by Coralee June
Payne looked to Linda with a grin. “Do you really? Can we go?” he asked her. I found it funny how quickly a child’s emotions could flip. He went from anger to sadness. Now he seemed excited.
Linda pressed her lips but didn’t shoot him down. “Go clean up and get in bed, and tomorrow you can take me there. But I’m not touching a fish,” she quickly added.
“Yes, Mistress Stonewell,” he said, straightening his back and turning to obediently enter the tent. He paused at the entrance, though, and turned to look at me over his shoulder.
“If you see my mom, can you tell her I miss her?” he asked. I shouldn’t make promises I couldn’t keep. I knew that there were consequences for building up expectations in a child’s mind when the world was ending.
Yet, I couldn’t help myself. “If I see her, I’ll bring her back.”
Payne bit his lip to hide his grin, but I saw it anyways. And despite the nagging feeling in my chest that I would fail him, I lightened at his happiness.
“Bye, Ash,” he said before disappearing into their tent.
I turned to look at Linda Stonewell. I didn’t expect to exchange any heartfelt words of comfort and closure. She wouldn’t hug me goodbye or offer me forgiveness for her son’s death.
“Well, get on with it then,” I said, preparing myself for another one of her insults.
“Companions are a completely different breed of Walker. They’re coy and flirtatious. They are put together like an Elite but lack the same restrictions.”
I was surprised by her comments and felt unsure of where this was going. “Keep your eyes down, but don’t do that annoying thing you do when you clutch your dress in your fist. There’s an underlying confidence in the way a Companion is submissive.”
Instinctually, I lowered my gaze, feeling unsure of how to navigate this seemingly helpful conversation. Where was the insult? The pain? The feeling of unworthiness she so easily forced onto me?
“I never liked you. A pretty, little, immune Walker. A pet. Just another trophy on my husband’s mantle I had to compete with. Josiah clung to you, but I don’t think it was ever really love. My son was so starved for affection, he stole it from wherever he could. I failed him in that regard. He wanted me to be the bad guy. He wanted to blame me for Lackley’s influence in his life, but he craved a father just as much as I craved a husband. You know who the real victim is in all of this?”
I didn’t move. Didn’t breathe. This was the most authentic conversation Mistress Stonewell and I had ever had, and I was equal parts broken and thankful. Linda never respected me enough to tell me the truth. I was never deserving of her time nor her effort. These words hurt, they cut me to the bone, but it also meant that she found me worthy of her honesty.
“No one. No one is the victim. We all are a product of the decisions we make, and we all have to suffer the consequences. I’m not going to give you my forgiveness. Nor am I going to wish you luck. The greatest lesson I could ever give you is to never seek validation from others.” With that ominous statement, Mistress Stonewell left me to join Payne in their tent. And for the first time since knowing her, I didn’t leave feeling bad about myself.
The next morning, there was a strange mix of fear and anticipation in the air. We’d spent the evening not talking about last night or the inevitable danger ahead of us. Aarav and a tired looking Mia met us in the camp center to say goodbye. She was pale but stubbornly trying to stand. Luckily, Aarav kept his hand on her shoulder, gently encouraging Mia to sit in the makeshift wheelchair they’d made out of a repurposed wagon.
Jules hugged Mia tightly, and for a moment I felt envious of their friendship. The Resistance had bonded them. Adjusting my pack higher up on my shoulder, I shuffled closer and grinned when Mia’s face brightened.
“Ah, my Agrio! Look at you, dressed to kill and ready to take on the empire,” she joked while holding her arms out for me to hug her. I leaned down and wrapped my arms around my Scavenger friend, breathing in her woodsy scent and reveling in the contact. “Do you remember what your name means?” Mia asked while pulling away. “It means Wild One. Remember that there is structure even in the wild. Act with intention. Take time to think, and give ’em hell.”
My eyes watered a bit, and Huxley bent down to give his dear friend a hug as I went to see Payne. Linda had opted to sleep-in this morning, but I wasn’t bothered by her absence. I was taking her advice to heart, I wasn’t seeking her approval anymore.
