by Tia Lewis
I looked down at my watch, an all too familiar emotion flooding my body as I realized what the date was and the significance behind it. How could I have just overlooked it? Typically, on this day I made sure I was off so that I wouldn’t have to make it through the day and pretend like everything was fine. Only this morning, I hadn’t been pretending. Benji Lomns had something to do with that. He had distracted me, made me forget just like I had asked him too. Well after this last class, I wouldn’t be forgetting anything.
Two hours later I walked down to the cemetery, wishing I could visit her grave for real this time. I had, after her death, gone to her grave more than most did. There I had cleared out the weeds, talked to her like she could hear my voice and promise never to leave her. Tom had come the first few times, his comforting hand on my shoulder not providing any level of comfort to me. I knew he was doing everything he could to keep it together himself, and I wasn’t exactly the best person to have gone through something so tragic, but if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t be wearing the uniform on my person right now.
Climbing the hill that overlooked the rows of tombstones that were in front of me, I sat on the granite bench under a shade tree, looking at the sun then at the headstones. My daughter was buried back home, in a tiny little grave next to the plot that had been in Tom’s family for generations. I couldn’t go visit my daughter whenever I liked now that I moved to Chicago and I was okay with that. It didn’t mean I couldn’t talk with her, reflect on her life that never happened. Idly I wondered if Tom ever visited her, looked down at the little headstone and felt the grief build up in his chest. What would she be like now? Would she be a good mix between the two of us? Would we be happy? It was hard to imagine what it would be like to still be married to Tom, to share in life’s ups and downs as we raised our daughter together.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out, a small smile flitting across my face as I saw Benji’s number on the screen. One thing was for sure, I would have never reconnected with Benji again. Holding it up to my ear, I hoped I didn’t seem too eager. “Benji.”
“Hello Danielle,” he said, his voice warming my insides. “Did you get my message?”
“I did,” I answered. “I would like to bring dinner if that is okay.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he said. “I still owe you a fancy dinner.”
I laughed. “I’m more of a cheeseburger girl.”
“So, it seems,” he answered with a laugh as well. “Come over tonight. Bring whatever you would like. I confess I will be entertaining another woman in my apartment. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind,” I grinned, thinking of that sweet girl. “See you tonight.”
I hung up the phone, a stupid grin on my face. This was wrong. I wasn’t ready for this, this budding relationship or at least that was the lie I was telling myself. Maybe I was ready. I had spent long enough in the past, worried that if I didn’t, I would forget my daughter.
Pushing up from the bench, I said a small prayer for the smiling face I would never see, the words I would never hear from my daughter’s mouth. I would never forget her, not in a million years. But Benji was perhaps my future. Maybe not my entire future but a good start to what it could be. For the first time in a long while, I looked forward to an evening that didn’t consist of a pint of ice cream and some sappy movie.
Benji
“Fuck yeah man. That is what I am talking about.”
I grinned as I touched gloves with Joey, glad that I had impressed him this afternoon. After the rocky start to the week, I was glad to get back into my rhythm, feeling lighter than ever as I had danced around the cage. “See? No worries.”
“No worries,” he answered with a chuckle. “You still got two weeks man. We need to make it the hardest two weeks of your pathetic, fucking life.”
“I’m up for it,” I said, stripping off my gloves. “I just hope you are.”
He flipped me off before climbing out of the cage, causing me to follow behind him. “You know, I think I love you, man.”
“Shut the hell up Benji,” Joey said, with a grin on his face. “Hey, thanks for letting Marcella pick up some babysitting hours. She is working really hard at getting some cash together.”
I laughed as I threw my gloves in my bag. “I never thought I would need her services so soon. Tell her there will definitely be more.”
“Hell, no one saw this coming,” Joey said, giving me a wave as he walked back to the locker room. I sat down on the bench, taking off the tape that was around my wrists as I thought about my baby girl. And Danielle, the reason I needed the babysitter to begin with. I was glad she had decided to come over tonight and spend some time with Amelia and me. It was clear that she enjoyed spending time with her and I could only hope that her excitement bounded up to me as well. It had been a long time since a woman had held my attention for more than a few dates and some of it had to do with the fact that I already had a history with her. Did I dare to push this thing forward? Hell, I didn’t know. This was uncharted territory for me, somewhere I hadn’t decided to go to for much of my adult life. Relationships, I didn’t understand them. How could one person be tied down to another for that long and not grow bored? Well, apparently my buddies were finding that out. Every damn one of them had found someone they were willing to try the whole relationship thing with, and I didn’t see any of them running like the devil was at their fucking heels.
Chuckling, I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder. I knew the consequences of my flings. I had one living in my apartment right now. But it wasn’t a bad thing. I loved that little girl already. She had me wrapped so tightly that I would give her the fucking world if I could and we had only been together for a few days. I couldn’t imagine years.
My phone vibrated in my bag, and I pulled it out, seeing Paul’s number on the screen. Holy shit. There could literally be only one reason he was calling me. Putting it up to my ear, I hit the button. “Hello?”
