When our lips parted, she smirked, tilted her head to the side, and said, “Welcome to the darkness, Derek.”
I then realized why she was acting so triumphant. The act of violence was me giving in to my dark side. She had provoked the part of me that would react with unbridled violence – a side of me Cora knew very well.
“She doesn’t know about this side of you… I’ll introduce it to her when I make you kill her, Derek.”
She kissed me again and I could feel it happen. It was almost as if every memory I had of Sofia faded into some sort of subconscious black hole. I couldn’t even remember Sofia’s face. All that remained was that one strong sense of conviction that told me that I was a man in love with Sofia.
I was under Emilia’s full control for the rest of the day and I couldn’t even think of anything apart from her, but in the back of my mind that thought remained: I love Sofia Claremont. I love her. Not Emilia. I love Sofia.
Still, even that thought didn’t take long to disappear.
My stay at the Elder’s castle felt like an eternity I couldn’t escape from. I was falling in love with the woman I found myself so deeply attracted to from the moment I first laid eyes on her. Emilia was the girl for me and I had no doubt about it, but when it came to her, I was also consumed by another emotion apart from love: fear. Emilia terrified me. Everything about her – even the sweet, doting side of her – consumed me with utter fear.
One night, after we made love, I’d already drifted off to sleep and I had no clue how long I’d already been sleeping when she once again did something unexpected... and rather agonizing.
I had no idea why she was so furious with me, but the moment I woke up, I was introduced to Emilia’s claws scratching over my torso. I fought the urge to scream at the pain. Instead, I just stared at her, wondering what on earth I did to deserve the punishment. She quickly revealed what was bothering her so much that she would wake me up in such a violent manner.
“Say her name again, Derek, and I will kill you!”
I swallowed hard, wondering whose name I just said, but I knew better than to ask.
“You’re mine, do you understand?!” she screamed. “Mine!”
The manic look in her eyes was terrifying, I couldn’t suppress a shudder. She must’ve noticed my fear, because she quickly mellowed down and tears began to drop from the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry… I just… I’m so in love with you, Derek.”
I sat up on the bed, relieved that my torso was beginning to heal from the wounds she had just inflicted on me. “I know that, Emilia. I’m in love with you too. Why do you still doubt this?”
“Because you still say the name of the woman I hate, instead of saying mine.”
That tugged at my heartstrings, but I couldn’t help but sense that something was different about this woman she was speaking of. I knew Emilia as a woman who harbored hatred for more people than just one, but I could tell that this woman was high up on her list. “What has she done to you that you would hate her so much, Emilia?”
“She tried to take you away from me.”
I sneered. “No one could ever do that, Emilia. We belong together.” Anger was beginning to build up inside of me as I contemplated the thought of anyone ever trying to take me away from Emilia. “Who is she?”
Emilia’s eyes widened with anger and suspicion. “Why do you want to know?”
I couldn’t understand her paranoia, but I knew that I had to quickly assure her. “Because I want to know who would bother you in such a way. I want to know how I can help.”
“Kill her. I want you to kill her. If you love me, you will end her life.”
I stared at her, knowing how consumed she was by her own darkness and I wondered to myself why I loved her, but all I knew was that I did and that I wanted to please her. “If I do this, then will that prove my love for you?”
Dark delight sparked in her eyes as she nodded and exclaimed, “Yes! Yes, Derek. Kill Sofia Claremont and we will be in love and happy forever.”
“Consider it done. The moment I first lay eyes on her, I will rip her heart out just for you.”
I couldn’t help but feel an agonizing void form within me when I thought about killing the stranger who was Sofia Claremont.
CHAPTER 37: EMILIA
I knew he was telling the truth and it was pure delight to see the determination in his blue eyes when he assured me that he would indeed end the life of the young redhead who was the one person who could take him away from me.
I couldn’t help but throw my arms around his neck and press my lips against his, reveling in the fact that no longer did I hear his thoughts fighting against me. He was mine. Derek Novak was finally mine and he was in love with me. My love for him was finally no longer unrequited.
“You make me so happy, Derek,” I whispered into his ear as I kissed him.
Just like clockwork, he told me what I wanted to hear. He told me that I made him happy too. I bit my lip and smiled, wondering how long the bliss would last, hoping that it would last for eternity.
We made love again and I snuggled against his arms, enjoying every moment I had, knowing that his heart was mine and mine alone.
His promise that he would end Sofia’s life gave me more assurance than I could ever dream possible and I found myself longing for the day that I would see him make good on his promise. When the familiar, fearsome presence of the Elder swept across my room, my eagerness to tell him what had just occurred overpowered the dread I felt whenever he was around.
“He has agreed to kill young Sofia, Master,” I blurted out. “Shall I arrange immediate transport to The Shade? It has to be done before the week is over and control over him is lost, although he is so enamored by me right now, I doubt we’ll lose control.”
I was expecting him to be happy. I wanted him to congratulate me or to express how he was proud that I was able to accomplish what he set out for me to do. I was able to pull Derek back to the dark side. I was able to make him fall in love with me like we had planned, but I was mistaken. Instead, I got a lash right across my chest. I whimpered in pain. Why? I asked him, knowing that he knew my thoughts. What have I done?
