by T. Nixon
Brad was sweet talking the mare and he soon left the stall and latched it behind him. “These horses are lookin' good,” he said. I smiled in response.
“Thanks,” I said. I was a bit breathless from the anxiety, my heart racing and I wanted to escape. “Ready now?” I asked. My voice was unnaturally high, and Brad looked at me funny.
“Yep,” he said. His voice was a bit strained. I headed towards the barn door, my heart went from racing to pounding, forcing blood to fill my ears. “Hold on girlie,” he said. I freaked out. “You might want this,” he stepped across the aisle and grabbed my hoodie. Shit.
I smiled as he handed it to me. He had an odd look in his eye. I gave a nervous laugh, spun around, and headed out. Thankfully, he followed me. I turned and waited for him to close the barn door behind us. We walked back to the house, past the Barrel Barn and across the gravel yard without saying a word.
Just as we reached the porch, I had regained some composure, feeling a little better now that Simon was safe from discovery. I barreled through the door and then stopped dead in my tracks, my hand still on the knob. There was AJ. Brad entering behind me snapped me out of my shock and I stepped out of his way. I was annoyed, frustrated, anxious- a whole host of feelings all at once and I knew I needed to escape and breath for a moment.
“I'm gonna go wash up,” I said ducking everyone's eyes and hurried out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. I closed the door behind me and rested my back against it. I breathed heavily out loud for several seconds.
Many things raced through my mind- thank God the barn doors don't lock, I'm sure Brad didn't see him, crap it's going to be dark soon, what the hell is AJ doing here?- and in between my panicked thoughts I tried to calm down. One deep breath after another. Soon it started working and I figured I better do what I had come up to do and went into the bathroom to wash up.
I got myself as calm and as clean as I could then went downstairs to face the music.
Dinner wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Cherry had made a wonderful roast for the “boys” she thought it was high time since she hadn't made her usual weekend breakfasts. I knew she had stopped, and I figured it was because of my arrival, for which I was grateful.
Brad asked me what I had been up to, watching me carefully as he spoke. I didn't understand him. I glanced up at AJ and saw him look at Brad and then glance over at me. Good, he saw it too, so I wasn't going crazy. There was something different about Brad these past few days.
“Oh, you know,” I said and took a huge bite of roll to buy myself time to think of something.
“Well, we don’t, or we wouldn't ask,” he laughed in reply. His attempt at sounding casual was thin.
I scanned my brain for anything I could tell him and then I remembered Simon's notebook.
“I don't want to tell you because you might laugh,” I said, trying to sound embarrassed.
“We would never laugh at you, honey,” Cherry said.
I threw a glance at AJ halfway expecting him to add a remark. He was looking at his food and said nothing.
“Why would you think that?” Brad asked.
“It's lame. Never mind,” I said hoping my show would convince them.
“You have to tell us now,” AJ piqued. I threw another look at him, and he was looking at me intently. Almost as if he were trying to tell me something but I couldn't fathom what. Unless... he meant to help me escape Brad's questions. But why would he do that? No, he probably just wanted to know.
“I've been drawing.”
“Drawing?” Brad asked in a surprised tone.
“See, this is why I didn't want to say anything,” I complained.
From the corner of my eye, I could see AJ smiling.
“Oh no,” Cherry said trying to remedy the situation, “it's wonderful! I'm glad you told us.” She shot a chastising look at Brad who gave her a sheepish hope-you-can-forgive me smile. “Tell us about it,” she added returning her gaze to me.
“I was just...trying to capture some of the beauty of the farm.”
“You've been drawing the farm?” Brad clarified.
“No,” I replied quickly, trying to remember the images in Simon's notebook. “Mostly leaves and stuff.” I popped the overloaded fork in my mouth, keeping my eyes down hoping they would get the message that I didn't want to talk about it.
