The shadow that flickered in her eyes said she knew why. She nodded and hurried to fall into step with me, one hand on my arm as she guided me to the house. “I worked one curse, the shapeshifting curse, and I can undo it, I think,” she said. I resisted the urge to tell her it wasn’t going to be broken without the blood curse being dealt with first, letting her finish. “But…I never cast a blood curse. Not intentionally.”
“You truly want me to believe you had no intention of killing them?”
“It might have crossed my mind, I was hurt and angry, but I didn’t want them dead. Especially not suffering like that. But magic doesn’t always work off your rational thoughts. You know that.”
I did. I stared ahead until my eyes burned. There was something that could be done. I wouldn’t accept otherwise. I wouldn’t lose any of them—I wouldn’t lose Kye. Not when I’d just gotten them back. “How do you break a curse that was never properly cast?” She shook her head, silent. I’d never worked with something like this. It wasn’t something taught in our lessons as children.
It was a curse forged in blood and grief and anger—and love. As powerful a magic as the magic I’d poured into Kye. Perhaps Morgana had been wrong when she’d said nothing had come of her begging the gods for help when her daughter had died. “You hated them,” I said. “And that was fair, given what happened. Do you still hate them?”
She considered for a long, heavy moment. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Certainly not like I did. I know them now. I’ve spoken to them and seen how they are. They aren’t bad people. I do believe they meant to do more good than bad.” The unspoken but hovered. They’d still been responsible for her daughter’s death, and that couldn’t be forgotten. Or forgiven, not easily.
“But good intentions don’t make up for bad results,” I finished.
She sighed and stopped in front of the house. “So this curse…I don’t have the power to fix it. I’m sorry.”
“What about change it?” a voice said, and my head whipped to the porch. Idris sat there, half hidden in the shadows of the slanted walls and overhang. Like Kye and Wesley, he was pale, unsteady and sick-looking. His fingernails were too long and sharp as he braced a hand against the wall. “Can you change the curse?”
Morgana stared at him. “I…I’m not sure.”
“It was cast because of your daughter’s death. And that was my fault, not theirs. You may not be able to forgive enough to break the curse, but you can understand who to blame. They didn’t know their parts in it. I kept that to myself, so they wouldn’t have to know. They wouldn’t be guilty.”
“Idris—” I started, but he cut me off.
“We both know I’m right, Neyva. They don’t deserve to die for my mistakes.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Even if it’s possible, if you take the brunt of the curse alone…” I couldn’t finish. That magic was so wound up and vicious spread evenly between the five of them, ready to tear them apart. It would be five times as bad centered on one person.
He met my eyes. They were filled with the same deep-rooted guilt I’d seen the night he’d told me what he’d done. Haunted. “I know.”
Morgana pressed her lips together into a thin line and stepped up to the door. I followed her. Without a word, she crossed the little room and pulled the curtains on the two windows shut, blocking all the sunlight. Idris stepped inside.
Aurynn looked up from the counter where she was cleaning a little animal I couldn’t identify, brow furrowed. Tamsin and Wesley stopped mid-conversation. “What’s going on?” Aurynn asked.
Morgana set her basket down on the table and stared at it. “I want to know what happened to my daughter.”
Wesley flinched. Tamsin gazed at his hands. Aurynn’s eyes flicked from her to Idris to me, waiting. Idris nodded.
“We were hired to remove any magic cast on the village. They’d had a string of bad luck and were living in fear of a witch, thought she might be cursing people. The man who hired us told me he knew of a way to rid the village of all curses, a spell from the Lady those without magic could use, but he needed the right things to do it. So I made sure he got them.” The others looked anywhere but at Idris. “The last thing he needed was a witch’s blood and bones. I took him the girl. I said I wouldn’t have any part in…doing it myself, but I took her to him.”
Morgana’s lips trembled. “And you let him mutilate my baby. Use her for blood magic.”
