by Lark Watson
He took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “If I’d known it would go this far, I would have… I don’t know. I guess warned him. Warned him you’re not the woman to be surprised into this situation.”
He pulled out his wallet, removing the cash in it and a card.
“This is all I have. Get cash from your bank immediately. Take the battery out of your phone. Don’t call anyone. Not even here to see if everything is okay. My number is on the card. If you need anything—cash, help, anything—you call me. Any hour.”
I wanted to say no, to leave both the money and card behind, but I knew Micha was right. That to make it on my own, to start over from scratch, I’d need to be able to have my own money. And, I could admit there was a certain comfort in knowing that Micha was a phone call away.
Even as I took it, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t use the card. That I’d make this a clean break not only for my safety, but for my heart and soul.
“I’m not doing this so you can leave him. I’m doing this so you can have some space.” He took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “Mouse, we’ll work this out. There are ways to make this better. You just need to give it time.”
I knew that wasn’t how this worked. That the truth was darker than Micha wished to make it. It was a hope I saw in him that I didn’t expect to
The idea that he thought perhaps there was hope told me how far we’d come here, how much I’d become a part of the world I’d been moved into.
Without warning—to myself or to him—I reached and wrapped him in a hug. Micha froze for a minute before his arms came up to give me a tight squeeze.
“It will be okay, Jane.”
I stepped back, stuffing the cash and the card in my pocket, picked up my little bag, and stepped out into my new life.
Chapter 41
The walk to town was more than cold. It was frigid.
I was not above admitting the drop in temperature frightened me a bit. I couldn’t help but be glad I’d put on as many of my layers as possible so as to not have to carry them. It was perhaps what was saving my heat and my life.
As I trudged along, I couldn’t help but replay how close my life had been to the danger zone earlier in the evening. In more ways than one.
It was an odd thought and now the feeling that hit me the most deeply was loneliness. It wasn’t something I’d truly felt in years. Not since I’d come to accept my fate in the foster care world, being shuffled and moved about. Once I acknowledged—at least to myself—that my parents were gone and no one else wanted me as part of their family, I set the expectations that created loneliness aside.
Now, I walked on because I’d known Micha could only offer his help so far and that if he’d taken me anywhere it would put him in jeopardy with Mr. Thorneton’s patience. It would also have made my trail more easily traceable. But still, to have trekked this way on my own was almost too much to bear. It was hitting me just how accepted I had felt at Tower House. And how, in return, I had come to accept my place there as well.
In a long list of placements, it was the first that had begun to feel like a home.
And had I not warned myself months and months ago at the beginning of this appointment that I was not to get attached, that it was not a home, but a job?
I’d done more than that though.
I had settled.
Settled into the home and the routine and the people. I’d felt as if I’d belonged somewhere. The easy acceptance of not only my presence, but my right to be present, had me letting my guard down.
And then…to have such hopes rewarded with the attentions of himself.
It was—naive.
As I neared the village, I thought back upon the time before the world had gone to hell. The time of just the two of us. And my heart sped, once again embracing his words.
I considered them and the man and came to a conclusion I hoped was not an illusion of my foolish heart. I had to believe that the things he’d said, the declarations he’d made were true in his own way.
Of course someone like Mr. Thorneton would see no reason to not take advantage of the life he wanted held back only by the thin cord of a legal contract of marriage.
As the morning light started to break to the east and the flickering of store lights came on ahead, I began to wish I’d asked more questions. How does someone have a wife in name only so as to protect her? I wish I knew—I wish I understood.
And yet, I was glad I did not, for if I knew, I feared I’d stretch that to understanding no matter the circumstances. After understanding would come acceptance and that was something I could not allow. I was my own person and had my own rules of conduct in the world. It wasn’t that I was better or wiser, but that I had to believe there were rights and wrongs because living inside those gave me a small place and purpose in the greater meaning.
A car passed, slowing, and I feared for a moment it was one of Mr. Thorneton’s men. But the car was older and far from prime condition so I relaxed as it went on, parking in front of the small diner I was headed to to regroup.
By the time I arrived, the people in the car had bundled out, rushing from the warmth of the vehicle to the warmth of the diner, a small figure barely larger than myself glancing over her shoulder as they entered as if to check on me, then disappearing behind her companions.
Once I joined the people inside, my ears began to ache as they thawed out. I took a seat at the counter and began to consider my options.
Tower House would not have awoken yet. It was still before five, and even Frank didn’t see the sense in being about at this hour. Of course, everyone was probably either exhausted from the events of the previous evening and sleeping in or waiting desperately to be allowed out of their lockdown to find out exactly what had happened.
My escape counted on the former stalling the realization I had fled.
The waitress came by, setting coffee in front of me without even asking. I would have preferred tea, but as frozen as I was, anything hot would have been welcome.
