by Bart Tuma
Erik had to park his pickup a block and a half away. From there he could see a group huddled waiting their turn. Some of the men had their arms folded with impatience while the younger kids played tag using their parents as a shield. Erik tried to look down so people might not recognize him. I’m so messy they’ll think I’m a hobo bum. He worked his way through the group and went straight to the cash register to leave his name. He lowered his head to avoid the stares. There was nothing he could do to change that. The small restaurant didn’t have room for a lobby so people were crammed so tight you heard, “excuse me,” every few seconds. He was too tired and too confused to care.
“How long is the wait?” Erik asked when he reached the register podium.
“How many?” the older gentlemen replied while ringing another tab.
“Just one.” Erik wondered why the question was even necessary with the way he looked.
“You might want to sit at the counter. I have to leave my tables free. If you want a table it’ll be an hour, but I can get you to the counter in twenty.”
“The counter is fine. I’ll be back in the restroom so don’t give my place to anyone else.” Erik knew the manger, Don, but didn’t know if Don knew him this morning. All Erik got was a disgusting look of look what the cat drug in. Suddenly Erik felt like one of the bums that worked with him during the harvest season.
Erik worked his way through the line of booths towards the bathrooms. His kept his head bowed. The men’s room didn’t have a line, but the inside was filled shoulder to shoulder. There was only one sink and Erik waited his turn.
“Go ahead.” A man gestured to Erik to cut in front of him.
“Sure? You were here first.”
“Its all yours.” The man again gestured.
Erik didn’t even say thanks as he turned on the warm water. He tried to dab the cut with a paper towel. The paper was so thick and hard it felt like cardboard. Erik grimaced with pain. As he examined his cut in the mirror, he saw the man behind him staring. Erik didn’t know if the man wanted him to hurry, or if he was wondering what fight Erik had found.
“This might work better.” The man said as he pulled out a cloth handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Erik.
Erik felt both grateful and awkward. He took the handkerchief and forgot to even acknowledge the gesture.
As Erik began to clean away the next cut of dried blood, he saw the man still looking at him in the mirror.
“I’m going to be a while. You go ahead. I’ve taken your spot and your handkerchief.” Erik wanted to be polite, but he also wanted the man to quit looking at him. The man quickly washed his hands and was gone.
Once Erik had cleaned as much as he could, he went back to the join the others huddled in front of the cash register. He took a spot at the very back of the entry, but close enough to hear his name called.
The same man who offered Erik his handkerchief was directly in front of him. The man was laughing and talking with a young couple that Erik had seen before at the Fairfield Community Church. The restaurant was loud enough that Erik could only hear parts of their conversation, but what he heard made him inch forward.
“John, you must have faith to be able to laugh when there aren’t any carpenter jobs in four counties,” a young man standing next to Erik’s new acquaintance said.
“I’m not sure if it’s my faith, or sheer stupidity,” John laughed, “but faith sure doesn’t hurt. Faith has been a long journey and has its ups and downs, but in the end, He has never let me down.”
Erik cocked his head in an attempt to hear more, but the restaurant manager spoke first.
“John’ I’ve got a seat at the counter for you” the cashier yelled to the same man Erik was trying to listen to. “Folks, move aside so he can get through,” At the same time he noticed Erik, “and you behind him, come along also.”
The couple from the church looked at Erik, then said, “John, we’re next for a table. Why don’t’ you wait and join us?”
Erik got the hint. He was surprised by the man named John’s reply. “No, thanks. I’ll take the counter. My coffee cup always stays warm at the counter.”
Chapter Five
“My name is John O’Brian.” the man offered a handshake as he slid onto the counter stool. “We meet again.”
Erik heard the remark but was trying to figure out how to find a comfortable place on the bar-like stool with his back aflame from last night. He turned with embarrassment when he realized John had his hand extended to shake.
“I’m sorry,” Erik quickly shook the man’s hand. “I’m Erik. I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t keep you handkerchief. It looked so bad when I was done, so I threw it away.”
“Don’t worry about it. It was so old I would have thrown it away myself.” John picked up the sugar jar and tilted a steady flow of sugar into the empty cup.
Erik watched him pour a mound of sugar into the empty cup. “I heard you talking about faith” Erik found himself saying.
John leveled the sugar just enough to stop the flow, and a broad smile followed.
“The usual?” a hurried waitress appeared and waited for John to move the sugar so she could fill him cup. “You’re the only man I know who puts in sugar before the coffee, but I don’t know if you put coffee in your sugar or sugar in your coffee.”
“It saves me time, and yes, the usual. Get my friend here whatever he wants. I’m buying.” John pointed to Erik.
“Bacon, two eggs over easy with hash browns, but I’ll buy my own.” Erik rapidly replied with his eyes never leaving John.
“You two boys can figure out whose paying, just remember to leave a tip” the waitress joked as she wrote and turned to hang the order on the cook’s wheel.
John said, “Yes, I know about faith, but all that means is I know about Him.”
