by Laura Ward
“I’m sorry, Will. That had to be hard for you. Did you ever talk to her again?”
He nodded and looked at the pool of water. “Yup. I did not give up. I told her, we might be slow, but we still feel love. I kissed her again, but her dad saw. He told me if I touched her again he would call the police.”
He shook his head, and I reached out to hold his hand.
“I would never hurt Sarah. I would never hurt anyone.” William looked at me, tears glistening in his eyes. I had to swallow the lump in my own throat to keep from crying.
“I know that, Will. Some people aren’t open to new ideas or to things that are different from what they’re used to.” The words came out of my mouth, and my stomach dropped. What a hypocrite I was. I could judge Sarah’s father, but I was doing the same thing he’d done. I was hesitant to consider a possible future with Alec because he had a different lifestyle. Would it really be that hard to have a real relationship with him?
“Tell me about your fellow.” William squeezed my hand gently in his. I was amazed how he knew what I was thinking about.
I waved my other hand dismissively. “You don’t want to hear about it.”
“Sure I do. We are friends. Friends listen to one another.”
He was right. He’d confided in me. “You sure?” I asked.
William nodded.
“His name is Alec. We actually went to high school together. I liked him a lot back then, but he didn’t like me. He hurt my feelings.”
William frowned. “I am sorry. I know how that feels.”
I smiled sadly in return. “Now it turns out we’re here at the same university. When I first saw him here I was cruel. We both hurt each other, but we’ve grown up now. This semester we’re in the same class and started hanging out together.” No way was I going to elaborate further.
“Then what is wrong?” William cocked his head to the side, waiting for my response.
“We lead very different kinds of lives and have no friends in common. My friends are very important to me since we do things together all the time. He wouldn’t be a part of that. He wouldn’t understand my life with them. Alec and I are complete opposites.”
Was that true, though? Alexis didn’t always come out and party with us, but Julie and I were still good friends with her.
Then I remembered that Alec chose not to hang out with me even after his practice was over. “Besides, I’m not sure he likes me as much as I like him.”
“Miss Taren, does he make you feel happy?”
I hesitated to really think about what William was asking. Just being near Alec made me feel a lot of things. Mostly toe-curling things I couldn’t discuss with William, but was it happiness? I thought back to our study sessions and the easy banter and friendship we shared.
“Yes.” I sighed, picturing Alec’s face...his hands...his lips.
“That is it, then. What else is there? Just happiness. Yup, yup.” William looked at his watch and stood up. “Time to go.”
“Already?”
“No worries, Miss Taren. I will see you again next week.”
I smiled to myself. The way he said it, I felt like he was donating his time to hang out with me, not the other way around. I guess that was how real friendship worked. I rose to my feet and walked back toward the Union with my good buddy William, thinking about what he had said.
What else is there? Just happiness. Was it really that beautifully simple?
***
Alec: Come to the bball game? I’m in the halftime show. I want you to see the Acroletes perform.
I bit my lip in nervous excitement. I hadn’t talked to Alec in person since his rejection two nights ago. He’d worked last night so I didn’t text him to ask him to study because I knew he couldn’t. He’d texted benign little comments throughout the day, but I held back, protecting my heart. I had to admit I took great satisfaction in the idea that he was reaching out, that he wanted to see me.
Me: Sounds good. Julie, Alexis, and I were planning on going anyway. We’ll go early to get seats up close.
Alec: Cool. See you then.
A Friday night and Alec wanted to see me? Hope surged through me.
***
“We have a special halftime show for you today, Terp fans.” The words bellowed over the speaker system. “The University of Maryland Acroletes are here to perform their death-defying halftime show. Watch them spin, twist, and flip as they barely avoid mid-air collisions. Please give a huge Terp welcome to the Acroletes vaulting team!”
The entire building filled with cheers as the Acroletes ran to the middle of the court, waving to the crowd. They were dressed in black and red uniforms that made them look like professional gymnasts despite the fact that they were part of a university club.
