by Sienna Mynx
“It wouldn’t have prevented it. The baby wasn’t meant to be,” she said.
“But we were meant to be. You went through the stillbirth alone.”
“They made me deliver it even though they said my daughter was dead. They made me deliver her naturally. Do you know what that’s like?”
“I don’t,” he said.
“I don’t care what anybody says I felt her life slip away when I held her. I swear she took a breath. I swear she did. Do you believe me?” Raven broke down in tears.
“I do,” he said.
She exhaled deeply. “Thank you for saying that.”
“It’s true. You were her mother. You gave her peace. I believe that. I’m sorry I told you otherwise. I didn’t understand then. I just didn’t. That’s why you couldn’t stand to look at me, that’s how I failed you.”
“So Asia, Kim, whatever the hell her name is… you slept with her for revenge?” she asked, unable to get the words out without her voice cracking.
“No.” he sighed. “I was living out of that suite. You wouldn’t take my calls. Zephyr told me that you wanted me to stay away. It was killing me. I was drinking and hating myself. Blaming myself, blaming you, I was just in a lot of pain.”
“So you did it for revenge?” she asked again.
“No. No! She came over with papers. I don’t know what happened. She started asking me about how I felt. No one really asked me how I felt about the baby. The focus was on you, rightfully so, but I had so many emotions I didn’t understand. She started drinking with me. I was lonely, so I asked her to stay. Not for sex, for company. All I talked about was you Raven. My heart hurt.”
“So you felt safe with Asia?” she asked.
“I felt nothing. I was just numb. Once I started talking about the baby I couldn’t stop. I didn’t even know that I wanted to, it just came out and kept coming out.” He dropped his head.
Raven looked over. “So Asia was doing what I wasn’t? She was listening to you.”
“You were in a lot of pain,” he reasoned.
“So were you. Our marriage is over, Alexander. Over. If we can’t be honest now, then when will we ever be? I saw it. I saw it from the first day I laid eyes on her. I saw that she wanted you. I told you. I hated the convenient way she made herself available. How she clung to your every word. Called our house at all times of the night. I sensed it.”
“I didn’t see her that way,” he said.
“Until you were vulnerable enough for her to show you, and then in that moment you knew her intentions, and you didn’t care. Right?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
“Stop that! Do you think that makes me feel better? You blaming yourself! Jesus Christ! I get so sick of you trying to hold all the blame instead of admitting what was broken between us. What was missing in our marriage that made you sleep with another woman.”
“Raven.”
“When you were fucking her what were you thinking? Did you even use protection? What happened afterwards? Did you hold her? Play in her hair like you used to—”
“No. I woke up and she was lying next to me, and so was an empty bottle of Scotch. I went to the bathroom and when I came out of it, you were standing in the suite. I don’t even remember sleeping with her.”
“That’s a lie! She was wearing your shirt and no panties. You two looked really comfortable.”
“She must have put it on when I went to the bathroom.”
“Liar!” Raven shouted.
“I’m sorry, Rae.” He reached for her.
That was the final straw. She knocked away his hand.
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, cause you’re not. The truth is you’re only sorry that you got caught.”
Alexander stood upright. “What did you say?”
“That’s it, if I hadn’t walked in and caught you, then what? Were you going to call me and give me an update?”
“I am sorry. I have been killing myself over what I did to you.”
Raven clapped. “Well done. Kill yourself. Go ahead. Jump! You sleep with that tramp and think an apology is all that’s needed. That you can come and go in and out of my life! That I will sit back and play second best just to have you! Give you all the privileges and no responsibility? Huh! Is that what you thought? But you got caught right? So, now it’s the liquor, or me being a bitch, or you being depressed, everything but the truth!”
“What’s the truth, Rae?” Alexander glared at her.
“The truth is men, all of you, are led by what’s between your legs. You’re as faithful as your options. Dogs!”
“You want to go there?” he said angrily.
“Yes! I want to go there!” she seethed.
“Fine! You aren’t Margene! Do you hear me? You aren’t Margene, and I’m not your fucking father! How many times in our marriage did I have to hear you predict the downfall of any relationship because men always cheat? How many times did you come to me and remind me of what would happen if I ever cheated on you? How many fucking times did I have to prove my loyalty to you, only to have to prove it once more? Kim, Maryann, Delilah, how many fucking assistants did you accuse me of wanting before I finally broke and did what you pushed me to do? You carry judgment of men like some shield. We are all the enemy! All of us! Because you won’t stop for one fucking minute and allow any man to be human with you!”
Raven blinked, stunned. She stammered and then fell silent. She looked at him in horror, and then she laughed as fresh tears sprung to her eyes. “Listen to you, you got some nerve. NEWS FLASH, ALEXANDER: YOU CHEATED!”
“Maybe you should ask yourself why. Since you have all the fucking answers!”
“Are you saying that my belief in men as cheaters made you into one? How pathetic is that?”
“I’m saying that you wanted out. Whenever we fought you reminded me that you’d go. Whenever I disappointed you, you reminded me that you would go. I’m saying that you have blamed me for everything your father wasn’t, long before I ever cheated on you!”