“You listen to Mistress Stonewell,” I said while smoothing his light blond hair, pausing when I realized I was mimicking her fussing so I ruffled his boyish tresses instead. “But challenge her to do fun stuff too,” I added with a wink.
His bottom lip jutted out in a slight pout, but his steel eyes were locked on me as he nodded enthusiastically. “I’m taking her fishing today,” he said with forced excitement.
“Be sure to make her hook the worm.”
Standing, I looked around the camp as the sun rose over the white leaves of the glowing trees. I wondered where Lilly was but smiled when I heard her worn voice calling out with huffs as she climbed the hill in the distance.
“You idiots better not leave without saying goodbye to me, first.”
I smiled as Kemper ran to assist her. She was carrying a pack almost bigger than she, overflowing with various jars containing herbs. Her hair was frizzy and eyes red and puffy.
“I thought I had two days to prepare for your leaving. I’ve been gathering supplies all night,” she complained while rubbing her nose and fumbling towards me.
“I included the basics. I enjoyed tutoring you, Agrio. I hope to see you again.”
Lilly's eyes shone with emotion, but she blinked it away before letting a single tear fall. Although our time together was short, I had grown to appreciate Lilly and her abrupt ways. “Teach them a thing or two, will ya?” she joked. We had spent many hours arguing over the benefits and shortcomings of modern medicine, and I genuinely looked forward to showing Maverick some of what I’d learned.
“Thank you, Lilly,” I said with a grin. The time and knowledge she’d poured into me were invaluable. I didn’t doubt for a moment that I would use it.
“I have something for you,” I said while snapping my fingers. Behind me, Patrick dug through my pack and pulled out the sketch pad I’d been working on since studying under Lilly. “It’s for your next student. I sketched all the plants and labeled them with their healing properties. Hopefully, it can help.”
Lilly greedily took the leather-bound journal from me and thumbed through the pages as a single, fat tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before it could fall on the sketchbook. We’d spoken briefly about how she wished there were a way she could share the information with more people, but she didn’t know how to write.
“You’re making an emotional woman out of me, Agrio,” she huffed. “Travel safe.”
She then clutched the journal to her chest and filed in line beside a smirking Aarav. It was rare the grumpy healer showed emotion, and the moment she caught him chuckling at her, she popped him behind the head.
Huxley placed his hand on my lower back, gently encouraging me to leave. But Jules was less subtle in her desire to get moving.
“Alright, idiots, let's get the show on the road. If we leave now, we can be there by nightfall.”
My guys looked to me, and I sensed that they were waiting for me to change my mind. I appreciated that they were willing to let me take the lead.
“Let's save your brothers,” I said with a sigh. “So I can kill them.”
Jules whooped. “Now we’re talking!”
Chapter Eight
I hadn’t been in a transport since arriving in the Deadlands. Seeing the technology was jarring, almost. After spending so long in the simplicity of camp, I almost forgot we could travel with the push of a button. I’d spent hours walking to and from the creek each day for water, and other than Kemper’s nights scanning the news reports, we didn’t use our ta
blets. It was like we were suspended in a time where technology didn’t exist.
While we drove, I kept my eyes on the road, taking in the empire under Cavil’s rule. For the most part, everything was still the same. Scattered, abandoned towns passed by in the early morning. Trains hovering over tracks blew past us, carrying boxcars of military personnel and weapons. But the land still looked dusty and barren, thirsty for life.
It wasn’t until we drove through the metropolis of Saberus that I realized things had changed significantly during our time in the Deadlands. Ethros guards patrolled each street corner, and there were no pedestrians walking around. I’d heard rumors of Saberus. I knew it was a destination city for drugs, sex, and debauchery. But it looked repressed now. Shops along the main street were boarded up with X’s spray painted along the windows and doors. Signs were shattered. Glass littered the streets, and the few people we did see were hunched over, marching like ants to their destinations while staring at their feet.
“Cavil occupies everything but the Deadlands, but it’s only a matter of time,” Jules said in a low voice. She pressed her forehead against the window and peered at a burly guard spitting in the street.
