by Helen Conrad
She laughed low in her throat, her resistance just about gone. “Is that what we’re doing?”
“Damn right,” he murmured, stroking and teasing her until he could feel her hips moving in response. “We can talk later, Kat,” he murmured against her skin. “Right now, I vote for silence.”
They came together slow and easy this time, moving in tandem, learning the rhythms they needed to share. Tanner explored her most secret places with his fingertips, his palm, his tongue, his lips, testing what drew the quickest reaction, and she drifted beneath him like a leaf in a stream, letting the current take her, letting him find out for himself as much about her as he possibly could. She’d never felt so pampered, so pleased, so excited—almost loved.
He touched her like a lover, like a man in love. And yet she knew that couldn’t be. Hadn’t he warned her?
When he finally slid inside her, she cried out in relief, wanting to hold him forever in her control, never let him go, never lose this ecstasy. As they soared toward the rapids, she could hardly catch her breath. He was more than she could ever have dreamed a man could be. This time, when it was over, she didn’t laugh. This time, tears spilled from her eyes and drenched her cheeks.
They lay tangled together as they caught their breaths. He felt the tears and they disturbed him more than her laughter had. He drew her head to his chest and stroked her hair, and didn’t have the slightest idea what he should say to her. What was she feeling? Was she upset?
But her voice was bright and clear when she spoke.
“There, you see? We did it again.”
It was his turn to laugh. That was one of the things he liked about her. She seemed to have a vast capacity to surprise him.
She pulled back, completely involved in her topic. “But why, Tanner? It’s like this irresistible force. Why was it suddenly so important to do this?”
He shrugged, not much interested in the details. “It’s that crazy little thing called physical attraction, I suppose,” he muttered evasively.
“Is that all?” She tried to see his expression, disappointed in his answer. “Is it really as shallow as that?”
He pulled his hand away. What did she want, a declaration of love? He couldn’t give her that. Hadn’t he warned her?
A cool breeze ruffled the leaves around them and suddenly he was chilled. He hadn’t meant for this to happen, he hadn’t wanted this to happen. It tied them too closely, made her too much a part of him in ways he hadn’t expected. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want to prolong the agony, either.
Pulling himself up into a sitting position, he felt for his clothes. “It’s getting late,” he said.
She lay very still, listening to his voice for clues, knowing she already knew the answers without doing any further study of the situation. It was late. Much too late to go back and pretend this had never happened. And it was also too late to pretend she wasn’t caught up in emotions she could no longer control.
“Tanner?” she whispered, her head tilted. “Do you have to go back already?”
He looked down into her dark, questioning eyes and groaned softly. He wanted to take her back with him, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Not if he was to get them back on an even keel and away from this cliff edge they were walking. Still, this was going to be one of the hardest things he’d ever done. His hand covered hers and he brought it slowly to his lips.
“Yes, Kat,” he said softly, “I have to go back.”
How could he put this?
“We both need some time alone to think things over.” He couldn’t tell her the truth—that he was scared as hell and didn’t dare fall in love with her. It had only been in the past hour or so that he’d fully realized that fact himself.
She drew her hand away and began to reach for her own clothes, mulling over what he’d just said. “Think things over.” She knew that euphemism for what it was—the old brush-off.
What she couldn’t figure out was why. She reached for her slacks and struggled into them before turning to face him again.
“Do you...do you still have suspicions about me? Is that it?”
Her question startled him. “No. Of course not.” That hadn’t entered his mind. They’d gone way beyond that. Besides, at this point, he wouldn’t have cared if she were on the Ten Most Wanted list. He knew how he felt about her. He knew only too well. If he was going to survive this, he would have to get rid of those feelings.
He stood uncertainly for a moment, then started back toward the road. She came along beside him, still unconvinced. She couldn’t think of what else it could be, and it was beginning to annoy her that he was acting this way and yet wouldn’t give her a genuine answer.
“I haven’t quite got this straight now,” she challenged him as they approached the light of her mother’s cabin. “Have we decided I’m not a crook?”
He took her by the shoulders and stared into her eyes. “Kat, of course you’re not a crook. I realized that as soon as I got to know you.”
She swallowed and raised her chin. “Well, that’s good, because, though I don’t know for sure about your uncle yet, I sort of made the decision that you were okay.”
He shook his head, wishing he were better at this. “Let’s just agree that neither one of us is a criminal. Okay?” She stubbornly refused to answer, avoiding his eyes, and he sighed. “I like you a lot, Kat. It’s been...”
Her eyes flashed and he decided against the usual cliches, knowing how she would react.
“I... I don’t know how to make you understand. What we’ve had today has been really special to me. But you know where I stand. I didn’t try to kid you about it.”
No. He was right there, and she knew it. She looked away, helpless and hopeless, realizing she had never wanted a man this badly before, realizing she wasn’t likely to have him.
“I’ll be flying back out tomorrow evening,” he went on, as though to confirm her fears; “I just came down to check on my uncle.” He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. “You know, Kat, when you come right down to it and think things through, I’m sure you’ll agree that we’re...well, not exactly made for each other. We’re from different backgrounds, from different parts of the country, interested in different things. You do know what I mean, don’t you?”
