by Rinyu, Beth
I walked off the beach taking Gracie with me, turning around as I reached the top of the sand dune. I was beaming inside and out as I watched Julian and Matty fishing together, just as the sun was beginning to set - it was the most beautiful picture ever.
They were gone for some time before I finally heard Matty’s gruff little voice coming up the driveway. He came running inside covered in sand.
“Did you catch any sharks?” I asked
“No, but we saw dolphins,” Matty said happily.
I told Julian to sit down and offered him a drink. Matty sat down next to him and whispered in his ear, “Tell her you want ice cream.” What Matty didn’t realize was that his whispering was usually loud enough to be heard in the next room. Julian began to laugh as I just shook my head.
“I’m hungry,” Matty said, getting up from the chair.
“I have homemade macaroni and cheese in the oven; it will be all done by the time you get out of the bath,” I said, trying to get him to get a move on.
“Will you have some macaroni and cheese with me too?” He asked pleadingly of Julian.
“Sure,” he answered.
“Yay,” Matty exclaimed as he went skipping off to take a bath.
I washed his hair, getting all the sand out, and quickly washed his body. Normally he would spend forever in the tub after he was washed playing with his action figures, but tonight he was anxious to get back to Julian. I dried him off and got him in his pajamas as he went running off into the kitchen to Julian.
“I’m back,” Matty said, giggling. I noticed that Julian couldn’t wipe the smile from his face when Matty was around. “You want to see my room?” Matty grabbed Julian’s hand before he could even answer.
“Dinner is just about done,” I said. Matty ignored me as he led Julian down the hallway and into his room.
I removed the macaroni and cheese from the oven and set the table, listening to Matty talk Julian’s ear off. I went into Matty’s room. They were sitting on Matty’s bed amongst all of the action figures that Matty had dumped out, as he explained who each one was.
“Dinner’s ready.” I smiled at the mess.
“Yum!” Matty exclaimed as he ran down the hall.
“I guess I should have warned you, he’s a chatter box,” I said to Julian.
“Can’t imagine where he gets that from,” he joked. For one brief second the old Julian was back; the one who wasn’t angry at me.
We came out to the kitchen where Matty had proudly poured two cups of apple juice for him and Julian, anxiously waiting for him to sit next to him. “Do you even like apple juice?” I asked Julian.
“It’s fine,” he said.
“Well then I guess I’ll just get a glass of water,” I said, noticing that Matty didn’t pour me anything to drink. Matty was oblivious. He was too busy talking Julian’s ear off again.
We finished dinner. I was loading up the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen while Julian kept Matty occupied watching cartoons. I finally finished in the kitchen and joined them in the living room. I could tell that Matty was starting to get tired; his energy was fading fast. I felt his head. The fever had come back again. I made him take some Tylenol before he fell asleep.
Julian also must have noticed how sleepy Matty was getting. “Well I should get going,” Julian said as he got up from the couch.
“No,” Matty cried, “Why are you leaving?”
“Because it’s getting late and you’re tired,” Julian said, sitting back down beside him.
“But you’re the daddy, and the daddy and mommy live together with the kids,” Matty said, confused. Julian looked at him sadly, as if he didn’t know how to answer.
“Not all mommies and daddies live together,” I said. I gave the example of his friend Brandon, who lived here with his mom while his dad lived in California.
“I don’t like that,” Matty said as he began to cry.
“I promise, I’ll be back tomorrow to spend time with you,” Julian said. “How about if I stay here until you fall asleep?”
Matty nodded. He finally stopped crying and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch. He covered himself, moving closer to Julian. He leaned his head against his chest. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before he would be out like a light so I quickly went into his bedroom and cleared his toys off of his bed. I walked back out to find him fast asleep. I caught Julian softly feeling around his neck, concentrating on the lump.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, concerned by the look on his face.
“It’s consistent with what the tests show,” he said calmly.
“I guess I should get him into bed so you could get going,” I said.
I walked over to pick him up, but Julian stopped me. “It’s all right,” he said, wanting to be with Matty for a little longer. He gently pulled Matty closer to him. He wrapped his arm around him. He watched him as he slept, taking in his every breath. Matty looked so peaceful in his arms, like it was right where he belonged. Julian gently kissed him on the top of his head. I was getting emotional watching this whole interaction. I felt like such a horrible person for keeping this caring loving man from his son for so long. We sat watching TV a little longer while Matty snored away. I could tell that Julian was getting tired as well. He finally carried Matty into his room, tucking him into bed, and laughing as Matty did his usual incoherent sleep talking.
I walked him to the door. “Do you mind if I spend some time with him tomorrow?” he asked.
“Of course not,” I quickly answered. I was only working a half day tomorrow. He told me that he could come over in the afternoon.
“He’s a great kid, thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For helping to make that so easy,” he said sincerely.
“I didn’t do anything; you were a big hit all on your own.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as he walked out the door. His tone was gentler now. His anger seemed to be dissipating a bit. Being with Matty seemed to instantly melt the iciness away.