He lowered his head. “At the time, I believed it was for a good cause. The people in danger would be protected and she would be a spared a life of…”
“A life like I almost had,” I said. “As a heartless killer.”
“I can’t justify it, but it seemed like the right thing at the time. I know now it wasn’t.”
Aurynn shook her head. “Wait. Men can’t inherit magic.” She turned to me. “Is there really a spell non-witches can do?”
I’d never heard of any such thing. Morgana sighed, and her answer was written in her expression. “My guess is he had another witch helping him, which of course he wouldn’t have told you,” I answered. “Maybe one he was threatening to expose or who wanted that spell cast for some reason. You weren’t cursing people, were you?”
Morgana shot me a glare. “Of course not.”
“Sometimes bad luck is just bad luck,” Tamsin murmured.
Idris looked at Morgana, as if judging if it was safe to speak again. “I don’t know anything more than that. I’m sorry. It was my choice and my doing, not theirs. They shouldn’t die for my mistakes.”
She looked to the others. “You didn’t know?”
“They didn’t—” Idris started, but Morgana held up a hand to silence him.
“We had no idea a child was involved at all,” Aurynn said. “Not until recently. Much less what happened to her.” Tamsin shook his head, silent.
Wesley leaned back in his chair. “I stole the book, I’ll admit to that. I can’t pretend not to. But I thought that was it. I never knew Idris went back. I stand by him, I believe he did what he thought was the right thing then, but I didn’t know about your daughter.”
Idris held out both hands. “If anybody deserves this curse, it’s me. Only me.”
“Idris, you can’t take all of it,” Aurynn interrupted. “It’s not even possible—Neyva?”
I couldn’t look at her. I wasn’t sure, but if it was born from Morgana’s blame, it could be. Blame could be shifted. Even though she hadn’t intentionally cast it, the right pieces were there to give her control: shed blood and her anger and grief. “It could be,” I admitted. “But Idris, this curse is already set to kill all of you. If it was to fall on one person, it could be immediate. And not clean or peaceful.”
We were talking about his death. Not just shapeshifting. He’d die. More than likely in a slow, painful way. Nobody deserved it. He might have made a mistake, but he didn’t deserve to die for it.
Most witches demanded blood for blood, but Morgana and I didn’t have to be them.
The look in his eyes was set. He wouldn’t change his mind. “It’s better than all of us.”
Tamsin stood abruptly, almost knocking his chair to the floor. “There’s still time to break it.” He looked between Morgana and me. “Isn’t there?”
“It’s not something that can just be broken, Tam,” Wesley said. “An apology isn’t enough for a life, right, Morgana?”
“But Neyva, you broke whatever your sister did to Kye. When you said it couldn’t be broken. Do it again.”
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t explain what I’d done with Kye. I stared at my hands. Hands that should be able to work magic at the faintest whim, but felt stiff and cold. Like they couldn’t conjure even a wisp of power.
“It’s not the same,” Morgana said. I felt her eyes lingering on me. “I don’t think any of you deserve to be cursed. But I don’t love you.”
“Then let’s do it, before things get any worse. Whatever you need to do.”
/>
Aurynn and Tamsin both started a chorus of protests that went ignored. I interrupted them. “Are you sure? There’s no going back. There’s no stopping it. I don’t know when it will happen, but it will be painful.”
“I started this. I’ll end it. And if it means protecting all of you…” He paused and looked to the three gathered around the table. Most of the ragged remains of a makeshift family. “That’s what I wanted to do in the first place. I’ve already lost two of my family, I won’t lose any more.”
Wesley wiped quickly at one eye, like he didn’t want to be caught doing it. “If that’s your choice, then. Find Rayick and Enaelle out there for us.”
Aurynn sniffed and launched at him, flinging her arms around Idris’s neck. “Did anyone ever say you were too good for that damn guard position?”
He rubbed her back with a faint smile. “Only you, and only about a hundred times. Now go on, I don’t want to die covered in your tears.”
