TouchStone for ever (The Story of Us Trilogy)

by Sydney Jamesson

  I bow my head seeking atonement for my sins. “I don’t think you realise what you’re asking me to do. What do you expect me to say?”

  He stands inches away, tipping up my chin with his forefinger. “That you choose me, my darling.” He moves away to the side, leaving me motionless and shattered. Set against the backdrop of a darkening sky he stands tall and proud, sipping wine while I picture the pieces of my broken heart falling about me like rose petals.

  I muster every ounce of strength I have and channel it into my voice. “What do you want from me?”

  Turing slowly until his profile transposes into a handsome visage, he declares. “Your life, Beth.”

  I stifle a horrified gasp and tilt up my chin. “What’s my motivation?” I ask, holding onto my husband’s memory like a lifeline.

  “What motivation do you need?” he asks fiendishly.

  “You must promise me you’ll bring Ayden back and that he’ll be healthy and allowed to live a long life.”

  “I can do that,” he says without a moment’s hesitation. “Anything else?”

  I stretch out my hand. “You have to give me my mother’s ring back and allow me time to say goodbye to those I love.”

  “Of course.” He reaches into his inside pocket and retrieves my ring. In four paces he is beside me again. “Here, let me put it on for you.” He holds out my right hand and slides the ring down onto my third finger like a mock engagement.

  I sneer and turn away but, feeling his body moving into mine, I turn to face him. “If I ask you something, will you answer me truthfully?”

  He eyes me curiously. “I will.”

  “Did you cause Elise’s death by crashing into the car after it had been brought under control?”

  He sniggers. “You are as astute as you are beautiful, Beth. That was a minor detail our Detective Inspector regretfully brought to your attention.”

  I can’t conceal my disgust. “But why?”

  “It was only a matter of time until I came for Elise. I arrived early and seized the opportunity to rescue your husband.” He takes hold of my hand. “I could never have gotten this close to you any other way.” He runs his thumb over my wedding ring.

  “But you said Ayden was dead,” I state anxiously.

  “No,” he asserts, steadying his nerve. “I said your husband was close to death when I arrived. That’s not quite the same thing.”

  My heart leaps. Tears prick my eyes. “So he’s not dead?”

  “As I have said many times, he is merely sleeping.”

  That news causes a colossal wave of joy to sweep through me. If I can do nothing else I can guarantee Ayden will get to live the life he deserves. I reach down to my wine and take two large slugs in the hope they will give me the courage I need to see this adventure through to its bitter end.

  “There’s something I have to do.” I carry my wine over to the kitchen counter and place it there next to my laptop patiently waiting to be woken from its sleep. I tap in my password and close my eyes, unable to face Ayden at such a mournful time. I click on my digital scrapbook and begin to type my farewell note.

  Ayden,

  I have added this special song. I hope you like it. I know I’ve sent you many before but this means so much to me. The words spell out how I feel …

  I attach Hurt by Christina Aguilera in the hope I might be forgiven for sending him away when all he wanted to do was love me.

  I’m not sure when you’ll get to read through our honeymoon scrapbook but I mean every …

  Just as I’m about to press the next key I hear my phone ringing. I make a dash for my bag by the sofa and reach for it before it stops. I smile seeing it’s Charlie. She must be itching to tell me about her night with Jake. I press receive to take her call.

  “Hi Char.”

  “Hey, Beth. When did you get back?” She sounds as if she’s eating something.

  “This morning early, but we slept on the plane. I suppose the jet lag will hit me in a couple of hours. How are you?”

  “Yeah. It’ll take you a couple of days to get over it, hon. I’m good. I’ve just stepped out of my office to stretch my legs and get some lunch. I was wondering if Ayden heard from Jake.” She’s dying to tell me all about their night out.

  I watch Ayden move from the sofa towards the kitchen in search of more wine.

  “Yes, Jake came round earlier. He seemed in a very good mood. Did you have anything to do with that?” I’m feigning cheerful laughter and covering my mouth to conceal my misery. I want to say, I have to leave and I love you, don’t grieve for me; please tell Ayden I love him more than life itself and I’m sorry, but … instead I wipe the tears from my eyes and listen as she regales her night of passion. I punctuate her ecstatic tale with. “wow” and “no way” and turn to see Ayden standing by the counter scrolling through my most private of thoughts so tenderly composed to my one and only love.

  “Oh God!” I call out, instinctively. “Look Char, can I call you back? I’ve left the bath running. I’ll speak to you later.” I’m about to end the call and think better of it. “Charlie, Charlie…”

  “I’m still here, hon. Shit! I just dropped mayo on my skirt.”

  I stand and move towards Ayden. “I just want to say thanks for everything, you know, for being the best sister ever. That’s all. Love ya.”

  “You too hon. Call me back when the fire brigade leaves.” She’s laughing down the line.

  With her laugher still ringing in my ears I end the call. I speak softly. “Ayden…”

  He continues reading and merely holds up his right hand to silence me.

