Rachel had suspected as much. “Thanks, Tat. I appreciate you being honest.”
He let out a breath, not glancing up. “Bull almost went crazy when he found her gone. I’ve never seen him as angry as when she fought him, trying to convince him to leave her at the Crow camp. He looked at her as if she’d gone mad, tossed her across his lap, and took off out of the village as if the devil were after him. No way was he going to leave her behind. In a way, I’m sorry White Buffalo wasn’t there so we could’ve finished him off once and for all.”
Rachel knew what he meant. She suspected part of Lydia’s distress came from the fear the Crow warrior would return, wreaking havoc on the ranch, killing innocent men in an attempt to get her back. Rachel hoped Lydia wasn’t considering sneaking away, returning to White Buffalo in an attempt to eliminate retaliation.
“You got her back for us, which is what’s important, Tat. The rest will work itself out.” Rachel thought a trip into town might be a good way of dispelling Lydia’s fear of people rejecting her. Perhaps a visit with Suzanne and a stop at Alison Coulter’s shop for a new dress might help. Staying cooped up in the house, hiding from everyone, wasn’t helping. Rachel believed most everyone in Splendor would welcome her, marvel at her courage. Getting Lydia to believe it would be a slow process. A ride into Splendor might be a good start.
Lydia stared at Rachel, her eyes wide. “No. I can’t possibly go to town. Not now. Maybe never.”
“Of course you can go to town. There are many people who’ve sent messages, asking when they could come visit. You have a lot of friends, Lydia, and it’s time you stopped ignoring them.”
“Friends? Or people who are curious about the girl who gave herself to a savage?”
The misery on her face almost stopped Rachel from pushing. If she gave up now, Lydia would convince herself the fears she felt were justified.
“Do you truly believe Suzanne, Abby, Alison, or Lena think of you that way? They’re all your friends. If nothing else, you should at least give them the benefit of letting them express their thoughts in person rather than pushing them away.”
“I’m just not ready. It’s too soon.”
“There is no better time than now, Lydia. You’ve holed up in this house for days, convincing yourself you’re unworthy. It has to stop.” Rachel crossed her arms, not letting Lydia’s beaten expression dissuade her. “Of course, if you’d be more comfortable, I can invite the ladies here.”
“What about Ginny?”
“I’m talking with her next.” The gleam in Rachel’s eyes brought a softening to Lydia’s face.
Wringing her hands, Lydia paced to the window. “Bull should have left me. It would have been better if he had.” She touched her short hair, fingering the jagged ends.
Rachel walked up next to her, careful not to get too close and spook her. “Your hair will grow out, Lydia.”
“I know.”
“And Bull will always love you.”
Lydia turned to look at Rachel, a pleading look in her eyes. “He may love me now, but he won’t when he learns everything.”
“Listen to me. You’ve got a good man who loves you, who put his life and that of others at risk to get you back. There is nothing you can tell him that will change his mind.”
“Do you truly believe that, Rachel?”
“Yes, I do.”
Lydia wrestled with Rachel’s words well into the night, rolling them over in her mind as she struggled to find peace. Rachel might be right about Bull, but what if she wasn’t? Perhaps he’d accept all that had happened at first, then change his mind as time went on, wishing he’d left her behind.
Rubbing her hands down her arms, Lydia had the strongest urge to take a bath, scrub her body until all feeling left. She’d felt this way since the first time White Buffalo grabbed her, dragged her into the tipi, and threw her to the ground. The constant feeling of being dirty and defiled never went away. If anything, the compulsion to constantly bathe, erase every memory of his touch, grew to the point she wanted to scream in frustration.
Tossing off the covers, she walked to the window, feeling the cool evening breeze pass through her thin gown. Rubbing her arms, more from unease than the chill, she wondered if Bull slept. If so, did he dream of her?
He’d come by for supper, encouraging her to join the others at the table. When she declined, he brought a tray with their meals into her room, staying later than usual. He told her of the missing cattle, of the Pelletiers meeting with the Frey brothers, and the pending purchase of their ranch. She listened quietly, hands folded in her lap, nodding her head on occasion. He didn’t push her to respond or try to touch her, which Lydia told herself was for the best.