“Where is everyone?” I asked. Although I’d spent most my life in the Stonewell Manor, I’d assumed that major cities were bustling with life. Saberus was empty.
“They’re either dead, hiding from Cavil’s men, or hiding from infected Walkers. Only the immune are safe since the rejection,” Jules said beneath her breath.
The transport zoomed by until we stopped at an iron gate leading to the main road. It slowly slid open for us, allowing the transport to pass through. Guards eyed us, and I held my breath as we passed, thankful that we had stolen an official Ethros transport back on the island. It let us travel without issues.
Just as we were about to pass the barrier and head towards Galla, an infected Walker with bloody eyes ran by. Crimson tears streamed down his face, and bursting blisters oozed along his arms. He wandered towards our transport, causing a frenzy of amusement to break out among the bored guards.
I expected them to pull the Heat from their holsters and ease his suffering, but they laughed at the Walker’s contorted face of agony. Pointing at the way the blood seeped from his arms onto the paved road of Saberus, they kept their distance but didn't stop him.
I could hear their laughter echoing through our transport. They stared at the infected Walker’s hunched over form, snickering at the way he suffered, feeling no compassion or empathy for his pain. He was wearing dress pants and leather shoes, and aside from the blood, they appeared to be tailored and expensive. Evidence that this man was once an Elite. I stared at his wrist and saw that he had a fetter on. He’d sold his freedom to Cavil then ended his life as a Walker.
It wasn’t until the infected Walker was close enough to become a threat, that a guard with curly blond hair and yellow teeth shot him with Heat, ending his suffering. His remains were now just a cloud of white dust, billowing in the humid air.
“At least they didn’t electrocute him first,” Jules said in an emotionless tone. “Sometimes, if they’re wearing fetters, they like to do that.” I snapped my gaze to Jules then frowned. Was this something she had seen? Kemper grabbed my hand and squeezed as we passed the barrier and continued towards Galla. It felt so weird to be heading back to where it all began. I was born in the Walker Zone. I just wondered if it was where I would die, too.
Galla had more security than Saberus. A line of people in transports and wagons wrapped around the exterior fence, waiting to get inside. Jules informed us that Cavil would be moving to the capital soon but was staying in Galla to appoint new leadership. I bet he was there to boast about his conquests across the empire. In my short time with Cavil, I’d learned that he was arrogant and assuming. He’d request parades in the street every day he left his home if he had the manpower to do so. But with the rejection and X so widespread, there simply weren’t enough people these days. You’d think a man that wants the world to worship him would be more concerned about the dwindling population.
“Park at these coordinates, Tallis will meet us there to smuggle us in the Zone,” Jules said. She tossed a scrap piece of paper in Huxley’s lap. “Normally, it’s easy to get in and hard to get out, but until we’ve changed your file in the Walker database, we have to be careful. We don’t want Cavil to be aware that any of you are here.”
“Are you sure about this?” Huxley asked while eyeing the paper with scrutiny.
“We should probably just establish right now that I know what the fuck I’m doing. I’d say you need to listen to me, but I know you won’t. So at the very least, I need you to not ask stupid questions. Of course I’m sure.”
I eyed Jules and bit back a smile. I loved the way she asserted herself with the guys. As Huxley leaned over to punch the coordinates into the center console of the transport, Kemper whispered in my ear.
“If at any moment you feel unsafe or unsure, I want to have a code word,” he said mischievously. “I’m thinking I should make it something naughty.”
I threw my head back and laughed, earning the attention of everyone in the transport. “And what would you suggest?”
“I would say cock, but then what if we’re having a normal conversation about cocks? That wouldn't work. How about muffin? Everyone loves muffins,” Kemp answered with a grin.
“Deal.” I imagined myself on some battlefield yelling, “Muffin!” and giggled.
When the transport came to a stop, I looked outside once more and observed an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Galla. A tall figure with white hair and wearing black was leaning in an alcove of one of the buildings. Jules eagerly pressed a button to raise the transport door, then ran to the man as he emerged from the shadow. She launched herself, smiling as she collided with his chest, and he spun her around.
