I looked to Harvey. He seemed paralyzed. “I’ll be fine.”
“Mr. Harvey,” Jeffers said, “I need you to open the door.”
Silence.
“Mr. Harvey—”
“I can’t do that,” he said.
“It’s just me out here. I want to see that Bella’s okay.”
“I said ‘no’!” he roared. His voice bounced off the walls and the reverberation rattled my already compromised bones.
Jeffers was silent. I didn’t know if he’d gone. I didn’t know a lot of things: how long I’d been down there; what Gerald Harvey’s plans were; why he had pushed me in the first place. Things weren’t adding up.
“Mr. Harvey,” Jeffers called, instilling as much calm as he could. “I’m going to sit out here by the door. It’s late. Everyone’s gone home. No one else is here, okay? I just want to talk. That’s all.”
I wondered how late it was. And just how much consciousness I’d lost. I’d missed rehearsal and the implications of that gave me a new kind of headache.
Gerald Harvey still looked perplexed. Since Jeffers arrived, he’d barely moved.
“I spoke with Powell Avery, Mr. Harvey. He was a friend of Al’s. He told me he saw you at the Millcroft Inn the weekend before Al died. Do you remember?”
Harvey remained still, his eyes glazed and focused on nothing in particular. My jaw dropped.
“You were the other couple?” I asked, as the pieces slowly fell into place.
Harvey’s eyes twitched but remained fixed.
“You and your wife?”
“Not his wife, Bella,” Jeffers said.
A tear fell from his eye and got lost in the folds of his neck.
The words penetrated my miraculously resilient skull and began to fill in the blanks of the story. The Millcroft Inn seemed to be the hot spot for infidelity. It was starting to make perfect sense why Harvey and Al would have reacted so strongly to seeing one another. Both having affairs. Both afraid of their respective partners finding out. But it still didn’t answer what it was that would have made Gerald Harvey angry enough to kill Al. In my opinion, the playing field was level. They both had information that could hurt the other. Why not agree to pretend nothing happened and leave it at that?
I voiced my confusion to Mr. Harvey and was answered with a blank look.
“Bella, he wasn’t there with another woman,” Jeffers said. “Mr. Harvey, you were there with a Christopher Neary, isn’t that right?”
Chapter 29
Harvey’s knees buckled. He steadied himself against the wall and seemed to hold on for dear life.
“Jeffers?” I asked, sure I was missing something.
“I’ve spoken to Mr. Neary,” he said, addressing the principal. “He told me the two of you have been in a relationship for the last fifteen years.”
Unable to stay upright, Harvey slid to the floor, tucked his knees into his chest and leaned against the wall. There was something sad about seeing such a large man in such a childlike position.
“Mr. Harvey,” Jeffers continued, “you need to talk to us now. You need to tell us everything that happened. We know you didn’t mean to kill Al. That it was an accident.”
Covering it up and making Al’s death look like a suicide was certainly no accident any more than pushing me down the stairs was. Gerald Harvey was in a lot of trouble, but I knew Jeffers was trying to engage his trust, so I kept my mouth shut.
It was a long time coming but, finally, Harvey spoke. “Christopher and I … We played football together. There was a league. Just a local thing, a few teams. I was engaged to Marnie at the time. I had … been with men before but … Every time I was with a man I swore it would never happen again. Disgusting. There was no way I was gay. I loved Marnie. It was just … Anyway, I met Christopher and it was … it.”
“But you went ahead and married Marnie,” I said.
“Of course I did. Marnie and I had a life. We were best friends—are! We had plans. Our families … She’s a good woman. I fought my feelings for Christopher for a long time. It devastated him. He’d been out for a while. Couldn’t understand how I could hide like that. We fought a lot. He went on to other relationships … But we kept coming back to each other. Eventually, it settled into what was. We found time to be together. And it worked for us for fifteen years.”
“You know you’re not alone,” I said. “There are a lot of gay men who’ve married women, often happily, and—”
“That’s what Al said.”
“Is that what you argued about?” Jeffers asked. “The morning he died?”
“Al didn’t know … how it was with me and Christopher. He didn’t understand. No one did. And if Marnie …” He choked on a sob. “I went to his office.”
“Is this a bad time?”
“Gerald. Please, have a seat. I … uh … I guess we should talk about—”
“There’s nothing to talk about. That’s why I’m here. I want to make that perfectly clear.”
“But—”
“What you saw—what you think you saw—wasn’t … isn’t …”
“Gerald, please sit down. I can see you’re upset.”
“I’m not upset, and I don’t want to sit!”
“Gerald?”
“I’m not like you!”
“Gay?”
“I love my wife!”
“There are a lot of men who marry women even though—”
“I love my wife!”
“Gerald, calm down. I’m not suggesting—”
“And what about you? What were you doing there? Who was that? It wasn’t Glynn. How dare you judge me!”
“I’m not judging. Believe me. Okay? Let’s just sit down and … talk. Maybe it will help.”
“Help?”
“Gerald, sit down.”
“I don’t need any help. What I need is for you to … promise you won’t say anything.”
“I—”
“Promise me!”