I glanced over the menu, remembering that my budget was only what was in my pocket for as long as I could make it last. I’d have to find another source of income quickly. The irony was not lost on me that for the first time in my life I had money of my own saved but couldn’t safely access it. There was several thousands of dollars sitting safely in my bank account from my time at Tower House. It represented a new start like I’d never dared to imagine before.
And yet, it would be some time until I felt safe accessing it.
Mr. Thorneton no doubt would search for me. If not because of his complete lack of regard for the rules of society and marriage, but because of his stubborn belief that those within his sphere were under his protection. Micha had warned me this was true so I was prepared where I may have written off the idea.
I could somehow equate both the truth of the words he spoke last night and still feel my own lack of value so deeply that I considered I had perhaps conflagrated my worth to be hunted for. And so, I planned on.
While the train did not come through the village, I had seen a bus on several of my visits and was considering how to get information about it as I partially eavesdropped on the group in the booth behind me.
They’d been driving through the night, wanting to reach their home before the new day. The excitement rolling off of them was contagious. They had a plan for something they were all excited about and a passion to see it through. I glanced up past the stack of plates and menus to the mirror behind the counter, studying each in turn. The smaller girl, the one who had looked back at me, was a bubble of joy, so infectious I couldn’t help but smile. She seemed ready to take over the world at a moment’s notice. Beside her was another girl, perhaps a year or two older, who held back her excitement while indulgently smiling as the other raved about the beginning of their journey. She exuded such patience as to create a deep envy in me as it was never a demeanor I’d been blessed with.
Across from them was a young man, so st
rikingly handsome, that it took a moment to process it. He had hair lightened by nature and eyes so blue I could see them even with the distance and reflection between us. His smile was easy and he managed to look both grownup and boyish at the same time.
I listened in, quietly counting my pennies of my first meal and knowing that the coffee and a snack were all I could manage until I figured out my plans.
I knew instinctively that going back to the city would not work. I had no ties, but it would be expected. And so, heading off to another small town, looking for something minor and maybe under the table for work was the wisest course of action to consider.
I took a moment to deliberate my situation. Hopefully it was still too early, and I was too close to the house for my phone to matter. And so, I pulled my cell out, calling up Craigslist and copying down the details of several jobs in neighboring towns just far enough away to be lost but close enough to manage to get there.
Several babysitting, but I knew they’d want references. I moved on to restaurants. The smaller ones might be willing to pay less and in cash. A house cleaning position that was weekly if nothing else panned out would be a start.
When the waitress came back with my toast, I turned my phone off, pulling the battery out and dropping both to the bottom of my bag.
“More coffee?” she asked before looking down at my full cup. “Huh, not a coffee person, no? Tea or something else?”
I counted my money against going back out into the cold and agreed that yes, tea would be great.
When she came back with my mug, I set my notebook aside and leaned in to ask, “Is there a bus that comes soon?”
“You’d be meaning not local?” At my nod she continued, “Sure and there is, love. Just about fifteen minutes. Heads up to the lakes. Last I took it it cost about eight dollars.”
She gave me a warm smile, understanding in her gaze and I wondered if she’d made the reverse trip for similar reasons.
Probably not when she found out that her employer and almost lover was married and was perhaps part of an underground crime syndicate at war, but still a woman’s reasons were her own.
“You’re going up to the lakes?” The voice was chipper and sweet. I knew it must be the smaller of the two young women behind me—the one who seemed more girl than not.
I felt as though I should ignore her and leave no trace of myself behind. While the waitress might understand not having seen a girl of my description get on a bus, I’m not sure this set would.
“Because,” she continued before I’d even have the chance to turn to face her or not, “we’re going that way and I’m sure Saint wouldn’t mind adding one more female to the car.”
I finally gave up hope they’d assume I hadn’t heard her and turned on the stool’s rusty spinning mechanism to smile her way.
“I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”
“It wouldn’t be,” she went on without consulting the others. “We’re heading that way anyway and who wants to spend money on a bus?”
She’d hit my first concern and I hated to admit it, but to throw myself in with strangers right out of the gate seemed risky.
Of course, no riskier than anything else that had occurred in the previous fortnight.
“It really isn’t a problem,” the man she’d called Saint joined in. “We are going that way and we all know what being down on your luck is like—no offense—we’d be more than willing to drop you wherever you’re headed. I’d leave my name with the waitress here if you’d like.”
The last thing I’d want was to add more people—and traceable ones at that—to the escape mix.
The older girl glanced between her two companions and then finally my way. “It’s just a ride. You’d not owe us anything and we’d conveniently forgot where you got out if asked.”
It floated into my mind that the men who had come to Tower House, blowing out walls and blindly shooting into rooms, may want to close some gaps at some point—and I might be one of those.