“Oh. My. God. The guys wear spandex? You can see everything!” Julie shrieked and then cupped her hands to her mouth to yell out her approval.
“Is that Alec?” Alexis pointed to the most muscular guy on the court, who was busy searching the crowd for something. He smiled when he saw me sitting with my friends.
“Yeah, that’s him.” I made eye contact with Alec and waved. He raised his hand in acknowledgment and then lined up with the rest of his teammates. Two lines of gymnasts faced a vaulting box and two sets of small trampolines. They looked like they were prepared to run perpendicular to one another.
“He’s hot, T. And built like a fucking Greek god. Holy cow. No wonder you have a crush on him.” Julie fanned herself with her hand.
“Yeah,” I breathed out on a sigh. Every muscle in Alec’s lean body was cut and defined. My crush on him was about way more than his body, though. Alec had always drawn me in with a force that surprised me.
A pounding techno beat blared loudly throughout the Xfinity Center. I could feel my seat vibrating. People around us clapped in time to the music while I held my breath as the two lines of gymnasts ran toward the vaulting box. They hit the trampolines in alternating precision as they flipped and twisted over the box, crisscrossing and barely missing one another.
Avoiding mid-air collisions indeed. I was almost too afraid to watch. The only problem was, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was one of the last people in line each time, along with Jon and Caz. Their timing was so perfect that it looked like one wrong move would send the three of them crashing into a pile of broken bones and torn muscles.
“I really like the idea of spandex,” Julie shouted, leaning closer to be heard over the deafening noise of the crowd. “It’s a little disturbing to look at since it leaves very little to the imagination, but at least you know what you’re getting. Not a micro-penis in the bunch, T. And that Alec. Whew, girl. He’s no Pickles, that’s for sure. That boy looks well-hung. I give my approval.”
I took another look at Alec as he ran across the wood floor, hitting the trampoline with power, forcing it to vault him into the air in a series of somersaults. My face flushed as I vividly remembered our last study session. Alec was definitely in no danger of Pickles’ tiny affliction.
A few more runs took place, where people were piled on top of the vaulting box to create a giant wall of bodies as the Acroletes flipped over them. My stomach was in knots, expecting a wreck with every gymnast that went over the pile. When the stack of people reached six high, I couldn’t bear to watch. I was reminded of watching a horror movie. One where the guy with the chainsaw was about to lay waste to the naive blonde girl who tried to run away in high heels.
“You can look now,” Alexis peeled my fingers away from my eyes. “He made it. They’re taking a bow.”
I emerged from behind my hands and clapped while everyone around us chanted, “Fire Hoop. Fire Hoop. Fire Hoop.” People pumped their fists in the air along with their chant. The Acroletes rushed back into a single line as a metal hoop was lifted over the vaulting box.
Oh god. I thought it was over. More potentially life threatening danger was about to take place?
One of the coaches reached up with h
is hand and when the lighter he was holding touched the hoop, the entire thing burst into a circle of hungry flames. The building exploded with roars of approval. The crowd screamed as the Acroletes threw themselves on the trampoline and flipped thought the ring of fire.
I breathed a sigh of relief when Alec and his roommates made it through the flames unharmed. Holy mother of God. I was going to have a freaking heart attack watching this performance. I had no idea the university allowed Alec and his friends to risk their lives like that. Their act was dangerous. When the Acroletes lined up for their final bow, I clapped madly along with everyone else, glad it was over so my heart rate could go back to normal.
The music changed into a powerful, sexy ballad and the athletes and coaches folded up the mats and cleared the floor of the vaulting equipment. Alec walked to the middle of the court with a brunette who was rocking a plain black leotard. Only a person with zero percent body fat could look amazing in an ensemble like that. Not a jiggle or a dimple was in sight. I shifted in my seat and sucked in my stomach. Hello insecurity, nice to see you again.
The girl slowly walked around Alec like a jungle cat stalking its next meal. Alec reached out his hand, and the girl took it. She stood right next to him as they stared into each other’s eyes. My stomach rolled. They were so close–intimately close. I didn’t like anything about what I was seeing.
