by Laura Ward
I took a deep breath. “No sir, I’ve been up for a couple of hours.”
“Good. I have a serious problem I need to discuss with you.” Even over the phone I could tell he was scowling.
“Yes sir.” My heart thudded in my chest, and I shifted in my seat.
Coach sighed heavily. “I’ve been told through an anonymous source that you work at Shell Shocked.”
My chest was empty and hollowed out as all the air rushed out of me. An anonymous source? Who the hell would tell? I looked at Caz, but immediately tossed that thought out the window. He might not agree with my job, but he was a loyal friend. He’d never get me in trouble. Who else would tell though?
I swallowed slowly. My head hung low, and I ran my hand up the back of my neck as I leaned my elbow on my knee. “Yes sir, I work there.”
“So it’s true. You work at a bar?”
I could hear the disappointment in his voice, and for the first time since taking the job, I was ashamed of it. Coach was a good man, and I craved his approval. Gaining and keeping his respect had been one of my greatest accomplishments.
“I’m a bouncer there, sir.” I stood up and began to pace back and forth. “I haven’t broken the pledge in any way.”
Coach sighed. “I trust you, son. You know I do. The problem is appearances. You know that our group is mostly supported by the generosity of the College of Health and Human Performance, right?”
“Yes, I know that.” I stopped behind my chair and gripped the edge of it until my knuckles turned white.
“Well, that financial support is given in exchange for the Acroletes promoting a healthy lifestyle, mainly a drug-free and alcohol-free lifestyle. If the college were to find out that members were not adhering to that pledge, we could lose our financial support.”
“But I haven’t broken the pledge, sir. I promise.” I looked up to see Caz leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. He had an “I-told-you-so” look smeared across his face.
“I believe you, Alec. I do. The problem is that after the halftime show, you’re a bit more recognizable. When students see you promoting a drug-free lifestyle in our show and then later you’re working in a bar, they get mixed messages. This puts me in a very difficult position.”
His words were like a punch to the gut. “I understand.”
“Do you still want to be part of the Acroletes?”
“What?” I couldn’t believe he was asking me that. “Yes, of course. You know how much it means to me.”
Coach released a long breath before answering. “Well, in that case, I’m going to have to ask you to find a new job. Until you do, you’ll be on probation.”
“Probation?” The word left my lungs in a long exhale of disbelief. I couldn’t survive without Acroletes. I needed it.
“You won’t be able to perform or come to practice until you cut ties with that place. I’m sorry, son. I know you’re paying for all of your own bills. A well-paying job is a means to an end, but I hope you can understand why it needs to be this way. I can’t risk the rest of the team because of your situation.”
“Yes, sir.”
“If it helps, I know of a couple of positions available on campus. I could give you a recommendation.”
“Thank you, I might take you up on that.” Shit. I’d probably have to take five of those jobs to make the same pay I was getting at the bar.
“Keep me updated on your decision.”
“I will.”
Coach said goodbye, and after he hung up, I tossed my phone on the table, dropping my head into my hands.
“Dude, that sucks,” Caz said.
I looked up. “You heard everything?”
Caz nodded. “What are you going to do?”
Why did he even have to ask that question? “Get another fucking job, what do you think? I’m not quitting the team.”
A satisfied smile spread across Caz’s mouth. “Good. Just making sure you were going to do the right thing. I didn’t really feel like convincing you otherwise. I haven’t had enough sugar this morning for a battle like that.”
I grunted in response.
“Hey, buck up, little camper. Don’t worry. Everything will work out.” He stood up and came around the back of his chair to punch me in the arm.
“Get the fuck off, asshole.” I pushed him away. He had a way of making me laugh even when I didn’t want to, and I felt like being in a shitty mood.
Caz reached up and tried to ruffle my hair like I was four years old. I grabbed his arm, and we were locked in a mini-wrestling match as we knocked into the back of the sofa.
