by Helen Gosney
He’d been happy to simply sleep in the barracks with the troopers, but Fess had insisted he take the same rooms he’d had when he’d first been promoted to Captain of the garrison. They were for the Captain if he chose not to live in the Captain’s Cottage and were one of several suites used for visiting dignitaries if available. They were on the first floor of the barracks, shaded by a big tallowbark well over a hundred feet high. Rowan had often climbed the tree when he’d been stationed at Den Siddon and needed some respite from the neverending problems with the Commandant. It had always amused Johan to see Rowan scamper up the huge tallowbark but as he’d said, it was better for him to go up there for a peaceful quarter of an hour than for him to kill the Commandant. Sometimes Johan had wished he could do the same, but he really didn’t like heights and he knew his limits – he could climb the apple tree near the Captain’s Cottage, but he simply couldn’t cope with the height of the tallowbark. ‘Rowan’s tree’, Johan had called it, and it was still known as that.
The suite of rooms comprised a sitting room, bedroom, small study and a bathing room. Best of all was the big comfortable timber bed that Rowan himself had installed after he’d thrown out the original narrow iron barracks bed he’d found there when he’d been promoted. All those who’d stayed there since had been very grateful for his audacity. Fess himself could have used the rooms after Messton, when he and Bella had simply not been ready to face moving into the Captain’s Cottage, but they’d opted to simply remain in the Married Quarters. Instead, Telli had stayed there when he’d answered Fess’s desperate dispatch for help at Den Siddon and also when he’d first became Commandant. The suite had housed several other guests since then, but it’d been unused for a while.
As the Captain’s wife, Bella quickly organised for the rooms to be cleaned and for a new mattress and linens for the bed.
“Are you sure you want to stay here, Rowan?” she asked. “You know you’re welcome to stay with us and there’s plenty of room. Fess thought you would and so did I.”
He smiled down at her. She was blooming in about the sixth month of her pregnancy.
“Bella love, I thought so too, but ‘tis too much for you. You’ve got enough to do without me adding to it. Besides…” he hesitated, “Truly, Bella, I… I still expect to see Zara everywhere in the Cottage. The memories are so strong… I just think I’ll be better over here.”
Bella nodded and took his hand.
“Rowan… it seems like she’s there with me sometimes too. But my memories of her are just… just joyous. She was so happy and so in love…”
Rowan nodded.
“Aye, I know, it’s just as I remember her too. But it just makes me miss her all the more. I’m sorry, Bella, but I truly don’t think I could ever live there again. But don’t worry, I’ll come visiting and see the little ones when I can get away from bloody sabre practice.”
“Good lad,” she smiled at him, “Fess said you helped deliver Rose’s twins?”
“Aye, I did. I certainly hadn’t planned on it, but Gran and I happened to be there when she went into labour and she… she wanted us to stay.” He looked away for a moment, his face shadowed. “She wanted me to… to have a better experience than when little Liam was born…”
Rowan’s wife Zara had only been six months along in her first pregnancy when she and every other pregnant woman in Wirran had gone into labour. Some said it had been the will of the Gods. For whatever reason, there’d been nothing the healers or midwives had been able to do to stop the labours of those like Zara, for whom it was simply too soon, and many babies had been lost throughout the province. Rowan and Zara’s little son, Liam, had lived for only a short time, and Zara had died suddenly and inexplicably very soon after. A week after that, Rowan had been sent to Messton.
“Oh, Rowan!” Bella bit her lip, unsure of what to say, “And… and was everything…?”
He smiled at her and nodded.
“Aye, Bella love, it was. It was wonderful.”
They sat together without saying anything for a little while before Bella spoke again.
“Fess also said you’re going to teach our little Rowan to ride…?”
“Aye, well he asked me to after Messton, when the little lad was only a few weeks old, and I promised I would. I can teach Stefan and Aaron as well if you like,” Rowan said, “Or would you prefer that I didn’t teach any of them? ‘Tis up to you.”
“Oh, Rowan! I’d be proud to have them taught by the best horseman the Guard has ever seen,” she grinned in delight as Rowan unexpectedly blushed.