“You naïve fool, Emilia. You’re nowhere near done. Don’t celebrate just yet.” He hit me again and that’s when I realized that never before had I seen him happy for me nor for anyone else. Every triumph – whether by me or my siblings – was met with another challenge. We were never enough. We never achieved enough to justify a rest. We had to do more, accomplish more, be more until we failed so badly, he would have no other choice other than to end us. Those of us that were his children were never killed because we were good at succeeding at the tasks he gave us and then once again rising up to accomplish his next whim. That was the Elder’s endless and deadly cycle, and I was well aware that I could never get away from it.
“Will you ever be satisfied?” I found myself muttering out loud despite my better judgment.
His reply was as sinister and as dark as his very presence. “When your soul is a black hole, it can never be filled.” The lashes then came one after the other until I was certain that I was a bloody mess, whimpering in Derek’s arms, but desperate to not wake him.
“Gloat to me, Emilia, once you actually have him in your complete control, once he is once again utterly mine, because if not for you, Derek Novak would’ve remained mine hundreds of years ago. Return to The Shade and have him end the impetuous redhead’s life and then come to me with your bright-eyed eagerness. Until then, you’ve no right to the bliss I have allowed you to have in his arms.”
I knew right then that as long as I was in league with the Elder, my happiness would always be temporary and never satisfying. It was a counterfeit joy to the delight I saw in Derek’s eyes whenever he laid eyes on Sofia. I knew that what I shared with him was a fantasy, but I just wanted it to be real so badly, I was willing to embrace even the counterfeit pleasure it brought me.
I tried to force back a sob, but it c
ame out anyway. I wished that I hadn’t surrendered to the Elder. I wished that I could go back and hopefully do things all over again, but it was too late. I’d gone too far into the darkness to ever be rescued.
I miss who I was when I still had goodness in me, when I was still Cora.
The moment the thought planted itself in my head, I saw it – a flash of the Elder’s bloody red eyes raging with fury at me. “How dare you, Emilia! How dare you think that after everything I’ve given you.”
Without another word, I was taken from Derek’s arms into one of my father’s chambers where I had to endure a night of torment in my so-called father’s hands. It took hours before he was satisfied with my punishment for my ever thinking of going back to the way I was before I met him.
When he was done, he whispered, “Go to The Shade and destroy Sofia Claremont like you promised, Emilia. Otherwise, this night will feel like a walk in the park compared to what I plan to put you through, should you fail.”
I found it insane that I didn’t see it before, but it seemed clear as the brightest day that the Elder had nothing good in him – no joy, no love, no light, no satisfaction, no affection, no mercy, no peace. He was power, jealousy, revenge and manipulation. He was pure and unbridled evil. He was darkness itself. He was sorrow, grief, pain and misery, and he was determined to drag us all down with him.
And yet, despite the sheer awareness of all the darkness I’d given myself over to, I still found myself willing to be under his control. I told myself that it was the fear, but I knew that it was more than that. The truth was I had become just like him. I had already become a daughter of the darkness and if I were to be miserable, just like my father, I refused to go through it alone.
CHAPTER 38: DEREK
She was beautiful. The green eyes, the soft auburn locks, the splash of freckles on her cheeks, the beautiful smile… The sight of Sofia standing by the shore, wind blowing against her hair, wearing a stunning white dress, was one that would never fail to draw me in.
As I walked towards her, I was fully aware that I was in a dream and that when I woke up, I would no longer remember Sofia and I would be in love with someone else – someone who was a far cry from Sofia.
I approached Sofia with a heavy heart, hoping that she knew that I wasn’t betraying her, that I tried to fight against the darkness controlling me, but I was overpowered by it. I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop its hold over me. When I reached her, however, I couldn’t say a thing. We simply held hands and we both cried.
I felt such an overwhelming sense of loss as I stood there with her, drawing her close, knowing that both our hearts were breaking in unison. We both knew that we loved each other and she made that clear, when in between her sobs, she told me exactly what was going through my mind.
“I can only hope that our love is strong enough to overcome this.”
And then she disappeared and I was left alone, trying to re-connect with myself while I still could, while I still had control. And I stayed that way until the dream was over and I had to go back to the lie that Emilia and her father had painted for me and turned into my reality.
I was aware of the truth only in my dreams. From the moment I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep to the moment when I would have to open them and awaken to a new day, I was right where I belonged. I was Derek Novak, King of The Shade, the love of a beautiful and kind redhead’s life. And she was mine.
But once I woke up, I would see Emilia snuggled against me and I would feel an overwhelming wave of love for her – a love that wasn’t from within, a love that felt unreal, but was nonetheless consuming.
I had an inkling in the back of my mind that I wasn’t being who I was, but I had no choice other than to be him: a man stricken with love for Emilia and who would do everything she asked of me without hesitation.
When I woke up, I found the space on the bed beside me empty. I creased my brows even as I battled with the immediate sense of relief that came to me. Where’s Emilia? I thought. Why am I relieved? The woman I love is gone. I should go and look for her.