A sudden clearing of a throat forced us to stop. We both turned to see Taren standing just inside the room, staring at us. I was holding Caz in a headlock.
“Alec?” She looked confused, embarrassed, and sick to her stomach.
“Holy shit.” Caz pushed my arm off his neck and stood up, gesturing toward Taren. “I didn’t know Donuts spent the night. What the hell are you doing out here studying when you had her in your room?”
I glared at him. “None of your business.”
“Hey, did you bring donuts again?” Caz tilted his chin at Taren, and his eyebrows rose in question.
Taren’s face paled at the mention of food, and she shook her head.
“She doesn’t look like a woman who has been pleasured properly,” Caz said to me. “I think you did something wrong last night.”
A pink flush crept over Taren’s cheeks, and she looked at the floor. She wrapped her arms around her middle as if she’d been violated. I wondered if she remembered last night at all. Even though I was still mad at her, I didn’t want her to think I’d take advantage of her.
“It wasn’t like that, dickwad. Why don’t you go take a shower before Maureen gets here?”
“If it wasn’t like that, what was it like?” Caz had his hands on his hips, challenging me.
Taren’s eyes flicked up to my face with the same question.
“Taren had a little too much to drink and passed out.” I was speaking to Caz, but holding Taren’s gaze. “I brought her here so she could sober up.” Her eyes flew wide and flashed with shame. “I slept on the floor.” My voice was firm, needing her to know I never would have hurt her.
“Ah.” Caz nodded his head as a knowing smile tugged at his mouth. “So drunk donut girl was the reason you left work early. No wonder Jimmy was pissed.”
Taren’s eyes found Caz. “Who’s Jimmy?”
“Alec’s boss. Seems he got in a little bit of trouble for rescuing the damsel in distress. That’s you.” He pointed to her.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was quiet and shy as her eyes met mine. “I don’t remember much about last night. What did I do?”
I took a deep breath and crossed my arms. “You accused me of dating Amanda, and then you got so drunk you almost let that ass Pickles take you home.”
She blanched at my harsh words and rubbed her arms. Her face flushed pink in embarrassment. “So that girl wasn’t your girlfriend?”
I huffed out a breath and shook my head, curling my lip in disgust as I spoke. “How big of an asshole do you think I am? Do you honestly think I’d hook up with you and then invite you to the performance to show off a girlfriend?”
Caz laughed. “Well, in donut girl’s defense, some of those moves you and Amanda do are pretty questionable.”
“Shut up!” I shouted at him. “Shouldn’t you be showering?”
“And miss all this drama? No way. I’m about to make a bucket of popcorn. This is better than Judge Judy.”
“Did I really almost go home with Pickles?” Taren’s arms were now tightly across her chest as she held onto her shoulders, and her face pinched with worry.
“Who’s Pickles?” Jon yawned as he came out of his room.
“None of your business,” I said.
At the same time Caz responded, “I think it’s donut girl’s ex-boyfriend.”
“Can I talk to you in private?” I grabbed Taren�
��s elbow and led her to my bedroom.
“Come on!” Caz threw his hands in the air. “Don’t deprive me of my entertainment. You know I’m just going to listen at the door anyway.”
Once we were in my room, I slammed the door behind me and locked it to keep Caz out. A few seconds later the knob rattled, and he swore.
Taren turned to look at me. “I’m sorry I don’t remember much about last night. I’m so embarrassed. Did I really almost go home with Doug?” She was wringing her hands together.
“Yeah. And he wasn’t too happy that I kept that from happening.”
“Thank you for taking care of me.” When Taren looked at me, I could see the apology in her expression, but then she dropped her gaze to the floor. She wound the hem of her shirt over her finger nervously. “I was really out of it last night, wasn’t I?”
I took a deep breath and released it in a frustrated rush. “Why would you do that to yourself? You were piss drunk, and then you just drank the shot that Pickles gave you without a thought. For all you know, he could have drugged it.”
