“He’s your guardian angel. He goes wherever you go. And if he’s around, I can be sure that nothing will happen to you. If I decide to—” I cut myself off and looked away.
“You’re scared you might hurt me?” Abigail asked.
I nodded. “Sometimes I do things without thinking,” I said, “I’m afraid that even without meaning to, I’ll hurt you. If Tristan is around, then I relax, because I can be sure he’ll save you from me.”
“He goes wherever I go. So he was there the night that Andrei came to my house.”
“No!” I said, “he was taking care of a problem.” I had no idea why I was justify his absence.
“He wasn’t there. But you were. You saved me once or twice, even without him. Looks like you’re doing great in the not-hurting-me department so far.”
“At the moment, it’s taking every ounce of strength I have not to feed off you because I’m feeling weak and hungry. I want to leave and feed, but I’m sure you’d protest.”
“The only thing keeping you from being a terror is, what? Not wanting to look bad in front of me? You wouldn’t mind hurting the whole world?”
“The world? Abby, the world you are trying to save is a wicked world. Your world is full of greed, hatred, and pain.” I paused for a second and then continued, “You think there would be hundreds of millions of your people living on the street if your world was loving and caring? Brothers killing brothers, and innocent people getting murdered, raped, sold, and tortured?”
“You think I don’t know a little about human evil? Me? The teenager who was targeted for kidnapping and possibly assassination? Me, the girl who actually killed a few people?” Abigail asked bitterly.
I almost laughed when I heard this. “Humanity is a book, and the sad truth is that your kind read it too fast. I’m doing you all a favor.” I stood up then, and walked over to the window.
“Are you actually trying to claim the moral high ground? Because your victims aren’t models of saintly perfection? Are you further trying to suggest I haven’t noticed there’s bad in the world? I’m not blind, Gideon. I can see it. I know the world is full of unthinkable evil, but I also know that’s not all the world is.
“I killed a few people, which was necessary, but I liked it, which wasn’t. That darkness isn’t just out in the world. It’s right here. But it’s not all that’s here. It’s not all that I am. Maybe that’s why I’m able to see that it’s not all you are. Maybe that’s why I’m here with you.”
She actually seemed to think she understood me. I had no idea how to respond. Conversation seemed impossible because the air had suddenly become dense as tar.
“I like being with you, and maybe it’s clouding my judgment. I don’t know why you’re the way you are, but I know the Gideon people fear isn’t the same Gideon you cared enough to show me.”
“Hurting creatures and feeding off their pain is all I know how to do,” I didn’t know of another way to feed. All my life, I’d only known how to hurt people. I knew my methods were more extreme than those of other Grandinians, but I’d never considered changing my ways.
“Then you have some learning to do.” She was full of hope. “We can find another way, I’m sure of it.”
I couldn’t bear to see her optimism, because I was pretty sure it had no basis. She really thought there was more to me than being a monster. There was good in her to counterbalance any little twinges of conscience she thought made her evil. She thought there was good in me, too. She had no idea, not really. I couldn’t tell her that I was always going to be the evil Gideon. I didn’t want to take her hope away.
I had been a better version of myself these past weeks. I hadn’t hurt anyone, angel or human, and for some reason I hadn’t even felt like doing it. Being with her made me happy, and I hadn’t had the desire to kill her, which was a huge plus. My feelings for Abby were a bonus for me, but I knew the monster I could become, and I knew that indulging my feelings was probably not good for her, because the monster was never far from the surface. I couldn’t even guarantee her safety, not for long.
But there was one thing I could do: leave, now.
I pulled my hand away from hers. “I have to go,” I whispered, and with a snap of my fingers, I made myself disappear.
BOY MEETS GIRL
Abigail
“Come, come see my very own ray of sunshine.”
He’s not coming back is he?” I asked Tristan, who sat with me on the sofa in my bedroom. He didn’t answer me.
