by Jan Drexler
“When would we do this?”
Her face brightened. “I thought we could get together after supper, unless you still have chores to do then.”
“Naw, David gives me the evenings off.” He let the separator slow as the last of the milk emptied out of the hopper. “Were you thinking of starting tonight?”
“We can begin tonight, but it’s going to take more than one evening. It will take weeks for you to pick up the basics.”
That brought a grin he couldn’t hide. Weeks spent in Judith’s company? He set the pails of skim milk and cream aside and put the empty milk buckets under the separator’s spouts. He dumped a bucket of hot water into the hopper and let it pour through all those disks and filters, rinsing out any milk that lingered.
“Okay, I’m game.”
“Wonderful-gut!” She started for the door. “I have a children’s book we can use to begin with. Come over after supper, when Eli is in bed for the night. Around seven o’clock.”
Judith smiled then, her joy catching him by surprise. She truly wanted to do this, which meant only one thing. She liked him. He felt his own smile spreading across his face.
“I’ll be over after supper, then.” He grinned. “It’s a date.”
As Judith let the door close behind her, Guy went back to his work, but the grin slid off his face. He was looking forward to spending time with Judith, but what was he expecting to get out of learning that Penn Dutch stuff? It was one thing to live with the Masts and work for them. It was something completely different to become one of them.
He pushed away the warm feeling that started whenever he thought of belonging here. Truly belonging here. That would never happen. He had learned long ago not to get his hopes up. The Masts, as much as they seemed to like him, had never really made him part of their family. It seemed if you weren’t born Amish, you’d always be an outsider.
Besides, when Pa came for him...
Guy shook his head, chasing the stale hope away.
Once the room was clean and tidy, ready for the morning’s milking, Guy picked up the small pail of cream, leaving the skim milk to feed to the hogs the next day.
If David and Verna had adopted him when he was younger, it would be different. He would have learned the language, grown up with the other boys like Luke Kaufman and been a true part of the community. But that hadn’t happened, and it wouldn’t. Judith was wrong. He would never be Amish.
Chapter Three
That evening, Guy showed up at the back door right at seven o’clock. He was grinning when Judith opened it, but the smile disappeared when he saw Eli hanging onto her skirt.
“Am I too early?”
She shook her head. “You’re right on time. I’ve just had one of those days.” She picked up her nephew and led the way into the kitchen. “Eli didn’t sleep well last night, and then had a short nap this afternoon. Annie says he is getting some new teeth.”
Guy took a seat at the table where she had set a plate of cookies and a glass of milk for each of them.
“I didn’t know you were going to feed me,” he said, glancing at the book she had also laid on the table.
“My brother was always hungry for a snack, no matter how soon it was after a meal. I thought you might be the same way.”
Eli laid his head on her shoulder, watching the strange man in their home.
“I’ll never turn down a cookie.” Guy reached for one, then stopped with his hand hovering over the plate. “Why is he staring at me?”
Judith shifted Eli on her lap. “Probably because we’re speaking English. He doesn’t understand what we’re saying.” She held a cookie in front of the little boy. “Gleischt du Cookie?”
Guy laughed as Eli put the cookie in his mouth. “I guess I don’t need Dutch lessons, after all. I know you just asked him if he wanted that cookie.”
Eli held the bitten cookie toward Guy. “Cookie?”
“I’ll get my own, thank you.” Guy held a cookie up and looked at Eli. “Cookie.”
Judith frowned at Guy. “You should only speak Deitsch during your lessons.”
He winked at her. “Then how will Eli ever learn how to speak English?”
She had to smile back at his brown eyes twinkling in the lamplight. She pushed the book toward him.
“I thought we could use this to learn some of the names of common objects...”
He halted her speech with a raised hand. “I’m not going to do this if you’re going to talk like a schoolteacher.”
“All right. No schoolteacher talk.” She opened the book in front of her and Guy scooted his chair closer to her. So close that she could feel the warmth of his forearm resting on the table between them. She tightened her left arm around Eli.
The first page had a drawing of a boy holding an apple. “I know what that says,” Guy said. “Apple. The word sounds the same in both Dutch and English.”
“You’re right, Appel sounds the same. But what does the whole sentence say?”
Guy stared at the words with a frown. “I don’t know.”
Judith read the words. “Der Buh gleicht der Appel. Er esst der Appel.”
“Wait. You’re going too fast.”
“I thought you said you could read it.” Judith grinned as his face grew red, then she regretted it. She squeezed his arm as she leaned toward him. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh at you.”
He regarded her with those brown eyes. “I don’t like to be teased, but I know you didn’t mean any harm.” He looked down at her hand, still resting on his shirtsleeve. “I do like the way you apologize, though.”
The twinkle was back.
“Cookie?” Eli asked, looking up at her.
“Ne. No more cookies.”
Eli pointed at the book. “Appel?”
“He’s got it right,” Guy said. “He’s a smart kid.”
“Er ist schmaert.”
“That’s what I said.”
