by Ruby Dixon
I shiver. “Yes, yes you did.”
HASSEN
Mah-dee is smiling at me. She is pleased with my declaration that I wish nothing more than to mate with her.
It feels as if I am deceiving her, yet I will go along with it. The truth is, I have not changed my mind. In my mind, Mah-dee is mine. She is my mate. But being close to her and not being able to touch her is torture. I will not choose that. I will choose another route.
Let her think I have given up on my quest to claim her as my own. I have slept on my anger, and I now have a plan. I will not blindly rush forward. I will enjoy these few days with Mah-dee while the weather is pleasant and she learns to hunt. And when the heavier snows come, I will endure the brutal season as an exile, and hunt harder than ever before. When it is over, I will talk with Vektal about rejoining the tribe as a hunter. Then and only then can I claim Mah-dee as a mate. By then, Li-lah will be carrying Rokan’s kit and all will have forgotten that I stole the weak, crying sister when I should have stolen the fierce one.
Today was a risk. Not because Taushen might have seen us, but because Mah-dee might have decided that she did not want to be touched by me again. The fact that she craves my touch as much as I hunger for hers makes me weak with relief. Mah-dee initiated mating with me yesterday. I was not sure she would welcome me today.
The fact that she has means I can show her how much I need her. I plan on taking Mah-dee out on many ‘hunting’ excursions.
And I will claim her every chance I get. I want her to need me as much as I need her.
7
HASSEN
Five Days Later
Mah-dee throws her spear with a limp grip. It wobbles in the air and skids into the snow a few paces away from where she is standing. The tree she was supposed to hit waves back and forth in the stiff wind, taunting her poor hunting ability.
I cross my arms and do my best to look displeased. “That was a terrible throw. You said you practiced.”
“I did try to practice,” she tells me in a grumpy voice as she trots forward to scoop up her spear. “It’s hard to get up and go when you’re exhausted all the time. I gave it a few tosses back at the cave but figured I’d do my practice out here with you.”
“Exhausted? Am I exhausting you?” I reach for one of her large teats, caressing it through the many layers of furs she is wearing. “Shall I stop in my attentions?”
She squirms away, laughing, but the flush in her cheeks and the brightness in her gaze tells me that she likes my touch. “It’s not the sex—though, okay, it’s pretty amazing and hardcore on its own. It’s all the hiking and the hunting. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m out of shape.”
I study her figure, frowning at her words. “I like your shape. What is wrong with it?”
Laughter peals from her again. “Just for that, you are totally getting laid again.”
“Now?” I gesture at the open, rolling hills around us. “Here in the snow?”
“Not right now! There is zero privacy right now.” Mah-dee sticks her tongue out at me again.
“You like no privacy,” I remind her, and am pleased when a bright flush touches her pink cheeks. In the days since our first mating in the storage cave, we have mated as often as possible. A few times have been in the storage caves, in the middle of the day, and Mah-dee burns hottest when she thinks we might get caught.
When she burns hot, I do, too.
She brings her spear back toward me and then holds it out. “Do I need to work on my grip, you think?”
“If all your throws are like that one? Yes.”
“Okay.” She wraps her fingers around the long pole of the spear and looks up at me. “Like this?” Her grip moves up and down. “Or should I hold it tighter here? Maybe give it a little stroke when it’s ready to throw?” And her hand moves in a way that has nothing to do with hunting.
I can feel my cock harden in response to the sight of her fingers moving up and down the pole. The little grin on her face tells me that she knows exactly what she does and how I will respond. “I would tell you to hold the shaft tighter in your grip, but I do not think we are talking about hunting.”
She blinks rapidly. “Why, whatever do you mean?”
“Is something wrong with your eyes?”
Mah-dee snorts. “No. There is something wrong with my brain if I’m trying to use human techniques to flirt with you, though.”
I grin at that, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her against me. “Do you flirt with me, then?”