Know what he meant? Of course she knew. What woman wouldn’t get it? And despite all her best intentions, she felt fury rising in her chest.
“I guess what you’re saying is, I’m not your type. Right?”
“Kat, don’t put it that way....”
“Oh, I see. Now that you’ve realized I’m an honest person, you’ve lost interest?” She jerked herself out of his grasp. Her misery was clouding her mind, making her say things she had vowed she never would. “What does that say about you?”
He let his hands fall to his sides and shook his head. “I’m not saying anything about anyone. All I’m saying is… “
She whirled and headed toward the doorway of the cabin. She knew she had to get away from him before she did or said something really unforgivable. “I know what you’re saying,” she snapped back over her shoulder. “Thanks for nothing.”
He hesitated a moment, then turned and started back toward the ferry landing. She stood at the doorway and watched him go and bit her tongue to keep from yelling out something else to make him... what? Stop? Understand? Turn around and come back for her? She was dreaming and she knew it. She’d known how things would be from the first, and still she’d let this happen.
Not his type! Who did he think he was? She was so furious she didn’t dare go inside, knowing she would bang things around and wake up her mother. Instead she went around the cabin and walked back down to the water and threw in a few stones, tossing them as hard and high as she could manage.
“Not his type.”
She could see the lights of the ferry as it crossed the water. She was furious with him and furious with herself for caring. And this time, the tears that filled her eyes and blur
red her vision were tears of anguish.
CHAPTER TEN:
The Truth Comes Out
Tanner was glad for the big, dark sunglasses jammed on the bridge of his nose. Not only did they hold back the afternoon sun which was pounding down unmercifully where he sat in the chartreuse-colored deck lounge, they also hid his raging emotions from the bunch frolicking in the swimming pool. Kat had found a group of young male playmates and was having the time of her life, it seemed. And he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t driving him crazy.
All in all, it had been an unpleasant day from start to finish, and he felt a headache lurking in the wings. He kept telling himself that he would be flying out of this place in only a few hours. He just had to hold on until then. But that didn’t seem to help any longer. This day was one long journey into misery.
The morning hadn’t been too bad. He’d come down to breakfast in the hotel restaurant to find his uncle already eating heartily, accompanied by Kat and her mother, Mildred. He’d joined them and found the older woman to be charming, kind and altogether the opposite of the money-grubbing harridan of his imagination. That had been a pleasant revelation.
Kat however, had been a different story.
What was he going to do about Kat? He’d tossed and turned all night. At first he’d assumed it was guilt keeping him awake. But as the sky lightened and he watched the purple dawn, he began to realize it was something much greater. It wasn’t just that he felt badly about seeming to use her and cast her aside. It was more that he felt sorry for himself because he couldn’t have her all to himself forever more. That was what it was. And once he understood that, he was really scared.
He wasn’t going to fall in love. He’d tried that once and it hadn’t worked out. He knew the score. It didn’t work for men like him. It was all fine and dandy to be crazy about Kat now, when she was being honest and open with him. But what would it be like once she knew about the money?
He’d seen it happen too often. It had happened to him. He couldn’t take a chance on another try at happiness. He didn’t even believe in chances. People were what they were. They couldn’t help it.
But Kat was special. He couldn’t bear to think of her looking at him that way, turning into one of those women who planned an schemed and manipulated to get what they wanted.
He’d expected anger from her when they met in the morning, but what he got was something different. That warm, sensual woman of the day before had disappeared. Instead he’d been confronted by cool glances and mockingly scathing comments on every statement he made.
“Did you sleep well?” she asked, not deigning to look up from the toast she was buttering diligently.
He looked at her. The table was very close to where she’d sat with his uncle the day before. The light was streaming in from behind her, casting a golden glow in her hair. She looked delightful, and he was suddenly aware that the other two were watching him, their eyes wide with interest.
Was it that obvious? Immediately he drained all expression from his face and gave her a perfunctory smile.
“Yes,” he lied quickly. “In fact, I slept like a baby.”
“Ah, fussing and whining all night,” Kat said tartly, putting her knife down with a thunk. “How appropriate.” She pretended to smile at him, “And such an interesting quality in a grown man.”
Her mother gasped, but Kat didn’t give her time to object to her daughter’s rudeness. “I’ve just been telling your uncle all about Shelley and the new baby,” she said quickly. “Maybe you should tell them your version.”
His smile was rueful. “You mean about how I panicked under pressure and ran around like a chicken with its head cutoff?”
“Oh, but you didn’t—“ she began earnestly, then caught herself and stifled her natural reaction to support him. “Anyway, it was a first for both of us. We’ll know better what to do next time.”
“No, thank you, no next time,” Tanner said with a grin, putting his hand over his heart. “That was an experience I don’t mean to repeat.”
His eyes met Kat’s and for just a moment, something flickered between them. But she ducked her head quickly and it was gone.