“I promise. But—”
“I … we …”
“Gerald, let me help you to the chair so you can catch your breath.”
“Don’t touch me!”
“There was a knock on the door. Ellie Penner. She was angry. I didn’t know what it was about. I do now, of course. Their private lessons. Al was abrupt with her. She left even more upset than she was when she got there.”
“Where were you when Al was talking to Ellie?” Jeffers asked.
“By the door to the studio. She didn’t see me. I made sure of that.”
For a while no one spoke. The sound of the drips from the leaky pipes arranged themselves in a new age musical composition that underscored the silence.
“It sounds like Al had no intention of telling anyone about you and Christopher,” Jeffers said at last.
“I couldn’t risk it.”
“So you killed him?”
Harvey charged the door. “It was an accident! You said that yourself! You said there was proof of that!”
Jeffers had been trying to get a rise out of Harvey and it had worked.
“You’re right,” Jeffers said. “I’m sorry.”
From what I could tell, Jeffers was using a modified version of cognitive dissonance to unsettle Harvey and throw him off balance. A lot of psychological manipulation goes into police interrogation to bring about a sense of discomfort in whoever is being questioned. Much of this is brought about by how the physical environment is controlled and, as Jeffers and I were clearly at a disadvantage in that regard, I guessed that this was his way of toying with Harvey’s sense of power.
“Perhaps you can tell us how it happened,” Jeffers suggested. “This accident.”
The large man resumed pacing. And sweating.
“Gerald,” I said gently, “Earlier you said ‘not again’. What did you mean?”
“Like … before. With you. I didn’t realize he couldn’t breathe.”
“Al, you mean?”
“Ellie left. Al star
ted talking about his own experience.”
“Gerald, I understand. I’ve been where you are. I know about having to lie and pretend and sneak around. About fearing for my job, enduring hateful remarks, missing out on opportunities … I am judged every day. It’s astonishing to me that such discrimination is still so alive and well in this day and age, but it is. So much hatred. So much fear. So little understanding.”
“We are not the same! You know nothing about me!”
“All I’m trying to say is that you’re not alone. And if you ever want to talk—”
“I don’t want to talk! I don’t even want to look at you!”
“Gerald, I wish you would sit. I’m worried about you. You don’t look well.”
“He came toward me again and I pushed him against the wall. He didn’t fight me. It was like he knew I just needed to get it all out of my system and then I’d be fine. Like waiting out a child having a tantrum.”
“You disgust me! I used to be envious. I used to look at you and see everything I wanted to be. I’d see you and Glynn at things, out and happy, and I’d imagine it was me and Christopher. I’d wish it! You don’t need to tell me about the struggle, the captivity of the closet. I know it all too well. I’ve lived it longer than you. And I have to keep living it. But you are free. And you piss on it by having affairs and going to inns and risking everything. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? To have someone you don’t have to hide anything from? To be able to be the person you’re meant to be? I have that for one weekend every month. But you have it every day! Don’t you know what a gift that is?”
Silence.
“Do you?”
“What did he say?” I asked.
Harvey shook his head. “He couldn’t say anything. I didn’t realize it but my arm had been under his chin. I had held it there while I’d been talking.”
“You crushed his windpipe,” Jeffers said.
“I just wanted him to be still. I wanted to be sure he listened. I didn’t mean to.” Harvey started to cry. “He had my tie in his hands. I think he must have been pulling on it to get my attention, but …”
“Your tie,” Jeffers said, “do you happen to recall what colour it was?”
“What?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
We didn’t need Harvey to confirm that his tie had been aquamarine. It didn’t matter anymore.
“Mr. Harvey, I need you to open the door now.” Jeffers’ voice was soothing. Trying to lull Harvey into a compliant state.
“What’s going to happen?”
“I’m going to make sure Bella is all right. Then we’re going to go down to the station and we’re going to talk some more.”
“I’ve told you everything.”
“Yes. But we still have to talk about what happened after.”
“I know I shouldn’t have done that. I should have come forward. I panicked.”
“You’ll have a chance to explain all that.”
“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?
“Mr. Harvey, open the door.”
“Am I going to be arrested?”
“Mr. Harvey.”
“What will happen to me? Oh my god. Everything will come out. Marnie. Oh my god.”
“Open the door, Gerald!” Jeffers was banging on the door from outside.
I started to pull myself toward the exit.
“I love him, you know. He is my everything. Oh my god. What have I done?”
“Gerald!”
“What have I done to them? Oh my god. Oh my god. You can’t tell her. Please don’t tell her. Oh my …”
It sounded like Jeffers was using something on the hinges of the door. I picked up my pace. Crawling toward him. My mobility was hindered by my injuries and I hadn’t covered much distance when I saw Harvey reach around his back.
“No!” I screamed.
Chapter 30
The gunshot echoed through the boiler room.
“Bella!” Jeffers yelled. His pounding on the door became harder and faster.
I started to hyperventilate.
“Bella, can you hear me?”
I let out some kind of wail that seemed to suffice as a response.
“Move away from the door. I’m going to shoot the lock. Do you understand?”
I nodded but realized he couldn’t see that. “Y-es,” I managed finally and pulled myself out of the door’s path.