When she couldn’t stifle a yawn any longer, he’d left, telling her he’d return for breakfast. For the first time since her rescue, she’d almost reached out to grab him, ask him to stay. Instead, she’d let the feeling pass.
At least she’d agreed to have her friends visit the ranch. Rachel planned to ride into town the following day to personally deliver the invitations. They’d set the date for the following Wednesday, Rachel feeling certain Alison and Suzanne could work something out with their businesses for a few hours.
Turning from the window, Lydia sat on the edge of her bed. She never saw herself as a coward, a woman who needed coddling. If only she could get the old Lydia back, she might be able to face the challenges ahead, even accept Bull back into her life and her arms.
Lying down, she pulled the covers up to her chin and shut her eyes, determined to find a way to get past the doubt. For the first time since her return, she felt a slight bit of hope that everything would turn out all right.
Chapter Eleven
Lydia woke to the aroma of bacon and eggs. She’d been eating better, a few more bites each day. This morning, her stomach rumbled. Tossing off the covers, she made short work of her ablutions. All the while she thought about Bull and their time together the night before.
She’d agreed to sit with him on the front porch, sharing a meal until he and Luke left to meet Beau in town. They’d spoken of his day, his plans to enlarge the house when they started having children, and how he might be traveling between the Frey place and Redemption’s Edge until Dax and Luke decided if they needed another foreman to handle the additional land and cattle.
For the first time since leaving the Crow village, she didn’t flinch at his continued desire to marry her and have children. The looks he sent her told Lydia how much he struggled at not being able to touch her—how much the enormous toll of fighting her demons had impacted him. There’d never been any doubt in her mind she loved him, only fearing her return would cause Bull tremendous suffering. She now realized pushing him away had done much worse.
A knock on her door had Lydia hurrying to button her dress. Running fingers through her short locks, she stepped to the door and took a deep breath before pulling it open.
“Bull…” Her voice trailed off as she let her gaze wander over him. He wore his shiny black boots, Sunday pants and jacket, and a starched white shirt finished with a thin black tie. Incredible didn’t begin to describe the sight of him standing with his shoulders erect, an air of self-confidence she hadn’t seen in weeks. When her gaze moved back to his face, she blushed at his knowing smile.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Um, yes…quite well. Are you going to church?” She felt a stab of disappointment at the possibility he’d be going without her.
“Not today, Lydia. I came to take my girl to breakfast and for a walk. If she’ll let me.”
“A walk?”
“I thought we’d take the wagon to the river and stroll the path by Luke’s old house. I know how much you like it there.” Bull held his breath, sending up a prayer she wouldn’t refuse him.
Clutching her arms around her waist, she took a step back. “Bull…I don’t know.”
“Just you and me, Lydia. We’ll return whenever you’re ready.”
Sucking
in an unsteady breath, Lydia told herself she could do this. She could spend a morning alone with Bull. She loved the path by the river. At this time of year, there’d still be an abundance of flowers and berries.
“Can we pick berries for pie?”
Bull let out a relieved chuckle. “We can pick whatever you want, sweetheart.”
“And breakfast?”
“Everyone has left for church. It’s just you and me.” Bull watched her eyes go wide as she figured it all out.
“You cooked the bacon I’ve been smelling?”
“I’ve been alone a long time. If I wanted to eat, I had to learn to cook. I promise it won’t poison you.” He held out his hand, willing her to take it.
For the first time since he’d taken her from White Buffalo’s tipi, she allowed herself a small smile, the gesture racing straight to his heart. Then she reached out her hand, threading her fingers through his, and let him escort her to breakfast.
Lydia hadn’t eaten so much in weeks. By most standards, it wasn’t a lot, but it was almost three times what she’d been able to keep down. Sitting on the wagon seat next to Bull, she held his hand, enjoying the ride to Wildfire Creek. His grip wasn’t tight, more reassuring, and it occurred to her she never wanted to let go.