“Well I think that's great,” Cherry said. I let out a breath, relieved they had bought it. “You know, James was a very talented artist. Maybe I'll show you some of his drawings sometime.”
I don't know what it was that caused me to look at Brad at that moment, but I did, and what I saw almost stunned me. His face was a mask, for the briefest second, of what resembled hate. I blinked a few times, it was gone. I quickly shot a look at AJ who was looking at me with eyes wide open. He had seen it too.
◆◆◆
That night I laid in the comfort of my quiet room and worried about Simon. Did he make it back to his uncle’s house? I realized I didn't have the slightest clue where Chester Harris lived but it couldn't be close could it? It was several miles down the mountain to the nearest town, all the properties in between were stretched out on multiple acres, heavily forested, parcels. It occurred to me that I didn't know how Simon got to the meadow where we met, what trail he came by or how long it took him. It was possible Chester Harris had a property on the other side of the ridge but that would not be a short hike for Simon from the tree, let alone from the farm.
NINE
Friday was another warm, perfect California day. As I had all week I hurried through my chores and did what I could to make the time go by faster. I was eager to get to the tree, I needed to know that Simon had made it home safe the afternoon before. I did my usual routine of avoiding AJ whenever possible even to the point of packing a lunch of Cherry's fresh baked homemade bread and cheese. Over the past few days, I had been stocking a backpack with water and snacks to keep from having to back to house for any reason.
I was sweeping the barn and lost in thought when I heard the scraping sound of the metal tracks of the sliding barn door. My heart dropped and then started pounding as I watched AJ walk in. He carefully shut the barn door and then turned towards me. I didn't acknowledge him, just kept sweeping.
“That was very weird last night,” he said.
“I know!” I agreed.
“Brad's been asking me a lot of questions about you,” he said. I bristled. “The whole thing has me really weirded out. And then his reaction last night... I don't know.”
“What kind of questions?” I asked. Alarm bells were going off inside me. Does he know about Simon? That would explain his strange behavior.
“He was asking if I knew where you went in the afternoons.” He let the statement hang for a second, almost as if he wanted to give me a chance to tell him. “I told him I didn't know that I barely talk to you.” There was a pinch to his tone that I couldn't place. Anger? Sadness? Longing?
“Oh,” I replied and started sweeping again.
“But I did tell him that I saw you around the farm. That seemed to calm him down a bit.”
He covered for me? Why would he do that? It made me mad at him.
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“There is something very strange going on with him.”
I didn't know what to say, he was right. But what could we do?
“Well, I don't want to bother you. I'll let you get back to work.” I nodded, he turned to go. At the door he stopped and turned back to me. “Be careful, Vic.” His eyes were heavy and solid.
I took a deep breath and nodded again. He left. I gave him a few seconds to clear the area of the barn then I stashed the broom, grabbed my backpack and headed out through a rear stall door. I crossed the pasture quickly, watching over my shoulder to make sure AJ was not lurking. I let myself out through the gate, took another look around to make sure I wasn't being followed, then started running down the trail and through the woods.
I slowed when I fel
t I was safely away. I calmed myself down and thought about what AJ said, how he had covered for me and how it must have taken him a lot of guts to come and talk to me. He must really be worried about the situation with Brad. If I let myself, I could get worried about it too. I hadn't seen Brad in years whereas AJ had been around him almost every day.
Calm, sweet Brad. It was really strange. But a lot of strange things had been happening lately.
When I approached the meadow and saw Simon sitting in his usual spot. My heart lurched and all the thoughts went out of my head. I had to stop myself from calling out, but I did allow myself to jog across the meadow.
“Simon,” I said. “Did you make it home?”
“I did,” he said and smiled. He stood up and held his hands out to show me he was fresh and clean. Automatically I flung myself into his open arms. I instantly felt horror flood over me. I wrapped my arms around him and instantly I panicked and felt the urge to pull away.
But his arms wrapped around me too. They were warm and strong, and it was a real, reciprocated embrace.