I climbed out of bed and got dressed. I was already about to bolt out of the door when Emilia arrived. I smiled at the sight of her. She looked stunningly attractive – the woman of my wildest fantasies. She gave me a weary lookover – almost as if she was annoyed by me.
“Get ready. We’re leaving in an hour.”
“Leaving?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her. “Where are we going?”
“You promised me you’d kill her.” She looked away from me, opened her armoire and began rummaging through her clothes. “You’re about to make good on your promise.”
A wave of nausea came over me – a sensation I couldn’t quite explain. “Today?”
She halted and turned to face me completely. “Don’t you want to do it anymore?”
Something was different about her. She seemed exhausted, beat down. I wondered what was wrong. She seemed different than the sweet woman I made love to the night before. I smiled at her, hoping to ease whatever worries were plaguing her mind. “Of course I do. If she’s the only person standing between us, then I wouldn’t hesitate to end her life in a heartbeat.”
A small sigh of relief escaped her lips. I made my way to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her to me. She buried her face onto my chest. “I’ve always wanted you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted you, Derek.”
“I know. I want you too, Emilia. I’ve always wanted you.”
She moved away from me, contempt on her face. “No. That’s a lie, Derek. What we have is a lie.”
I was confused. I couldn’t understand what she was saying or why she was saying it. I swallowed hard after I realized that that wasn’t the only thing that was confusing me. Her words rang with so much truth – a truth I couldn’t completely fathom, a truth that was echoing in my head even as I shook it and attempted to assure her. “Emilia, what are you saying? What we have is real and beautiful…”
A deep sorrow the likes of which I’d never seen before flashed into her eyes. She kissed my lips – her teeth grazing my mouth, causing it to bleed. She then pulled away and nodded. “Of course. Real and beautiful – just like it’s supposed to be. You’re mine now, Derek. That’s what matters.” She then gave me a sharp look. “Now, get ready.”
The moment she said the words, a knot formed in my stomach, twisting and causing me agony. Every step I took toward The Shade, I felt even worse. I couldn’t understand why, but something about the island’s name was familiar. I’d been there before and I knew it, but I couldn’t remember anything about it.
As we took a ride on the submarine that would lead us to the island, Emilia never left my side. She held on to my hand like her life depended on it. I could sense her anxiety and I wondered what was causing it.
“You love me, right?” she asked me for what felt like the millionth time. “You’ll do this for me, won’t you, Derek? You will kill Sofia?”
Sofia. The name put butterflies in my stomach and I was revolted by the idea that such a sensation could be caused by anyone other than Emilia. I noticed how Emilia gasped and bit her lip the moment she said the name, as if she never should’ve done it.
I squeezed her hand. “This is the last day you will ever have to worry about her, Emilia. I promise.”
“You’ve had her blood, Derek. You will crave her the moment you lay eyes on her. You will want to drink her blood, but you can’t. Promise me that you won’t. I want you to rip her heart out. I don’t want a drop of her blood to ever enter your system again. Do you understand me?”
I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering what kind of powers this young woman possessed, so much so that even Emilia trembled at the thought of me being around her.
I was soon able to find out, because after they made us wait at the Port for Sofia’s arrival, I found my senses in complete overdrive the moment I laid eyes on the girl, who was surrounded by a group of vampires. Everything ab
out her screamed at me to feed on her. Her long, red hair, her green eyes, her lovely nubile form… She was a siren begging me to partake of her.
If it weren’t for Emilia holding on to my elbow, holding me back, I would’ve lunged at her and fed on her the moment she came within sight. Instead, I just stood there and stared at Sofia, wanting her. I wondered why she had such a look of delight on her face.
She broke into a smile the moment she laid eyes on me. “Derek!” she exclaimed. “You’re back.” Tears began to moisten her eyes. “I missed you so much.” She then looked at Emilia and back at me, most likely sensing something amiss. She gulped nervously. “What’s the matter?”
The thought of ripping her heart out suddenly became sickening. This is why she is a threat to me and Emilia. Emilia was right. I must end her.
“Remember what I told you, Derek,” Emilia hissed. “You can’t drink her blood.”
Sofia furrowed her brows. “What’s going on, Derek?”
Her voice was music to my ears – sweet and intoxicating. I couldn’t understand the sensations and emotions coursing through my entire being, but I knew that I had to gain back control of myself and end Sofia like I promised. I have to do it or I will lose the woman I love forever.
I was about to lunge toward Sofia when to my surprise, she pulled her hair back to expose one side of her neck to me. “Why can’t you drink my blood? Did she tell you why?”
I couldn’t respond, because my eyes were already fixed on her neck and all I could think of was taking a bite. Despite Emilia’s admonitions for me not to, I wanted this young stranger’s blood coursing through me. Ignoring Emilia’s screams for me to stop, I threw Sofia against a wall and took a bite. My claws came out. I wanted to rip her heart out as I drank her blood.
A Shade Of Vampire 5: A Blaze Of Sun Page 19