I stood in the doorway as he walked to his car and drove out of sight. The only sound I could hear were the crickets singing their familiar yearly tune. It was an unusually cool September night, the kind that made you long for the cool crisp days of autumn. As I watched the leaves on the big oak tree on my front lawn blow in the light breeze, I felt a sense of calmness overcome me. For just a brief moment it was as if none of my problems existed. I took in one last breath of the night air before closing the door behind me.
Chapter 28
I picked Matty up from Charles and Claire’s when I finished with work. I was beginning to see just how hard it was to try to juggle working and childcare. For the past two years Matty had been in preschool, which helped to alleviate some of the babysitting obstacles I was now beginning to face. I knew that I had plenty of people who were willing to help out, but I didn’t want to take advantage either.
Matty, his face smeared with chocolate, was in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies with Claire when I arrived.
“Something smells good,” I said.
“Hi, Mommy!” he said with a huge smile. “Look what we made.”
Claire put some cookies on a plate and poured two glasses of milk, bringing them outside on the patio where Charles was. I watched out the window as Matty followed close behind, pulling up a chair next to Charles, wasting no time in sampling his cookies.
“Yes, he did eat lunch first,” Claire said as she came back into the house, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. She began to clean up their baking mess. I couldn’t resist taking a cookie off the cooling rack.
“So it sounds like Julian and Matty hit it off well,” she said, smiling. “Matty hasn’t stopped talking about him all day.”
“Yes, things went really smoothly yesterday with the two of them,” I said.
“I’m glad.” She sat down and took a cookie.
I changed the subject, asking if she was ready f
or the big anniversary trip that she and Charles were taking to New York City this weekend. She told me that they were all packed and ready to leave this afternoon, which meant I would be having a four-legged house guest for the weekend. I waited for Matty to finish his cookies, stopping him as he came in for seconds. We said our goodbyes to Charles and Claire, took Gracie along with us, and headed home.
I arrived home and straightened up a bit while Matty was in his bedroom playing. I heard a knock on the door and wasn’t surprised when I opened it up and saw Julian.
“Hi,” I said, letting him in.
Matty came running down the hall, beaming as he saw Julian standing in the doorway. “You came back!” he exclaimed.
“I told you I was going to,” Julian said, laughing at his reaction.
It was a beautiful day, so Matty and Julian headed into the backyard. I decided to use this valuable time to answer emails and return phone calls. I logged on to my email account ready to tackle the twenty-plus messages that I had gotten since I had left my office only two hours ago. I noticed an email from Patrick McGinn, the doctor from James’ practice with whom I had spoken.
Dear Kat,
Sorry I haven’t called, I had been in Ireland visiting my family for the past two weeks. I just heard about Matty and I wanted to let you know if there is anything that I can do, please do not hesitate to let me know. I will try and give you a call soon so we can catch up. Until then, please take care.
Patrick
I smiled at his email, knowing James must have told him what was going on with Matty. How I wished that I could see him as more than just a friend - but I couldn’t. There was just something missing. Maybe once this was all over with Matty, we could go out on an official date and I would perhaps view him differently. I quickly replied.
Thank you, Patrick, I really appreciate your kinds words, it means a lot, look forward to catching up soon.
~ Kat
I hit the send button and worked my way through the rest of my emails. I was just returning the last of my phone calls, trying to convince a new mom that it was perfectly normal for her baby to run a low-grade fever while teething, when Julian and Matty came inside. I looked up at the clock and was amazed to see that it was already 5:00. I finally hung up and noticed Matty whispering into Julian’s ear, this time low enough so I couldn’t hear.
Julian laughed. “How about if I take you and your mom out to dinner first and then you get ice cream?”
“P-l-e-a-s-e, Mommy,” Matty begged.
“Okay,” I said, laughing at how pathetic he looked. Gracie came running over to Matty upon seeing his excitement. She jumped on him and began covering him in kisses. Matty giggled as she licked his face.
I couldn’t help but laugh myself as I listened to Matty’s deep belly laughs from Gracie’s kisses. Julian, however, didn’t look amused.
“I hope you’re going to wash his face after that,” he said in disgust.
“Will you relax - of course I’m going to wash his face.”
“You do realize that once he starts the treatments his immune system is going to be compromised?” he said in a very condescending tone.
“Really, Doctor Kiron? I didn’t know that – but leave it to a worldly doctor such as yourself to remind a lowly pediatrician like me of that fact,” I said sarcastically.
He rolled his eyes at me. “It’s not a joke; you really have to start getting in the habit of doing things differently to prepare him for the treatments. He shouldn’t be eating all this garbage,” he said as he picked up a bag of cookies from the counter. “And you certainly shouldn’t allow a dog to lick his face.”
“Well, he hasn’t started the treatments yet and until he does, he will continue to live his life the same way he always has, like a normal happy little boy. If he wants a cookie, he can have a cookie and if he gets happiness over a dog kissing his face then I’m not going to stop it.” I could feel my voice growing louder.
