Many people truly believe that life is one big coincidence. A false assumption, of course, but people still like to believe it.
The universe and all of its unfathomable mysteries is nothing more than energy, as Hendrix the cat was to point out. All humans are part of it. So it really was no coincidence that Gordon, Fred, and Bill were fans of John Barnes, firstly; and Watford Football Club, secondly.
At that stage, none of the three men knew each other, but all three regularly went to the ground to see him play. In fact, on one occasion Gordon was at the ground sitting by the corner flag. Barnes was about to take a corner kick when some lout in the crowd threw a banana at him. A rather large black policeman by the name of Toby (as he was called back then) spotted the culprit and collared him. John Barnes, to the roar of approval from almost everyone in the stadium, bent down, picked up the banana, peeled back the skin, and took a bite. He then walked over to where Gordon Hartley was sitting and handed him the half-eaten piece of fruit.
‘Hold this for a minute will you?’ he asked a stunned Gordon.
Barnes returned to the corner and delivered a pinpoint accurate cross to the penalty area. Watford scored.
Gordon grinned. He knew class when he saw it. So did the person sitting several rows behind Gordon who yelled, ‘Well done Johnny!’ That person just happened to be Fred Johnson.
When Barnes transferred to Liverpool Football Club, an unnoticed and unwritten clause in Barnes’ contract was that three former Watford fans became Liverpool fans.
And so it was for Gordon. He always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. That was how he came across ISAW (the shop’s name was spelt a bit differently then).
ISAW was a small computer shop that sold spare parts; hard drives, motherboards, cables and the like. They also sold computer games. Gordon took an instant interest as he pulled up outside with one Pepperoni and one Hawaiian pizza in the carry-box on the back of his bike.
The small shop looked a bit run-down and the owner, Merv, was a typical example of an individual referred to as a geek.
Gordon mentioned he had just finished designing a computer game and wanted to sell it.
Merv asked if he had a copy of the game on him so that he could go home and ‘test it’.
Coincidently, Gordon did, and he handed it over.
Merv thought that it would be a clever idea if he made a copy of the game, ‘just in case,’ he slyly told himself.
After he had spent the whole night and the best part of the following day trying to recover all the data on his computer when a mysterious virus went on the rampage, he sheepishly phoned Gordon for help.
Once his computer was sorted out, Merv agreed to try to sell it for him. Gordon very generously offered a fifty-fifty split, and delivered a dozen copies the following afternoon. Merv gave one to each of his friends. They went on to tell their friends, and within a month ISAW received over a hundred orders.
Gordon, meanwhile, got a second job working for an advertising and marketing firm. He hated it. But what he learnt in the time he spent there proved invaluable towards furthering his fledgling career as a computer game designer.
One thing led to another, and Gordon was soon supplying ISAW with several different computer games of his own design. Within twelve months, Merv offered Gordon a full partnership.
Within two years, ISAW was exporting computer games to Europe and then Gordon bought the business outright.
During this time Gordon had been busy designing an operating system, which he named, tongue-in-cheek, Les Fenêtres. It did very well, especially in French speaking countries, until an American firm forced him to stop using the name as they said it infringed copyright laws. Unfortunately for Gordon, the courts thought so too.
This was not, however, until his company had been reduced to virtual penury defending the civil action.
He changed the name to Les Portes. This was as close to the name of the person who had sued him as he could get. He copyrighted the name and got away with it.
‘But we’re on the bones of our arses, people,’ Gordon had informed his senior staff members during a crisis meeting.
Then one morning, interrupting a board meeting, a package arrived at their offices in Watford.
It was addressed to Gordon, and the courier forcefully insisted on handing it to him in person right away. All it contained was an unmarked computer disc. Gordon frowned, thanked the courier, and then popped the disc into the drive of his laptop, running a virus scan before he allowed the disc to play.
Once the disc had loaded a series of colourful graphics depicting ancient galleons, cutlass-wielding pirates and treasure maps flowed across the screen.
Gordon smiled.
‘And what have we got here?’ he said, intrigued.
‘What is it, Gordon?’ someone asked.
‘Dunno. Look,’ he said, placing the computer so that the rest of those in the room could also watch.
The disc was a demo version of a computer game with the not very imaginative name of Treasure Hunt. As they watched, an image of a pirate materialised on the screen.
He was caparisoned in a blue, long-tailed coat, black hat complete with skull-and-crossbones motif, a wooden leg, eye patch and the ubiquitous, multi-hued parrot on his left shoulder. In his right hand was a vicious-looking cutlass; in his left he held up a large, ornate key.
The pirate leaned forward, grinned, winked and began to speak.
‘Aaargh. Allo mateys. Captain Cutlass is my name.
Come sail with I across the seas,
Find treasure chests and golden keys.
And when the last chest you ‘ave found,
A fortune awaits, I’ll be bound.
But first, you’ll ‘ave to solve the riddle,
Which ain’t so easy as hey diddle diddle.’
The image faded and a set of instructions appeared.
Treasure Hunt is a ten disc pirate adventure game.
Each disc contains a separate voyage that players must successfully complete.
All discs must be completed in sequence.
