The Pledge

by Laura Ward

  Taren’s lips pressed together and she took a deep breath. “Stop it. Don’t say anything you can’t take back, Alec.” The anger in her eyes flared. “This wasn’t about me and you. I did that race for my friends. If I had refused to participate, we would have forfeited and lost.”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “It’s nice to know a race is more important than your promise to me.” I wasn’t buying her bullshit, and she knew it.

  “You’re making a much bigger deal out of this than it really is. It was just for fun. It didn’t mean anything. I needed a partner. He picked me and I got stuck with him.”

  A harsh laugh escaped me. “Right.” I huffed and looked around before I fixed my eyes on her. I leaned in and unleashed the bitterness that was clawing at me. “Wasn’t that the same excuse you used for dating him?” I wanted her to feel the betrayal I felt when I saw Pickles with his hands and mouth all over her.

  Taren’s expression was a mixture of heartache and outrage. She pressed her mouth into a tight line, and I looked away. I couldn’t stand the sight of her lips. Lips I’d kissed earlier in the day. Lips which had just been on the receiving end of a kiss from Pickles.

  “I thought we were all in,” she whispered as she choked back a sob. “Don’t you trust me?”

  “Trust? Really?” My words were sharp and clipped. “How can I trust you when you keep making bad decisions involving that asshole?” I refused to look at her, to give her the power to make me feel guilty. She was wrong here. She was the one who totally fucked up and now she was turning it on me, trying to make me feel guilty. Yeah, not happening.

  “You did not just go there. You want to talk about trust? I trust you when you put your face in your partner’s hoo-ha during routines. On a daily basis, might I add.” She pushed against my chest and I still wouldn’t look at her. I couldn’t, I was too pissed.

  “You tell me it’s just for fun, and that you’re only partners.” Her voice shook, and she took a deep breath. “Well, this was for fun. We were only partners. Trust is a two way street.” The strength in her words caused me to look at her. “I trust you—now you need to trust me.”

  I crossed my arms and shook my head. “There’s a difference. Pickles wants in your pants.” I leaned close so our faces were only inches apart. “You promised you’d stay away from him, and instead, you’re leading him on.” I needed her to feel the same misery I felt.

  Taren stepped back like I’d physically slapped her. “Leading him on? Is that what you really think?” She was breathing hard, and her eyes watered. “I know you’re upset. I am too, but Pickles is my past. You’re my now. You know that.”

  I looked away.

  She turned my face toward her. “Look at me. You know that right?”

  I didn’t have an answer for her. All I knew was that my girlfriend had let her ex manhandle her in front of hundreds of people. When she had to make a choice, it hadn’t been me.

  Julie came up behind Taren and threw her hands into the air. “I can’t believe that idiot totally fucked up the end of that race.” She stomped her foot and made a noise in the back of her throat, balling her fists at her sides. “Now we have to win the talent show to even have a chance at getting the trophy.” Julie looped her arm through Taren’s. “C’mon, T. Let’s go get something to drink.”

  “Alec?” Taren resisted Julie as she locked eyes with me. She looked drained. “Please.”

  At the sound of Taren’s plea, Julie looked between us. “What’s wrong? Did I interrupt something?”

  “I’ll talk to you later, Taren.” My eyes flicked over to Julie. “When we don’t have an audience. I need to get back to work.”

  Taren reached out to grab my arm as I was turning away. “Alec, please. I don’t want to leave things like this.”

  I shrugged her off and stepped back. “I gotta go, Taren, and so do you.” We both needed some space to cool off.

  She grabbed my jacket, refusing to let me walk away. “We’re going to be okay, right?” Her eyes searched my face for the unspoken answers I couldn’t give her. “I’ll see you later tonight?”

  I gave her a terse nod. I was on empty and that’s all I had left to give.

  She leaned in as if she were going to kiss me, but I tilted my head away. “I’m working, Taren.” Her mouth opened, and she sucked in a quick breath. My rejection seemed to crush something inside her, and yet I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her everything was okay. “Do us both a favor. Stay away from Pickles.”

