I wished all those pep talks and suggestions I gave to others on a daily basis could even remotely help me, but they did nothing to soothe my pain. In fact, my pain only increased as the days passed.
I’d been a wreck ever since that night in the lobby, unable to block the negative feelings that were making me rather depressed. I’d always been aware that expecting him to be loyal to me was like trying to boil the ocean, yet I relied on the glimpses of his raw feelings he’d shown to me. There had been a naive part of me that believed in him. How messed up was that?
“Are you sure you don’t want Alison and me to come to your place? You’ve been locked in your apartment for days, and you’re starting to worry us,” Claire told me over the phone.
I stared at the TV screen, not actually seeing the show that was currently on, my thoughts coming back to Daniel. My thoughts had always come back to Daniel, and it was starting to annoy the hell out of me.
I’d decided to take a few days off because I was too heartbroken to actually work. This was my fourth day out of the office, but I didn’t feel any better.
“I’m sure. I have plenty of old shows and popcorn to keep me company,” I said cheerfully, hoping she would buy this.
Of course, she didn’t. “You can’t fool me, Mari. You sound like a beaten cat. I think you should stop avoiding us. You need company now more than ever.”
Claire and Alison weren’t the only people I avoided these days. I avoided Daniel too—he was actually on the top of my “to ignore” list. He’d attempted to reach me quite a few times, calling me and sending me numerous texts, until I decided to turn off my phone, completely ignoring him. I was glad that my landline number wasn’t listed anywhere on the clinic brochures, so I didn’t have to turn it off too.
“Marissa, why aren’t you answering your phone?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Baby, we need to talk.”
“Why aren’t you coming to your work?”
“Okay. Now I’m going all crazy here. Are you OK?”
Each of Daniel’s texts brought another nail into my bleeding heart, and they were weakening my resolve to stay away from him. I was sure that if I’d heard his voice even once, I’d be tempted to see him, and that would lead us nowhere. He was sleeping with other women, so there was nothing to discuss. The man was as free as a bird, so I might as well give up completely on him and let him forget about me.
“I already told you that Daniel was looking for you in the clinic. I think you should call him at least and tell him to leave you alone,” Claire told me, bringing me back to the present moment.
It was a good thing I was staying at home because it would be impossible for me to avoid him at my work.
“I have no intention of calling him. There’s no point. Either way, we can’t be together. I can’t accept sharing him with other women, Claire. Besides, maybe he wants to see me so he can tell me that he’s finished with me, and that would only make me more miserable.”
“That doesn’t sound reasonable, Mari. Why would he try so hard to reach you if he only wanted to stop seeing you?”
I let out a heavy sigh, resting my head on the back of my couch as I stared at the ceiling. Talk about complicated. And there I thought that being single was the end of the world. Right now, I wished Daniel had never stepped foot in my clinic.
“Maybe he wants a ‘goodbye’ fuck,” I replied gloomily.
Claire chuckled. “That makes even less sense! And what’s a ‘goodbye’ fuck?”
“You know, a quick fuck before we say goodbye to each other.”
Her chuckles left her lips once more. “I don’t think he wants a quick fuck, sweetie. You know, I saw him the last time he came here and he looked really concerned about you.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. I barely managed to convince him that you’re okay and that he should leave you alone since you don’t want to talk with him. By the way, he’s quite sexy.”
“Ugh, Claire, that doesn’t help me now.”
I could practically see her smiling like a Cheshire cat. “Yeah, I know, but I’m just stating the facts. He looks damn good, which is one big plus for him. Anyway, as I said, he looked concerned, which tells me that there is more to his feelings than you give him credit for.”
I ran my hand through my hair, now truly conflicted. “It doesn’t matter, Claire. Don’t you get it? No matter what he feels for me, I can’t just get over the fact that he sleeps around. I won’t let myself get into this with him.”
“Well, if, for example, he actually feels something real toward you, why don’t you give him some time? Maybe you two can get together after he cures his addiction?”
“I can’t rely on some slight possibility that he loves me and will get cured. This is not likely to happen. And how long should I wait for him? One year? Two years? Ten? No. I can’t play with my heart like this. I’m better off without him.”
“Ok. If you say so.”
I dragged myself to the shower after we ended the call, hoping the hot water would chase away this anxiety that had accumulated over the day. I was tired of thinking about my lame love life. I’d made my decision and I was going to stick to it.
I returned to the living room, intent on watching some movie that could distract me and help me forget about the “Daniel” drama when my doorbell rang.
I checked the clock on my wall and read 10 pm. Who would come to my place this late? Frowning, I went to the door and checked through the peephole, but I couldn’t see anyone. For a moment, I thought this could be Daniel, but it was impossible because he didn’t know where I lived. There was no way he would appear at my place.
The doorbell rang again, and I opened the door, immediately regretting it. I was wrong. It was Daniel. How did he know where I lived?
“Marissa—”
I tried to shut the door in his face, not interested in hearing him out in the slightest, but he placed his leg in the crack and pushed the door open without any effort.