Raven shook her head in disgust. “You really had me going, thinking you had changed. I’m glad I divorced you.”
She turned and walked off the lanai.
Alexander sighed. He dropped down in his deck chair and shook his head. It was harder than he thought. There were so many layers to the betrayal and distrust that had settled in between them. He was a fool to think that they could just begin again. And he was tired of hurting her. Tired of reliving that moment and not being able to take it back. He stood and went back inside. She sat on the sofa staring off, away from him.
He walked over and sat on the coffee table. “Look at me, love.”
She did.
“I love you. That’s not going to change. But loving someone means you have to do the difficult things. I came back because I had to try. I had to know that I gave it the best effort to win you back. I couldn’t live with you thinking that I gave up without a fight. That our daughter died and I turned to another woman, when the only woman I wanted was you. If I’m hurting you, if this is hurting you, then I’ll stop. I’ll go. I’ll stay gone.”
She looked away. “So you destroyed our marriage, but it’s all up to me? I have to be the one to end it for good?” she hiccupped through her sobs.
“I can’t make you want us, Raven. I won’t play any more games to win you back. I can tell you that if you were to forgive me, I’d never take a moment with you for granted again. I’d want babies with you, as many as you want, and I’d be there for you every step of the way. I want the family I dreamed of when I swore to love you always.”
“You were my first love, my first everything. How am I supposed to say that my husband doesn’t matter? How am I supposed to say goodbye to you?” She wept.
He went to her. Raven immediately went into his arms. “I love you so much, Alexander. I do, I just can’t forgive you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, at least we can be honest about that,” he said as he
fought down his own urge to cry.
She wept in his arms. She cried so hard and so long her head felt as heavy as her heart. In his arms she cried until she fell asleep. And to her comfort he held her the entire time.
**
There was only a sliver of light to make it in past the curtains. It fell over her face, alerting her to the morning sun. She opened her eyes and squinted. A new headache had formed and it was excruciating. So intense she felt blinded by it. The kind of headache you suffered after a night of mourning. Then she sat up and recognized where she was. His bed. She looked down and found she was fully dressed.
“Morning,” he said.
Her eyes cut over to Alexander. He sat in the corner of the room. He was still dressed and staring at her. “Morning!” she said wiping the sleep from her eyes. “You sat up all night?”
“I did. I’m used to sleeping in chairs.”
She checked her watch. “I’m sorry, I fell asleep.”
“You were exhausted. I hope you don’t mind but I put you in bed.”
She felt the gulf between them widen. He had erected a wall over him to protect himself, as she did to protect herself. It was done. He was her husband no more.
“I guess I should be going,” she said.
Then his hand reached out. She saw it from the corner of her eye. Extended in love and forgiveness. He was offering her their final goodbye. Without hesitation she walked over and accepted it. Allowing him to bring her to his lap.
“No matter how much distance is between us, or what life you make away from me, you will always be my lady. My one true love,” he kissed her cheek. “At the risk of repeating myself again, Rae, I am sorry. I wish I could take it all back. But I can’t. While I watched you sleep I realized that you were right. Being sorry isn’t enough. I knew that your greatest fear was loving me, and betrayal. I let you down, sweetheart.”
She closed her eyes. Turning she hugged him and he hugged her back. “I love you, Alexander. You made me into the woman I am today. I swear it, I do,” she said, “I’m sorry too.”
She sat there in his lap, like she used to do. Eventually she let him go, and she told herself that she was letting him go from her heart as well. She tried to believe it.
She stood and didn’t look back. She found her shoes and put them on, and then her purse. Normally he would walk her out. But not now. It hurt him just as bad. She was grateful for that.
It took everything in her to walk away. And when the elevator doors opened, it took even more strength not to break down on that very spot. She did the best she could to fix her clothes and smooth her frizzled curls. She bolted for the front of the hotel as if he’d come back down and she’d lose her nerve.
She fidgeted when the valet brought her Maserati around, and sped away before the young man had made it safely back to the curb. Her heart raced. Her head pounded. She finally let the last of her tears flow, telling herself she was strong. She left with her respect. Her vow to never let a man make her feel less than, or abuse her trust, was intact. She wasn’t Zephyr, more importantly she wasn’t Margene. Her mother, who kept allowing her father to sleep around just to have him in their lives. Her mother, who pulled her out of school and away from her friends her sophomore year to flee Mississippi and chase her father to Jacksonville because she couldn’t accept his rejection.
She would never be Margene. Alexander did the ultimate in betraying her. There was no going back. Reaching for the dial on the radio she punched up Hot 105.
**
Alexander sighed. He removed his phone when it rang.
“Mr. Katz? You called?”
“Yes. Call it off. I’ve changed my mind. I’m leaving tonight for Australia.”
“Sir, I explained to you that once that line is cast there is no pulling it back in. We’ve already done what you requested.”
“Shit!” Alex hung up the phone. He was going to fight dirty. He was going to fight to the bitter end. But after a night of talking and really listening to his wife he knew the best choice was to let her go. Be selfless, for once. He dropped his head and shook it. What had he done?