  Julie rolled her eyes. “Calm down, cowboy. Your girl is safe with me.” She gave another tug on Taren’s arm. Taren resisted for a moment. Her eyes pleaded with me to say something. Tell her everything was okay. Forgive her.

  I took a step back, and she finally allowed Julie to pull her away in the opposite direction. I kept waiting for her to stop and come back, to choose me over her Greek life. If I was her “now,” she needed to fucking prove it this time.

  She disappeared into the crowd, and my chest ached.

  Trust was such a fragile thing, easily bent and broken, impossible to put back the same way it had been. I’d done it again. I’d gone all in. I gambled my heart this time. As I took in the scene around me, a world so different from my own, I was beginning to think that more than my trust would end up broken.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  TAREN

  We won Greek Week.

  My sisters and the brothers of Delta Epsilon screamed and jumped around, hugging each other in celebration. I stood off to the side, watching them. A bittersweet sadness came over me. These things used to matter to me, too—the games, the parties, the traditions—they used to be important to me. I sighed and held my Solo cup to my chest. Falling in love with Alec had changed me. I had just been too afraid to admit it.

  Today was a cluster fuck. I didn’t want to upset Julie or Kate or Jen. I was afraid to rock the boat.

  I had become the opposite of unique.

  I had lost who I was. I lost my focus…my center. My need to feel like I belonged had consumed me and I continued to make horrible choices. From dating Pickles, to getting stupid-drunk, to agreeing to partner with someone who had been cruel to me and rude to my boyfriend…what price was I willing to pay to fit in? Was I willing to sacrifice my own happiness or that of the man I loved?

  No more. Time to fight those fears.

  “You okay, T?” I turned around at the sound of Julie’s voice. She stood next to me with her arms crossed over her chest and a frown on her face. We were on the edge of the chaos, watching our friends celebrate the big win.

  I shook my head. “Not really, but I will be. I need to talk to you.” I motioned to the front steps of the Delta Epsilon house, and we both sat down.

  I rubbed my clammy hands on my jeans. I didn’t want to hurt Julie, but I had to be honest with her and myself. “I love being your sister.” I looked over at her and smiled, all our memories playing before me. I blew out a deep breath. This was much harder than I had thought. “I can’t keep participating in these fraternity parties anymore.” I blurted out the words.

  “What? Why?” Julie sputtered.

  “Partying with random guys who are looking for a hook up isn’t right for me anymore. Before I met Alec it was one thing, but I can’t keep doing that.”

  “You’re not leaving Tri-Gam are you?” Julie’s chin wobbled, and tears filled her eyes. Her reaction was so unexpected that my eyes watered. Julie loved me in her own way. I just never thought she’d be so sad if I left.

  “Of course not! I love all my sisters so much, especially you and Alexis. You both helped me find myself. I’m confident and strong because I always knew I had friends like you behind me.” The tears slid over my cheeks, matching the ones on Julie’s face.

  “But why do you have to stop coming to parties?”

  I took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I hurt Alec today, Jules. I did something I wasn’t comfortable with because I didn’t want to let you all down. Ag
reeing to do the obstacle course with Pickles was a huge mistake. He’ll never respect me or my relationship with Alec. Alec saw the way Pickles touched me, and he heard the commentary you made. That gutted him, and he didn’t deserve to feel that way. I love him.”

  “He was hurt? I didn’t mean anything by what I said; I was just having fun. Wait a minute. Did you say you love him?”

  The corners of my lips lifted. I should be beaming at the thought of loving Alec Hart, but I was worried I might have blown my chances with him after today. “I love him so much, and I fucked up. I really hurt him. I should have withdrawn from the race as soon as I realized Pickles was my partner. I should’ve known better.”

  “I’m sorry you felt pressured to do something you didn’t want to. I might get on your ass about things, but you know we’re friends no matter how many parties you go to or how many events you do. We’re sisters. Always.”