I exited the transport, and he spoke into her hair. “Agapimenos, you’re three days late,” he said.
I smiled, realizing it was Tallis. His seeking eyes grazed over us, and I sensed that he was looking for Mia. “We hit a slight snag,” Jules replied with a defeated look on her face.
“Where’s Mia?” Tallis reached out to greet each of us. With a tight smile, he performed the usual Scavenger greeting by touching Huxley’s, Patrick’s, and my chest over our hearts.
“We were attacked. She’s okay, but it wasn’t safe for her to travel. She stayed behind with the Water Tribe. A healer there is tending to her, and I’m pretty sure the Chief has a crush on her, so she’s in expert care,” Jules explained.
Jules stared up at Tallis with adoration, and I wished for a reunion of my own. I wondered what would happen when I saw Maverick, Cyler, and Jacob. Would they be happy to see me? Spin me around? Or would they be angry I risked myself?
I decided I didn’t care.
“Agrio, it’s good to see you. I’m happy you’ve come to help.”
“Of course,” I said. “I would have come sooner, but we couldn’t figure out how to get off my fetter.” I absentmindedly rubbed my skin where my fetter once was. Sliding my eyes towards Jules, I stared pointedly at her happy expression. “Plus, we didn’t know where you were or even if you were alive.”
“Oh stop,” Jules replied. “I came for you eventually, didn’t I? I had other things to worry about.”
I felt a hand on my back, and I turned to see Kemper with his mouth dropped open in shock. His face was pale as he stared to our right.
“I forgot to mention,” Jules said with a grin, “I have a surprise for you.”
I followed Kemper’s gaze in confusion, unsure of what she meant, but froze when I saw a familiar flirtatious smile standing off to the side. My heart stumbled over my pulse. Happiness and uncertainty fought for dominance in my gut, making me question if my eyes were deceiving me or if Jacob—my Jacob—was truly standing there.
“Jacob?” I whispered while dropping my pack to the ground and shuffling towards him. I didn’t run and launch mys
elf into his arms. I didn’t embrace him like a long-lost lover either. I stared at the beautiful man right in front of me like this moment was too precious, too perfect to ruin.
“Jacob, please tell me it’s you.”
He was wearing a gray hood, but I knew those lips, that smile, anywhere. “A-Ash,” he said. His voice held reverence and a hint of disbelief.
I lifted up on my tiptoes, kissing his chin, his cheeks, his neck. I peppered him with my love, rubbing my face against the scruff of his newly grown beard. “Jacob,” I cried out like I couldn’t say his name enough. I wanted to look into his perfect brown eyes before kissing those plump lips I’d dreamt about.
Slowly, I lifted my fingers to remove the hood as his breath hitched. And he grabbed my wrist to stop me. Something wasn’t right. I could feel the crackle of anxiety flowing off of him. “What’s wrong?” I asked as he released me.
Pinching the fabric between my fingers, I pulled back the grey hood and went still when I saw the scar slashed along his forehead and over his eyebrow. It was deep and long.
Oh, Jacob.
Tears filled my eyes as I ran a finger along his wound. I leaned forward and kissed his lips, letting my tears of relief and sadness wash over us. Patrick had said that Jacob was with him when he went to the transport in Ethros, but they had gotten separated. I’d always just assumed that Jacob went back to Maverick and Cyler.
I had tried not to let my dark thoughts trick me into worrying that he was hurt. But as much as I avoided them, my worst fears were confirmed. Jacob was hurt, and it was all my fault.
“Ash,” he whispered over my lips. My need for him was sharp, like a knife twisting in my gut and demanding to be felt. “Ash, so-so-sorry.” He stuttered like his words struggled to escape his lips.
“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I whispered over and over. I couldn’t say it enough. I wanted to bathe in my love for him.
“I-I. I love. Love you.” He struggled to force his words out, and I sobbed while peppering more kisses along his jaw.