on her face. I gestured with my head for her to follow, and she reluctantly got out of the car.
“This is it?” she asked.
<
br /> “This is it,” I said. “Come on, let’s go in.”
She didn’t move. “This is just some bakery. You want me to meet with some violent criminal in a nice-looking hipster bakery?”
I winced and shook my head. “Don’t let them hear you say that,” I warned.
“Say what?”
“Hipster bakery. Sergio will lose his shit.”
“Who’s Sergio?”
“He’s sort of Dante’s mentor. Sort of mine, too, in a way.”
“I’m not sure what that means. He’s like your mobster mentor?”
I nodded and ran a hand through my hair.
“Look, me and Dante, we came up in this crew,” I said. “Sergio was the Capo back then. We went through some shit with him, had some bad times, and Sergio retired and started this place. Now Dante uses it as a sort of meeting spot, brings a lot of business into his old mentor, helps out around here when he can. You know, that sort of thing.”
“Got it, so he’s a gangster with a heart of gold.”
I snorted and shook my head. “Not even fucking close,” I said. “He just owes Sergio a lot, and Dante doesn’t turn his back on his responsibilities.” I turned away from her and walked to the door. “Now come on, let’s go.”
She followed me and headed into the bakery when I held the door for her. I stepped in behind her and the smell of fresh baked bread hit me square in the chest, and a smile came to my lips.
It’d been a while since I came to the bakery. I’d been too busy and I had my own spots to check on these days. But Sergio’s smelled exactly the way I remembered. I used to spend long hours in this place, and it felt like coming home to be there again.
Colleen lingered just in the threshold and I moved up behind her. I put a hand on her lower back and I felt her tense, but she didn’t pull herself away. The bakery had an industrial feel to it, mostly grays and browns. There were tables and chairs on either side of the main open space, with ceiling fans turning lazy circles up near the ceiling. A young guy with black hair and a bored smile stood behind the counter next to the pastry display and in front of the baskets packed full of fresh bread.