“Because you were late?” Jake clarified.
Noah nodded.
Once Jake was assured that Noah was speaking metaphorically and not literally, he said, “Just one more thing, Dr. Underwood. Think back. Was there ever anything odd about Joelle that you ignored at the time but thought later was a little hinky?”
“Hmm.” Noah closed his eyes and pursed his lips. After a minute or two he said, “There was one strange incident. Once when we were out in a crowd someone shouted out the name Jolene and she reacted as if they were calling her. She explained it away, saying the two names were so similar she’d just misheard with all the noise.”
“But you didn’t quite believe her?” Jake probed. “Did you ever ask her about it again or do any checking on her background?”
“No.” Noah gazed at me thoughtfully. “For once I was determined to trust someone. I’d made the mistake of letting my doubts ruin another relationship, and I wasn’t about to do that this time.”
When he didn’t go on, I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed. We all sat silently for a moment. It was clear that Jake wasn’t going to reveal that we had discovered Joelle’s false identity, so I changed the subject and asked Noah, “Have you heard anything about the mayor having a new girlfriend?”
“No one has mentioned it to me.” Noah shook his head. “And after what happened at the New Year’s Eve ball, I’m sure someone would have told me.”
I could tell that Jake had run out of questions for Noah, so I asked him to give me a few minutes alone with him. Throughout our interview, I had begun to see that it was long past time to clear the air with my high school ex. We had both been so young, and lacking in the maturity to handle the situation. Now that we were adults, I needed to let go of my bitterness and start fresh. Or at least I had to give it a try.
Once Jake was gone, I told Noah, “I just want to say I don’t hate you. I never really did.” I faced him across the table and steeled myself against his heartrendingly tender gaze. “All I ever wanted was for you to say you were sorry for what you did to me.” The words leaked out of me like air from a balloon, leaving me feeling deflated. “For you to admit you were wrong.”
“But I did.” Noah wrinkled his smooth brow. “Don’t you remember?”
“No.” I blew out a puff of exasperation. Here I was, giving him a second chance, and he was trying to wiggle off the hook. “When did this supposed apology take place?”
“The day you came back to school. When we were working on the yearbook that afternoon.” A stubborn expression settled on his face. “After everyone else left, I said that I was sorry. I explained that I didn’t have any choice. If I didn’t stop seeing you, my mother—who was a member of the bank’s board of directors—had threatened to bring even more charges against your father, and to involve your grandmother in the investigation, too.”
“That’s not what you said at all.” I couldn’t believe he was looking me in the eye and lying to me. “You said you were sorry, but it was too much of a risk to be seen with me anymore.” There were other corrections I could have made to his account of what had happened, but I chose to hit the highlights. “Admit it; the danger was to your reputation, not to my family.”
“That is not true.” Noah’s face had turned brick red. He took a deep breath, started to speak, stopped, then said, “If you had loved me even a fraction of how much I loved you, you would remember that conversation like I do. I memorized every word.”
“But…” Noah’s words burned into my skin, leaving a bleeding wound behind, and I rose from my chair, turning away from him. Had he really apologized and I’d been too angry to hear him? Had the pain of the past thirteen years been avoidable? No. It couldn’t be. The ache in my chest swelled into my throat, and I had to bite my lip to keep the tears away. “I don’t think…”
“That was the problem.” Noah came up behind me. “You weren’t thinking back then. You were miserable and didn’t want anyone to comfort you. You erected a shield that no one could breach.”
“How can you say that after you abandoned me?” I rounded on him. “You took your mother’s side over mine and left me to face the town’s ridicule without you. Boone and Poppy were the only ones who stood by me. You were too worried about your reputation to continue dating the daughter of the town’s biggest criminal.”
“That’s not what happened at all.” Noah ran his fingers through his dark blond hair. “You turned away from me. That’s why I never approached you in all these years. You made it clear you wanted me to leave you alone.”
“I don’t believe that. If you’d wanted to see me or try to reestablish our relationship, you would have.”
“When I tried to call you a few days after that last fight of ours, you called me a stalker, so I thought it was best to wait for you to contact me.”
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head. “There was no phone call.”
“Yes, there was.” Noah’s voice rang with sincerity. “And since I would never do anything to hurt you, not then and not now, I respected your wishes to be left alone. But you have to believe me. You have to stop being so stubborn and open up yourself.”
I could see the wounded teenage boy in his eyes, and the love I’d once felt for him tried to escape the place in my heart where I’d sealed it up tight. I parted my lips to say I believed him, but then I stopped.
Memories of the past flickered like a slideshow in my mind. Finally I murmured, “You know, now that I think about it, I was always the one who had to change and trust and be different. And at fifteen and sixteen, I was willing to do that. But I’ve grown up since then. I’ve learned that trying to earn someone’s love is a lot like trying to lose weight—eventually you always end up right back where you started from, or worse.”
Noah shook his head. “All I ever wanted was for you to be the best you could be.”
Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “I know, but perhaps what you think is the best me, and what I think is the best me, are two different things.”
“Maybe you’re right.” The words fell from Noah’s lips like broken glass. His head drooped and he said almost to himself, “I had hoped, if you ever gave me a chance to really talk to you, it would mean that you were ready to forgive and forget.”