Rounding the last turn, her heart began to race at the sight of the house Luke had lived in before meeting Ginny.
“We’ll leave the wagon here.” Bull pulled back on the lines and secured the brake. Jumping down, he reached in the back and grabbed a bucket, then rounded the wagon. Setting it down, he reached up to settle his hands on Lydia’s waist. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t let his hands linger. Scaring her after this much progress wasn’t going to happen. He did hold out his hand, which she willingly accepted. “Ready?” He reached down and grabbed the bucket.
Squeezing his hand, Lydia tugged enough for him to know the answer.
“You haven’t told me what you thought of breakfast.”
“How much did I eat?”
He laughed. “Much more than I expected. I suppose that’s my answer.”
She bit her lower lip and nodded.
He kept stealing glances at her as they took the narrow path to the river. She didn’t talk much, yet he was thankful for each word. As more time passed and she felt more secure around him, he believed she’d let herself open up.
Bull didn’t care if she told him what happened with White Buffalo. For many reasons, he didn’t want to know. The past was behind them and couldn’t be changed. He wanted her future. He just needed to keep his own desires under control and allow Lydia to heal at her own pace.
“Do you hear it?” He looked over at her, his soft brown eyes gleaming.
A careful smile curved the corners of her mouth as she nodded.
“There, through the trees.” Bull inclined his head in the direction of the river, spotting the running water several yards ahead. “Shall we walk upriver or down?”
Lydia opened her mouth to respond, then clamped it shut, a hand going to her stomach. Bending at the waist, she dropped Bull’s hand and turned away.
“Lydia, what is it?”
She sucked in a deep breath as nausea knotted her stomach. Shaking her head, she held up a hand to warn him away, taking a few steps off the trail.
“What can I do?” Bull’s voice held a worried edge as he came up behind her.
Taking a few more deep breaths, she stood and turned toward him. It seemed the worst had passed.
“I hope it wasn’t breakfast.”
She blinked a few times and shook her head. “Maybe it’s the change from being in the house for so long. I’m fine now.” She did feel better. To her relief, the cramping in her stomach had been brief, leaving her a little shaken, nothing more.
“Do you want to go back?”
“No. Please. I’d like to stay a while longer.”
Reaching out, he took Lydia’s hand again, drawing her as close as she’d let him. “We’ll stay as long as you like.”
They’d stayed much longer than Bull anticipated. Lydia picked berries, filling the bucket to overflowing, then gathered flowers until her arms could hold no more. Setting it all in the back of the wagon, he helped her onto the seat.
“You certain there’s nothing else you’d like to take back?” His eyes twinkled, letting her know he was joking.
Shaking her head, Lydia watched as he checked the harness, then climbed up beside her. “Thank you, Bull. I had a wonderful time.”
“So did I, sweetheart.” Turning the wagon around, he reached out, taking her hand, seeing her other resting on her stomach. “Are you still feeling all right?”
“Yes. I don’t know what happened. I’m sure it wasn’t your breakfast, though.” She glanced up at him, doing her best to hide the tremors still rippling through her.
“You’ll let me know if it happens again. Right, Lydia?” His eyes narrowed, his concern obvious.
“I just ate too much. Please, don’t worry.” Lydia truly believed it was nothing. Too much food, apprehension at being alone with Bull, maybe fear of someone seeing her.
Squeezing her hand, he decided to let it go…for now. Tonight, he’d ask Rachel to watch her for any signs of pain. As they took the trail toward the barn, Bull saw the other wagon, people milling around outside, and felt Lydia stiffen beside him.
“Remember, everyone here cares about you. There’s no need to worry about what they’re thinking because each one wants the best for you.” He wanted to brush a kiss across her cheek. Instead, he settled for squeezing her hand before letting it go and bringing the wagon to a halt.
Lydia kept her head lowered, not meeting anyone’s gaze until Rachel walked up with Patrick in her arms. When Bull helped her down, the toddler didn’t hesitate, reaching out his arms toward her.