Successful completion of all ten voyages will afford one player the opportunity to win the treasure; a prize of five million Euros.
A new disc will be released monthly.
The object of each voyage is to find a treasure chest.
At the start of the game players are given a single golden key and a treasure map.
Use the map to find the treasure chest and the key to open it.
Inside will be the key and map for the next voyage.
Players cannot begin the next voyage without these items.
The tenth chest contains a riddle and a link to a Swiss bank’s website. Solve the riddle and follow the link.
After authentic software verification, a final treasure chest will open, whereupon the correct answer to the riddle must be entered in the space provided.
Lastly, the winner must complete their bank account details and the prize money will automatically be transferred to their account.
Sixty percent of profits from all sales must go to charity. The remaining forty percent to be divided equally between ISAW and the game’s designer, whose personal bank details are contained herein.
Five percent of ISAW profits to be reserved for repayment of prize money.
Distribution of monies to commence after release of second disc and bi-monthly thereafter.
Full details of the competition must be revealed to the media to obtain maximum exposure; thus ensuring maximum participation and maximum benefit for charity.
No employees of ISAW or their immediate families may participate in Treasure Hunt.
This clause elicited a few not-too-serious groans from the enthralled ensemble.
Please note: Final online verification and write-protected software will safeguard against piracy.
Someone chuckled, ‘Safeguard against piracy!’
Should you agree to market the game, which will only run on the Les P
ortes operating system, verification of the prize money, and confirmation of the Swiss bank account details, will be forwarded to you.
Acceptance of all terms and conditions should be indicated by placing a notice in the Times newspaper.
See further terms and conditions.
Let the game begin!
The best of luck
Teddy Remback.
Then followed a quick series of samples from the first ‘voyage’.
And that was it.
Those in the room sat in stunned silence.
Three long seconds after the screen went blank the room erupted in pandemonium.
After a minute, Gordon called them to order. He looked as stunned as everyone else in the room.
‘Well, what do you think?’
‘Totally wild!’
‘Crazy. Unbelievable.’
‘Awesome.’
‘Brilliant.’
‘Fantastic graphics!’
‘It’ll make millions!’
‘Who’s Teddy Remback?’
It was as though someone had popped a balloon. All heads turned in the direction of the individual who had asked this question. It was no surprise that it was ISAW’s legal advisor, Rose Williams.
Dressed in a dark-blue business suit, her short, auburn hair immaculately coiffed, Rose appeared to be the antithesis of the rest of the senior staff, for whom a suit was considered clothing of the last resort, worn only for weddings, funerals and the occasional visit to the bank manager.
Incongruous as her place amongst them seemed, Rose nevertheless commanded a lot of respect.
Gordon quickly Googled the name Teddy Remback.
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing? Are you sure?’ Rose queried.
‘There are plenty of references to Remback and also Teddy. Nothing for the full name though. Oh, hold on. Here’s something. The game has been registered with patent offices . . . looks like worldwide.’
After spending some time in sifting through various pages on the sites, Gordon drew a blank.
‘No personal details. Seems they’ve been removed. Only the name and the copyright remain. Clever!’
Rose steepled her fingers and thought for a few seconds.
‘Could be a few complications. May I?’ she asked Gordon, pulling his laptop towards her. She reran the disc, fast-forwarding until she reached See further terms and conditions, and began to read.
‘Complications, hell! This will save our bacon,’ enthused Andrew Rogers, ISAW’s second-in-command and Head of Marketing. ‘Besides . . .’
Gordon held up a hand.
‘Hold on a sec, Andy. What complications, Rose?‘
‘Well, first off, there’s the issue of the game only running on our operating system.’
Gordon waved this away.
‘No problem. We include a free operating disc with the game. We might as well give it away; it’s something we’ve almost been unable to do since the lawsuit, and we have plenty stockpiled.’
‘Okay. Fair enough,’ Rose agreed. ‘Then there’s the issue of control.’
‘Control? Of what?’ Gordon asked.
‘Well, the discs, actually,’ said Rose, looking up from the computer screen. ‘Although we are obliged to manufacture and distribute the game, we only receive one disc at a time. I can see the logic in this from a security point of view, but it’s still quite a risk for us to take.’
‘Ah. Okay. I see where you’re going with this, Rose. You’re suggesting he could pull out any time, leaving us in the lurch and suddenly facing another lawsuit, yes?’ said Gordon.
‘Correct,’ Rose agreed. ‘So while the money piles up from sales, and Remback’s Swiss bank account gets fat, we are always at his mercy.’
‘But why would he do something like that? He stands to make a lot of money,’ Andy argued. ‘Besides, he’s putting a lot of trust in us too, especially regarding profit distribution.’
‘I’m not saying he would,’ Rose replied, adding, ‘all I am saying is what if he did?’ Her question was left hanging for the others to ponder. ‘As for the technicalities and legalities of profit distribution, these are covered in the supplementary instructions.’ She gestured towards the computer screen with a pen.
‘Why not run our own competition, then?’ suggested media liaison officer, Cindy Cousins.
‘Designing a similar game from scratch is not some simple week-end project; you should know that, Cindy,’ said Gordon.