  I reach out for the laptop but he moves it away, leaving me no alternative other than to plead with him. I beseech him, “Please don’t read any more …”

  He turns to face me. I watch as his expression darkens; the accommodating smile of ten minutes ago has been replaced by a hard, unyielding stare. I swallow hard, stunned by his transformation. I’ve seen this wrathful face before.

  His temper flares and catches alight like a forest fire; his body tenses, his eyes flash with so much ferocity I take a step back.

  Dear God no!

  “You have been keeping a diary, I see…”

  He might have delivered his question through a punch for the damage he’s inflicted on me. “I had to. I didn’t want my husband to return to me having no recollection of our marriage or our honeymoon.” Still reeling, I feel a single tear fall from my right eye and trickle to my chin before I have time to catch it.

  “You said if and when he returns he may not remember me, the times we’ve had or, worse still, his love for me. I couldn’t risk that. I had to let him know what our honeymoon meant to me and what we’d experienced was real. Not a dream or a figment of his imagination. Being no more than a ghost would have been too much to bear.”

  In slow motion, he closes the lid of the laptop, still keeping his eyes on me. “So the time we’ve had together meant nothing to you? You have been playing a part and nothing more?”

  I tip my head to one side so he might see the sincerity with which I speak. “That’s not true.”

  Unimpressed by my claim, he snatches the bottle of wine off the counter and brushes past me without so much as a sideways glance. “You reneged on our arrangement.”

  The impact of his chilling declaration is profound. I reach for his arm but my attempt to hold onto him is useless; he’s too strong and too fast. I have to spin around to see where he’s going. “No. I didn’t.”

  Deep in thought, he wipes the sticky residue forming at the corners of his mouth with his forefinger and thumb and positions himself by the floor to ceiling window. Behind him the plummeting darkness casts a sinister shadow over the city, mirroring his mood and my deepening despair.

  “You have been toying with me, Mrs. Stone.” he sniggers sardonically, disbelieving that I, a mere human might have fooled him.

  All I can do is approach him contritely and state my case. “No …”


  A lascivious sneer forms slowly, causing me to squirm in my chair. “Did you think I could be duped so easily?”

  I don’t bother looking in his direction, I sit awkwardly, fixing my eyes on a single spot on the table and focusing on it. “It wasn’t like that. You have to let me explain.”

  “There is nothing to be explained, other than your duplicity. Have you any idea how much self-discipline I have had to exhibit to appease you?” His brow furrows as he prepares to elucidate. “Did you think I was unaware or your late night trysts? I knew you kept a diary of sorts, but I have not been privy to it until now.”

  I frown and ask, “Then, if you knew, why are you making such a big deal about it?”

  “Because, my darling, by your own admission, a meaningful relationship is based on trust, is it not?”

  “Yes …”

  “Then how can you explain what you have done? You have betrayed a trust. “God has given you one face and you make yourself another.”

  I’m smirking at the suggestion. “You think?”

  “I do.”

  I raise my head and hit him with a contemptuous stare. “We’re here talking about trust and you’re quoting Hamlet. Let me tell you a thing or two about trust.” With dogged determination I prepare to enlighten him. “In what seems like a lifetime ago I married the only man I have ever loved. He was taken from me on our wedding day and yet, when we were reunited, our bond was stronger than ever. He has lived in my dreams and my subconscious for most of my life. He’s a prince among men. You came along and stepped into his shoes demanding lessons in love in exchange for his safe return. That’s when we began our adventure; an adventure based on trust.”

  I stand fearlessly and approach him, having to look up at him to make eye-contact. “But let’s come clean; lay our cards on the table. Once you ‘rescued’ Ayden, trust went out the window.” I wave my hand in the direction of the enormous glass pane to make a point. ”This charade has been a test of my ability to please you, to be yours in every sense of the word; to break my spirit before you initiated your plan to steal it, as you have everything else I hold dear.” I pause, gauging his reaction as his handsome features reflect in the glass. “I thought it was about saving Ayden’s life but it’s not. It has never been about that, has it? It’s been about my death; sacrificing myself for him to be yours for ever.”

  He raises his chin, acknowledging my accurate assessment of the state of play but offers no defence. Instead he tips his head assuming I still have more to say. He’s right.

  “You have masked your true nature beautifully except for that one night when I saw you for the dark angel you are, devoid of goodness and compassion. You bewitched me, left me covered in bites; battered and bruised, requiring your magic to heal me.“ I laugh at myself, sardonically. “And still I went along with it, allowing you to access the most intimate of Ayden’s memories, encouraging you to transform yourself into him. For that I will never forgive myself.”

  Feeling suddenly chilled to the bone, I fold my arms about my body and massage lifeless arms that have become goose-pimpled and icy to the touch. “I have betrayed my husband, but worse still I have betrayed myself and become the one thing I hate most – a fraud. If I were to end my life I might be able to redeem myself; to find absolution for my sins.”

  “That would be your choice,” he interjects.

  My eyes flare. “What other choice do I have?”

  “To remain here…”

  “As a widow?” I scoff. “That’s not a choice. I would rather live in purgatory than remain here alone.”

  “You need not. You’ve had a glimpse of my world. It would not be torturous.”