**
Hot 105 News Flash—It’s true folks. Liza-Rayne has been arrested at Miami International. She was caught with an undisclosed amount of narcotics while trying to go through airport security. We are told that her manager, Max Steele of Paper Dolls, was also charged with resisting arrest and—
Raven nearly swerved off the road. Panicked she punched up her phone on the dashboard and saw she had twelve missed calls. Then it rang and connected to the interior car system.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?” Kevin said.
“I—I—”
“We got trouble. Liza-Rayne left rehab and tried to leave town. Max was with her.”
“How did this happen?”
“Get to the office quick. The place is crawling with reporters.”
“Shit!” she hung up. She had to go home first. The cocktail dress and slept over hairdo wasn’t anything to present herself to the press in. She just couldn’t fathom how things got so far out of control. What the hell was going on?
Chapter Eight
An Inconvenient Truth
Like vultures converging on a decayed corpse the paparazzi shoved, pushed, squawked, and snapped pictures of anyone coming or leaving the station. Raven slowed her car. From the top of her sunglasses she scanned the crowd with disgust.
She hated and loved the paps. If used the right way, these animals could help her make an unknown a star. But there was a dark side to that bargain. Once she created her stars, she fought like hell to keep them from falling prey to these assholes. They’ve been the instigators of destruction for so many people that she’s worked and cared for. She had to resist the urge to drive her car through the crowd and mow them down.
After her update from Kevin she raced home to change and got another call to meet him at the jail. Part of her was glad for the distraction. The goodbye with Alexander last night had left her numb. Raven still couldn’t believe she let the only man she’s ever completely loved go.
Raven chose to park on the street. There was no way she’d get in and out of the parking lot. Locking her car, her eyes went up to the sky to see a news helicopter circling.
“Fuck!” she mumbled.
Liza-Rayne’s exit from the police station was going to be a nightmare for her. No way around it. She put on her sunglasses and kept her head down as she hurried up the sidewalk. It wasn’t long before she was made. And the crowd moved like a tidal wave submerging her in microphones and flashing cameras.
Raven had to literally tunnel through the madness. A hand reached inside the chaos and took hers. At first she thought to draw back, but she heard Kevin’s voice.
“Give her room. Get that fucking camera out of her face!” he yelled. He shoved reporters and cameramen out of their path with more strength than she knew he had and then led her through. He put his arm protectively around her shoulders.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I am now,” she said. The security men met them halfway up and began to keep the press at bay. Raven felt a sense of control. That was until she entered the station.
Melissa Rayne was front and center. Her hysteria so loud that even hardened criminals were watching her confused. She turned from screaming at one of their agents to charging straight for them. Raven took off her sunglasses, ready for the verbal assault. Instead Melissa slapped her with all of the strength she could summon across the face.
“This is your fucking fault! Your fault!” she screeched. Kevin stepped in between them and pushed Melissa Rayne back. Now the officers were moving in on them. Raven stretched her eyes wide and rubbed the hurt from her jaw. Her ears rang. Melissa continued to scream her threats. Raven snapped out of it.
“It’s okay officers. Kevin, everyone, calm down. Let her go. Melissa, we shouldn’t do this here.”
“Fuck you! And fuck you too!” she pointed up into Kevin’s
face. “Did you know that slimy bastard was fucking my little girl? Getting her high and fucking her in the rehab facility! Fucking her everywhere! Fucking her! I want these two arrested!” She announced to the police officers that stared on. “They are just as guilty, just as guilty! They sold my daughter into sex slavery. They’re child traffickers.”
Raven looked over at Kevin whose nostrils flared and eyes were narrowed into slits. He looked like he’d erupt at any minute. She had to summon the restraint and control no one else had.
“Melissa, please understand we had no idea Max would do this.”
“No! Don’t you give me any of your fucking excuses. I’m going to ruin you! That fucking agency and everything you own! Do you hear me! Fucking niggers!” She shouted at them both before she charged Raven, swinging her claws. This time the police intervened and restrained her. They had to take her physically to the other side of the station, and put her behind a closed door. Not before Raven got a good whiff of the alcohol on her breath.
“Tell me Melissa’s just drunk again. Tell me that Max didn’t sleep with that child. Tell me that this isn’t happening to my company. Tell me something, Kevin. Right now!” Raven said through clenched teeth.
He took her by the elbow and led her away from listening ears. “Here’s what I know. Max has been in and out of that facility. The doctors got an anonymous tip. They confronted Liza and him, and they both denied anything inappropriate was occurring. They pulled the tapes and found out differently. When her doctors confronted Max, he checked Liza out and headed for the airport. She had the coke on her when she went through TSA.”
“For Christ’s sake!” Raven sucked in a deep breath, and closed her eyes.
“That’s not the worst of it,” Kevin whispered.
“There’s more?”
“The D.A. is charging Max with rape. Melissa and Liza are saying he doped her up and forced her into sex,” Kevin said. “I can’t keep it from the media. They’ll drop the news soon.”