She didn’t want any more connecting. He could hardly blame her. After what had happened the night before, she was wary. And she had every right to be. It was for the best that they stay away from each other. Still, he couldn’t help but want to touch her skin. Her hair glowed like lights on a Christmas tree and he longed to tangle his fingers in it. He had to look away and force himself to ignore her before he could get himself back to normal again.
Meanwhile, Mildred and the colonel had gotten into the act, remarking on the adventure they’d missed and bringing up memories of other near-disastrous childbirths from the past.
Tanner watched the two of them, noting how they completed each other’s sentences, how they laughed, how they gazed into each other’s eyes, and he felt a bit of a fool.
There was no problem here. These two were perfectly suited to one another. It was patently obvious that Mildred adored him. Such pure affection couldn’t be manufactured for fortune-hunting purposes. Now that he’d seen this, he had to admit, he was with Kat’s Ted from Nebraska—“Give them your blessings and stand back.”
Breakfast over, everyone wanted to rush over and visit with Shelley and see the new baby. They’d all four made the trip to the hospital in a little cab, practically sitting in each other’s laps. Tanner’s strong hands held Kat in place for the whole ride and she didn’t pull away. He began to think there might be hope of a kind word in due time.
“Let me go in first and prepare her,” Tanner said softly to Kat as they approached Shelley’s room. “I want to let her know that your mother is...”
“Able to behave herself in mixed company?” Kat snapped out. “Yes, perhaps it would be better if she knew that ahead of time. Otherwise she might buzz for security when we walk in.”
But her mood changed when they went into the room and found Shelley holding the little bundle, her eyes shining with pride and happiness. The baby was beautiful; skin like a peach, hair like peach fuzz, big, brown eyes that already seemed to see everything and understand.
“We’re naming her Katherine Rose,” Shelley told Kat, holding her hand tightly and smiling up into her eyes, “after the two women who helped her come into the world.”
Tears choked Kat and she couldn’t say a word. When Tanner’s arm came around her, she buried her face in his shoulder and let him hold her for a moment. Emotions were very near the surface for her right now. There was no use trying to hold them back.
He held her in his arms and the rest of the room faded away. His cousin was talking, Mildred was reaching out to hold the baby, and he didn’t see any of it. Every bit of his attention was on the woman he held, and he buried his face in her hair, breathing in her sweet scent.
But that only lasted a few short moments, and then she was herself again, pulling away and cracking jokes at his expense. She was obviously angry with him over what had happened last night. He wanted to make that right, but he just didn’t know how to do it without leaving himself vulnerable again.
She sensed the ambivalence in him, but she had no mercy. It wasn’t like her to sulk, but she sulked nonetheless. They rode back in the car, side by side, and they didn’t say a word to one another.
During lunch, Mildred and the colonel had a cheerful exchange about the benefits of city life as opposed to living in the country, but neither Kat nor Tanner joined in. Once the meal was over, Mildred coaxed them into agreeing to a game of tennis together, and they both stalked toward the court with frowns, swinging their rackets as though they were weapons.
“So you’re leaving tonight?” Kat asked, taking a vicious swing at a palm frond that was hanging a little too close to the walkway.
“Yes. I’ve got a seat on the nine-fifteen flight to New York.”
“Back to the old grind.”
“That’s right. I’ve got some things to attend to t
hat won’t wait.”
“Business before pleasure, I suppose.”
Business before pleasure. Actually, that was the way it had been for him for years. At first, he’d taken a lot of pleasure in business, so he’d hardly noticed. But now...
When you came right down to it, he wasn’t looking forward to getting back to work, as once he would have been. A very large part of him yearned to stay right here with this woman and explore life a little. Pleasure. Was that what it was? No, it was something more. Something much, much more.
“Why are you so mad at me?” Tanner finally asked as they waited for the court to clear.
She looked up at him, dark eyes wide with innocence. “Mad? Whatever do you mean? Whatever gave you the idea I was mad?”
His sensual mouth twisted. “You’ve been treating me like a spider someone forgot to sweep out.”
She raised a supercilious eyebrow. “I thought that was how you wanted me to treat you.”
“I never said...”
“You said we were incompatible.”
“Kit...”
“Since we’re incompatible, we’re supposed to bicker a lot, aren’t we? Our views on things should be completely different, just as you said. I’m only trying to stick to the agenda.”
His mouth twitched. He wanted to grab her and kiss her and make her understand. But—understand what? That he was too much of a coward to risk loving her?
She’d beat him forty-love in the first game, her serve zinging in for three aces in a row, and his mood had grown as dark as hers.
He settled down and turned the tables on her in the next two games, and they walked off the court as antagonistically as they’d come on, she walking off toward the ferry, he toward the hotel.
He went up to his room to change into a swimsuit, and then come right back down to sit in the lounge beside the pool and soak up some sun.
There was plenty of sun to soak up. It hung, bright yellow in a china blue sky, beating down unmercifully. The grounds were empty. It seemed that most of the patrons had gone into town for excursions, or were out on boats. But it didn’t take long before Kat strolled up, a straw hat on her head, sunglasses on her nose, a heavy terry-cloth robe covering her from head to toe.