“Him?”
“Him, Christ, who is the only reason I can have faith or hope or whatever you want to call it. You don’t know Him then faith is pretty empty.”
“I think I met Him last night.” Erik tried to take back the words the moment they were spoken. What am I doing? I don’t even know this guy. He could be some freak or something, and I don’t know what I’m talking about.
“Praise the Lord, young man! How did that come about? Looks like maybe you met more than Christ last night,” John had a large grin on his face and laid his hand on Erik’s shoulder.
Neither “praise the Lord” nor being addressed as a young man sat well with Erik. He could feel his shoulder tighten under John’s hand, and he hesitated to respond.
“You know, John, I don’t mean to be rude, and maybe I’m too tired, I’ve never liked it when people said, ‘Praise the Lord.’ It sounds fake, it made me feel like the person thought they were better than me. Every time I hear it I think I’m going to get a sermon.”
Again John chuckled while taking his hand off Erik’s shoulder. He took a sip of the hot coffee. “No sermons from me. You asked the question. I gave the answer, and I’ll watch the Praise the Lords. You’ll excuse me if one slips out. It’s just something I say to Him, not to make an impression. If you don’t mind, and I think you’d tell me if you did, what happened last night?”
“You mean to my face. That’s a long story that you wouldn’t want to hear.”
“Fair enough,” John picked up his tablespoon and stirred his coffee for no reason than to give Erik some time to think.
“Well what about meeting with Christ, and I take it that’s who you’re referring to when you said Him?”
Erik had to answer. He had asked the first question and he had questions that needed answers. “Yeah, I mean Christ,” and he stared straight forward. He was trying to figure out if he should go on or not. Was this a man he should trust? Everything was new to Erik.
John let him be and continued to stir his coffee.
“I think all that sugar is probably dissolved by now,” Erik broke the silence between them.
“Never can be too sure
.”
“You must think I’m a nut or something, sitting here all beat up, and then not really answering your question when I’m the one that started this conversation.” The silence didn’t last long this time.
“It was Christ. I think. I’ve sat in church every Sunday my aunt and uncle could get me there, but last night was the first time I really spoke with Him. He seemed to be there and be a Him, a person, rather than a sermon.”
“What did you two have to talk about?”
“Nothing really, and everything. I got in this dumb fight over some dumb girl that I thought I’d like to get to know. She made it obvious she didn’t want anything to do with me. After I got literally thrown out of the bar, I didn’t have any place to go. I parked in my old pickup in the middle of a prairie in the middle of no where, and I asked Him for help and to forgive me for avoiding Him for so long.”
“Sounds like the right place to start. Do you think Christ heard you?” John asked.
“I know He did. I can’t explain it, but I know He did.
“Before last night I thought I knew about God. He was up there in heaven somewhere. I thought I knew about Christians; that they were just dreamers. But now, it’s different. I sat there in my pickup and He was there with me. There’s a lot I need to rethink, and I don’t know where to start. I just know things are different.”
Erik had turned straight ahead staring into his coffee as he spoke. “I guess the most amazing fact was I was actually talking to Him. I’ve known about Him for years, but last night was the first night I actually talked with Him. And then–I don’t even know how to explain it, but He answered me. There weren’t any actual words, but I know He was there, and His arms seemed to wrap me in His warmth. It’s strange, but I know He was there.” Erik continued to look down, but he no longer talked.
“I’m sure He was, Erik.” He heard John’s words, but still didn’t look at him. “Anytime anyone admits they need His help and turns to Him, He’ll be there. When a person admits they need Him, He answers them just like He did for you. We all need Him, and without Him it’s hopeless. We think we can get by okay without Him, but we keep coming to dead ends. Sounds to me like that fight was your dead end.”
“The fight made me realize some things. I’ve lived on empty dreams, and never faced the facts. I used to think Christians were dreamers, but I did the same thing, but my dreams were empty. I had to admit I’m just a nobody, and last night that was pretty clear.”
“Maybe before you felt like a nobody, but now you’re God’s child.” John quickly corrected Erik.
Erik swiveled his stool back to John. Erik no longer held back, asking question he had asked himself in the middle of no where in the ‘54 Chevy pickup. The more he talked the easier it became.
“I’ve been to church before with my aunt and uncle, but I never realized what it was to have God answer me like He did last night. When my aunt and uncle talked about Christ they were talking about someone who lived a long time ago in a place half way across the world. He didn’t affect my life. He was for others. But not for me.”
“Now that I know that He is near, I don’t know where to go from here. It was so simple to just talk to God last night, but now I don’t know how to act. I’ve always thought being Christian just meant rules of things to do and things not to do. It seems like the Christians I’ve known are caught in a maze trying to find God. They follow all these rules trying to come to the end of the maze and find God, but I never heard one say God was simply there with them. I felt like they knew God was at the end, but they would always have to do more and try harder because they weren’t good enough. If they couldn’t do it, why should I even try? It was just too hard to work my way through that maze. Now I want to be a Christian and follow God. I feel like I’ve found God, but there’s still that maze. How do I make sure I don’t come to a dead end? Do I go back to the entrance of the maze and all the rules or what? Where do I start?”