“Bella!” he protested, “I’ve already told Fess I’ll do it!”
“You silly bugger. It’s just what everyone says about you, Rowan,” she chuckled and took pity on him. “So what will you be doing all day? You can’t train for the whole day, surely?”
He looked appalled at the idea.
“Bloody Hells, no! Well, I could I suppose, if I was completely daft. They say that some do, but…” he shrugged eloquently, “’Twasn’t necessary the last two times, so I’m not about to do it now. No, I’ll teach the little lads and any of the recruits who need help, and I’ve got to finish training those young horses I brought with me. The Horsemaster says he’s got big plans for me, starting with those ratbag colts out in the yards, and I’ll help out in the stables as well. And Stefan said he’d like me to help with some of his classes, and with the other weapons training too,” he thought for a moment, “I think I’d also like to study some of the stuff in the Museum properly, and after all that I hope to have time to talk with my friends and maybe even just sit in the sun and watch the tallowbark grow for a while. And then I’ll run around the battlements a couple of times and up and down the tower… and then back to sabre training, I suppose.” He smiled at her again. “Oh, and Fess thinks I might be able to get the new recruits a bit fitter than they are… mind you, I’m not a miracle worker, I think they’ll be quite a challenge. Apparently their instructor has had a bad knee and he’s been struggling. I think he wants me to start with them tomorrow.”
“No wonder you’re always so strong and fit, Rowan,” Bella said, “You never stop.”
“Only when I must, Bella love. Else I drive myself daft.” He looked very serious suddenly. “’Tis better for me to keep doing things, else I fear I might start brooding too much again. Especially here at the garrison.”
She nodded soberly. He was very much better than he had been, poor brave lad, but Fess had told her that Rowan was still sometimes troubled by his memories of Messton and Trill, and the nightmares hadn’t left him either. Fess himself rarely had nightmares now, but he hadn’t been through nearly as much as Rowan.
“You’re a good man, Rowan. I know how much you loved Zara,” she said softly, “But… maybe I shouldn’t say it to you, Rowan, but we’ve been friends for a long time, lad…”
Rowan arched an eyebrow at her in query, but he thought he might know what she was trying to say. Gran and Rose had had similar conversations with him. Rhys had merely said, “Folk mean well, Rowan, but they don’t always know what’s best for you. You’re the only one who truly knows that.”
“Rowan…” she continued bravely, “Zara wouldn’t want you to be alone forever… She’d be the first to tell you to…”
“Let go? Move on?” Rowan smiled at Bella again. “I have let go as much as I can… as much as I want to, I suppose. Pa said it would be the hardest thing I’d ever do, and… and he was right. But… I don’t think I do want to wed again, Bella love. ‘Twouldn’t be fair to another lass. Even after all this time… I still don’t want to love anyone but Zara. I know ‘tis daft…”
She looked up at him. Such a good man, she thought, he and Fess are both such good men. Zara and I were so lucky.
“No, ‘tisn’t daft, Rowan,” she said gently, “Zara said to me one day, when that bloody Rollo seemed about ready to attack… she said if anything ever happened to you, she… she didn’t want to try and love someone else. She said yo
u were her heart’s love and that was the end of it.”
“Aye, Bella, that’s how I feel about it too.”
He took the bed linens from her hand.
“And now, young lady, sit yourself down, please, while I make the bed properly. They do teach us that in the Guard, you know, as if we didn’t already know. Fess was never much good at it though.” He smiled at her as she sat on a comfortable chair with a grateful sigh.
“You never change, Rowan,” she laughed.
He shook his head though.
“I have changed, Bella. Not necessarily for the better either.”
**********
8. “…terrifyingly fit and athletic.”
The new recruits, more than eighty of them, were all neatly lined up and ready for their physical training for the day.
“Here comes Captain Fess, I didn’t know he was back,” one of them said, “But where’s Sergeant Benni?”
“I heard he’s hurt his knee again,” another lad volunteered, “Maybe the Captain’s going to tell us not to bother today.”