Her eyes found mine again, and her eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. “He wouldn’t do that.”
“You should know better than to take a drink that you didn’t see get poured. Especially from a guy as shady as Pickles.”
“I know he’s sort of a jerk, but he—”
I took a step toward her and held my hand up to silence her. “Look, I didn’t stay up all night watching you puke your guts out just to argue about your asshole ex.” I was pissed and jealous that her first reaction was to defend him.
She bit her bottom lip like she was trying not to cry. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember.” She rubbed her forehead as if that would make everything clear.
Disgust crawled up my spine and I felt my shoulders stiffen in anger. She had no idea how much danger she’d been in, or how much I’d risked by doing the right thing. I paced back and forth, unable to look at her. When I tripped over a sneaker, I bent over to pick it up and then threw it into my open closet. It ricocheted against the back wall and knocked things off their hangers.
Taren flinched. “Alec—”
“You need to leave.” I turned from her and flung the covers back over the bed before grabbing a pillow and tossing it roughly over top. I couldn’t look at her. I refused to let her wounded expression affect me. I was done.
“You want me to leave? Now?” Her voice was quiet, tugging at me, begging me to give her whatever she wanted. From the corner of my eye, I saw her reach for me, but I moved away before she could make contact. Her touch had the power to undo me, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. Not now.
“Yeah. I have some job hunting to do before I go into work.” I crossed the room, and kicked a pile of clothes into my closet before slamming the door shut.
“You’re leaving The Shell? Why?” She stepped to my side, and I turned to look at her.
“I’m on probation with Acroletes until I get a different job.” Shit. Until I said it out loud, it hadn’t really felt real. I thought being Taren’s hero would feel so much better than when I was the villain. I just hadn’t realized how high the price would be to do the right thing. I hadn’t known I’d have to make such a huge sacrifice.
I walked over to my desk where I’d left her jacket and shoes. I thrust them into her hands and didn’t even feel guilty when I saw the look of hurt on her face. “You can let yourself out.”
She swallowed, and her bottom lip quivered. “Alec, I’m so sorry. Can we just talk about what happened last night?”
“I don’t have the time. I’ve got a lot of shit to do today.” She flinched, and I walked over to my bathroom before turning back to face her. “Do me a favor.”
She was staring at her clothes, but she looked up reluctantly, almost like she didn’t want to meet my eyes.
“Don’t ever drink like that again. I might not be there next time to make sure you’re safe.”
She was still staring at me as I slammed the door. I turned the shower on to drown out the sound of her leaving my room.
***
I sat in the small lobby, waiting for my turn to be interviewed. Pictures of university sporting events lined the walls which were painted in red, black, and yellow stripes. I really needed this opportunity. The stadium security office at the University didn’t usually hire students, but the director was friends with Coach and offered to give me a chance at an interview. I hadn’t been able to find a job to replace The Shell, and I’d already missed a week and a half of practice. In addition, Jimmy had been asking me to come in an hour early almost every shift—an hour he wasn’t paying me for. He’d sniffed out my desperation like a fucking bloodhound.
I noticed a stray thread hanging off my polo sleeve. Reaching up, I wrapped the thin, red string around my finger and then yanked, pulling it free. The stitches along the seam were loose and weak.
I was always amazed at how quickly everything could unravel. Just when things were going my way, I made an impulsive decision and fucked my life up beyond all recognition. The time had come to get my focus back. I needed to nail down a job and ace my classes. I needed to get back to the Acroletes gym. I needed to remove the distractions that were getting in the way of my goals. I couldn’t afford to risk what I’d worked so hard to gain.
I stared at the red thread that was wound tightly around my finger.
Right now, Taren was a risk. My first instinct was always to jump in and save her, but if she self-destructed, she could take me down with her. She didn’t trust me and expecting the worst of me had been too easy for her. I’d spent most of my life living with a father who always expected the worst of me. I sure as hell didn’t need it from my girlfriend. Perhaps having her in my life right now wasn’t what was best for me—for either of us.