She pulled back. He and Tamsin exchanged a look that seemed to speak volumes neither of them decided to make into words. I knew Tamsin had been an unwanted street rat when he’d met the others. Idris had given him a place to belong, and I could see the thanks in his red-rimmed eyes. Then Idris tore his gaze away and to me.
“Neyva. Thank you for being one of the best deals I ever took.”
I managed a watery smile. “Thank you for being one of mine.” The best deal would have been accurate. Nothing had ever or could ever turn out like this one had.
“You take care of Kye.”
“Always.”
Idris returned my smile and then faced Morgana. “How do we do this?”
“Give me your hand.”
He did. She took it, inspecting his palm, and with her free hand grabbed one of the knives Aurynn had been using to clean her catch. She wiped the blade on her skirt, then drew it across Idris’s hand. The faintest flicker in his expression gave away his pain.
She enclosed his hand in both of hers, eyes closed. I could see the tremor in her shoulders, the pain tightening around her eyes as she relived that night. Idris struggled to breathe, and I steeled myself for it to crash onto him all at once. Right here in front of us. He braced his hand against the tabletop and remained standing, silent. Strong, though he clenched his jaw. My throat closed but I didn’t let myself move. It was his choice.
Tears slid down Morgana’s cheeks as she dropped his hand and stepped back. In the same instant, the ripple flashed over Idris, like when he stood in the sun. Rich red fur spread like fire catching, human and then not in half a second. The fox that stood in his place was skin and bones, his pelt limp and lifeless. His eyes—amber now, not blue—held no glint of recognition or awareness, just fear as he skittered from the looming humans, ears flattened. Part of me wanted to scoop him up, keep him warm and comfortable for as long as he had left, but I was frozen in place. I wasn’t sure it would have been the best thing to do, anyway.
“Idris?” Tamsin said, but got no response.
Morgana quietly moved to the back door and pushed it halfway open. Wesley jumped to his feet as Idris bolted for it. “Wait!”
It was too late; the fox darted into the open air and away.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “But it wasn’t him anymore.”
My heart pinched, but she was right. That had been nothing more than a scared, ill animal desperate to get away. “It wouldn’t be fair to keep him shut in here,” I agreed, voice shaking. “He’s a wild animal now.”
Idris was gone.
Thirty-Four
“And that’s it?” Kye asked.
I leaned back into their chest, closing my eyes instead of looking at the stars above. I could live forever like this, wrapped in their arms. Surrounded by proof they were alive and here and safe. But the last days pushed down on my shoulders until part of me wanted to collapse with the weight of them. “That’s it. It’s over.”
“And Rayick?”
“Wesley tried to find him, but there wasn’t time. People saw what had happened and put it together, or as far as we can tell they did. We needed to get out before anyone started pointing fingers and calling witch. I’m sure when they search the house they’ll find him. Notify his family, send him there to be buried…” My voice was getting thick and rough.
“I couldn’t help them. All that time, the one good thing I got out of it was being able to protect people, and I’m stuck poisoned while my friends die.”
I ran a hand along their arm hooked around me. Everywhere our skin touched felt electric. “It’s not your fault. Sarafine knew exactly how to get to me. Knew you were my weakness.” That was my fault.
They paused. “Weaknesses get a witch killed.” It was a hesitant comment, almost afraid, and my heart cracked.
I twisted to kneel in front of them, forced them to meet my eyes. “Weaknesses can get anybody killed, but sometimes they’re worth it.”
“I recall once meeting a witch in a cave who would’ve disagreed.”
“That was before she had a stubborn bird change her mind.”
“‘Bird,’” they scoffed. “You make me sound like a little sparrow.”
“Stubborn eagle, if you must be so specific.” I grinned, and I wasn’t sure of the last time I had grinned like that, and they laughed and it sounded like music. The weight disappeared, if only for the moment, and I kissed them so maybe it would stay away a little longer. They tugged me closer and the winter chill was replaced by their warmth, and I linked my hands at the nape of their neck. My fingers met silky hair. I pulled away a fraction.