“Duh. Do you see anyone else out here to flirt with?” She flings her spear aside into the snow and throws her arms around my waist.
“Is it because you want to make me need you? Or because you wish for me to bury my face between your legs and lick your cunt again?” I did so just before our lessons, but I will gladly do so again if she wishes it. The taste of Mah-dee on my tongue is better than anything.
She appears to consider it, and then sighs. “I think if we do that again, we’re not going to get much hunting done.”
“Mmm.” I am not sure I mind that. My Mah-dee is enthusiastic about many aspects of hunting…except for the killing of animals. Yesterday, we found a lame dvisti kit alone on the steppes. It was easy prey and I suggested Mah-dee bring it down. She could not do it. She cried instead, and hid her eyes when I put my spear in the creature’s throat. My mate has a soft heart, but she does not yet understand that sometimes a killing is a mercy.
I wish I could protect her from these things, but if she is to survive, she must be strong in both body and spirit.
“I suppose we had better go back to hunting, then.” She snuggles close to me, pressing her cheek to my chest. “I do need to get better, and we’ve spent more time practicing other things.”
I stroke her yellow mane. I want to tell her that she has no need of learning to hunt if I am her mate. That I can take care of her and provide for us if she will accept me…and if the chief will accept me back. Each night around my small fire seems to grow longer and lonelier.
But for now, we can hunt together and mate in the hunter caves. As long as I have Mah-dee at my side, I will take what I am offered and be thankful.
We kiss and I hand her back the spear she has dropped. “Let us go, then.”
We hike, moving up one of the gentle slopes that surround the valley that is the tribal home. Mah-dee likes to come up here, because we can see from a very far distance. I let her lead, because it is important that she learn how to find game trails on her own. But when we get to the edge of the cliffs, Mah-dee points at moving specks in the distance. “Is that a herd of dvisti?”
“Too small,” I tell her, walking along the cliffs a few steps to get a closer look. I count three hands of specks and see two long squares behind two of them. Sleds. Which means… “It is Maylak’s party. They must have killed a sa-kohtsk.” I eye the sleds, curious at the sight. Normally the sa-kohtsk meat has a strange, bitter taste to it and my people leave it for predators, taking only the khuis that twine in its heart. The fact that they are bringing sa-kohtsk meat home with them tells me that there are more concerns about the brutal season and whether there is enough food for so many mouths.
I should have gladness in my heart that my tribesmates are returning healthy and whole. I watch them walk, and no one is limping or moving slow. One jogs ahead, and then circles back, his movements almost playful. They are happy with how the hunt turned out, then. I should be glad.
But I am not. I am disappointed to see them, because that means it is that many faces returning to the caves. The freedom Mah-dee has had to come and go as she pleases will disappear with the return of the others. I will not be able to sneak into the storage caves with her and mate. She will not be able to slip out of the caves and see me. I bury my anger and frustration and turn back to her. “Come. Let us find a game trail.”
“Everyone’s coming back? Should we…should I go back to the cave?” Mah-dee looks up at me, curious.
&
She chews on her pink lip. “Actually I’d rather spend the rest of the day with you, if that’s all right. I can see them anytime.”
Warmth fills my chest. I nod, because I do not trust my voice. That she would choose to stay with me this day is a gift. I hold a hand out to her.
Mah-dee moves forward and laces her small, cold fingers with mine. “So what does this mean for you and me?” she asks.
I hate that I must say the words. “Today will be our last hunting trip. It is as you have said. There is no ‘you and me.’”
MADDIE
There’s a party that night, but it’s a subdued one. Everyone’s tired from their journey, so it’s not the most energetic of reunions, but everyone gathers by the fire and Maylak passes around her fat, wriggly baby boy Makash, who now has brightly glowing eyes. They even pass him to me, and I don’t point out that he’s ginormous and looks strange to me after seeing so many pale blue half-human babies. Makash is deep blue and his horn buds are twice the size of the others’. Even his tiny chest has the hard plating already.