Matty looked at Julian and me as if sensing the tension. “Come on, Matty, let’s go wash your face; we wouldn’t want you getting any germs,” I said sarcastically looking at Julian while I took Matty’s hand and led him into the bathroom.
Matty chose our usual restaurant, my dad’s favorite diner. He crawled up into the booth making sure that Julian sat next to him. My dad’s favorite waitress came over to take our order.
“Hey handsome,” she said to Matty as he smiled widely.
“This is my daddy,” Matty said proudly, leaning his head on Julian’s arm.
“Well there’s certainly no denying that,” she said, no doubt seeing the resemblance between the two of them.
Matty chattered non-stop through dinner. I was grateful for that; I was still annoyed at Julian for making me feel incompetent and didn’t feel like engaging in conversation with him. I was surprised to see that Matty had eaten everything on his plate. He was ready to work on his hot fudge sundae. I smiled inside when I saw Julian looking at Matty’s bizarre ritual of eating it. I wasn’t the only crazy one who had gotten enjoyment out of watching him eat ice cream.
I excused myself to use the ladies room and returned to my cell phone vibrating away on the table. I looked down quickly at the caller ID to see that it was Patrick. I quickly hit the ignore button, sending his call to voicemail. Matty, who was only able to read a few words, was easily able to recognize the name “Patrick,” thanks in part to being a Sponge-Bob junkie.
“Mommy, aren’t you going to answer? It’s Patrick.”
“No, not right now.” My eyes met Julian’s gaze and I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.
“Who’s Patrick?” Julian asked.
“Dr. McGinn; he’s friends with Mommy. He’s really nice but he talks funny,” Matty giggled referring to Patrick’s Irish accent. Julian looked at me, making me feel like I had something to be ashamed of.
We arrived back at my house and Julian stayed outside to return some phone calls. His phone had been beeping with messages the whole time we were at dinner, but he never once looked to see who it was. I was impressed with how devoted to Matty he was when he was with him. I got Matty into his pajamas as he patiently waited for Julian.
Julian finished his calls and came back in. Matty and I were playing with his dragons. He was the knight and I was the princess.
“I saved the beautiful princess,” he said proudly, giving me a kiss. “Don’t you think my mommy is a beautiful princess?” he asked Julian, making me feel a little uncomfortable.
Julian stood silently, just staring at me. The ringing of my cell phone broke up the awkward silence. I ran to answer it, seeing from the caller ID that it was Tricia.
“Hey, where have you been all day?” I answered.
“I’m in Maryland—my dad had to go in for emergency surgery,” she said.
“Oh no, is everything okay?” I asked.
She explained that he had to have his gall bladder removed and that she wanted to stay with him to make sure that he was okay. She was supposed to be on call tomorrow and asked if I could cover for her. I immediately said yes.
“Darn,” I said as I threw my phone back in my purse.
“What’s the matter?” Julian asked.
“I just told Tricia I would cover for her at the hospital tomorrow, totally forgetting that Charles and Claire are away.”
Julian looked at me, confused.
“I need someone to watch Matty,” I clarified.
“Well, I’m here,” he said as if it were a no-brainer.
“Oh, I hadn’t even thought of that.” I was just so used to doing this on my own it didn’t even dawn on me that Julian would be around tomorrow to help out. “Are you sure?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yes,” he said, raising his eyebrows.
Matty quickly fell asleep. Julian was getting ready to leave and agreed to be at my house by seven. As I walked him to the door, he stopped for a brief second.
“So do you introduce Matty to all of your boyfriends?” he a
sked, catching me a little off-guard.
“What? Patrick isn’t my boyfriend - he’s a friend,” I clarified.
He rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Look Kat, I really don’t care who you date, but do you think it’s a good idea to get Matty involved?”
I felt my anger growing. How dare he judge my parenting and to whom I choose to introduce my son? “Julian I’m not dating him; he’s just a friend,” I said, not knowing why I felt the urgent need to justify this to him. “I think I know what’s appropriate and inappropriate where Matty’s concerned. I don’t need you to lecture me like you’re my father.”
“Whatever - if you think that’s appropriate,” he answered smugly as if he didn’t want to hear what I had to say any longer.
I, however, wasn’t ready to let it go. “So, it’s perfectly fine for you to be sleeping with every woman in Chicago. But because I’m friends with a male who I happened to introduce to Matty, I’m wrong?”
“I didn’t say that; it’s just Matty shouldn’t be getting attached to someone who may not be in his life permanently.”
“Well than I guess the same could be said for you,” I said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
“How do I know you will be in his life permanently? Remember, you don’t want children.” I knew that I had probably crossed the line with that statement.
“You are unbelievable!” His tone grew louder. I could tell that I had struck a nerve. “Why do you have to get so damn defensive whenever someone tries to offer you any advice?”
“Okay then, thank you for that insightful advice but I have been raising him on my own for the past five years and I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far – is that better?”
“Oh please, Kat, don’t play the martyr. You chose to raise him on your own – remember? I wasn’t ever given that option.”
“Look Julian, don’t tell me who –”
He cut me off as he walked out the door. “I’m done with this conversation. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said calmly.