“So say it in Deitsch. Er ist schmaert.”
Guy repeated after her, then pointed at the book again. “Read this again, slowly, and I’ll try to catch it this time.”
Judith read the sentences again, one word at a time, and Guy repeated each word after her.
“Now, what does it mean?” he asked.
“It means, ‘The boy likes the apple. He eats the apple.’” Eli relaxed against her, his eyes heavy. “I’m going to take him up to bed. You practice those sentences while I’m gone.”
By the time Judith returned, Guy had turned to the next page, where the picture showed the same boy petting a cat.
“Don’t get too far ahead, now.”
“But I’m smart, just like Eli. I can read this one, too.”
Judith sat in her chair, leaning back with her arms folded, doubting that he could read any of it. “Go ahead. Let me hear you.”
Guy recited a few words, but the only one she recognized was “cat.” She shook her head, trying to keep a stern look on her face.
“Sorry, that wasn’t right. Let’s go back to the first page.”
They worked together until Guy could read the sentences with the correct pronunciation, and then she had him recite the different verb forms until the cookies and milk were gone.
Guy ran his fingers through his hair. “Can we stop now? I feel like I’m back in school.”
“In a way, you are. It isn’t easy learning a new language. I remember my first days at school when we could only speak English. I had older sisters and brothers who spoke it a little at home, but I was still lost.” Judith closed the book. “That’s enough for tonight, though.” She looked at him. “Do you think you learned anything?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’ll be saying ‘I like apples, you like apples, he likes apples’ in my dreams.” Then he caught her gaze with his. “But yes, I learned somethin
g.”
Judith shifted in her seat. He was staring into her eyes. “What did you learn?”
“Amish girls can be awfully pretty.”
Her face burned, remembering that Matthew was in the next room, reading a magazine, and could hear every word. “I’m sure you noticed that before. There are a lot of pretty girls around here.”
“Not as pretty as you.”
“You’re flirting with me.”
Guy leaned his chin in his hand, elbow propped on the table. “Of course.”
“But you came over for your Deitsch lesson, not to flirt.”
“The lesson is over now, isn’t it?”
Judith couldn’t keep a giggle from erupting, even though she covered her mouth. He leaned back in his chair, grinning. When he lifted his eyebrows in an exaggerated way, she giggled even more.
“You’re going to get us in trouble,” she said between gasps for air.
“I’m not doing anything. You’re the one making all the noise.” He raised his eyes and pretended to whistle.
“Stop it.”
He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she nearly fell off her chair, she was laughing so hard. She grabbed his arm. Unable to speak, all she could do was shake her head.
Guy took her hand and leaned toward her. “I’ll only stop if you do one thing.”
She hiccupped as the giggles subsided. “What?”
“Let me kiss you.”
All silliness disappeared at his words. “You can’t be serious,” she whispered, hoping Matthew hadn’t heard what he said.
The twinkle had left his eyes as his gaze focused on hers with their faces inches away from each other. The only sound was the clock in the front room ticking away the seconds.
Guy drew back and smiled. “Naw, not really.” His rough fingers caressed the hand he still held. “But someday? Maybe?”
She couldn’t look away from his warm brown eyes, soft and hopeful in the lamplight.
“Maybe,” she said. “Someday.”
Just then the clock struck eight and Matthew’s feet hit the front-room floor with a thud. He cleared his throat to make sure they had heard him.
“That’s my signal to head home.” Guy rose and took his coat and hat from the hook by the back door. “Thanks for the lesson. When do we get together again?”
“Is tomorrow night too soon?” Judith opened the back door for him. “We could meet together most evenings, and that will help you learn quicker.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it.” Then he gave her one last wink as he put his hat on and let himself out the door.
Judith’s knees shook as she leaned against the door, but she couldn’t keep from smiling. In spite of the awkward moment when he had asked to kiss her, it had been a fun evening. The hours until tomorrow night stretched in front of her.
Matthew looked in from the front room. “Guy went home?”
“Ja, for sure.” Judith picked up the plates and glasses and took them to the sink. “He understood your signal that it was time for him to go.”
Matthew grinned. “I have to practice pushing suitors out. I can’t imagine what it will be like when Rose and Viola grow to courting age. Thanks for letting me practice on you.”
He left as Judith washed and dried the few dishes. Courting? Is that what Matthew thought she and Guy were doing? Is that what Guy thought they were doing?
She hung the dish towel on the rack over the stove. There would be no courting from Guy until he said he wanted to join the church, and that wouldn’t happen until he knew Deitsch a lot better than he did now.
* * *
Guy shoved his hands in the waistband of his trousers as he trudged down the Beacheys’ farm lane toward the road and the Masts’ farm. He shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have asked for a kiss. Judith wasn’t that kind of girl.
Pa would have done it, though. At least, he figured Pa would have gone ahead and kissed her. The girls Pa had brought around would expect him to act like that. Girls like the one in the floozy dress with a bright smile that looked like brittle painted porcelain. Girls that had hung on Pa’s arm and ignored the boy Pa had come to see. The girls that had kept Pa from taking Guy away with him.