  I smiled. “Yes we are.”

  “And I love you because you accept me for who I am, flaws and all. You never, for one second, make me feel less than.” She wrapped her bony arms around me in a tight hug. Every time I tried to pull away, she squeezed me tighter, causing both of us to laugh.

  “I have to go. Alec is expecting me to be at his show.”

  “Fine.” She pulled away, planting a kiss on my cheek before releasing me. “Apologize to him for me?”

  “I will.” I stood up, checking my watch and groaning. “Shit, I’m late. I’m going to have to run like hell to get there.”

  “Go.” Julie stood up and placed her hand on my back, pushing me forward. I waved as I ran down the steps of Delta Epsilon.

  Knowing I had the support of my sisters to be who I wanted to be was empowering, but the time had come to listen to my heart. I needed Alec to understand just how much I loved him.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  ALEC

  The arena was full of excited voices and last minute sound and light checks. We only had an hour until show time. I should have been excited. I should have been warming up. I should have been thinking about my acts and all the new skills I’d added in the last few weeks. Instead, all I could think about was Pickles and Taren. Images of Pickles touching her ass, picking her up, and joking with her like they were still a couple tormented me. Thoughts of Pickles kissing what was mine drove me insane.

  I couldn’t focus.

  “Hey.” Caz patted me on the shoulder. “Help me carry this mat over to the beam. The girls need to warm up.”

  I followed him over to high bar and picked up the other end of the heavy mat. My muscles strained as we lugged the mat across the floor, but we didn’t speak. My thoughts were on a continual loop.

  I didn’t know you’d be doing your ex.

  Christ. If there was an award for asshole boyfriend of the year, I’d won it with that comment. Taren had promised to come to our show tonight, but I hadn’t talked to her since I finished my security shift at Greek Week two hours ago.

  Was she upset over our argument? Was she drinking? Was she with Pickles?

  We set the mat down next to the beam, unfolded it, and pushed it underneath.

  “Thanks,” Amanda said.

  I gave her a terse nod and turned away.

  Amanda grabbed my elbow. “What’s wrong? You look upset.”

  I looked down at where her hand rested on my arm. Where Taren had touched me. “I’m fine.”

  “Hey.” Amanda’s voice softened. “You can tell me what’s wrong. We’re friends.”

  The sound that came out of me was meant to be a laugh, but it was bitter and tired. “It’s not anything I want to talk about.”

  Amanda sighed. “Is this about Taren? You can talk to me. I’ll understand. Don’t let this come between us.”

  “Nothing is coming between us, Amanda. We’re partners. That’s it. There’s nothing to come between.”

  “Is she coming tonight?”

  “Of course Donuts is coming.” Caz shoved between us as he walked away from the beam. “We saved her a seat right up front. Even got some for those hotties she’s always hanging with.” Caz indicated the four seats in the front row that we put reserved signs on—one for my cousin and the other three for Taren and her friends.

  “I’m sure she’ll be here.” Amanda rubbed my arm like she was trying to comfort me.

  Amanda couldn’t possibly understand. Taren and I were being pulled in two different directions. If today was any indication, we might never be heading the same way. Her obligations to her Greek life had taken priority over our relationship.

  My phone rang, and I pulled it out of my back pocket. When I saw the name on the screen, my chest clenched with disappointment. Instead of Taren’s name, it was my cousin’s.

  “Hey, Lee.” I walked away from the beam and stared at the four empty seats I had reserved. “You still coming to my show?”

  “You forgot to give me my ticket. I am waiting outside.”

  “Ah. Sorry, bro.” I’d been so distracted I forgot to put his ticket at will call. “I’ll be up in a minute to let you in.”

  I slid my phone in my back pocket and jogged up the stadium steps to find Lee. He was outside by the ticket booth, examining the Testudo statue near the stadium entrance.

  “This is just like the one on the McKeldin Mall.” He touched the nose of the turtle, and the spot under his hand was a bright, polished, golden color from being touched so often.