“Dude, I’m a fucking father.”
I could hear the pride in his voice, the tears that he had probably shed. “Congrats. Do we have a male or female?”
“Girl,” he said, his voice rough. “A healthy girl. Sarah was fucking amazing. I couldn’t have even imagined it would be like that. Holy shit man, I have a kid.”
“Give my love to Sarah,” I said, feeling the tug in my chest over my buddy’s happiness. He had been through so much, and Sarah was his other half. There was no doubt about it. “I’m happy for you guys.”
“Thanks,” Paul said. “Gotta go. I’ll send pics later.”
I hung up the phone and whistled on my way out the door. Another fighter in the making.
“See? That wasn’t so bad.”
Amelia gave me a toothy smile as I admired my handiwork, my first attempt at pigtails. They were lopsided, and some hair was already escaping out of one of them, but I had done them myself. Hey, every step counted, right?
Picking her up, I took her over to the playpen and sat her in there, hoping that she would leave her hair and her clothes alone until Danielle could get here. Dressing a toddler was tiring. “I’ll be right back,” I said, giving her a wink as I walked back toward the bedroom, stripping off my t-shirt in the process. Danielle was due any moment, and I was still wearing my sweats. No wonder yoga pants were back in style amongst the female mother population. It was damn near impossible to keep up with Amelia. Chuckling, I pulled some clothes out of my closet and threw them on, running my fingers through my hair roughly. I was looking forward to Danielle coming over tonight and not just because she was going to be an extra pair of hands. All I had thought about was our night last night and how short it had been. Well, now she was coming over to my place, and we were going to have that sleepover of sorts.
Walking back to the living room, I found Amelia hanging onto the side of the playpen, dancing on her feet as she saw me walk toward her. One of her pigtails had now slid down her head, giving her the appeara
nce of a tail growing out the side of her head. “What in the world girl?” I asked, chuckling as I picked her up, tickling her stomach until she squealed with laughter. The doorbell rang, and I walked to the door, opening it without bothering to look. “Hey, you.”
Danielle gave me a smile, her arms loaded with various bags. “Hey, yourself. I see you have your hands full as well.”
“Tell Danielle hey,” I said to Amelia, who was already squirming in my arms. “Come on in, take a load off.”
She walked in and set the bags on the counter in the kitchen, the smell Chinese food wafting in the air. “Can I take her from you for a minute?”
“Gladly,” I smiled, handing her over. I watched as Danielle started to talk to Amelia, their giggles filling my apartment. It was a great feeling, watching the two of them. “What did you bring to eat?”
“I cheated,” she said as Amelia fiddled with the delicate chain around Danielle’s neck. “I brought an ass load of Chinese food. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s great,” I answered, just glad to see her. If she hadn’t been holding my daughter, there would have been a good chance she would be in my arms right at this moment, and her clothes would be disappearing shortly thereafter. My cock was already throbbing at the mere thought. “Let’s put this stinker in her high chair and then we can eat.”
Danielle finagled Amelia into the chair at the end of the island as I pulled the boxes out of the bag. “You did get an ass load of Chinese.”
She fastened the bib around Amelia’s neck, giving me a look. “I told you so. If you hadn’t liked Chinese, then you would have been stuck eating smashed carrots.”
I groaned. “Please don’t ever mention smashed carrots again. I will never feed her those.”
Danielle stepped back as I stepped around the island, timing it perfectly as she turned into my waiting arms. “Benji,” she breathed as I pulled her against me, the smell of her coconut shampoo turning me on. “W-what are you doing?”
I leaned her back, giving her a quick grin. “I admit, I’m jealous I wasn’t in your arms.”
Her expression softened as she slid her arms around my neck, a slight grin on her face. “Well, we can’t have you jealous of your own daughter, now can we?”
“No,” I replied, moving in to kiss her, my pulse pounding in my ears. Amelia let out a screech, and we jumped back, laughing as Danielle moved out of my reach. My own kid was trying to sabotage the last bit of game I had left. “Alright, we’ll eat.” Reaching into the fridge, I grabbed two long necks off the shelf along with Amelia’s milk as Danielle opened up some of the boxes. I took a moment to survey the scene, the craziness that had become my life in a matter of a few days. I was feeding a child, my child like it was the most natural thing to do. I was attempting to entertain a woman in my apartment who wasn’t currently naked and enjoying the hell out of it. This was a far cry from my nightly excitement that I normally was in the middle of, and I wasn’t missing my old life, not one bit. It was fucking scary and exciting at the same time.
“Yoohoo, Benji are you even on the planet?”
Breaking out of my thoughts, I looked at Danielle, who was giving me a curious smile. “What?”
She pointed to the cabinets. “I was asking which one had the plates in it.”
“You caught me dad dreaming,” I grinned, walking over to the cabinet and pulling out some of the paper plates stored there. “Here. Sorry about that.”
She took the plates, our fingers barely brushing against each other but it was enough to cause my cock to jump excitedly. God this woman had an effect on me that was frightening. “Are you sure you are okay?”