Maylak flutters around the group, touching everyone, and looks anxious despite her happiness. I guess she’s worried that someone might have gotten injured while she was gone, but the people left behind were a boring group. I doubt anyone left the cave other than me or Taushen, who stayed behind to hunt for fresh meat for the elders and preggos. Josie sits next to me by the fire, but I might as well be invisible for all the attention she’s paying. Her mate is back and she’s clinging to him like he’s about to disappear again. I suppose it’d be cute to see them so lovey-dovey if I didn’t feel so mixed up myself.
Hassen isn’t here. The entire tribe has come out to hang together and eat and catch up. Heck, even Asha’s sitting at the fire, a good distance away from her mate, and she’s holding Maylak’s baby with a blissful look on her face. No Hassen, though. He’s not allowed.
I glance out at the cave entrance, but it’s empty, thick snowflakes blowing in and melting on the stones. Right after the others got home, a storm started. I suppose I should be worried about Lila, but she’s with her mate and a bunch of other people. They’re fine. Instead, I’m thinking about Hassen. He’s all alone out there, and while he knows how to take care of himself, I can’t help but worry. All it takes is a twisted ankle and…I shake those thoughts free from my head, because I can’t go down that path. He can take care of himself.
I just hate that no one has his back right now.
It is as you have said. There is no you and I.
He’s right. I just didn’t expect it to bother me so much to hear. I’ve loved the last week—it’s been so much fun and I haven’t felt bored or lonely. In fact, I’ve woken up every morning eager to face the world and see what new things I can learn or discover. Is this how Lila feels?
Someone drops into the empty seat next to me. It’s Harrec, one of the other young hunters that just returned with the group. I smile faintly at him in greeting and turn back to the fire, feigning interest in the story someone’s telling, when all I really want to do is go to the cave mouth and see if Hassen’s waiting outside, watching us. Wanting to be with us.
Man, that thought is a real bummer.
“Are you hungry, Mah-dee?” Harrec offers me a skewer with several over-cooked chunks of meat on it. “I made this for you.”
“Thanks?” I take it, even though I’ve already eaten. Seems rude, otherwise.
He grins at me, looking friendly. “Enjoy the good-tasting meat. When the snows come, it will be many soups.”
“I like soup,” I tell him, nibbling at one of the chunks.
“Do you have enough bowls? If you do not, I can make you some. I am not as good with carving as Aehako is, but I would be happy to help you.”
Do I have enough bowls? That’s the weirdest question I’ve ever been asked. For some reason, I look across the fire and see Asha. She smirks at me, her hard eyebrows going up. Oh, shit. Is this flirting? Is Harrec flirting with me? About bowls? “I’ll have to take inventory when I mosey back to my crib and I’ll let you know the sitch.” I deliberately pick a lot of human slang to baffle him. Maybe it’s me being a bitch, but I smile widely as if I just said the most normal stuff in the world.
He gives me a firm nod, looking pleased even though I’m pretty sure he has no clue what I said.
A steaming cup of tea appears near my head and I rear back, surprised. It’s one of the elders—Vaza, I think? He offers me the cup with a smile. “Drink, yes?”
“Oh, uh, thanks.” I take the cup and now my hands are full of both food and drink. Everyone’s suddenly so friendly.
To my surprise, Vaza steps over the stone I’m sitting on and pushes in between myself and Josie, who looks surprised at the intrusion. “If you like the tea, I can bring you more. It is my special blend.”
“I’m sure it’s great.” I give Josie an apologetic look as she moves to her mate’s lap. Her mate looks pissed, though, his teeth bared protectively over his woman.
Vaza’s oblivious, though. “There is a certain leaf that grows near the water that makes the best tea.”
“You don’t say,” I murmur.
Harrec gestures at the food. “Is it good? Do you want more?”
“Great,” I tell him, and take another obliging bite. Asha just smirks across the fire, clearly enjoying my pain.
Not for the first time this night, I’m pretty bummed that the others are back. I’d much rather be spending my time with Hassen.