The waitress laid the two plates before each of them. “I hate to interrupt, but is there anything else you need? Do you want any hot sauce or catsup?” she asked Erik.
“No, that’s fine.”
With the waitress’ interruption, Erik became conscious again that they weren’t alone but in a full restaurant and he was saying too much in front of too many. He looked around. No one was listening. It seemed as though the groups were more concerned with their breakfast than listening to what Erik had to say.
John picked up the pepper and put a heavy dose on every item on his plate, including the catsup.
“Erik, as simple as it was last night, it needs to be that simple for the rest of your life. Never forget that He came to you, and all you had to do is ask. There were no magic words or a secret handshake. There was His love for you. The simple fact is He had been waiting for you to ask for help. When you asked for help and recognized Him, He reached out and held you. You didn’t need to search for Christ and Christ didn’t have to search for you in a maze. He had never been far away. He is the one who was calling out to you and you finally answered His call. He’s not hiding for only a few to find. He is going after you. Your fight last night didn’t shock God. Do you think I’m sitting next to you by accident? You need to know I’m here because He cares about you, and is looking out after you,” John explained.
“I can see that,” Erik interrupted John in his eagerness to ask his next question. “But why are there so many rules in the church. I know all about the Ten Commandments, but it seems like there’s ten thousand other things Christian can and can’t do. Don’t smoke. Give you money to the church. Don’t look at a girl in the wrong way. You name it, there seems to be a rule about it.”
“It’s not as complex as it seems. Jesus said in the book of Mark, ‘To love him with all your heart, and with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love one’s neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.’ That’s not complex. That’s just living with God and the people around you and putting them first rather than yourself. If you make it too complex, you’re right, you’re caught in a maze and you’ll never be able to find your way out amidst all your questions. Don’t put your focus on the maze. Put you focus on Him. See how He came to you and simply remember how He embraced you when you called.”
“But I still don’t know. How can it be that simple? How can one night with God make Jesus want me? I’m not really that much of a likable guy, and I haven’t done anything for Jesus to want to accept me.” Erik wasn’t about to quit until he had some grasp of the situation.
The man to Erik’s left reached across him to the creamer that sat directly in front of Erik. “Excuse me,” he said, “but I can’t drink my coffee straight.”
“No problem.” Erik pushed the creamer closer to the man and almost appreciated the interruption.
“How’s your bacon and eggs?” John briefly changed the subject.
“Fine, but I was so hungry, cardboard would taste good right now.” The two concentrated on their breakfast in silence for a time before John continued.
“Erik, you said you weren’t that much of a likable guy. No one, no matter how likable or unlikable they are, is good enough to be on the same level as God. He didn’t come to us because we had earned His presence, but because He loved us. It’s His love that allows us to be with God, not what we’ve done. That maze you talk about is something men create in their own minds. It’s not God’s maze. It’s an important thing to know He paid the price by His coming to this world and dying on the cross. There’s no more maze. There’s only free access to God for those who love Him. If anyone wants to try to find God in a maze, they won’t. He’s here to be found if only you accept His lordship and His love. You can’t earn Christ’s love…”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve never been good at earning someone’s love.” Erik interrupted John in mid-sentence. “My dad died when I was young. I always wanted to prove myself to him, but it never happened and now it never can. I couldn�
�t do anything right in his eyes, and I guess I thought God was the same way. I wanted to prove to both of them I was good enough.”
“Erik, you did what almost everyone tries to do. They want to get by without God and do things themselves.”
“But if God loves me that much,” Erik said, “I’m afraid I will still disappoint Him, and it will be worse now that I know Him. I also know now that he knows all about me so He’ll know it when I fail. I mean, there seems to be so many ‘do’s and don’ts’ in Christianity. What happens if I blow it after I know He’s real?”
“You’re right. He knows you and everything about you. He knows you aren’t perfect. That is why the price He paid on the cross allows grace to cover our mistakes. You’re His kid; He looks at you with love and forgives your mistakes if you ask Him. His love for you is constant.
“But let me talk about those ‘do’s and don’ts’. Remember, they all come down to loving God with your whole heart and soul and loving your neighbor as yourself. Now that you know Christ, you’ll still make mistakes, but now you’ll have a chance to walk away from those mistakes and not do them. These do’s and don’ts you’re talking about weren’t written to take away all your fun, nor were they made to continually show you how bad you are when you fail.
“You live on a farm,” John continued. “You work with machines. Each machine has an operating manual. In that manual, it instructs you to change the oil every so many miles, grease the parts after so many hours, etc., etc., etc. Why does the manual say these things? It doesn’t give the directions to waste the farmer’s time and burden him with meaningless tasks. Simply, the machine works much better if you follow the manual that shows how the machine should operate.