Yesterday, after Gideon had disappeared, I found myself alone in his room. I missed him. I was afraid I’d scared him off. I was far from home with no way to get back. All that dissolved into tears. A young angel with golden hair and eyes like Gideon’s came to me and suggested I needed a rest so that my mind would have time to process all that had happened. She had only just introduced herself as Valoel when I passed out. Didn’t even manage a hello or nice to meet you, Valoel before I was out cold.
I had awakened in the morning not knowing where I was, only to have everything that’d happened yesterday come rushing in.
Valoel explained that she had put me into a deep sleep, but I barely listened to her. Instead, I looked for Gideon. It was a fruitless search. Eventually I rounded on her. “How long was I out? My mother and my bodyguards are going to be crazed with worry.”
“No,” the young angel replied, not shrinking back in the face of my shouting. “Your experience here did not exist in time. To your mother on Earth it will seem as though you were never away.”
I turned to Tristan for confirmation on this, but he seemed unsure as to how to respond. “All the same, it might be best if we got you back there.” He had snapped his fingers, and suddenly we’d appeared here, on my bedroom sofa.
“So, are you OK?” he asked, arranging one of my sofa pillows behind his back to get comfortable.
I was about to lie and say I was when I noticed Tristan’s blue eyes slowly turning gray. He looked like someone who hadn’t slept for days. I realize he didn’t actually need sleep, but he looked exhausted. I didn’t like seeing him like that.
“Tristan, you look weak,” I said.
“I’m all right.”
I knew he wasn’t being honest. “No, you’re not,” I said remembering what he said to me when he was telling me about Gideon. “You said Gideon feeds on pain and you feed on happiness.” And then it hit me. “Oh, I’m making you weak. You’re hungry, and here I am sad.” I quickly put a smile on my face. “I promise, then. I’ll be happy. No more whining and crying for me.” He laughed, but as I watched his smile fade after a few seconds.
“Good,” Valoel said, appearing out of nowhere. Then, with a snap of her fingers, a sandwich appeared. She thrust it into my hands. “You need to eat something.”
I shot her a look to say I wasn’t hungry, but she was already shaking her head in protest. I really got the impression she could read my mind. If she could, she was probably stinging from the thoughts I shot her way.
“Eat up, and don’t move. I’m borrowing Tristan for a second.”
“I can’t leave her,” Tristan said.
“Let him guard her for a second, and come with me. You need to feed.” Valoel took Tristan’s hand. “Eat your food,” she ordered, waving a finger at me and my sandwich. A second later, she disappeared with Tristan.
Angry as I was with her, when she and Tristan left, I felt lonely, as if everyone had abandoned me. I tried to take a bite of the sandwich, but I was so angry it felt like sand and ashes in my mouth, so I tossed it away.
“Stop throwing things.”
I recognized the voice immediately.
“Gideon?” He appeared in front of me.
“How long have you been standing here?”
“Long enough. Come here,” he said gently. He helped me up, pulling me to him and throwing his arms around me.
“Where did you go yesterday?” I asked, daring myself to not get distracted by how close
we stood.
“I went out planning to hunt, but I didn’t.”
I could tell he wasn’t lying.
“You didn’t?” I was surprised and happy.
“I wanted to, badly.” Hearing the need in his voice, I believed him.
I was so happy that he hadn’t hurt anyone. I pulled my hands around him in a hug once more. “Have you been here the whole time?” I asked.
“Yes.” He pulled my face to his. “I never left. Wondered how long it would take you to figure that out.”
“I thought you’d gone and—” I stopped. His finger pressed against my lips.
He gently put his hands in mine. “I have something for you.” When I looked into my hand, I saw a delicate beautiful golden medallion. It bore the letters G and A on the face, intertwined. I was breathless. It was so beautiful.
“It’s… beyond words.” I ran my fingers across the surface. “Does it stand for Guardian Angel?”
He brushed my hair away from my neck and stepped behind me to clasp it closed. “G stands for Gideon, and A stands for Abigail. G because I’m your guardian, and A because you’re my angel.” I was speechless. Why couldn’t he be this sweet all the time?