The next morning, I get dressed in my double layers of furs to go out hunting, but I realize ten minutes later that it’s not going to happen. I can’t get away from the tribe. Specifically, the men of the tribe. The moment I leave my cave Taushen’s there, asking if I need more leather to make warm clothing for the brutal season. When I head to the fire to grab breakfast, Vaza’s there with more of his tea. Then Harrec drops by to ask if I want to help him mend his nets. I manage to choke down a few quick mouthfuls of a not-potato cake before murmuring excuses and making my way toward the entrance of the cave. If no one’s around, I might be able to slip out and go say hello to Hassen. I’m sure he’s waiting nearby.
But at the entrance, Maylak is there, and Asha, who is holding Maylak’s little girl while Maylak nurses her newborn. They are both standing and talking to Rukh and Harlow, and the healer has a concerned expression on her face. They all seem to be having an intense conversation, though, so maybe I can sneak past them—
“Maddie! Oh good, another human. I need your help.” Harlow waves me over and the small group turns their gazes to me.
Shit. I have no choice but to head over, pasting a smile to my face. “Hi. What’s up?”
“I’m trying to explain to Maylak that it’s very important that I go to the ship—the Elders’ Cave. I want to visit one more time before the brutal season hits.” She adjusts the baby in her arms and looks over at her mate, who has a large pack on his back. They look like they’re ready to head out the door. “It’s about the computer.”
“Oh?” I’m not seeing where I factor in with this.
“Yeah, I noticed last time that things weren’t adding up when I’d ask the computer questions, and the more I sit and think about it, the more I’m worried that there’s something wrong with it.” She looks at her mate, then back to me. “I worry the data’s corrupted and I’m trying to explain that to them, and no one’s grasping it.”
“I’m no computer genius myself, but I ran into that problem before on my laptop. You think it has a virus? How did it get a virus if it’s been crashed here?’
“I don’t know if it’s a virus, but…things don’t make sense. It’s a computer, so it’s supposed to relay nothing but facts, but I keep finding discrepancies. Like…okay. You know how long the sa-khui have been here, right?”
“Um. Two hundred something years right?” I seem to recall someone telling me about that.
The healer inclines her head. “He has seen one hundred and sixty-two brutal seasons.”
“Wow, that’s pretty crusty.”
“It gets weirder. I was thinking about that, right? So I went to talk to Vadren, and he said his father lived to be a hundred and fifty seasons. And his father before him was about the same.”
“Uh, I’m no mathematician, but that doesn’t add up.”
“Right! And he says that no one has ever had any technology for as long as he remembers. He learned to spear hunt, and his father learned to spear hunt from his father. If his dad was a kid around the time of the crash, wouldn’t he remember something?”
I shrug. “I guess? Maybe they’re off-the-grid types and decided to go back to nature when they landed here permanently?”
“I was wondering about that, but then I kept thinking about it, and it bothers me.” There’s distress on her freckled face. Her baby grabs a fistful of her orange hair and tugs, and Harlow absently tugs his hand free. “I know I’ve had a few instances where I’d get a schematic from the computer and parts would be missing or seem incorrect, and I thought it was me. But now I’m wondering if there’s corruption in the system somewhere. And I’m worried because I don’t know if it’s safe to use for the language capabilities. What if it beams a laser into someone’s brain and fries them when it’s supposed to be teaching them sign language?”
Yikes. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound good.”
“So would you check it out? Or do you think it’s just me looking for things to do?” She casts a worried look to her mate.
“No, I think if you want to go check it out, it can’t hurt, right?” Plus, I’m selfish. Only half the tribe has the sign language so far, and I want my sister to be able to communicate with everyone. She’s worked really hard to teach the computer her ‘hand words,’ as the others say, and I don’t want her to be hampered by an inability to communicate. Then again, I also don’t want someone’s brains turned to goo just because they’re trying to learn how to talk to my sister.
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