“Maybe he’s going to tell us not to bother for weeks!” a third lad said hopefully.
“No harm in hoping, I suppose,” the first one, Costa, said, “Dammit! Who the hell’s that with him? A damned civilian? Surely they can do better than a damned civilian for us?”
The recruits pulled themselves to attention and saluted Fess as he came over to them. He returned the salute and smiled at them.
“Good morning to you, lads. Ready to work hard, are you?” he said.
“Er… with you, Sir? But where’s Sergeant Benni?” a tall, well-built lad asked, “We heard he’d hurt his knee again…?”
“Aye, he has, Ulrich. He’ll not be taking you for a few weeks, I think,” Fess smiled again, “Not to worry though, I’ve found a replacement for you.” He turned and indicated Rowan at his side.
The lads looked at him dubiously. He was tall and broadshouldered and his face seemed youthful, but his very long hair was silver, braided in the manner of the Siannen foresters and his neat red and silver beard was braided oddly too. He was looking at them with laughter in his strangely coloured eyes. He knew exactly what they were thinking: who the hell is this decrepit white-haired old bugger with one foot in the grave. He wished he’d thought to hobble up to them rather than walking with his usual easy graceful stride, but they seemed not to have noticed.
“But… but Sir…” Costa said hesitantly.
“Have you got a problem, Costa?” Fess asked.
“Um… no Sir, but…”
“Good. Don’t worry, I’ve told him not to be too hard on you to start with,” Fess said, trying to keep a straight face. These lads wouldn’t know what had hit them. “Of course, he rarely listens to me. Pay close attention to him, mind. He knows what he’s talking about.” He turned to Rowan with a grin. “They’re all yours, lad. Good luck with them, they’re a bloody useless lot on the whole.”
We’d have to be better than an old man with silver hair, Costa thought, with all the authority of a sixteen year old with six weeks in the Guard behind him. Especially a bloody civilian. A bloody tree-watching Siannen civilian at that.
The tree-watching civilian in question smiled at the recruits.
“A good morning to you, lads,” he said quietly, “My name’s Rowan and I’ll be your instructor for a while. Now I’m sure if you know anything at all about us foresters, ‘tis that we’re plain-spoken, some would even say ‘bloody blunt’, and I’m no different. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I’d like you to try and remember that, please.”
He looked at them and knew that most hadn’t seen anything except his silver hair. More fools them. Fess wanted these lads to be fit and that’s what they’d be.
“You’ll find me a bit different to Sergeant Benni,” and a damned sight fitter, “I’ll never ask you to do anything that I won’t do myself, but I do expect you to try very damned hard and to never give up unless you’re injured and truly can’t keep going. And if that happens, an injury I mean, please speak up and tell me so that I can help you. ‘Tis bloody daft to say nothing and end up doing yourself more damage, and I have to tell you, it impresses nobody. If we’re out on a run, I don’t mind if you have to walk at times, especially when we’re just starting out and you’re not very fit yet, but I do mind very much if you simply stop and watch the grass grow or gossip. If you’ve got enough breath to gossip, then you can at least walk.”
“I’m not a shouter, lads, and you may well find yourselves having to shut up more and listen harder than what you’ve been used to,” he said, “But believe me when I say that you will know if I’m not happy with you. And if you have any problem with what we’re doing or anything else for that matter, speak up, or come and see me privately if you prefer. I’m just up on the first floor of the main barracks, near the main stairs. If I can help you, I will, and I’m almost unoffendable. But I’m not a damned mind reader, so just bloody speak up.”
He smiled at their stunned faces. Truly, Wirrans are easily shocked, he thought as he often had. But that was enough lecturing.
“Now, enough of all that. Captain Fess says you’re a useless lot and I suppose he should know, but surely you can’t all be that bad. We’ll soon see, I suppose. For today, warm up first, exercises, and then a run around the horse paddocks, I think. And for the last one back… I’ll think of something. Forty pressups perhaps… you may know them as push-ups, a wonderful and time-honoured Guard favourite. Shirts off, please, you can’t exercise properly in a damned shirt,” he said, taking his leather vest and shirt off too. “You’ll soon get warm, I promise you.”