“I’m good.” I was. Though I should be scared shitless at the thought of not only having to raise a girl by myself but also the feelings that seemed to happen every time Danielle was around. I don’t know which one scared me more.
Danielle
An Hour Later…
“Well at least the cleanup is a breeze,” I said as I picked up the now empty boxes. “And some little girl really enjoyed herself.”
Benji looked over at his now sleeping daughter, with rice sticking to her face and in her hair. “I would hate to just wake her up to give her a bath. Little girls can be dirty as well right?”
I smiled. “Of course, they can. I can’t tell you how many baths I skipped as a child.”
“Well, you never smelled to me.”
Something in my stomach went warm and fuzzy as he carefully lifted her out of her high chair, tucking her head against his shoulder. “I’m going to lay her down. Why don’t you grab a couple of beers and go out on the balcony?”
I nodded and watched as the duo disappeared down the hall before I let out the breath I had been holding. Despite any reservations I might have had about Benji being a fit father, he was really showing me and everyone else that the assumptions were wrong. Plus he was a huge chick magnet now. A gorgeous, muscled man with a killer smile and a little girl that he adored? Women would be beating down his door once word got out.
With a sigh, I walked over to the fridge and grabbed two more beers, glad that I was working the night shift tomorrow night. It would give me plenty of time to get rid of the headache I was going to have in the morning not to mention the fact that I was likely going to be sneaking into my own apartment in the morning. If the heated looks Benji was giving me throughout dinner tonight were any indication of what was going to happen, I wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
The balcony was tucked in the corner of the massive room as I pulled open the door and walked out into the crisp night, noting the sleek yet comfortable looking chairs situated to overlook the city of Chicago. It was small, but roomy enough for two people as I set the beers on the small table between the chairs and walked over to the railing, breathing in the night air. The view alone put my sad apartment to shame, and I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of money Benji was bringing in with his gym and his fighting. Apparently, pretty good money considering he had nothing to start with. That was what was so surprising about this all. He and I literally had come from the same place, with similar backgrounds and aspirations. And now look at us.
The door opened, and I turned, the wind catching my hair as Benji walked out, the baby monitor in his hand. “She didn’t even move,” he said, grabbing one of the beers and placing the monitor on the table. “I’m crossing my fingers for all night sleep.”
“Has she been keeping you up?” I asked as he took a swig of his beer. He nodded, setting it back on the table. “Around two or so, but I can get her back to sleep pretty easily. I don’t know how single parents do it.”
I braced myself against the railing. “You’re doing a good job, Benji. She looks happy with you.”
He ran a hand over his face, looking tired himself. “I wish I could remember the woman that was her mom. I have no fucking idea what she’s going to be like growing up or if there was something special she was used to with her mom. It’s going to be a big blank in her life, even if she can remember her.”
I heard the worry in his voice, understood his fears. He was right. Amelia would never know her mom, and he had a pretty big void to fill in her life. “Well, for as long as I am here in Chicago, I’ll be more than willing to help out.”
He chuckled, leaning against the railing. “I will remember that when she has her period.”
I smiled. “You do that.”
Benji held my gaze, the butterflies in my stomach going crazy. “Why are you not married Danielle with a ton of kids holding onto your legs?”
My smile died as that pain in my chest started to ache, the one that reminded me of my past and what I had lost. “I, um, there was a husband and a child.”
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Benji said immediately noticing my unease. “I didn’t mean to bring up a painful past.”
I gave him a little shrug, hating the pity in his voice. “It didn’t work out. My, um, my daughter died during childbirth.”
An expression crossed Ben
ji’s face before he swallowed hard, reaching out to pull me against him. I let him, glad for the warmth of another person instead of the coldness I always felt whenever I thought about my failed marriage and my daughter’s death. Laying my head on his shoulder, I breathed in the spicy scent of his cologne.
“Hell, Danielle,” he said softly, his hands stroking my back lightly. It was meant to be comforting, but with each stroke, I felt the tiny sparks of flame crawl up my body, igniting the passion filled side of me he had awakened last night. “I’m fucking sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s fine,” I said, concentrating on those strokes. They were delicious, reminding me of his touch, his kiss last night. “After her death, our marriage just fell apart. We were both happier alone than together.”
“I can’t even imagine what you went through,” he said softly, his warmth starting to seep into my body. “Do you still talk to him?”
I thought about the last time I had talked with Tom, something small that he needed me to sign or something. He had wanted me to come back to the house to sign them, but I had argued with him, telling him I wasn’t coming back home just to sign a paper. In the end, he had faxed it to me, and we hadn’t spoken since. I wasn’t so sure why he wanted me to come back, but if there was an ulterior motive, he was wasting his time. “I don’t,” I finally said. “We don’t hate each other.”
Benji pulled back until we were looking at each other, smoothing the hair out of my face with his fingers. “I’m sorry,” he grated out, regret crossing his handsome features. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“You didn’t know,” I said softly. “I’m not going to lose it if that’s what you are worried about.”
“I’m not worried about it,” he answered, giving me a little smile in return. “My shoulder is pretty decent to cry on.”