‘Aside from this, ISAW would have to show we had adequate funds for the prize money, before the competition began. It’s the law,’ Rose explained. ‘And these are funds we do not have. Unless the bank agrees to extend our overdraft to the tune of millions.’
‘Huh! No chance of that. Hell will freeze over before the bank advances me another cent,’ said Gordon bitterly. ‘We have enough to cover salaries and operating costs for about two more months, and that’s it. After that, who knows? And we’re certainly not in line for a government bail-out,’ he added.
‘Precisely,’ Rose agreed. ‘But I’ll be honest, Gordon; as difficult as our current situation is I feel uncomfortable doing business like this. Why have we been contacted in such a mysterious fashion? I’m not saying this is illegal, and I will make enquiries, but why all this cloak-and-dagger? What possible reason could this Remback character have for not wanting to present himself in person? And, of course, we are assuming this is a man. It might not be. All we have is a name.’
‘Rose has a point, Gordon,’ Cindy agreed. ‘What if we are dealing with a criminal? Maybe he or she is locked up, or something. Are those detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure allowed to make money in this way, Rose?’
‘It would depend on the terms of their incarceration, Cindy. I am not a criminal lawyer. But I have a feeling if this were the case there might be problems. I could check, of course?’
‘Fine. See what you can come up with,’ said Gordon. ‘In the meantime, let’s assume that we are not dealing with a criminal, and everything is above-board. What’s your legal opinion on this whole thing, as it stands?’
The others around the table immediately became even more attentive.
‘Ah, opinions are like bottoms, Gordon. We all have one,’ she smiled. ‘However, you don’t employ me to espouse philosophy, so I’ll lay it on the line. If you accept the terms and this flies, so will ISAW. If it bombs, well . . . how does fifteen-to-life sound? Oh, and all of those present in this room would likely be implicated.’
Gordon nodded once.
‘Yes, I thought those were probably the only options on offer. Nevertheless, all things considered, I do not believe this person would have gone to all this trouble merely to set us up for a fall. The way things are going, it’s only a matter of time anyway. No, for whatever reason, we have been handed a lifeline, and if we don’t grab it with both hands, we are dead in the water.’
‘I’m still not sure, Gordon,’ said Phil Drivers. Drivers was ISAW’s technical director. At the ripe old age of forty-four, he was the oldest board-member by two years, and the only one with children. He felt he had a lot more to lose than the others had, and consequently was less gung-ho when it came to making snap decisions. His nervousness showed as he fiddled with a ballpoint pen.
‘This reminds me of that film with John Travolta, where he lost everything helping those people that had been done-in over some ecological dispute with a huge corporation. He had to put everything on the line. I’ve already taken out a second mortgage. I can’t afford to lose what I have. If this goes pear-shaped I might not be able to get another job. And if there is anything illegal going on here I wouldn’t be employable, even if I managed to avoid a jail term. My family can’t live on the street.’ He paused. ‘I wish I could remember the name of that film?’
‘Saturday Night Fever, I think,’ Andy quipped.
‘Ha ha, not funny,’ Phil grimaced. ‘You mentioned bacon before, Andy. Well the type of pork you are likely to get in prison is often in the
form of a sausage, and not the sort of sausage I am remotely interested in, thank you very much.’
Andy grinned.
‘Phil, I understand your concerns. Really, I do. But if we don’t run with this none of us will have a job in a few months. So I say it’s worth the risk, and we go for it,’ said Gordon firmly.
‘Well, you’re the boss, though I do have another question.’
‘Yes, Phil?’
‘Why discs? I mean surely it would be a lot easier if the game were merely downloaded straight from the internet?’
Gordon nodded. ‘Probably. But not necessarily safer. There’d be the added risk of hacking. Besides, many people still like owning an original hard-copy,’ said Gordon. ‘Don’t you have all your games on disc, Phil?’
‘Of course!’ Phil grinned.
‘And I know for a fact that you refuse to read a book unless it’s on paper.’
‘Too true!’ Phil acknowledged.
Gordon smiled. ‘Also, this way will ensure more people stay employed. For now, anyway. But we’ll advertise the game on our website of course, for those who prefer to order online. That’s a given.’
The others nodded, except Phil, who shook his head, morosely.
‘Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, right, Gordon?’
‘Looks that way, I’m afraid.’
Phil sighed. ‘Do your worst, then. What the hell.’
‘Okay, so we’re agreed?’ Gordon asked looking at the faces around the table.
‘Run with it, Gordon,’ said Cindy, smiling.
‘Right! Andy, get hold of Gillian at the plant. Tell her we’ll have something special for her within a few days. And then contact Lyon and Frankfurt. Tell Henri and Klaus they’ll need to set up for a big run.’
‘On it.’ Straight away, Andy stood and went to his office.
‘Phil? Once we’re fixed up this end I want you to drive up to Stevenage to help Gillian. Most of the tech staff are currently working a three-day week and I want them back working full-time ASAP. You might have to fly over to see Henri and Klaus. We’ll see how it goes; all right?’
Almost Dead In Suburbia Page 12