“What?”
“No feathers.”
“No feathers,” they whispered with a smile.
It didn’t feel real. Part of me was sure the curse was still looming over us, ready to snatch any happiness we gathered. But when I sat back, Kye was still Kye. I searched their face. Traced their jaw with one hand. “You’re really alright?” I asked.
“I’m alive, and I don’t think that will be changing anytime soon.”
It was the most honest answer they could have given. None of us were really alright after all that had happened, but we were alive. We’d get to alright one day. “I thought I’d lose you. I thought we were both going to die there. I didn’t have any strength left, I didn’t have any magic to use…”
“But you did.” They held up one hand and I put mine to it, palm to palm. Something buzzed between us, more than the heat that crackled under my skin around Kye. Like whatever broken, raw ruins of magic were left in me were being tugged toward something. “I don’t know what you did, but I’m alive because of it.”
“Do you feel it, or is it a witch thing?” I asked.
There was a hint of something akin to worry in their eyes when they nodded. Whatever it was about Kye that beckoned to my magic, it hadn’t been there before. And though I couldn’t push my senses further now, to the little thing inside them my magic would work with if I wanted it to, I doubted it would have felt the same.
“You’re not a witch.”
“No,” they agreed, and looked to our hands pressed together. “But I’ve felt different since I woke up. I think you did something incredible, Neyva, and maybe that has other effects.”
I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of that. I’d had more than enough of managing curses and deadly magic. “What do we do about it?”
Kye shrugged. “Figure it out as we go. If you want to…go, that is.”
“Go where?” I was beginning to smile and I was never going to be able to stop it.
“Anywhere. Whenever. I just want to do it with you. Let whatever is between us happen, no more games or running or one last nights.”
There it was. Everything laid out, one final, all-or-nothing offer.
I’d been willing to give everything for Kye. My heart, my magic, my life. I hadn’t been able to think of a world without them, and I didn’t want to. I’d come too close; I didn’t want to imagine it again. But letting myself remain with Kye had got
ten people killed.
And my mother was still out there.
When I didn’t answer, their eyes darkened. “Only if that’s what you want.”
“It is.” It was. It was everything I wanted. “But I want to know you’re safe. I want to know my mother won’t be coming after you.”
“How do we do that?”
“I have an idea. Will you come with me?”
“As long as you’ll have me. Just don’t say tonight is another last night until you’re convinced I’m safe. I’m tired of having reasons to know exactly when dawn is.”
I braced my forehead against theirs, letting the tension wind out of me. For now, this was the one important thing in the world. “No more last nights,” I promised. “You get every night, Kye Emris.”
A silhouette stood at the edge of the road, staring at the streaking red and gold shining through the trees. I folded my arms to fight off the chill and crossed to him. Wesley didn’t so much as glance over.
We stood , watching the sun claw its way upwards. “How long have you been out here?” I asked.
He lifted one shoulder. “An hour, maybe two.”
“You’re that ready to leave?”
“No, just…thinking.”
“About?”
He paused. “There’s a spot near the docks in Fraida where you can see the sun rise over the water. When I could steal my breakfast early enough, I’d climb up there to watch it while I ate. Enaelle snuck out once after I mentioned it. We must have been fourteen. Her father was furious she’d run off with the bastard boy. I got a good slap from him for that.”
I watched the way the trees glowed in the sunrise. “Are you sure you want to go back?”
“I am.”
“You could go anywhere in the world. Why there, where so many bad things happened to you?”
“It wasn’t all bad. Aside from those woods it’s the one place she’s left. But I have to go for myself, too. Maybe I’ll stay there, maybe not, but there are things I have to do there.”
“Don’t go chasing ghosts, Wesley.”
“I don’t plan on it. But I never told her.” He gave me a brief, knowing look. “She was too good for a bastard thief, but I still wish I had.”
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