“Are you ready?”
“Do it,” I yelled, covering my ears with my hands and flattening myself against the wall.
There was a shot. The door opened with a bang. And then there was Jeffers.
“Are you all right?” he asked, taking me by the shoulders and looking me square in the face. I burst into tears, and he pulled me to him. He stroked my hair gently. “Breathe with me,” he said and began taking deep breaths. I tried to follow. After about five, I was breathing on my own. He didn’t loosen his hold until I reached ten.
He kept one arm around me and I leaned against him, letting him rock me like a child while tears streamed down my face. We sat like that, staring at Gerald Harvey’s brains on the pipes and his lifeless body beneath them, listening to the sound of sirens growing louder.
The paramedics agreed with my assessment of broken ribs and were readying me for transport to the hospital for confirmation. I had initially refused, knowing ribs typically heal on their own and that little could be done for them medically but was informed that X-rays were necessary to determine the severity of the fractures.
“Not to mention any jagged edges,” Paul said, joining me in the back of the ambulance. “We don’t want any of your organs or major blood vessels to be damaged.”
“I’m so happy to see you,” I said.
He took both my hands in his and kissed my forehead.
“Jeffers filled me in. How are you doing?”
My tears started anew.
“Based on the fall you took, it’s best to do a full body scan, just to be sure nothing else is broken,” a female paramedic said.
“What about a head CT?” Paul asked. “She could be bleeding internally. Or have a fractured skull or even—”
“I don’t have a fractured skull,” I said.
“How do you know? You fell down a flight of stairs!”
“I didn’t fall. I was pushed.”
“It’s the same thing,” he said. “Are you dizzy at all? Do you have a headache? Are you nauseous? Are your arms or legs numb?”
“Paul.”
“She lost consciousness,” he said to the paramedic. “Did she tell you that?”
“We are aware,” said the paramedic, “and we will make sure Ms. James gets all the tests she needs once we get to the hospital.”
“She could be hemorrhaging. You’ve heard of ‘talk and die’ syndrome, right?”
“I assure you, Mr.—”
“Doctor.”
“Don’t listen to him,” I said. “He’s a vet.”
“I’m still a doctor.”
“I know that, honey. And if I were a cocker spaniel, you’d be the expert here. But I’m not, so please, be quiet and let this lady do her job.”
The paramedic smiled. “It’s all right, Ms. James. He’s just worried about you. To put both your minds at ease, there is a full battery of tests waiting. If there are injuries hiding in there, they won’t stay hidden for long.”
“Okay?” I directed to Paul.
He nodded and brought my hands to his lips.
“I’m sorry,” I said, as fresh tears sprang to my eyes. “I promised you nothing would happen.”
“Shh. It’s all right. You’re okay and that’s what’s most important.”
“Doctor, we’re going to head out. Are you going to ride with us or …?”
“I’ll follow. We’ll need a car at the other end.”
“Moustache needs his dinner,” I said.
“It’s all taken care of. He’s fine. Just waiting for you to get home.”
“Thank you.
”
“He asked me to give you this so you wouldn’t be scared.” He pulled Moustache’s lion out of his pocket. I laughed and held it close to me. “I’m going to be right behind you.”
***
I was discharged with three broken ribs, a bag of Epsom salts, and a bottle of painkillers. Bruises had formed, and I was told to expect quite a bit of aching and stiffness for the next few days at least. I knew I’d been lucky. I could easily have sustained irreparable damage. Or worse.
Moustache couldn’t contain his excitement when I walked through the door. His wiggle propelled him into the air and he launched himself at me. Paul intercepted and bore the brunt of the welcome to spare my body further trauma. But the dog would not be swayed. He deftly sidestepped Paul’s interference and found me. Raising himself on his hind legs and resting his front paws on my thighs, he wagged his tail and opened his mouth in one of the biggest smiles I’d ever seen from him.
There are people who say dogs don’t “get it,” that they don’t love us in the same way. They don’t understand. Moustache may not have known exactly what had happened, but in that moment, there was not a doubt in my mind that he understood exactly what I needed. Maybe not the catapult of himself but everything else.
“I’m going to run a bath for you,” Paul said, leaving me sitting in the hall with the dog snuggled tight against me.
Jeffers appeared in the open doorway. “I stopped by the hospital and they told me you’d been released. Obviously everything checked out?”
He sat down on the floor across from me. Moustache snorted a greeting in his direction but did not budge from my side.
“I’ll have my dancing shoes on again tomorrow morning.”
“You’re not going to take a few days?”
There was no way I was going to let Manda near Sally.
“The show must go on,” I said. “It’s fine. I called both of my directors from the hospital. It doesn’t really affect On the Rocks, but I wanted him to know anyway. As for Cabaret, I’m not going to go full out and as long as I’m careful, I will be perfectly fine by the time we preview.”
Jeffers ran his fingers through his hair and leaned his head back against the wall. We hadn’t really had time to talk about anything. When the police and paramedics arrived at the school, they had found us huddled together in the boiler room. I gave a statement and was hurried into the ambulance, and Jeffers immediately took charge of the scene.
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