  “Yeah, there are a couple on campus. It’s apparently good luck if you rub the nose,” I told him. I reached up to run my hand across the statue. Superstition or not, it was a habit all UMD students followed.

  “You don’t need luck.” Lee’s smile was brilliant, as usual—a permanent fixture on his face.

  “Everyone needs luck.”

  Lee shook his head. “Nope. You just need to make the right choices.”

  ***

  The overhead lights flickered, announcing to the audience that the show was about to start. I pulled out my phone to text Lee.

  Me: Is Taren here yet?

  Lee: Not yet.

  Was she really going to be a fucking no-show? We hadn’t parted on good terms, but she said she’d see me tonight. I assumed that meant she was still coming to the show.

  Me: Can you text me when she gets here?

  Lee: Okay.

  Tossing my phone onto my bag of costumes, I paced back and forth. I ran my hand through my hair, rubbing the back of my neck.

  What if she got caught up in the fun at the talent show and after-party and drank too much? I wouldn’t be there to take care of her.

  But Pickles would.

  I found myself over by the curtain, pulling it back to check the front row myself. Lee was playing with his phone, next to three empty seats.

  “Dude. You’ve got to stop obsessing about this.” Jon put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me away from the curtain. “If you don’t get your head in the game, you’re gonna mess up big time. You can’t afford to be thinking about anything but the show. It’s dangerous.”

  “I know.”

  “Your warm-up sucked major donkey balls,” Caz added. “Vaulting is first up and we’re depending on you. You’re middle man.” He referred to the fact that I flipped between him and Jon during the alternating runs in the flipping passes.

  Caz and Jon’s words were a reminder that my actions not only affected me, but everyone else in the performance. We depended on each other’s timing, strength, and skill to stay safe. They were right. I needed to get my head in the game.

  “Have you called her to see where she is?” Jon asked.

  “Yeah. No answer.” I could only think of two reasons why she wasn’t answering. Either she couldn’t, or she wouldn’t. Either way, my chest felt like it was in a fucking vice grip, and I wasn’t sure whether I should be worried or pissed.

  “She probably just lost track of time. She’ll be here.” Jon smacked me on the back as he walked away. Caz followed him, but not before I saw the look on h
is face. Pity.

  I picked up my phone and checked it again.

  No new messages. I tossed the phone back on my bag.

  If she meant what she said about trust and me being her now, then why the fuck couldn’t she take the time to call me? Why wasn’t she here yet?

  When the lights finally went out, the darkness that blanketed the arena went soul deep. I heard Coach begin his introductions over the speaker system, and I went to join the rest of the Acroletes. I stood in line, watching the glow of my phone from afar until it blinked out.

  ***

  The music was loud. I could feel the beat of it coursing through my body. The noise usually fed my adrenaline, forcing me to run harder, jump higher, twist faster. Tonight everything was muddled by my thoughts as if I was wading through tar. My body remembered the tempo and speed, but I didn’t feel the exhilaration that I normally got from performing. I felt thin and empty. Splintered.

  The lights along the front of the stage were bright. But somehow I knew those seats just beyond the edge of the darkness were still empty. I couldn’t shake the worry that maybe Taren couldn’t come, that I hadn’t been there when she needed me.

  I felt a smack on the back of my head. “Head in the game,” Caz said as he peeled away, running for the other side of the stage.

  We were in two lines, ready to alternate our flipping passes. I looked across to the line Jon and Caz were in, waiting for my turn. Jon nodded at me and then started running toward the vault box and his mini trampoline. I waited a second and then ran after him, heading for my own mini trampoline. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Caz following behind him. I had a split second of perfect timing to squeeze between them. We’d been doing this all year. It was almost second nature.

  As I leapt for the trampoline, I knew something was wrong. Jon was already landing on the mat. I was too late. Caz was hitting his trampoline at the same time as me. I’d been running too slowly. Panic slammed me back into reality, and the haziness was gone as my heart hammered with perfect clarity.