“Guess he knows who he wants.” Rachel laughed, transferring Patrick to Lydia. “It’s so good to see you outside. Did you go to the river?”
Lydia nodded, shifting Patrick to her other side, balancing him on her hip.
“I think we may have created more work for you.” Bull reached into the back of the wagon, taking out the bucket full of berries. “I’ll take these into the kitchen, then come back for the flowers.”
“Nonsense. I’ll bring the flowers since Lydia has her hands full.” Rachel lifted the flowers from the wagon, waiting until Bull was far enough away not to hear them. “Tell me how it went.”
Lydia lowered her head enough to let Patrick play with her short hair, smiling as he giggled.
“You were right. Bull was wonderful, and walking near the river felt so good.”
“It’s been a while since you’ve spent any time outside. And it’s a glorious day.” Rachel glanced up at the blue sky sprinkled with a few white clouds.
“Bull fixed me breakfast.”
“I know. He asked me yesterday if it would be all right.” Rachel started toward the house, Lydia and Patrick keeping pace. “Is he a good cook?” She lifted her brows.
“Yes. Very good.” Lydia didn’t plan to say anything to Rachel about her stomach cramps, firm in her belief the pain resulted from overeating.
“There you are. I thought you two had decided to stay outside.” Bull walked toward them, taking Patrick from Lydia’s outstretched arms. “Hey, little man.” Patrick giggled when Bull held him up in the air, then spun around. “This boy gets heavier each time I hold him.”
“Ha! How well I know.” Rachel continued to the kitchen, leaving Lydia with Bull in the living room.
“I should help with the berries.”
“Lydia, wait.” Bull held Patrick on his left side, reaching out his right hand, grinning when she linked her fingers with his. “Please come out for supper. Sit with me at the table.”
Swallowing her remaining apprehension, Lydia nodded. “All right.”
Bull watched her retreat into the kitchen, feeling better than he had in a long time.
“They’re here.” Rachel wiped damp hands on he
r apron, untying the strings as she dashed toward the kitchen where Ginny and Lydia finished dinner preparations. “Suzanna, Lena, Abby, and Alison are here.”
“We’re ready.” Ginny finished cutting pieces of cornbread from the skillet, placing them on a platter alongside a tureen filled with soup. “Rachel, can you help me carry these to the table?”
Picking up the soup, Rachel followed Ginny to the table while Lydia arranged the chicken, carrying it into the dining room, setting it next to a bowl of vegetables. Untying her apron, she touched her hair, a habit she couldn’t seem to break.
“You look wonderful, Lydia. Please, don’t fret.” Ginny touched Lydia’s shoulder, noting her friend didn’t flinch away as she would’ve a few weeks earlier. “Personally, I like your short hair.”
Lydia started to reply when Rachel opened the front door. “It’s so good to see you.”
“We’re so glad you invited us.” Abby hugged Rachel, then walked into the living room. Without a word, she walked up to Lydia, wrapping her arms around the young woman. “You don’t know how hard it has been to stay away, Lydia. Noah and I have been so concerned about you.” Dropping her arms, Abby stepped back, a broad smile flashing across her face. “Oh my. I love your hair.”
Lydia lifted a hesitant hand to touch the ends of her hair, tilting her head. “I’m getting used to it.” She glanced over Abby’s shoulder to see Lena, Alison, and Suzanne standing quietly next to Rachel and Ginny. They’d all come by to offer their encouragement to Ginny after she’d lost the baby, but had been asked to give Lydia more time to recover before paying a visit.
Stepping forward, Lena Evans, Gabe’s wife, took hold of her hands. “We’re so relieved you’re home. If there is anything Gabe or I can do for you, all you need to do is ask.”
Alison and Suzanne expressed the same before Rachel invited them to take their seats for dinner.
“Everything looks wonderful. You three must have worked all morning.” Abby made it a point to sit next to Lydia. When she and Noah had their son, Gabriel, Lydia lived with them, becoming a true part of their family. It had taken every bit of self-control Abby possessed to keep away this long.
Promise Trail Page 10