“I do forgive you,” I said as I walked toward the door. “I just don’t think I can forget.” The words left my mouth tasting of regret. “And right now I can’t waste time reliving the past. I need every minute to worry about my future.”
Without waiting for Noah’s reaction, I hurried out of the restaurant, panting with the effort not to cry. By the time I made it to the parking lot, I had gotten myself under control. Which was a good thing, since Jake was sitting in his truck and I didn’t want him to see me acting like a lovesick teenager.
On the pickup’s CD player B. B. King was singing “The Thrill Is Gone” and Jake was resting his head against the seat with his Stetson tipped over his eyes. I wondered if he was asleep, but the moment I opened the door to climb into the cab, he straightened and gave me a searching look.
Before he could ask any questions I didn’t want to answer, I said, “Thanks for letting me speak to Noah alone. I hope I didn’t keep you too long.”
“You’re welcome. After you’ve been on as many stakeouts as I have, waiting for someone any less than twelve hours is a breeze.” He switched off the CD and put the truck in gear. “Everything go okay?”
“Fine.” My reply was terse, but I couldn’t afford to think about what had just happened. “What’s your impression of Noah’s story?”
“Hard to say.” Jake pulled out of the lot and onto the drive leading to the road. “But what he told us sure didn’t paint him in a flattering light, and most people who lie make themselves look like the hero and everyone else like the villain.”
“That’s true.” I narrowed my eyes. “But did he really make himself look bad? Think about it. The heroic doctor selflessly sacrificing his own pleasure t
o take care of a patient.”
“That would be a smooth move on his part.” Jake turned right on the blacktop and headed back to town. “Making us ask ourselves how can he be the killer if saving lives is so important to him?”
“Until we verify his account of Saturday, I’m keeping him in the suspect column.” I twisted my neck and glanced at Jake to gauge his reaction to my declaration. Would he think I was acting like a woman scorned? “Noah’s nurses and receptionist doubtlessly are not my biggest fans, and they know Boone and Poppy are my friends, so you’d be the best one to have a word with his staff.”
“Too bad the clinic is closed this afternoon.” Jake slowed as he approached a corkscrew turn in the road. “It would be good to speak to them before Noah has a chance to talk to them and influence their memories.”
“You’re in luck.” The seat belt was cutting into my neck and I adjusted it before going on. “Noah’s staff moonlights at the county hospital during the times his office is closed. They work the Baby Wellness Center there.”
“Great.” Jake smiled at me. “Want to go with me, and we can get dinner afterward?”
Tempting as a meal out with Jake was, I shook my head. “I’d better not. I haven’t spent much time with Birdie lately, so I should go home and see how she’s doing.”
“Yeah.” Jake’s expression was unreadable. “That’s probably a good idea.”
We were both silent for a few seconds; then it occurred to me that I hadn’t told Jake what the mayor had said, so I filled him in on that conversation. As I spoke, I wondered what else I had forgotten to tell whom.
I thought back. Did Boone know that Joelle wasn’t really Joelle? Had I told Poppy? Did she tell Boone about our conversation with the mayor? And, of course, neither of them knew what Noah had just told Jake and me.
We needed to have a group meeting and make sure we were all on the same page. But did I really want Jake to get to know my friends? What if they didn’t like him or he didn’t like them? Worse, what if he liked Poppy too much? He wouldn’t have been the first man who looked at Poppy and me side by side and chose her. Not that she’d ever purposely steal someone I was interested in, but she was so incredibly lovely she didn’t have to do anything to have guys fall for her.
I knew I was being ridiculous. First, the most important issue was finding out who killed Joelle so I didn’t end up behind bars. Second, why did it matter to me what happened when Jake met my pals? He was just someone helping me out because his uncle and my grandmother used to date. Heck, except for the physical attraction, I wasn’t even sure I wanted him. I glanced guiltily at him.
He turned his head at that exact moment, meeting my eyes and cocking a brow as if to ask, “What?” When I didn’t speak, he shrugged, looked back at the asphalt, and concentrated on driving.
At last the rational part of my brain won, and I said, “We should get together tonight with Poppy and Boone so we can all catch up with what we’ve been doing.” Jake didn’t answer right away, and I added, “Unless, of course, you have other plans.”
“No, I’m free.” He drove on for a minute or so, then pulled the pickup into the driveway of a ramshackle farmhouse. He shifted into park and turned to me. “Why don’t you want me to meet your friends?”
“What are you talking about?” Had he read my mind? “I’m the one who just suggested it.”
“I’ve been watching your face. From the moment you remembered you hadn’t told me about your visit to the mayor, you’ve been wrestling with whether to get your friends and me together.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I turned my upper body and looked out the side window.
“Like hell it is.” Jake put his hands on my shoulders and gently eased me toward him. “Why don’t you want to introduce me to them?”
“I do.” I cleared my throat. “I was just considering whether it was a waste of your time or not.” There, that sounded plausible.
“Bullshit.” Jake pulled me closer. “Tell me the truth. Why do you want to keep me out of your personal life?”