He lunged slightly with his left leg bent, never taking his eyes off her, and she tucked her foot onto his thigh. One swift pop of his body, and she was in a handstand on top of his hands.
“Wow. That’s so cool.” Alexis scooted to the edge of her seat, leaning forward so she could see better.
Alec pressed his hands up, straightening his arms so that the tiny girl was balanced high above his head. She spread her legs wide until they were parallel to the ground. I could almost feel the rise of thousands of instant boners from every guy in the stadium.
“She’s really...flexible,” Alexis pointed out, looking at me warily.
Alec dropped his hands, and gasps filled the stadium as the girl plummeted toward the ground, only to be caught by Alec tightly against his chest. They ended up in some sort of acrobatic sixty-nine position, or maybe that was just my jealousy noticing.
“Dude. Your boy’s face is right in that chick’s hoo-ha.” Julie snorted. “She’s got a good view, too, though.”
Nope. Not just me noticing.
Alexis grabbed my forearm and squeezed.
Alec flipped the brunette to the side in a cartwheel move, and they continued to maneuver from pose to pose. Their movements were completely in sync, as if they shared a body. My stomach felt like it was filled with lead, and my hands were clammy with sweat. Gymnastics my ass. They were all over each other. No way in hell they were only friends. One couldn’t touch and move like that without full knowledge of the other person’s body.
Julie squirmed in her chair and then leaned in close to me. I looked over, and she wasn’t watching the show anymore. She was watching me.
I wanted to run down there and rip the skinny, Acro-bitch’s hands off Alec. My breaths came faster and more ragged as I dug my nails into my palms. I clenched my teeth together so hard, I thought I’d break a tooth. I didn’t want to, but I forced myself to look. I watched Alec and his partner perform one amazing, erotic pose after another, and each movement chipped another piece off my ridiculous heart.
As I focused on them, realization hit me, and I felt sick. He didn’t hang out with me on Wednesday because he was at the Acroletes gym. With her. He’d made his choice that night, and it clearly hadn’t been me.
Why did he want me to come watch this? I’d been an idiot to think that a few kisses meant that he wanted something serious with me. I’d just been the body on hand to satisfy his needs at the time. Alec was no different than Pickles.
Jealousy clawed at my heart as Alec held the girl’s hand and spun her into his body, dipping her backward while gazing at her. People whistled and catcalled, which only made me feel worse. I had to swallow past the gigantic rock in my throat as his palm slid down her arm until he reached her hand to twine their fingers together. Their faces were so close they were almost kissing.
I hated how amazing they looked together, like they were made for one another. My chest tightened with humiliation; something I hadn’t felt since the night of the bonfire. I was stupid to stick around and watch the rest of the show. Alec wasn’t just hurting me this time, he was crushing me. Catching Pickles cheating on me was painful and embarrassing, but my heart was never invested in Pickles. Breaking up with him had almost been a relief. Watching Alec with another girl, however, was a thousand times worse. I hadn’t even realized how hard I’d already started to fall until that moment.
My chin trembled as I spoke. “Can we go? I’m not really in the mood for basketball. Besides, I need a drink. Like yesterday.” I cleared my throat and looked at Julie and then over at Alexis. They stared at one another, faces pinched, before they nodded. I kept my head down as we made our way up the aisle toward the exit.
“That’s my girl.” Julie slung an arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry about that ridonkulously good-looking human specimen. Guys like that don’t date sorority chicks anyway. I heard the Acroletes are drug-free or something. They don’t drink anything other than protein shakes. No fun.”
I blinked my eyes to fight back the tears. She was wrong. Alec had been more than fun, but that didn’t mean we were right for one another. The problem was, I’d gotten him, for just a minute, and that loss now cut me deep. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I brushed it away with my fingertip.
“You okay?” Alexis looped her arm in mine as we made our way across campus toward Route One. Her eyes were soft, and her smile was strained.