Unraveling the thread, I rolled it into a ball between my fingers.
“Mr. Hart,” the secretary said. “Ms. Miller is ready to see you now.”
I took a deep breath and stood before following the woman down the hall. It was time to get my future back on track.
As I walked by the secretary’s desk, I tossed the ball of thread into the trash can.
Chapter Twenty-One
TAREN
Wind whipped my hair around, and I pulled my jacket closer. A light, cold drizzle fell and the gray day matched my mood. I walked slowly toward the Student Union, keeping my head down to block the wind and the rain from my face. As much as I loved seeing William, I was dreading today. I had missed our last meeting. I just didn’t show up. Not that I had planned to ditch him, but I was too hungover from that disastrous night after the halftime show. I was devastated over how things ended with Alec so I went home, climbed into bed, and slept. Right through my time with William. And the kicker was, being with him was one of the things I most looked forward to these days.
As soon as I had remembered, I called him. His voice had sounded so small over the phone. He was hurt and confused.
All because I was insecure.
I opened the door to the Union and a blast of warm air hit me. William sat on a bench in the hallway, watching the people bustling all around him.
“Hi, Will.” My voice was quiet. I pressed my lips together; worry filled my gut like a heavy weight. I felt queasy from the thought that he might be mad at me.
“Hi, Miss Taren.” William stood up and opened his arms for a hug. A big, bright smile stretched across his face, and I let out the breath I’d been holding. I gave him a small grin and felt the weight leave my stomach. At least this part of my life would be okay.
I moved into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing the side of my face into his chest. William was tall, at least three or four inches taller than me. He hugged me back tightly before pulling away.
“I’m sorry, Will.” My face pinched, and tears stung my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I was so emotional, but it was probably embarrassment. I was humiliated. I had hurt the people I cared about most.
�
��I changed my mind.” William’s expression became serious, and I stiffened. The heavy feeling returned to my stomach, and my heart beat faster.
I looked down at the ground and twisted the ring on my thumb. Changed his mind? About me? Did he not want to be my buddy any longer? I couldn’t take more rejection right now. I looked up at William; his face was an unreadable blank slate.
“About what?” I whispered. My eyebrows furrowed and my mouth dried.
His eyes focused on mine. With a strong and confident voice, he said, “Call me Billy.”
Laughter burst out of my throat before I could contain it. I buried my face in my hands and peeked out at him. The relief coursing through me felt fantastic. He still wanted to be my friend. At least my stupidity hadn’t ruined everything.
I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. “Of course. What made you change your name?”
William cocked his head to the side and squinted as if in thought. “Will seemed kind of boring, don’t you think?” He nodded his head as if answering his own question. “Yup, yup, Will is boring. I think Billy is more fun.”
This time I nodded as well. He had a good point. “Well then Billy, can I buy you a cup of coffee?”
“Yes, I like coffee, but I am buying.” William led the way to the nearby coffee stand, and we placed our orders. With coffee in hand, I found a small table nestled into a semi-private nook in the noisy area.
“Thank you. The next cup is on me.” I pulled the lid off of my Styrofoam cup and poured in some creamer, stirring it slowly.
William opened sugar packets two at a time and dumped them into his cup. He winked and took a sip of his overly sweet drink. I smiled and blew on my own coffee before taking my first sip. Warmth filled me, and I relished the simple act of sharing time with a friend.
“I really am sorry I missed our last meeting. I overslept. I wasn’t feeling well.” Chewing on my lip, I wiped away the drops of moisture that ran down the sides of my cup. “That’s not an excuse, I know that, but still...I’m sorry.”
William studied his coffee cup, avoiding my gaze. “I forgive you, Miss Taren. I was just scared. I thought something happened to you. That you got hurt.”