“Whenever you feel lonely, just look at this and remember that I am never far away. I hope you like it.”
“I love it,” I said happily, my eyes locking on his. I still wasn’t sure of my feelings toward Gideon, but when he leaned toward me, I leaned closer, too, and I felt lightheaded as our lips moved closer toward each other’s. They were mere inches from touching when my phone started ringing.
Gideon pulled away, and I cursed whoever was calling before I took my phone out of my pocket. “Hello. Abigail speaking,”
“Don’t hello me!” It was Sarah. “I thought we were going to chat last night. What happened?” she asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could, she added, “Don’t bother to answer that. I’m sure you were busy chatting with someone else.”
“Sarah, I was…” I didn’t know how to makeup a believable lie. I decided to go with a partial truth instead. “I fell asleep” I explained, taking Gideon’s hand. I didn’t want him to step away from me. I felt butterflies in my stomach as Gideon pulled me closer to him again.
“Don’t play innocent with me!” Sarah knew more about me than I gave her credit for. “You and Gideon looked pretty cozy together when we left, with you sitting on his lap and whispering secret romantic stuff.” Gideon and I had to work not to laugh aloud at this. We hadn’t been whispering romantic stuff. Gideon had been asking me where in the world I wanted to go next.
“Now I wished I’d thought to whisper secret romantic stuff” Gideon said. He smiled and winked at me, which made my heart swoon. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer into him so that the space between us disappeared. Wow, those green eyes…he was definitely trying to dazzle me, and it was working.
“Sarah, I’m sorry, we can chat tonight.” I’ll admit that I was having difficulty paying attention to our conversation at the moment.
“Don’t fall all over yourself apologizing. I can understand a certain level of distraction. He is, um, wow.” Sarah made exaggerated panting noises that set me giggling before adding, “Is it just me, or has he gotten hotter since the last time we saw him? Those eyes.” I felt my cheeks flush when she said this. “Green has never looked so beautifully and mysteriously hot.”
“I… I…” I couldn’t disagree. I was staring right into them, and Sarah’s description didn’t do those captivating eyes justice.
Gideon’s hands traced my cheek, raising goose bumps all down my body.
“Speak up, Abigail, I can’t hear you. Here I am, talking about how hot Gideon is, which I figured would be a nice, non-controversial topic of conversation, since you have eyes, but no. You aren’t saying anything at all. Unless you don’t think he’s hot, which would be a total lie because I have chat messages that confirm you do.”
“He’s…” I paused again because Gideon had taken me completely by surprise when he replaced his hand on my cheek with his lips. I was pretty sure an alien sound of some sort escaped my lips. Suddenly, everything around me started spinning slowly.
“He’s what?” Sarah sounded more annoyed than before. Gideon’s lips left my cheeks and moved up to my free ear. “Abigail,” he whispered, “May I… I want to kiss you. Can I?” My grip on my phone tightened when he whispered this. Before, my heart had been beating faster than a marathon runner’s; now, however, I was pretty sure it was racing at the speed of light.
“Please say yes,” Gideon whispered again into my ear. Prepare for the clichés to come: My body felt like it was on fire, as Gideon’s mouth on my skin was driving me insane. They aren’t oft-used phrases for nothing. They were apt.
“Abigail, are you even listening to me?” Sarah asked, but her voice seemed far away, “What are you doing?”
“Yes,” I said. Gideon pulled away to look at me. “Yes,” I said again, and then he took my phone away from me.
“Sarah, she’ll call you back,” he muttered into the phone before closing it and tossing it aside. The moment the phone left his hand, his lips were on mine.
My whole body went numb the moment Gideon’s lips touched mine. I kissed him back, and he deepened the kiss. The feel of him, the nearness of him, was electrifying. I placed my hands on his chest, and I could feel the beat of his heart beneath my palm. I wanted to be frozen in this breathless moment for all eternity, just me and Gideon and no one else.