Pausing at the end of the lane, Guy looked back at the quiet house he had just left. There was nothing brittle about Judith. When she’d held Eli on her lap and smiled at the little boy, something had tugged at his heart. A long-forgotten memory of his own mother? All he remembered were soft kisses and gentle hugs. Had she held him with the same joy he had seen in Judith’s face when she held Eli?
He bent his head against a northeast wind promising snow in the morning. It looked like the brief warm spell they had enjoyed was over.
When he reached the house, he let himself into the kitchen quietly, but David and Verna were still up, sitting at the table. They both turned as he entered.
“Did you enjoy your time with Judith?” Verna held out her arms to him for the quick hug she gave him every time he came into the house.
He gave her a kiss on the cheek and sat in his chair. Verna passed a plate of cookies toward him.
“We had a good time.” He grinned at the memory of Judith’s laughing fit. “I’m going over again tomorrow night.”
Verna gave David a look and folded her hands in her lap. Guy knew what that meant as well as David did, and waited for the talk Verna wanted them to have.
David cleared his throat. “Are you, um, interested in Judith?”
Guy looked at Verna’s worried face and back at David. “She’s a nice girl, but we’re not dating.”
The older couple exchanged looks again.
“Then why are you spending so much time together?” Verna’s voice was laced with worry.
“She’s teaching me Pennsylvania Dutch.”
David leaned over the table. “You’ve never wanted to learn it before. What makes the difference now?”
Guy shrugged. “I feel left out of the other fellows’ conversations. They speak Dutch when I’m around, even though they know I don’t understand it well. I guess I just want—” His voice faltered. What did he want?
Verna took his hand. “You want to be part of the community? You want to join us?”
“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?” A pounding started in his ears. “It would have been different if you...” Should he say it? He had never asked why the Masts had chosen not to adopt him.
David’s fist clenched, his head bowed. “It would have been different if we had been able to call you our own son.” His eyes were moist as he looked at Guy. “If we had been able to adopt you when you first came to us, then you would have grown up speaking Deitsch and knowing our ways. But we only had you a few months a year, and then you went back to the world.”
Verna squeezed his hand, her voice a whisper. “That was so hard, every fall, sending you back to the orphanage.”
“But why didn’t you adopt me? Other kids from the Home were adopted.”
David swallowed and exchanged glances with Verna again. “Your father never relinquished his family rights. He never released you to be adopted.”
Guy frowned, bitterness rising up in his throat. “So he just left me at the Home.”
“Don’t think too harshly of him,” Verna said.
“Forget it.” Guy pushed back from the table. “All he’s done is ruin my life.”
“Guy, don’t let this fester.” David folded his hands in front of him. “You need to forgive him and go on with your life. The fact that you’re learning Deitsch shows that you’re ready to become part of our church, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t know what it means.” Guy sighed. “I hate not belonging anywhere.”
“You belong here.” David took Verna’s hand. “You belong with us. We love you as if you were our son. You’ll always have a home
here.”
“But I’m not really your son. I’m just a farm hand. I’m not Amish, and I never will be.”
Verna sniffed as the three of them sat in silence. David’s head was bowed, his eyes closed. A different kind of bitterness filled Guy. Not the anger at Pa, but regret that he had caused the old couple pain.
“If you feel that way,” David finally said, “there isn’t anything we can do about it.” He looked up and met Guy’s eyes. “The decision is up to you. You can be our son, or you can be our hired hand. We’ll still think of you as nothing less than one of the family.”
Guy glanced at Verna’s bowed head and the couple’s clasped hands, then headed upstairs to his bedroom.
His bedroom.
He padded over to the dormer window in his stocking feet. That first year, when he was nine, this had become his favorite spot. David had built a small chest for him and set it under the window, and Guy had spent hours sitting here, gazing out at the house across the road, watching the birds, looking for foxes in the moonlight... At the Home he had nothing, but here, everything he looked at was his own. He sank down on the chest and drew his feet up, crossing his legs as he looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time.
His bed. His dresser. His chest that had held all the treasures he couldn’t take back to the Home. This was his refuge.
On the bad nights at the Home, he would lie in his narrow cot and dream of this room. Summer and freedom couldn’t come soon enough. Every year, David and Verna had welcomed him...home...as if they had missed him as much as he had missed them.
Had he ever thanked them? He had spent so much time waiting for Pa to keep his promise that he had neglected what he had here with David and Verna.
The Masts had never made any promises other than to love him, and even tonight they reaffirmed that promise.
But Pa had never kept his promises, and it was time Guy faced that fact. Pa’s promises had broken as easily as spring ice on a mud puddle. Why hadn’t he seen the truth sooner? He had wasted time and energy waiting for...
A sigh escaped, ending in a sob. He bent his head on his knees and closed the door on that place in his mind that had held fast to a straw promise all these years.