“I don’t,” I protested. “Except, well… we’re not… I mean…” Squeaking, I finally got the word out. “Dating.” I swallowed. “Are we?” He had asked me to dinner.
“Not yet.” Jake seemed surprised by his answer, and he added slowly, “But we might be if you weren’t so intent on keeping me at arm’s length.”
Was I? Was Noah right? Did I close myself off from people? The realization that it might be my fault that I’d been unable to form any lasting relationships with men tore down the final vestige of my self-control. It had been thirteen years since the last time I had allowed myself to cry, and once the tears started, I couldn’t stop them. Suddenly I was sobbing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath.
I tried to twist away, but Jake drew me against him, wrapping his arms around me as if to shield me from anyone who might hurt me. He stroked my hair and murmured soothing words until I had exhausted myself. Then he grabbed a napkin from the glove box and handed it to me.
Once I’d blown my nose and wiped my eyes, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Noah.” I gulped. “He…”
Before I could continue, Jake said, “What did that bastard do to you?” Without waiting for my answer he growled, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. He won’t get away with hurting you this time.”
“He didn’t do anything.” I pulled myself together and shook my head. “And I’ve learned that when you try to get even with someone, you’re only allowing that person to continue to harm you.”
CHAPTER 15
Jake sat in his truck watching as the dime store’s door closed behind Devereaux and wished she was still beside him. Better yet, still in his arms. Why was he allowing her to affect him this way? He whacked his head against the back of the seat and stared at the ceiling.
Things were going way too fast, and his life seemed to be careening out of control. How had he gone from deciding not to tell Devereaux about his ex-wife to asking her out on a date? What happened to letting her think he was a two-timing jerk so she’d keep him at a distance? Had he completely lost his mind?
When he’d stopped by the store to talk to Devereaux yesterday afternoon, she’d given him an out for their interrupted lovemaking Tuesday night. But had he accepted her rationalization and let the matter drop? No. Instead he’d accused her of being a snob. She had voiced his feelings exactly—emotions only mess people up. So why didn’t he agree with her and pretend nothing had happened between them?
That would have been the smart thing to do. Instead he’d kissed her, and would have continued kissing her if she hadn’t chosen that moment to tell him about Woods harassing her. Jake whacked his head against the back of the seat again. Was he going crazy?
Maybe so. A sane man wouldn’t have a burning desire to go back to the restaurant, find Underwood, and beat him to within an inch of his life for making Devereaux cry. A sane man wouldn’t allow a woman he barely knew to crowd his every thought. A sane man would be able to control himself, and stop thinking about laying her down and tasting her sweetness.
Jake pounded the steering wheel. He was leaving town as soon as he was healed. He repeated what he’d told himself the previoius day: Relationships didn’t work for him and it wouldn’t be fair to Devereaux to hook up with her for just a few nights of wild sex.
Despite having just told himself all of the good reasons to cool things between them, Jake closed his eyes and savored the memory of her soft warmth in his arms. A long shudder traveled over him and he felt something deep in his chest. It wasn’t an itch that could easily be scratched and forgotten, but more an all-consuming craving. A wanting beyond anything he’d ever felt before.
This was not good. Frowning at his own weakness, he scrubbed his face with his fists. He couldn’t allow this feeling to override his common sense. The safest course would be to avoid Devereaux—at least until he had himself under better control.
Instead of meeting up with her and her friend
s that night as he’d promised, he would call and cancel. He’d claim an emergency on the ranch, and report his findings from this afternoon’s interviews via the telephone.
Jake took a deep breath and pulled himself upright. It was time to go to work. He checked the crude map that Devereaux had drawn for him on a paper napkin, threw his truck into reverse, and backed onto the street.
Snow clung like white moss to the trees that lined the country road connecting Shadow Bend with the county seat. Jake drove the speed limit, giving himself a chance to collect his thoughts and figure out a strategy for approaching Underwood’s staff.
Even going a sedate fifty-five, his F-250 ate up the miles, and he arrived at the hospital at three fifteen. The Baby Wellness Center, a government-subsidized program, was housed in the oldest part of County General. As Jake crossed from the hallway of the recently remodeled part of the building into the corridor of the untouched wing, he noted that there was nothing cheerful or even new inside the clinic. Instead of fresh paint and modern equipment, there was only a bleak sense of constantly having to scrape by. Whoever had been in charge of disbursing the grant money had been tightfisted, seeing no need for frills.
Entering the waiting room, Jake realized he was in luck. The center closed at four, and there were only one mother and baby waiting to be seen. As he walked past the exhausted-looking woman, she glanced up from trying to soothe the screaming infant she held in her arms. He gave her an encouraging nod and she smiled wearily.
From her perch behind the check-in desk, the receptionist peered up at him for a long moment, then asked doubtfully, “Can I help you, sir?”
“I hope so, Madison.” Jake leaned in, reading the ID card hanging from a lanyard around her neck. “I sure could use some help.”
Madison was in her early twenties and wore a pastel smock printed with baby animals. Blond curls framed her heart-shaped face, and there was a vase with a single pink rose next to her computer.
Little Shop of Homicide: A Devereaux’s Dime Store Mystery Page 13