His hands moved from my cheeks and into my hair, and he pulled me closer into him, his lips never straying from mine. Anticipation and longing rose in me, burning, like waves of lava rising in a volcano. As the passion rose, I felt my higher brain function fade away. Yes, I said it. Literally mind blowing. I lifted my hand to his soft, dark hair. Gideon’s hands found my waist and wrapped around it, pushing me tighter into him. I saw stars, heaven, and then…
“Abigail, I made you—” My mother’s words stopped.
Gideon pulled away as though he’d been scalded, leaving me breathless and speechless. My first real kiss. Judging by the look on my mother’s face it was likely to be my last. Oh, boy.
“Mom—”
“Gideon,” my mother cut me off. “How did you get in here?” Her anger then focused on me. “What is going on here?”
I was so dead. “Gideon and I are…”
“So you lied to me about his being your boyfriend?”
I didn’t know what to tell her. It wasn’t like Gideon and I were together, exactly, and I couldn’t tell my mother I was kissing a guy and didn’t know the statue of our relationship. Relationship? Was I even allowed to use that word for whatever this was?
“And you’ve been sneaking him past all of the security that I pay so much for and place so much trust in. Do you see how I could find that unsettling?”
“No… we were just—”
“Gideon, join me in the sitting room,” she demanded, and already she was out the door. Gideon grabbed my hand and pulled me along as he followed her.
“I am so sorry,” I whispered to Gideon.
“She’s going to kill me, isn’t she?” Gideon asked as a small smile played on his lips.
“Pretty much.” I nodded solemnly. I was pretty sure my mother was now blowing the whole thing out of proportion in her head.
“So, Gideon, I guess I’d better get to know you. Last time we met I was led to believe you were, what’s the word you used, Abby? A jerk.” Her anger flashed bright and hot. “Where do you live? Remember, when you answer, that I will have our security personnel check up on any answer you give me.” I knew she wasn’t kidding. “Who are your parents? What do they do? Do you have any thoughts about college? Perhaps most important: how long have you been dating my daughter?”
Gideon didn’t know which question he should answer first.
TOWARDS EVER-AFTER
I’m so sorry to just barge in,” I told Gideon as I let myself into his room.<
br />
Gideon jumped at the sound of my voice. “Abby? How did you… what are you doing here?”
“I asked Tristan to bring me. I wanted to know if you were all right, you know, after my mother. She thinks you are my… boyfriend,” the word sounded so foreign in my ears. “Grands is probably the safest place to meet, anyway.”
Gideon walked over to where I stood in front of his door. “Your mom scares me a little.”
This made me laugh, “So you’re not mad?” I asked. I’d hate for things to be weird between us just because we’d kissed, and for him to be distant because my mother thought he was my boyfriend. If I was going to get into trouble for having a boyfriend, I actually wanted to have the fun of, well, having a boyfriend to offset the tribulations of punishment.
“I’m confused, and I am not sure of myself, especially not around you. I needed to be away.”
Oh.
“Shall I go, then?”
“No,” he said, just a little too quickly.
“So just what are you confused about?”
Gideon stared at me for more than a minute. I’d just made up my mind he wasn’t going to answer me when answer came.
“My responses to you are, how shall I say? Unusual. I feed on pain and fear, but when you are sad or frightened, I don’t feel strengthened by it. What’s more, your happiness doesn’t weaken me. I actually like making you happy. That’s not normal for a Grandinian. Not at all.”
Gideon paused, taking a break from whatever he wanted to say. “I don’t know what this thing between us is, but… I’ve never felt anything like it before. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to be strengthened by your happiness instead. Also, I want to always be kissing you. But the not wanting to hurt you is the important thing. I don’t know what that means.”
Was I breathing? “I…” I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
I’d been confused by my feelings, but listening to him? It sounded like he was on a whole new level of confused.
Dominion (Re-edition) Page 24