If they had such a plan as to be able to attack in the dead of night, they were probably well-versed in the residence and their comings and goings.
My only hope for being overlooked was that they were hopefully all being taken care of in whatever way that horrid Mr. Donovan had alluded to.
I glanced at the group again and had to start making some assumptions.
Unknown cars were cheaper and less easily traced than buses.
“That would be great, actually.” I gave them all a smile I hope assured them I was trustworthy and safe as well.
“Why don’t you join us?” Even as he offered, the man—Saint—slid in to allow me a place at their table.
There was certainly no way to politely say no since I was already taking their offered ride. So, I picked up my toast and tea and slid into the booth. I was tempted to spend the eight dollars I’d be saving on the bus on something more substantial after my walk, but figured I’d roll that into money for warm lunch.
They made chit-chat, asking me nothing more personal than my name. The youngest—Maggie—occasionally had to be steered by Laura away from anything that might make me uncomfortable.
It was disconcerting how aware the older two were. I had begun to wonder exactly how they anticipated this need when Maggie blurted out their mission.
“We’re starting a home.”
“You bought a house?” I asked, trying to narrow down her excited statement to the truth.
“Well, yes. But I mean, we’re starting a home. I’m so excited. I mean, we all are.” She glanced around the table giving the other two broad smiles.
“A home…for who?”
“For girls and boys,” she answered as if this were the most common way to start a household. “We were all brought up in a group home together—well, the last of my six years. But Saint is four years older and Maggie is one, so I was alone a year. But, for the most part, together.”
“You’re brother and sisters?” I wondered how they’d managed to stay together all that time. Too many siblings were separated. It was painful to watch. I felt the luck of never losing someone and the hardship of never having them either each time I observed a family be broken even further apart.
“Oh, no. Well, not as you mean. They’re my brother and sister through fate.”
Saint glanced up from his phone, smiling at her before his gaze met mine in a long study.
“That’s so nice,” I answered, because what else could I say and because it truly was.
I wished for such relationships when in Brookfield, but had never felt safe opening myself up to the others. I doubted I was someone who crossed anyone’s mind at all. There would have been no continued relationship after we were sent into the world, especially if it hadn’t happened at the same time.
These three had built a family and grown it and tended it even while they were separated.
The idea was so unique to me I couldn’t even imagine it, but there they were.
“You’re really lucky. The homes I was in weren’t as welcoming to new relationships.”
“Oh, it wasn’t luck.” Maggie smiled at the other two. “I mean, the home wasn’t lucky. The luck was us. We make our own luck.”
She smiled at me before digging back into her breakfast, a girl seemingly untouched by life in the system. I glanced at the other two suspecting that it was truly their doing that kept her so sweet.
I listened to the comfortable sound of their chatting, feeling myself relax even while I worried about the day getting on outside. Their comfort and easy routine with one another reminding me of what I’d just left behind.
What would Mrs. Fairfax do when she found I’d gone? Frank would shrug. Sophie would worry about too many things to catalog. Adelia would just assume she didn’t have to speak English this week—like a nanny vacation.
And perhaps it would be for a bit.
I also tried to picture what was going on behind the scenes. I hoped Finn was fine and Mr. Thorneton’s men and connecti
ons had returned safety to the house.
I veered away from any further thoughts beyond that.
Saint rose to pay for their bill, waving me off when I followed to do mine as well.
“I think we can get your toast this time.” He grinned, a charm flashing through his good looks.
I couldn’t help but think he was one of those men who could get away with winking if he wanted. His looks, charm, and obvious good intentions created an appealing sense of trust immediately.
Once he paid, he ushered the girls and me out to the car, making sure everyone was settled and buckled before backing the older Toyota out of the lot and hitting the road.
I watched the scenery go by, knowing every moment took me farther and farther from Tower House. I couldn’t help but wonder how far Mr. Thorneton’s reach went—or that of his enemies.
Staying on guard would be vital.
Beside me in the back seat, Maggie carried on about their new plans. They seemed excessively grandiose, but Laura would occasionally speak up in a soft, comforting tone to clarify and bring the statements back down to reality.
“We bought the house furnished from an older woman who was moving to live with her son. She’d adopted him out of foster care and when someone told her what we were looking to do, she offered it to us for an insanely low amount of money.” Laura smiled over her shoulder at me. “She claimed it was because of the tax write off, but I think we all know it was because she believes in making good homes for those without one.”
I considered that, that call for a good home. I thought I’d found at least a way to keep a roof over my head with my nannying jobs—and then, an almost-home at Tower House—but now I was starting from scratch…again. Sadly, I was someone who needed a good home as well.
We road on, the chatter of Maggie discussing her room and that she didn’t have to share—well, at least not yet—and all the other things going through her shockingly young mind. It was hard to believe that she was eighteen. I couldn’t remember being that young at twelve.