I had worked hard to become stronger. I didn’t need the girls worrying about me, but I loved that they did. “Yeah. I thought he actually liked me. Stupid.” I swallowed hard and wiped away another stray tear. “I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t the only girl in his life. I don’t want to be one of many. I want to be the one. You know?” My voice cracked, and I bit my lip. “I guess it’s better I realized that now before I got too attached.” I glanced away, each of those words feeling like a stab in my chest as I spoke them out loud.
“Just because they perform together, doesn’t mean they’re hooking up.” Alexis wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Oh, they’re total fuck buddies.” Julie chortled. “Did you see the way his hand was all over her ass in that third pose?”
“Jules!” Alexis glared at Julie and squeezed me harder.
My breath caught in my throat. Julie’s honesty was brutal, but that was also one of the things I loved about her. Besides, she wasn’t saying anything that I wasn’t already thinking.
“What?” Julie stopped in front of us. “It’s the truth, and so what if he’s hooking up with that chick? Taren doesn’t need him. She’s sexy and fun. She can go out tonight and have her pick of guys.” Julie hooked her arm in mine. “Just like I do.”
Her last words were softer. Julie thought she was fooling everyone, but not Alexis or me. We knew she wanted the same thing we both wanted, to be the one to the right person. Julie just weeded through guys much faster.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek to keep from letting my shame get the best of me. Alec and his partner looked and acted like a real couple, while he and I…did not. We hadn’t even been on a real date yet.
I looked at Julie and sighed, my throat too thick to speak. Her face fell, and she reached for my hand, but I pulled away, waving my hand in front of my face. I was not going to lose it. I was not. What I was going to do was to move on and forget about high school crushes. The best way to do that was to party.
“I’m sorry I can’t go with you guys. I have a huge Chemistry test tomorrow.” Alexis changed the subject, and I was so happy I wanted to kiss her.
“How can you go through college not partying? Studying is so not worth that.” Julie shook he
r head, and Alexis rolled her eyes.
I smiled sadly at Jules, glad I had friends to help me forget my heartache. “She wants to be a doctor and save lives. That’s a hell of a lot more noble than drinking with us, Jules.”
Julie wrinkled her nose at me. “Don’t tell me you agree with her. I can’t afford to lose my dancing partner.” She shoved her tiny elbow into my side, and I forced out a laugh.
“Not a chance, sister. I’m totally ready to get hammered and dance tonight.” I needed to release the bad feelings lodged in my chest, and a night with Jules was my answer.
“Good, because you don’t have a choice.” Julie looped her arm through mine.
As we exited campus, Alexis hugged us and crossed the street to our house, while Julie and I waved and turned to walk to The Shell. We pushed open the door to the bar. The bouncer inside was a nice guy. Julie always flirted with him, and he pretended not to notice our fake IDs.
“Hello, ladies.” He glanced down at our offered IDs and then opened the inner door to the bar. “Have fun.”
Julie hugged him, and we walked inside. The pulsating music surrounded me and filled my confused brain with nothing but blessed noise. No room existed in this bar for any sadness, jealousy, or self-pity. The time had come to have some fun.
“I’m getting us a drink!” Julie shouted in my ear, and I nodded, moving to the music. I licked my lips and took a deep breath. Game face on.
“I’d say it’s a liquor kind of night, right?” Julie asked when she returned from her trip to the bar. She handed me a pink drink, and I swallowed it in one gulp. Cranberry and vodka. The combination went down easy and did the job well. I could feel my cares slipping away. Perfect.
***
My shoulders swayed to the music, and I tossed back another drink. I’d lost count of how many Julie had already brought to me. I was buzzed and feeling loose. The house band was on stage, and Julie squealed in delight. “That bass player is so unbelievably gorgeous.”
She pulled me onto the dance floor, and I studied her newest fixation. Wow. Absolutely hot, just not at all her type. The guy’s arms were almost fully sleeved with tattoos, and his short dark hair was messy and spiked. She waved, coyly, but he completely ignored her.