  He reaches out to me but I reject his advance and turn away. I see myself reflected in the glass. I don’t like what I see. My features have become harsh, unyielding and unrecognisable.

  “I would never hurt you, Beth. Not now that I know what it is to feel your soft caress, to hear your laughter and to experience the consummation of love so profoundly beautiful it touches even my dark soul. If I didn’t love you I would not be listening to you and I would not be offering you several lifetimes spent in the arms of someone who can hold back tides, direct the wind, ignite your passion, turn back time and move heaven and earth … for you.”

  “It’s too much. I can’t live in a world overflowing with superlatives. The honeymoon is over.” I turn about, having made my decision. “I’m leaving.”

  With dark eyes narrowing to a squint, he takes my arm. “Superlatives, in what sense?”

  I shake free of his arm. “It’s only now I realise how your pride has governed every decision you’ve made. You’ve poached Ayden’s memories and bettered them by seeking out the highest, the biggest, brightest, deepest, longest …” I pause to take breath. “Nothing you have done has come from the heart. You’ve turned it into a dick measuring contest, and even went all out to win that too! Why did you do that?”

  His chest inflates. I anticipate those three tell-tale words to fly from his mouth. And they do.

  “Because I can!” he yells in a thunderous roar that has me recoiling.

  With trembling hands I pick up my bag and throw it over my shoulder, casting an eye over the envelope waiting to be opened on the coffee table. I throw down my bag and tear it open.

  “Aren’t you going to read this?” I call out, holding it out to him timidly.

  He shrugs his shoulder, disinterested and detached from a woman who had her life taken so fiendishly.

  “You said you wanted lessons in love. Then let this be my last one.” I clear my throat and begin to read the final words of Elise Richards:

  Dear Ayden,

  You reading this can only mean one thing. I am dead or dying.

  I’ve written this letter hoping you’ll do a couple of things for me that I’ve not had the courage to do for myself. You’re a man of your word and, even though we have become distant, I know you loved me once; not as much as I loved you, but what little love you have shown me has been more than anything I could hope for or deserve.

  Firstly, you must promise me you’ll follow through with my wishes, even though they might cause you embarrassment. I’m not doing it for that reason, you know that. This is my last chance to make amends for my sins and to make others accountable for theirs.

  Attached are the names and addresses of the two men who followed me to my new home when I was taken away from Bright Hill. They continued to rape me, every month, sometimes more. They’d come to collect me, pretending to be family members and no questions were asked, no one wondered why I cried myself to sleep when I returned, and no one cared. It went on for four years until I became a little old for their taste and they moved on to younger girls. I was relieved but hated myself for saying nothing. But I had no one to tell, all I could do was wait for you.

  You never came.

  When I was fourteen I met a boy who was nice to me. Ralph’s mother was ill and he came to stay for three months. We fooled around. I became pregnant. He left and went back to his mum. I hid my pregnancy until I was eight months along but started haemorrhaging and they took me to hospital. I was petrified. The pain was like nothing I’d ever felt before.

  After four hours of labour I gave up and they delivered my baby boy by caesarean section. (I’ve included as many details as I can about the time and place.)

  I named him Saffir after you. I don’t know his real name because they took him away from me but I did get to see him. He was beautiful, Ayden. Every wish I’d ever made came true with him; he had beautiful blue eyes and a mop of black hair. I wished so hard for that. I’ve been waiting for the day when he comes looking for me. He’ll be sixteen soon and I’m praying his parents have taken good care of him and have not been cruel with their description of me. I didn’t want to let him go but I was about to be adopted and they said I couldn’t keep him. I was so desperate to finally have a home I agreed. But I did love him. The eight months he was inside me I loved him with every beat of my
heart. He’s the one thing in my life I got right.

  I need you to find him, Ayden, and to help him make his way in the world. His father was smart and funny and he’ll be the same. He may not be the perfect son but someone like you could put him on the right track. I don’t expect you to shower him with gifts or anything so I’ve signed the apartment and all my expensive jewellery over to you in my will. I haven’t touched the monthly allowance you’ve been sending me so I could give my adoptive mother £5,000 to help with her debts, and give the rest to Saffir. Maybe you can help him set up a business or show him how to use the money wisely or for good. He‘s the same age you were when you were starting out, so you’ll know what’s best.

  I understand if you don’t want to get involved. All I ask is that you try to find him, Ayden, and tell him something nice about me. I’m afraid all he will hear are bad things once my past catches up with me. Tell him I tried to be good but somehow I seemed to attract the bad.

  I hope you remember me with fondness and think of me now and again. The times we’ve spent together have been the happiest days of my life. My mind has been twisted by the shadows that used to come for me and I know I asked you to do some shameful things. I’m sorry.

  I’m hoping you’ll remember the fun times we had together a lifetime ago and help me. You are the only person I have ever loved, and the only one I would trust with the welfare of my son.

  Please be my friend, Ayden.

  All my love,

  Elise Richards (Kilbride)

  Wiping the tears from my woeful eyes, I take an invigorating breath and prepare to face my once lover-turned-nemesis. “That’s one hell of a lesson. “ I fold up the letter and slip it back into its envelop. “So, can you name it?”