“Get out, Daniel.” I didn’t like that my voice sounded so shaken. I didn’t fail to notice how handsome he looked in his jeans and polo shirt, which was a different outfit from his usual one, but it suited him so well. I could see each ridge of his abs, reminded of licking them on my way to his hard cock...
He got inside and closed the door behind him, his eyes on my wet hair before they went down my body, slowly checking me out. I was in my comfy t-shirt and leggings, wearing no bra, and I suspected my nipples were perfectly visible to him. His darkened gaze confirmed that, and I wished the ground could swallow me, especially because my nipples hardened under his hot stare.
Just great. I didn’t need this.
“Please, get out. You—”
“We need to talk, Marissa, so I’m not going anywhere.” He advanced toward me, and I immediately backed away from him.
“I’ll call the police. You can’t just barge in like that and demand to talk to me.”
He halted, frowning at me. “I won’t hurt you. I just want to know why the hell you’ve been avoiding me all of a sudden. I deserve to know the truth because you can’t just cut me out of your life without even telling me why. So I’m not going anywhere until you explain this to me.”
My hands clenched, as I hated to be cornered like this. I wasn’t prepared for this, but there was no way for me to cop out of it.
“Fine,” I gritted out. “Since you insist, I’ll tell you why.” I headed toward my living room without even waiting for his response, reminding myself I had to resist him. No matter what he said, I wouldn’t go back to him. That was for sure.
Chapter 12
Daniel followed me to the living room. Even without looking, I was aware of his eyes on my ass, and I fought against the intense attraction we still shared. I was just going to tell him what I’d seen in that lobby and that we were finished. I wasn’t going to let him get into my head again.
I took a seat on my couch, relieved that he chose to sit in
the armchair across from me and not on the couch next to me.
“How did you get my address?”
“I went to your clinic a few hours ago and found Claire. I told her I was serious about you and I needed to talk with you and make things work out between us. In the end, she gave me your address.”
I was going to kill Claire. For real. This was the second time she did something like this, and it was starting to get on my nerves. What was she now? A matchmaker? Cupid?
“Serious, right,” I replied sarcastically, not believing it at all. “You can’t make things work out between us because there was nothing between us, to begin with.”
He clenched his jaw, his hands curled into fists on his lap. “Will you finally tell me what the problem is?”
“I saw you with another woman, Daniel.”
He frowned. He clearly hadn’t expected this answer. “Another woman? What do you mean?”
“I wanted to surprise you, so I went to your company last week. Little did I know that I would be the one who would be surprised in the end. Quite unpleasantly, I must say, since I saw you in the lobby with some blonde chick. You two were hugging each other.”
His eyebrows furrowed deeper, his face displaying his utter confusion. “What are you talking about? What blonde—” He stopped, his frown disappearing with a sudden revelation. “Oh, you mean Anna.”
Anna. The way he said her name as his eyes lit at the mention of her showed that this woman was more important to him than I’d thought, and hurt spread through my chest. He was clearly fond of her, which only made me more infuriated. He played me all along. He’d never even given me a chance.
I was breathing heavily now, about to say some harsh words that I’d probably regret later, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“I thought I saw a slight change in you, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. You never actually changed. You’re a cheating bastard who will never stop screwing around, and I don’t plan to allow you to walk all over me and use me however you want.”
He winced, staring at me like he couldn’t believe what had just come out of my mouth. “Marissa, what the fuck are you talking about?”
Was he seriously going to act now? I couldn’t believe him! “Don’t play dumb! You were screwing that blonde, Anna, behind my back. I was so stupid for giving you a chance. I actually thought that you wanted something more serious with me and that you would try to be better for me. I was totally wrong.”
He stood up and started pacing around, pissed off. “No. You’re totally wrong now because I haven’t done what you’re accusing me of!”
“What?” I jumped to my feet, too restless to continue sitting. “Stop lying to me!”
“I’m not lying to you! Are you seriously accusing me that I slept with Anna? Are you seriously thinking I’m still messing around when I’m with you?”
“We were never in a relationship to begin with, so expecting you to be loyal to me was a long shot at best. Now you know why I don’t want to see you again. You got your answer, so can you please leave?”
“No. I won’t leave until I explain myself.”
“I don’t care about your explanation! So—”
“She’s my fucking sister, Marissa!” he roared, closing the distance between us. I stopped, staring astounded at him as I processed the information.
“What?”
“Anna is my sister,” he repeated, less loud this time.
“But you were hugging her...”
He cocked his eyebrow. “You do realize that brothers and sisters can hug each other, right?” he asked, his voice laced with sarcasm before he ran his hand over his face. “Look, I don’t know why the hell you immediately assumed that I was cheating on you. If you stayed and let me tell you my side of the story, all of this could’ve been avoided. I can’t believe you jumped at such a twisted conclusion so quickly.”
He turned around and walked away to the other side of the room, hiding his disappointed face from me. I was left speechless, astonished with how everything turned out.