My horrified feelings were replaced with relief. He smelled good, a hint of musk that might have come from aftershave. A rush of thoughts coursed through my mind- he had made it home safe; he hadn't pushed me away, how could I have just run into his arms like that! And in a few seconds, we parted.
I backed up a few steps as if to distance myself from what just happened. He was smiling, as ever.
“I was worried about you,” I said immediately.
“It wasn't needed. I told you, I know my way around these woods.”
“I know but still, at dusk when the wild pigs are waking up,” I gave a shudder at the thought. I remembered AJ and I looking up wild boar on the internet years ago and coming across a video of a man being attacked.
“That was intense yesterday,” I said changing the subject. There was no way I was going win that argument.
“Who is that man?” Simon asked.
“That's Brad, he helps Cherry run the farm. He's been around since the beginning, even with James.” I remembered Brad's face in the picture.
“Actually, I think I remember James mentioning him once or twice,” he said thoughtfully.
“I'm glad Brad didn't see you; he's acting so strange these days.”
“Is he?” Simon asked. Of course, he wouldn't know.
“Yeah, even AJ said so. He's concerned.”
“AJ?” he asked his eyes twinkling and his brows raised. Had I mentioned AJ before?
“He works for my aunt. He's known Brad since… We used to be friends. When we were kids.” I shuffled my feet in the thick bed of dropped pine needles under my feet. Could I make it more obvious there was weirdness there? “Anyway, I'm just glad you made it back to your uncles house yesterday.”
“Yes... back to his house.”
“Did it take you a long time to get back?”
He paused a moment before he answered, almost as if he were considering what to tell me. “No, it's not too far.”
“Where does he live?”
“Let's sit in the sun; it's such a nice day.” He was avoiding the question. It annoyed me. He walked towards the meadow, smiling. Always smiling. That smile made it hard to refuse him anything.
I followed him to the middle of the meadow and looked for a good place to sit. We chose an area flattened by the deer that rested there at night. I dropped my backpack and took off my hoodie.
“Isn't it lovely?” he asked. He stretched his body out and laid down and folded his arms under his head. He looked over the sea of grass around him. A gentle breeze rocked the long stalks and kissed the leaves on the trees. It really was a perfect, warm early summer afternoon.
I sat down cross legged next to him. It felt comfortable to just sit there with him, but it didn't erase my annoyance.
“Why won't you tell me where you uncle lives?” I asked bluntly.
He laughed. It was melodic. “It's not that I won't tell you,” he said. “It's hard to explain.”
“Hard to explain,” I repeated sarcastically. He smiled again and licked his lips as if to stifle a laugh. “Am I amusing you?” I asked feeling more annoyed and a bit self-conscious.
“Yes, actually,” he replied and met my eyes. Mine were hard and narrow, his were open and gentle. Twinkling and sincere. I melted. And that annoyed me too. I looked away.
“I think you're trying to protect him,” I said as I looked down into my lap.
“Who? Chester?”
I nodded.
“No,” he said shaking his head. He moved his eyes to the sky. “I'm trying to protect you.”
I blinked a few times and tried to work out what he was saying. Protect me? How? And from who? His crazy uncle? It was too late for that.
“Same reason it's better no one knows we meet. The more people seem to know the more it tends to hurt them.” I glanced at him but couldn't see his eyes. His tone had an edge of seriousness. It didn't suit him, and it made me nervous.
He looked over and met my eyes. He must have seen the concern because he quickly flashed me his reliable smile. He raised up on one arm rotating onto his side facing me. “Trust me, I got home safely and quickly.” I held his gaze for several seconds. “Do you trust me?” he asked bringing back the seriousness.
I considered his question. All week we had spent time together. I had told him about my parents. He didn't pity me or judge me. He didn't ask anything of me other than my time. He was courteous and, until I hugged him, he had kept a respectful distance. How could I not trust him? I probably shouldn't but the truth was I did. And it felt natural. I nodded. He nodded back and laid back in the grass.