The recruits gaped at him. Sergeant Benni was well muscled, but he certainly didn’t have a powerful, sculpted physique like this; he didn’t have scars and tattoos like this either. Rowan sighed as he saw comprehension dawn on their faces and heard the stifled whispers.
“Aye, lads. I’m him, as they say… Rowan d’Rhys del’Quist at your service,” he said, “And you should believe nothing that idiot Thom Blunt may have told you. Your pardon, the esteemed Sergeant Blunt as I should have said. I don’t bite, generally speaking, and I certainly am not going to kill any of you though it might well feel like it, and you may wish that I had, but I am going to get you very bloody fit. Starting now.”
“Aye, Sir!” the recruits leapt to attention and saluted him.
“Thank you, lads. I’m still getting used to all this saluting business again. Now, Ulrich… Have I got your name right?” at the lad’s hasty nod and “Aye, Sir” he said, “What do you normally do for a warmup? Stretching? And then the usual sort of stuff?”
“Er… er… aye Sir,” Ulrich dithered.
“Do you do gymnastics at all? Tumbling?”
“Er… not really, Sir,” Ulrich managed.
Rowan smiled at him.
“Well, that’s about to change, but for now, get on with it, lads, before you all freeze in this cursed cold wind. Warm up, and then into your usual routines followed by a nice run.”
They began their usual warmup and moved onto their exercise regime. Rowan watched them all carefully for a while and corrected the way that several of the recruits were doing their workout, and then he flowed through his own routine of exercises with a grace and ease they’d never seen before.
“Now, you all know where the horse paddocks are, I presume?” Rowan said, looking at some of the recruits who were already puffing a bit. Oh dear, he thought. They’re going to be positively gasping by the time they get back here. “Let’s go, lads. At your own pace, but don’t dawdle please, and don’t gallop unless you can do it the whole way. After you.”
“You’re coming with us, Sir? Sergeant Benni doesn’t always…” Costa said.
“Does he not? You surprise me. But of course his knee’s not been the best, has it? Well, lad, I did say I wouldn’t be asking you to do anything that I’m not going to do myself. And I’m certainly not going to be standing about here in the damned
cold waiting for you lot to get back, I’m coming too,” he smiled at Costa, “Look on it as an incentive to keep going and not mess about. Now, lead on.”
They set off at a reasonable pace, which quickly slowed as they got further along. Some of the recruits were doing all right, Rowan saw, but some were a bit half-hearted about it and some were undeniably puffing.
“Keep going, lads. Just imagine there’s a mob of ogres after you,” he said to the stragglers.
“Aye, Sir,” they managed and sped up a bit.
Rowan jogged along beside them as they ran around the end of the horse paddocks. He waved to the Horsemaster, who was most surprised to see him and the recruits there.
“Keep going, lads. You’re doing all right. I just need to see Horsemaster Ross for a minute. Remember the ogres are still after you, and so will I be shortly. The first three who stop will be doing ten pressups before they continue. For anyone after that ‘tis twenty. I don’t care if you have to walk, but don’t bloody stop. You’ll get too cold and that’s when injuries happen.”
“What the hell are you doing out here, Rowan? You’ll kill those lads,” Ross grinned at him.
Rowan laughed.
“I hope not, Ross, but I am going to get them fit. What’s Benni been doing with them? They’re like a lot of old grannies, some of them,” he said, “No wonder Fess said they were bloody useless.”
“It’s not all Benni’s fault, I don’t think. He’s been struggling with his knee for a while. Still, he should be a lot harder on them; they’re lazy buggers, most of them. They do as little as they can get away with and it’s such a big intake… he’s really needed help, but there’s been nobody free.”
“Aye, that never changes, does it? Well, today is the day they start working properly. Look at that pair of loafers, you’d think they’d at least get out of sight before they damned stop like that. Did they not listen to what I said? It won’t be the ogres they’ll have to worry about. I’ll talk to you later about those colts, Ross,” Rowan said as he started to turn away.