Oh, God. He was right. I immediately accused him of cheating and didn’t even let him explain himself, pegging him as the worst. I couldn’t believe how judgmental I’d been in this situation. I hadn’t even given him a chance to talk to me and clear things up.
As a therapist, I was supposed to know better. I was supposed to be understanding and nonjudgmental, but I messed things up with Daniel. I’d let my emotions get the best of me.
“I...” I heaved a long sigh, suddenly too tired. Now that I saw this from a different perspective, I realized how wrong I’d been. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I jumped to conclusions, and that isn’t fair at all. You didn’t deserve that.”
I reached for him, wishing I could place my hand on his back and feel those hard muscles, but I didn’t dare. He remained silent, still facing away from me. I took a deep breath, deciding to tell him the truth.
“I was so afraid, Daniel. That doesn’t justify my behavior, but I just want to share with you how I really felt. I was afraid because I was falling for you.”
My heart was beating too fast now. I noticed his body become tense, my words affecting him in some way. I continued talking before I chickened out.
“I was supposed to know better. You’re a sex addict, which means that it’s harder for you to control yourself, so expecting you to commit to a monogamous relationship is beyond absurd. Still, I made that mistake. We were already crossing the line with our sexual relationship, so I wasn’t supposed to develop any feelings for you. Everything should’ve been strictly physical, but it didn’t turn out like that in the end.”
I pressed my hands together, overwhelmed with emotion. Speaking about this actually made me feel better because I’d been bottling up my feelings, which wasn’t healthy at all.
“Even though I fell for you, I was supposed to make some boundaries from the start. I was supposed to wait for you to begin recovery, and then maybe start something with you. That way no one would get hurt—”
He spun around and grabbed me by shoulders, his heated eyes penetrating me. “No. Don’t say that. What we had... It wasn’t wrong at all.” He looked away for several moments, his eyebrows furrowed together. “Look, there is something important I want to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“The truth is... I don’t believe I’m really a sex addict.”
Chapter 13
What the... “What?”
He closed his eyes briefly, his eyebrows pinched together. His hand traced my shoulder and neck slowly, and I had the urge to lean into him and beg him to do much more than that.
“I thought about this a lot, especially during these days without you. I was afraid, Marissa. When you didn’t answer me at first, I thought something bad had happened to you, and you can’t even imagine how horrible that made me feel. I was scared that I lost you.”
His hand stopped right beneath my ear, his thumb grazing my sensitive skin. I swallowed with difficulty, unable to look away from his dark eyes.
“Then I heard that you didn’t want to see me, and it sucked. Just when I started developing feelings for you, you cut me out of your life, and it hurt more than I could’ve ever imagined.”
“You developed feelings for me?”
“Yes. I started feeling something that I never thought was possible. I was so sure I’d never feel something like this again, but you made it happen. You helped me feel again, and these last days were hell because I was afraid I would never see you again.”
I couldn’t resist myself anymore, so I placed my hands on his chest. I needed to touch him. His heart was pounding loud, his heartbeat matching mine, and my breathing sped up. I’d never considered the possibility that Daniel felt the same way about me, and now that he was admitting this to me... I felt like I was on cloud nine. I wanted to jump around, laugh like crazy—anything to express how happy I felt right now.
“Before you, I needed sex almost every day. I fed on shallow sensations t
hat meant nothing, thinking they could mean something in the future, but they never did. Everything changed when I met you. Not only was I able to feel, but I also couldn’t stop thinking about you, needing you by my side.”
His lips met mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth instantly. I moaned and embraced him, my body warming when our kiss became more passionate. I could feel his hard cock against my lower abdomen, which brought fire to my insides, and all my suppressed desire came back at me with full force.
“I haven’t slept with any woman at all since the first day I met you,” he murmured into my lips, his voice husky. His hands on my hips held me flush against him, never letting me go. “You’re the only woman I have eyes for. No one can compare to you. No one.”
He pushed me backward until we ended on the couch with me on his lap. I pressed my lips against his, our hands exploring each other’s curves and planes. I wanted to dance with joy.
“Really? Is this really true? You didn’t sleep with anyone?”
“It’s true.”
“But have you wanted to? You know, sleep with someone else?”
He chuckled, his thumb brushing against my lower lip. “Not even once. I can’t stop thinking about you, Marissa. You’re the most beautiful and sexiest woman I’ve ever met, and I don’t want anyone else. Now I know that you’re the one. Now I know that I was never really a sex addict. I was just looking for the right one all this time.”
Once more, I was left speechless. This made perfect sense. Since he wasn’t able to feel anything, he was trying to connect with other women through sex. However, chasing that feeling through sexual connection proved to be wrong because lust didn’t present a strong basis for something more. Unless there was an attachment on a deeper level, things could never work out.
“I wasn’t sure if I was the only one who felt this way, Daniel. I felt something stronger between us—something that always pulled us toward each other—but I wasn’t sure if you were able to feel it too. I felt it was one-sided.”
Off Limits: A Billionaire Bad Boy Romance (Pathways Book 1) Page 8