At that moment I realized I felt normal around Simon. When I was with him, I felt like myself. The new me, the one that had to deal with my parents’ disappearance, but the real me. AJ made me feel heightened and insecure and Cherry made me feel comforted but sad- like I had to be strong in order for her to be strong. Brad was an anomaly, basically a stranger, but one I knew. Simon, this handsome stranger, expected nothing of me emotionally and could understand what I was going through having lost his own parents and also an uncle who was like brother to him.
I smiled.
“You're lovely when you smile you know,” he said gently. I glanced at him, he had his head slightly tilted, smiling as always. That beautiful, hypnotizing smile. I felt my cheeks go red and cast my eyes to my lap again.
The breeze blew through the grass and trees around us. Time passed with a comfortable silence. His words were light but also heavy. Was I reading too much into them? I had uncontrollably run into his arms when I saw him safe and sound, the relief of it was almost overwhelming. That was all me. But he had wrapped his arms around me too. It felt like more than politeness.
“Victoria,” he said quietly. I snapped out of my thoughts and saw he was sitting now. And he was very close to me. His eyes were full and intense, his gaze direct. My breath caught and my heart quickened. He leaned towards me and like a magnet I felt myself pulled towards him.
My eyes closed just before our lips met. It was gentle and warm, his full lips soft and moist. He paused, taking his lips of mine for a quick moment and then we both went in for more. His hands found my face, my hair. A warm electricity flowed through me, a spark that started at our mouths and wound through each vein, every nerve ending and then through my heart, which was pounding with incredible force.
We had to come up for air. We parted slowly, his face staying close to mine, cheek to cheek, both of us breathing hard. I sighed. He reclined again in the grass and guided me with him. I laid on my side close to him and rested my head on his chest. One arm went behind his head and the other across my back. We laid together in silence until both of us were breathing normally again. My mind was clear and free of anxious thoughts. I thought nothing but instead I felt. I felt Simon's warmth, the sun, the light wind. I heard. I heard the wave-like sound of the leaves giving over control to the breeze. The cascading sound of th
e grass as it bent and flowed. I relaxed. For the first time in a long time. The weight of his arm across my back was like a force against anything bad that had happened, or that could happen.
We laid for a while, breathing in unison, warm and quiet. I thought he might have fallen asleep, but he stirred, pulling his arm out from behind his head and placing his hand on my cheek. His smooth fingers found their way to my chin and he turned my head up towards his face. He was smiling, predictably. His eyes were clouded as he guided my face towards him. I stretched up so that I could give him what he wanted, and our lips met again.
He rolled over onto his side so that we were lying face to face. We kissed again and shared another perfect moment. My entire body was under a spell, his spell, the woods, the tree- I didn't know but whatever he asked for in that moment he would have gotten.
But, ever the gentleman, he asked for nothing more than what he was getting. Gentle kisses. His hands never strayed farther than my neck, but they didn't have to. My entire body was alive and aware. I gave over all control to it. It felt so good and right that it didn't occur to me to say no or to stop. I did trust him. I trusted he would not ask for more than I could give, hadn't it been like that from the first moment we met?
He stoked my cheek, my hair, ran his fingers over my eyes. We didn't speak and I was glad, words weren't necessary. I didn't want anything to ruin the moment.
The sun moved quickly across the sky and too soon the shadows were catching up to us. I sighed. He tightened his grip around me. It was nice.
“I don't want to leave,” I said in a rare moment of complete openness.
“Me neither.” The words were simple enough but his voice was heavy and implied much, much more. I popped my head up to meet eyes with a questioning look. “I just mean, you know, it's going to be hard to go home now.” He sounded sad but instantly I tensed. He was talking about leaving. Now. After hours of kissing and cuddling with me he was going leave me for the night by talking about leaving me for good.